Round Eighteen: Baby, You Can Drive My Car (Into A Number of Parked Cars)

Less than a month ago, the Magpie Army was flying high. They had just belted Adelaide, a week after completing a difficult away win against the top four Swans. They were then, as now, the only team to have beaten the all-conquering Cats. Given that they had come within five points of achieving the mother of all upsets against the same opposition in last year’s Preliminary Final, many pundits had them down as a genuine dark horse for the 2008 premiership. They just needed to secure the last top four position which, given the Swans’ shaky form, they seemed more than capable of doing. Then it all went horribly wrong. A second disappointing defeat for the season against the unfancied Kangaroos was followed by a wholly unexpected thumping at the hands of Essendon, a team Collingwood had summarily put to the sword by 12 goals on Anzac Day. Then the Magpies were made to look like second rate pretenders by the genuine item in Hawthorn (further details later in the Wrap). And the (seemingly) final nail was put in the coffin of the Pies’ 2008 season late on Sunday night.

The facts of the case are these, Your Honour. Despite the finals being imminent, the brothers Shaw and one Alan Didak decided to enjoy a classy night at Kew’s finest tavern, the Geebung Polo Club. Somewhat more than a few beverages later, the junior Shaw elected to drive home in a slightly weaving manner, predictably taking out dodgem car style a few innocent bystanders (mercifully in the form of parked cars) on the way. The police arrived to find Shaw Jr and Didak on the scene, but were informed (as was the footy club) that Didak had not been in the car but had rather been summoned by Shaw to assist in his hour of need. This, not surprisingly, turned out to be a packet of lies. Didak had indeed been in the car, for the second year in a row he had made a bad passenger-related decision. Unfortunately for Collingwood, and El Presidente Eddie McGuire in particular, the truth didn’t emerge until after all and sundry had sworn blind before the assembled media that the passenger had not been Didak but a “scaly mate” of Shaw Jr’s. Hell hath no fury like a high profile TV show host made to look like a schmuck. When the dust settled both Didak and Shaw Jr had been handled season-ending suspensions and comparatively light fines (Shaw Sr got two weeks for drinking while injured). The suspensions of two of the Pies’ top players mean that just making the finals is going to be a big ask now, let alone getting a top four spot. And the dark horse of premiership contention has been put behind a screen and shot. It seems more than likely that Alan Didak will not be at Collingwood next season, the only reason he wasn’t sacked would seem to be that the Pies think they can get something for him on the trading market at the end of the year. By all accounts President McGuire gave the playing group a fearsome spray on Monday, not a happy team at all are the Magpies.

Hawthorn, on the other hand, are a very happy team as their jaunty club song would attest. And they were singing it long and loud on Friday night after easily accounting for the hapless Pies. As ever forward Lance “Buddy” Franklin was the man to watch, booting a lazy eight while missing another half dozen. One of these days he’s going to learn to kick straight and will break the goals in a game record by half time. As it is he’s leading the Coleman Medal tally for both goals and behinds. Eight was the magic number once more the next day at the MCG, this time it was Bombers’ skipper Matthew Lloyd enjoying a day out. Lloyd’s heroics were the bright spot of an otherwise lacklustre match, the absolute highlight was Lloyd turning back the years, launching himself into the stratosphere and most probably securing the car for Mark of the Year. Drive sober, Lloydy! Dons by 16 points, and a most unlikely finals appearance is still an outside possibility. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIPGdAL1gLU&feature=related
Alive too are the finals prospects of North Melbourne, who fought out a gritty win against the rapidly faltering Lions in the Roos’ last ever “home game” on the Gold Coast. With the Roos’ departure, the “coast” (b’doom ching!) is now clear for the as yet un-monikered new side- Gold Coast Dugongs, anyone? The Roos are now very much in the mix for the last top four spot, although getting it is going to be something of a poisoned chalice as it involves coming up against Geelong in the first week of the finals. The Roos did just that last year and got absolutely annihilated. Brisbane, on the other hand, would probably be happy just to be involved in September after blowing yet another winnable game. As indeed would Richmond, who took the game up to the seemingly unbeatable Cats in the first half, but were comprehensively trounced in the second. Not that there’s any shame in that, Hawthorn is the only team to get anywhere near Geelong in the last couple of months. In yet another game involving potential finalists, Adelaide was able to hold off the fast finishing Carlton. Difficult now for the Blues to make it to September, they’ll need to win all of their remaining matches to have a shot one would think.
To the Sunday matches, and to the great joy of the public service there was AFL footy on at Historic Manuka Oval- the match of the round, no less! And conditions were absolutely superlative, perfect blue sky, ground in excellent nick and two teams in the top four with everything to play for. The Bulldogs and Swans both looked resplendent in their contrasting strips but it was the Swans who got off to a flyer with four unanswered goals in the first six minutes. It appeared as though a boilover was on the cards, particularly as the Dogs had lost their last two matches. However Dogs’ coach Rodney Eade (formerly at the helm of the Swans) was able to flick a switch and the Bulldogs put through eleven of the next twelve goals to go in comfortably ahead at the halftime break. The Swans then had the better of the third quarter, but the Dogs held them off and recorded a very valuable win. Hawthorn and the Western Bulldogs are now all but certain to play each other in week one of the finals, what a cracker of a game that’s going to be. The Swans are still desperately clinging to fourth, but this was a rare defeat in their ACT home away from home. They’ll be looking to regain some form before the finals kick off.

To the last two games of Round 18 and down in Melbourne the Saints marched in in a close one against the massively underachieving Port Adelaide. It’s difficult to imagine how the Power made it to a Grand Final less than 12 months ago, they’ve never even looked like being a contender in 2008. The Saints though are still definitely in contention for that last top four spot. They were given extra motivation to have a real tilt for the title in the days following the Round’s conclusion by the announcement that the AFL’s oldest player Robert Harvey will hang up his boots at the end of this season. Harvey is an indisputable champion of the game, a back to back Brownlow Medallist and eight time all-Australian. He made his debut back in the old VFL in 1988- anyone remember World Expo ’88? Or the Seoul Olympics? Certainly not the copious number of players on AFL lists who weren’t even born in 1988! An amazing career, unlikely that anyone else is going to chalk up 21 seasons at the top level of such a physical game any time soon.
And historic retirements were the order of the day over in the west as well, as Freo’s final foundation player Sean McManus chose the latest version of Derby: Fully Loaded as the occasion for his final match. McManus has been there since day one of the Dockers’ long strange purple journey, through tragedy and disappointment, the bad moments and the frustrating. There haven’t been too many moments of actual success for Fremantle over the last fourteen seasons. However the two matches a season their long-suffering fans crave victory in are the two against West Coast, and this year the Dockers have won them both! So perhaps their season hasn’t been all bad after all. Their win saw them leapfrog Port Adelaide into fourth bottom, the Eagles’ are now rooted in the bottom two and still in danger of a first wooden spoon just two seasons after taking a (possibly substance-assisted) premiership.

So just four rounds to go in the 2008 home and away season for all bar those whose propensity to have a lager or two, drive in a less than confidence-inspiring manner and then play fast and loose with the truth have seen them banished to the sidelines. Drive carefully, all! And never, ever, make Eddie McGuire look foolish. Here’s a treat, a sneak preview of the AFL Grand Final pre-game entertainment for 2008. See you back here for the Round 19 Wrap next week.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31x2WpuSAkA

The Finals: Better Late Than Never

Well, I had a lovely holiday in Vietnam. Thank you for asking. Many, many highlights, as we wound our way up from the Delta to the north. I learned a great deal about the history and culture of the place and enjoyed it all very much, but Vietnam did let me down in one key regard- I was completely unable to access this website for the entire three weeks. Why my site was banned, I don't know. Perhaps I wrote something disparaging about Ho Chi Minh in an earlier post. In any case, apologies to those who have been on tenterhooks for weeks now waiting to find out who won the Grand Final (although I severely hope and pray that nobody is using this site as their only source of AFL-related information). I will now try and recreate the thrilling final three weeks of the 2007 AFL season.

Week two of the finals saw two very different encounters, fortunately I was still in Australia and able to witness both. Collingwood had perhaps the most difficult road trip of all to navigate, away to West Coast, but went over to the west chock full of confidence after their victory over Sydney the previous week. And what a belter of a game ensued. Both sides went at it hammer and tongs and when the final siren sounded scores were, for an incredible fourth time in 2007, dead level. These two sides played a finals draw in the 1990 season too, back then there was no extra time rule in finals and they had to come back the next week for a replay. This remains the source of much bitterness amongst Bombers supporters as it indirectly ended up costing Essendon the 1990 premiership. The Dons had finished atop the table and, under the old final five system, had the first week of the finals off. Canny Bombers coach Kevin Sheedy had sought to take full advantage of the break by resting several key but injury-carrying players for Round 22, thus giving them two weeks off to recover. Unfortunately having three weeks off due to the Collingwood-West Coast replay resulted in them being hopelessly out of condition and Essendon was duly smashed by the Magpies in the Second Semi Final, a result from which they never recovered. The Pies went on to take a long awaited flag, much to the disappointment of the rest of the competition who had been hoping with a due sense of schaudenfraude for the next chapter in the illustrious history of the Collywobbles. No such problems for the 2007 Magpies, they had all of the play in extra time and recorded a glorious away win to earn a spot in the Preliminary Final. President Eddie McGuire was thrilled but in control of his interview with Channel Seven after the game, managing to plug quite a few Channel Nine shows in the process ("Our odds of winning this one were 1oo to 1! And you can catch '100 to 1' the game show on Channel Nine at...") etc. etc. McGuire revealed that the triumphant Pies would be ferried back to Victoria on board a specially booked plane which would fly at low altitude all the way, allowing for recovery procedures to take place on board and with the added bonus of causing sonic booms over Adelaide. For the Eagles, though, the dream of back to back flags went very sour indeed in 2007. By all accounts coach John Worsfold lambasted his players in rare style, blasting them for the seemingly unending series of off-field activities and headlines that had distracted from the core business of winning footy matches. Ex-skipper Ben Cousins was one who reportedly copped it with both barrels from his own ex-captain. And in the weeks following it has gotten even worse for the Eagles- first, current skipper and arguably the best player in the competition Chris Judd decided he'd be happier back in Victoria and will line up next season in the navy blue of Carlton. Then, far more seriously, 1990s premiership hero and favourite son Chris Mainwaring died after what was by all accounts a drug-related binge. It will be a long tough off-season of soul-searching over in the West one would think.

The second match was the encounter between the Roos and the Hawks, and many thought that after the two sides' respective results the previous week a Hawthorn win was on the cards. It wasn't to be though, the Shinboners were able to make all the running while Lance Franklin was unable to repeat his heroics of seven days earlier. Hawthorn never really looked like it and bowed out of the finals in somewhat disappointing fashion. However they will look back with great pride on their 2007 season, the first time they've been in the finals since 2001. If Franklin can gain some consistency a la Jonathan Brown he could well be the next superstar of the competition. Plenty to look forward to in 2008 for Hawk fans.

I watched the Roos-Hawks match from the salubrious surrounds of the somewhat Stalinist looking Formule 1 hotel at Sydney Airport, and the next day jetted off to the City Formerly Known As Saigon. There I met my tour group, which included not only a lady named Di married to a man named Charles but a couple hilariously going by the names of Glen and Glenda. Fans of the so-bad-they're-good movies of legendary '50s director Ed Wood will know why I found that so funny, if not find out here- http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0045826/. After a lengthy day of sightseeing in the former South Vietnamese capital I wandered into a bar named the Blue Gecko, which was proudly advertising a Grand Final brunch affair blessed with the presence of ex-Eagles premiership hero Peter "Like A Cork In The Ocean!" Wilson. Sounded good, but unfortunately our tour was headed north to the beaches of Nha Trang. Here I was very confident of being able to see the eagerly awaited Geelong-Collingwood Preliminary Final, given the high number of Aussie dive instructors present and the existence, according to my bootleg Lonely Planet, of a sports bar called the Kangaroo. However I wandered the streets for some time searching in vain for said bar before a friendly local drove me at high speed on the back of his bike to a bar which was indeed called the Kangaroo- but which had a distinctly Russian theme, judging by all the Cyrillic script and vodka bottles. So I didn't get to see the game. However I was in good company there, as neither did hundreds of MCC members back in Melbourne. With a massive crowd of 98,000 plus turning up many found themselves turned away, including some who had made the cardinal error of getting a passout in order to have a quick ciggy. There's a good strategy for the Quit people to follow! Those Cats fans who did make it in would have had their hearts in their mouths for most of the match as Geelong looked distinctly nervous after their week off. Any Cats fan who happened to read the most recent Wrap dealing with the 1999 Preliminary Final would have been reaching for their hip flasks when Collingwood hit the front in the final quarter. But thankfully for the sake of the long-suffering denizens of Catland Geelong were able to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat by a mere five points. Sub-editors who had already lined up the headline "Cat-astrophe!" were left disappointed, as were the Magpie army who had come so close to a most unexpected Grand Final appearance. But like Hawthorn, the Pies can be very happy indeed with a season in which they exceeded most people's expectations. The challenge for next season is to go one match better. They will have to do it without the veteran triumvirate of Nathan Buckley, James Clement and Paul Licuria, all of whom hung up the boots at the close of 2007. But the young brigade at Collingwood is the equal of any other side in the competition and will be tough to beat next year.

The other match was a case of deja vu all over again once more for the Carrararoos, who copped their second finals hiding in three weeks, this time at the hands of Port Adelaide. An 87 point whipping was a sad way for Glenn Archer's career to conclude, but his last season has been one in which the Roos have exceeded every expectations. For a team widely tipped to finish in the bottom four if not dead last to come third is a mighty achievement, even if they still do look to be Gold Coast bound due to a chronic lack of supporters. Let's hope that the Northerners are able to bite the bullet and move if they have to rather than taking the Fitzroy route of long term oblivion in Melbourne. For their part the Power were very impressive indeed in their victory, and their fans were rightly thrilled at their speedy return to the big stage after only three seasons away.

So nationwide excitement kicked off as Grand Final week commenced, particularly in Victoria and South Australia. Over in Vietnam, however, our tour had proceeded to the Central Highlands where we were undertaking a 20km trek rather optimistically described on the brochure as "difficult in parts". In reality, with large sections of the track under water, lengthy stretches of ankle deep leech-infested mud to trudge through, the occasional necessity to give way to the local bullock traffic, the potential danger presented by snakes/scorpions/left over punji traps and frequent torrential downpours of monsoonal rain, the trip was a bit of a challenge even for someone in absolute peak physical condition such as myself(!), let alone older folk like Glen or Glenda. Our trip, incidentally, was rated "Explorer", the middle of the three categories. Presumably on the "Comfort" trip you get carried along the track by native bearers; on the "Basix" category they quite possibly employ superannuated Viet Cong guerrillas to pop up and shoot at you occasionally. However despite the trials and tribulations of the trek we all survived and limped into the fairly nondescript town of Ban Me Thout (which sounds like a very strange and possibly disturbing request) eager to check on news of the outside world. Alas, Ban Me Thout is the home of the world's slowest internet- it took me ten minutes to successfully open one web page, which informed me that in an upset result Geelong's Jimmy Bartel had taken the Brownlow from his more fancied teammate Gary Ablett. I was unable to discover if any of the wives or girlfriends had been able to match the fashion atrocities of earlier seasons, grateful if anyone could let me know if they did.

So the Grand Final opponents were decided- for the first time since 2004 it would be 1 versus 2, for the first time since 1997 it would be two sides who had missed the finals the previous year, and for the first time since 2003 a Victorian team would take part. The general consensus amongst pundits was that this was going to be the third consecutive nailbiter of a Grand Final, after all Port had taken the points over the Cats in their last encounter and Geelong did have a fairly tragic recent history in Grand Finals (not to be confused with Port's fairly tragic history in finals in general, see 2001-3). Power coach Mark Williams engaged on a week of mindgames, referring repeatedly to the Cats' failures in the '89, '92, '94 and '95 Grand Finals and suggesting that history might be about to repeat itself. There was also much handwringing down the highway over who should take on the ruck duties against the Power duo of Lade and Brogan- should it be Mark "Blakey" Blake, who had rucked virtually all year but had looked progressively shaky, or should ex-skipper Steven "Salem's Lot" King, who had been in the twos all season but had a lot more experience. In the end coach Bomber Thompson opted for King, causing much Derek Kickett-style disappointment to Blakey who quite possibly expressed his feelings to his coach in the manner of his "On The Buses" namesake- "Oooh, I 'ate you Bomber!". I'm aware that that reference is probably mystifying to absolutely everyone, here's a quick explanation- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/On_The_Buses.

With the scent of an upset in the air, the Teutonic hordes from our nation's most Germanic state swept across the border for the big day in fleets of Volkswagons, Mercedes-Benzes and Panzer tanks, their lederhosen concealed under copious layers of black, white and teal. The MCG was a picture for the big match with a virtually full house turning up for the big game. The pre-match entertainment was up to its usual standard, this year we had the Ghost of Nicky Webster turning aerobatic circles with the premiership cap while attached to a hot air balloon. Bizarre stuff. But soon enough it was on with the main event as the two teams ran out, a fairly ordinary rendition of the National Anthem was bleated, and the ball was held aloft for the opening siren of Grand Final 2007.

While all this was going on my tour group was en route from the pleasant coastal city of Hoi An to the former imperial capital of Hue. We stopped en route at Danang to see China Beach, former R and R venue for off-duty US armed forces, and also saw the fabulous Marble Mountains, well worth a look if you're ever up that way. Some of us were looking at our watches and doing urgent timezone calculations in our heads as our bus hurtled northwards...

How to describe the demolition that was unfolding back in Melbourne? Well the first five minutes or so were close, and Port even led by a point for a couple of minutes. If they had been able to kick slightly straighter into the forward line, they might have even gotten a goal or two up. All too soon, however, Geelong clicked into gear and a couple of swift goals in succession would have elicited a worried "Ach der Lieben!" from the Port multitude. That would have mutated rapidly into an anguished "Gott in Himmel!!" as the Cats ran amok in the second quarter to go in at half time an almost insurmountable 52 points up. Former disgraced exile Steve Johnson was having a day out in the forward line, defensive general Matthew Scarlett was giving nothing away at the back, "Salem's Lot" was fully justifying his inclusion in the ruck, while the Cats midfield was having a day out. I have it on good authority, however, that the vast majority of Cats supporters maintained a poker face at the long break, determined to "keep a lid on it" lest the massive halftime lead dissolve into the greatest collapse in history. With the AFL making the very sensible decision some years back to abandon the halftime entertainment show, lest we cop a parade of surfboards NRL-style- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voCsJr4fpHc. These days the entertainment consists of the little league kids and the halftime sprint, just like it did in the old days (ie. the 1970s). This year the Richmond bloke won, giving beleaguered Tiges fans something to celebrate after a year in which they finished last yet again but somehow missed out on the consolation of the No. 1 draft pick courtesy of Carlton's tanking.

At this point our tour bus was screaming into Hue, tyres smoking, as the AFL supporters on board urged haste to the nearest restaurant or bar with Australia TV available. And to the credit of our tour leader Thinh, within minutes of arrival we were sitting in Hue's finest pizzaria watching as the teams came out for the second half. And if the Port fans thought things were bad at the long break, they must have been choking on their beer steins in the third quarter as the Cats ran completely amok. Mark Williams' halftime address to the troops obviously failed to hit the right notes as the Power's horrendous error rate continued, with Cat players gleefully swooping on every dropped mark or misdirected handball to bang through yet another major. When the siren sounded for three quarter time the result was in no doubt whatsoever, the sound of the lid coming off could be heard in a 100 mile radius in respective arcs centred around the MCG and Kardinia Park, the margin was the greatest ever at three quarter time in a Grand Final, and the stunned Power fans watching the slaughter with suitably aghast expressions could only hope for a few late consolation goals in the last quarter to make the final margin a little more respectable. But they would have been regurgitating their pie floaters (not that any non-South Australian could possibly tell the difference between the pre- and post-digested forms of that particular culinary abortion) as Geelong refused to show any mercy and instead took their revenge for the decades of frustration, missed opportunity and underachievement by unleashing an Old Testament-style onslaught upon the broken and demoralised opposition. When the dust finally cleared and the siren sounded, the old Grand Final record margin of 96 points had been completely obliterated (much to the joy of the 1988 Melbourne Demons, who would have been cheering every goal) as the Cats were on the right side of an unbelievable 119 point annihilation. Delirium promptly descended on the MCG as tearful ex-players, jubilant supporters and the ecstatic playing and coaching staff of Geelong joined as one to celebrate the breaking of the 44 year premiership drought in the most emphatic manner possible. The Norm Smith Medal deservedly went to Steve Johnson, whose season would make for a very inspirational TV movie of the week if only he was American. Perhaps the Yanks could buy up the rights to his story and adapt it so that he becomes a star quarterback who falls from grace through a drunk and disorderly arrest in, say, Topeka (rather than Wangaratta) and is banished from his team but fights his way back to lead his team to victory in the big game. Nah, nobody would buy that, it's far too corny and unbelievable.

The Cats did themselves proud on the premiership dais too. Perhaps remembering how churlish the Eagles had looked the previous season when many of the players had snubbed the kids presenting them with medals, the Geelong players made a point of giving each of the kids their sponsor's cap (much to the joy of the sponsors no doubt). But only the odd abandoned little hat with feather and half eaten saerkraut was left in the Power section of the ground, while the shellshocked Port players limped off the ground looking like the shattered remnants of the Wehrmacht following the Battle of Stalingrad.

There is no question that Geelong's victory was a very popular one amongst AFL fans of all persuasions. Crows fans had the satisfaction of seeing their hated rival get absolutely creamed and will have no shortage of verbal ammunition for the summer ahead. Demons fans can celebrate their side's removal from the record books of the unwanted title of most uncompetitive Grand Final side ever, while along with fans of the Bulldogs and Saints can take heart in the fact that if Geelong can break their drought perhaps hope is in sight for them too. Magpies supporters will be both proud that they ran the premiers to within a kick after the Cats won their other two finals by over 100 points, and will be thrilled that their 2003 Grand Final performance is no longer the most embarrassing in recent memory. Dons fans can enjoy the achievement of a famous son in Bomber Thompson even if he won't be succeeding the master Kevin Sheedy (Matthew Knights?! What happened to the criteria that the new coach had to have come from a culture of success? He played his whole career with Richmond!) And of course everyone can enjoy the absolute humiliation experienced by the most obnoxious fans in the AFL, even worse than Collingwood, who have been rabbiting on since their admission about being "the most successful club in Australia" courtesy of their 35 premierships in Die Bundesliga across the border- hopefully a 20 goal pounding witnessed worldwide will shut them up for a bit.

So, there we have it. At the end of one of the most eventful seasons on record, both on and off the field, Geelong have won everything not nailed down. We've seen coaching carnage, the ends of eras, a galaxy of great stars retire from the game and some new ones emerge. And big questions remain to be answered in the leadup to 2008. Will the Carrararoos bite the bullet and head north? Can West Coast keep their players out of the magistrates court? How will Melbourne, Fremantle, Carlton and Essendon go with brand new coaches? All those questions and more will no doubt be answered, but you'll have to wait for 2008- season 2007 is officially a wrap.

Thanks to those who've enjoyed the Wrap this season and let me know through comments or email. It's been fun doing it and has given me something to do on Friday afternoons. Cheers especially to the No. 1 Cats supporter Tim for setting up the site which didn't really leave me any option but to do the Wrap (any questions as to why the dog on the tuckerbox is misunderstood should be directed to him, not me). I promise next year that I will not go on holidays while the finals are in progress! See you back here in 2008.

The Finals: Week One: Invest in a Hip Flask

And then there were six. After a weekend in which all eight finalists were in action, two more teams have found themselves relegated to the sidelines, two sides have gone straight through to preliminary final weekend and four teams go into this weekend coming in the knowledge that a loss will mean curtains for 2007. It was a weekend notable for dramatic form reversals- several teams which had played like worldbeaters in Round 22 played like deadbeats in Finals Week One. The worst case of finalsitis was that suffered by the Carrararoos, who bounded onto the field for their match against Geelong in the manner of the kangaroo on the Qantas logo and were carried off some hours later looking like a roo that had just been run over by a Mack Truck travelling at a very high speed. Geelong were absolutely awesome in their 106 point win, and their performance will have put the fear of God into the remaining finalists. It could have been even worse for the hapless Roos, only their amazingly accurate kicking of 8 goals 2 behinds saved them from an even bigger shellacking. Very strange to see a game in which the opposition fullback only has to put the ball back into play twice, I was actually at the game in which that last occurred- Essendon vs Fitzroy, Round 1 1995 at Western Oval. I remember it well, my only excursion into the western suburbs' heart of darkness. One of my friends had declined to accompany the excursion on the grounds that "I would only pay money to see Fitzroy if you could guarantee that they wouldn't score for the entire game". At halftime the Lions had accumulated the somewhat disappointing scoreline of 0.0.0 and no doubt my friend was making urgent arrangements to get to the Western Oval in the hope of seeing history being made. Fitzroy did recover somewhat in the second half to post 5 goals 2 behinds but it was very evident that day that the club's prospects of remaining in the AFL were somewhat bleak.



For the Roos it must have seemed like finals deja vu all over again. They were smashed in their last finals appearance in 2005 by 87 points against Port, and by a finals record 125 points by the Almost Invincibles Bombers of 2000. Many people are starting to talk of the 2007 Geelong as being on a par with the 2000 Dons, given their long winning streak and massive first up finals victory. The Cats should be wary though- the Bombers of 1999 also enjoyed a long winning streak and a big finals victory over Sydney before the horror of the Preliminary Final That Shall Not Be Named unfolded. Once again I was there, sitting amidst a crowd of similarly aghast Bombers fans as the unbackable favourites disintegrated and lost by a single point to bloody Carlton of all teams. Arguably the most disappointing sporting result of all time, with the possible exception of Australia's 2-2 draw with Iran which kept the Socceroos out of the 1998 World Cup. If ever there was an afternoon designed to drive a man to drink that was it. Unfortunately for me, however, I couldn't even resort to booze as I had to drive home to attend my sister's alcohol-free 21st at our local Masonic Lodge. I'm sure I wasn't the only attendee questioning the wisdom of that particular organisational decision, particularly after the evening reached its nadir when my sister's friend delivered a speech quite breathtaking in its total disregard for judgement, decorum and the fact that its audience was both sober and consisting of several children and senior citizens. Not until the same sister's father-in-law made a similarly well-received doozy at the wedding have I heard quite an address at a family event. I made the decision at this point to quietly back away through the stunned crowd, duck under some assorted masonic regalia and spend the remainder of the evening in the car listening to the Victorian election result. Jeff Kennett's government suffered a shock defeat that day too, so the day wasn't a total loss. But Cats fans beware! Don't start celebrating just yet, and if you have any family commitments on preliminary final day do invest in a hip flask of some description.



The aforementioned Jeff Kennett has since leaving the Premier's Office undertaken the dual roles of President of Hawthorn Football Club and Chairman of the Beyond Blue anti-depression institute. In recent years these roles might have seemed a bit mutually exclusive, but not in 2007. The Hawks have had a very good year and lived to fight another day after a thrilling 3 point victory over the Adelaide Crows, who turned up wearing red for some reason, no doubt to eliminate the well-known colour clash that occurs when a team wearing predominantly yellow plays a team wearing predominantly navy blue. The Crows started off the stronger side and got to five goals up before the Hawks swung into gear and slowly pegged them back. The first lead change of the match didn't occur until well into the final quarter, after which a goal for goal shoot-out took place. With two minutes on the clock it looked as though the Crows had pinched it after a long Crows bomb went through as despairing Hawks defenders wrapped themselves around goal posts trying to keep it out. But emerging Hawks superstar Lance "Buddy" Franklin sealed the victory with the last kick of the game, a boomer from well outside the fifty. As the final siren sounded the Hawks crowd leapt to their feet in rapture, Kennett among them resplendent in his yellow and brown striped jacket. He may have looked like a stockbroker who had taken a wrong turn on his way to the exchange, but there was no doubting his pleasure at the result. Quite possibly his happiest moment since Preliminary Final Day 1999. Disappointment for the Crows, though, their season is over.



The season of the Crows' cross-town rivals Port Adelaide though is very much alive, the Power were also involved in a three point result but happily for them they were on the right side of the result. Their encounter with the Eagles was a far more dour affair, but like Hawthorn the Power had to come from behind to win after being behind all night. The Eagles' chances of winning took a nose dive when star player and tabloid champion Ben Cousins limped off with a hammy, while skipper Chris Judd played like a man who should have been rested six weeks back. Port had their own hospital-related worries though, coach Mark Williams' wife went into labour at a most inopportune time and for a while there it was touch and go whether the Power guru would stick around for the final siren. But it all ended happily for Port, the siren went with their side in front and the coach was promptly whisked to the maternity ward in good time to see his latest offspring emerge. Port through to the preliminary, the battered Eagles have one more chance to keep their quest for back to back flags alive.



The Eagles will take on Collingwood, who ended the Sydney Swans' quest for a third straight Grand Final and redemption for their one point defeat last year. It was the Magpies' third victory over the Swans this year, clearly they have the measure of Sydney in 2007 and will go over to Subiaco with a lot of confidence. Star for Collingwood was oft-maligned forward Anthony Rocca, who gave Magpie fans the jitters just before halftime by going down clutching his knee but who ended a most successful evening out with six majors. Rocca has been cleared of injury and will play this weekend against West Coast, which is good news for the denizens of Carringbush. If he had been rubbed out the Pies would have had to go with Plan B- recalling ex-Horsham superstar Brian "Strauchanie" Stauchan! Check out his bulging talents here- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uM_oBGcvts&mode=related&search=

It was another good week for the Rocca family in general, with elder brother Sav gaining the punting contract at the Philadelphia Eagles at a salary roughly equivalent to that of Liberia's national debt. A quick glance at Rocca's player bio on the Eagles' website http://www.philadelphiaeagles.com/team/player73.html would seem to indicate that either Philadelphia is engaging in some most un-American hyperbole or that Sav's mother is running the website- seriously, "One of the best players in the history of the Australian Football League"? I don't want to be a Rocca Knocker or a Rocca Mocker, but that statement really is a Rocca Crocker.

So now just three weeks to go until the 2007 Premiership team will be known. And with brilliant timing I'm now going off on holiday for three weeks to the jungles of Vietnam. If I can find an internet terminal in the Mekong Delta I will try and post a review of the coming weeks. Expect an Apocalypse Now/ Platoon/ Ballad of the Green Berets feel to any further Wraps. Stay well and hope your team's song is the one sounding when the final siren goes.

Round Twenty: Fudging the Evidence

Just when you thought it was safe to go back onto Telstra Dome... Seven seasons ago, they struck without warning, leaving unsuspecting Bomber Mark Johnson in a bloodied heap and leading an infuriated Kevin Sheedy to call for his skeet rifle. They've bided their time since then, waiting patiently until another player was foolish enough to be caught alone in the middle of the field... and then, in a blur of claws and feathers, they attacked! The dreaded Telstra Dome seagulls strike again! This time the helpless victim was Docker Jeff Farmer, a man who is certainly no stranger to controversy, who was left sprawled across the pitch with his nose splayed across his face as the nearest opposition player jogged innocently away some distance from the scene. Amazingly, no TV camera caught the incident. If not the seagulls, then what else could have taken Farmer out? Did a piece of the Telstra Dome roof come loose, a la the set light at the start of The Truman Show? Was that security guard Farmer punched some weeks back sitting up in the stands with an air rifle? The AFL Tribunal chose not to believe any of these quite plausible scenarios, instead handing the nearest Saint Steven Baker a massive seven week suspension. Season over for Baker and the seagulls off scot-free, chuckling evilly away up in the rafters like John Jarrett in Wolf Creek. How long until they strike again?

Copping a massive sentence in the lead up to the finals is the latter-day equivalent of transportation for life, minus the rum, sodomy and lash (although what happens on the end of season footy tour stays on the end of season footy tour!). Another player copping a 19th century-style sentence was Magpie Ben Johnson, who is out for the season after he took out Demon Daniel Bell with a sickening hit reminiscent of Bomber legend Michael Long's astoundingly out of character assault on young then-Demon Troy "Snake" Simmonds in the 2000 Grand Final. The Johnson hit had the effect of firing up the previously sluggish Demons, who gave the out of form Magpies a real scare before Collingwood came away with the win. Melbourne were at least able to chair skipper and club games record holder David Neitz off with a bit more pride than they did Byron Pickett some weeks back after their woeful Manuka Oval display against Sydney. The bloke who really deserved a lengthy spell on the sidelines, however, appears to have gotten away like a Telstra Dome seagull- I'm referring to the appalling hit put on ex-Magpie and Roo Sav Rocca, now of the Philadelphia Eagles, by Antwan Barnes of the Baltimore Ravens- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6U6bMPpIIc -deliberate contact to the head of an unsuspecting player while the ball is miles from the scene, that should have been season over for Barnes right there. A Rocca Knocker Shocker, you might say.

Perhaps, however, the American NFL judiciary has a similarly skewed system of justice as our own AFL Tribunal. It would appear that the seemingly ubiquitous Rocca Family are to be the holders of the unwelcome title of Last Key Player to be Rubbed Out for the Grand Final Ever- Anthony Rocca's suspension for the 2003 Grand Final playing no small part in Collingwood's hilariously dire performance as previously documented on this site. The AFL's displeasure with such a one-sided decider would explain Lions gun Jonathan Brown getting off on a technicality in 2004 and, in the most risible slash glaringly transparent verdict of all time, Barry Hall being allowed to play in 2005. Hall escaped suspension after whacking Saint Matt Maguire in the stomach with the ball nowhere in sight after the tribunal ruled that the action, illegal and dirty as it was, was somehow related to the flow of play. Don't even try and find logic in that one. Hall was simply too important to the Swans for the AFL to allow him to be absent on the big day. This Untouchables policy would also seem to apply to players in genuine contention for the Brownlow Medal- the AFL wants no repeats of the Corey McKernan/ Chris Grant embarrassments of '96/'97. Earlier this year Eagles golden boy Chris Judd, then in scintillating form, found himself before the tribunal on the unsavoury charge of eye-gouging Hawk Campbell Brown. To universal delight Judd, who is seemingly the only player on the entire West Coast list whom a prospective father in law wouldn't greet at the front door with a shotgun, was cleared. Last week Brown admitted on one of the many TV footy shows to fudging his evidence to ensure Judd got off, and was promptly fined $7500 for providing unsatisfactory evidence! Now really. What happened to the long standing tradition of not dobbing another player in at the tribunal? Nobody ever gives accurate evidence! You can imagine the tribunal members sitting around like Captain Renault in Casablanca, saying with straight faces- "We're shocked! Shocked! To discover that there has been fibbing going on in here". Talk about an open and shut case- the only bust in history that would have been easier would have been that cop who did Willy Nelson for marijuana possession some months back- incidentally, how come Cheech and Chong never got busted? Or Woody Harrellson? Or the cast of Reefer Madness? Check it out here- those people shouldn't be out on the street! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bM_vLk1I6G4

Brown's fine was part of a dismal week for the Hawks, who were also fined for having an illegal camera operating at their game (pity there wasn't one at the St Kilda-Freo match, those seagulls would have finally got their just desserts!) and then blew their match in Tassie against Port by conceding two goals in the last 30 seconds. Could be an expensive loss, considering how tight the battle is for top four spots. Port are now in pole position to take one of those spots, as are West Coast who recorded a straight forward victory over wooden spoon certainties Richmond at Subiaco. Geelong of course sewed up their top four spot some time ago and are now several games clear at the top of the ladder after a shaky win over the Carrarraroos. The Roos have now dropped three in a row, but should be able to pick up some points, form and confidence in the weeks leading into the finals. The Cats have now gone undefeated since their loss in Round 5- a club record within a single season- and the bubble of expectation continues to expand in the Corio Bay area. I recall it was around about this time of the year that the Almost Invincibles Bombers side of 2000 dropped a match unexpectedly- don't be at all surprised if the Cats happen to lose either this week or next.

One team quite adept at dropping matches is Carlton, without a win since Round 11. Carlton's latest tank came against the Bombers, who came from five goals down to take the points. Not quite as impressive a comeback as the Blues managed in the corresponding fixture earlier in the season but still a good result. Skipper Matthew Lloyd provided one for the highlights reel with an audacious backheel goal. As mentioned earlier Freo and St Kilda played off, the Saints took the points and thus finally ended the Dockers' finals chances. Freo have been like a hammy Shakespearean actor performing a death scene for months now, staggering around the stage, falling to their knees, recovering briefly but now seemingly finally at rest. Thank God. The Western Bulldogs too are in line to exit stage left after they went down to Adelaide, the Crows season still alive for the moment. Also holding on by the skin of their teeth are the Brisbane Lions, who salvaged their second draw of the season courtesy of a massive bomb from well outside the fifty by Jonathan Brown to severely damage Sydney's chances of stealing a top four spot.

So just two rounds of the regular season to go and we're all approaching fever pitch, whether our team is looking at their first flag since the black and white era; still in contention for a top four or top eight finish; or simply tanking their way to future glory. Take it easy over the weekend- watch out for seagulls and if you're in the mood for a quiet bevvy before the footy, why not try this place- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvFormOyvBQ I don't know if they show footy, but there's darts at least! See you back here for the Round 21 wrap.

Round Nineteen: From Mateship to Mardi Gras

Some excellent news and some slightly sad news came my way over the last week. The good news first- with the aid of a well-placed surgical incision my sister successfully delivered a healthy baby girl last week, thereby giving all members of her extended family new and improved titles. I am now officially known as Uncle Stu. Having never been an uncle before I have had to do some research to try and work out exactly what an uncle's job is, and have considered the examples of various celebrity uncles. According to the examples presented by radio personality Uncle Doug Mulray and Comedy Company stalwart Uncle Arthur my job is simply to be an embarrassment. Shouldn't be too difficult to achieve. The Uncle Charlie from My Three Sons school dictates that being a cantankerous old prick is the way to go; while to follow the lead of Uncle Leo from Seinfeld I will need to exuberantly greet my niece at every opportunity, before proceeding to unfavourably compare her achievements to that of her horse-faced cousin Jeffrey (who works for the Parks Department). Possibly a tad difficult to pull off, that one. However the Uncle in the public eye who I would most like to emulate is the late Uncle Doug Elliot, the much-loved vaudevillian whose booming stentorian tones introduced World of Sport for many years. Uncle Doug also did many of the live ads- check out some of his best work here- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3wzV7rGVwM. Clark Kent glasses? Check. Shakespearean thespian-style delivery? Check. Ability (and motivation) to throttle Lou Richards? Check and check. Bring on the kid!

The sad news referred to earlier is that the venerable Naughtons Hotel, the downfall of many a Melbourne University student, has closed its doors and is no more. As an unruly member of an unruly residential college in the mid-1990s, I undoubtedly spent more time (and unquestionably more effort) on ensuring that the pub remained solvent than I did on any of the subjects I was ostensibly studying. Mind you, anyone else with the unpleasant experience of dealing with the byzantine gnomes of the Arts Faculty bureaucracy and/or the communist (Marxist-Leninist) nutbags teaching the ideologically esoteric raft of subjects (Politics 102-210: From Mateship to Mardi Gras, anyone?) would unquestionably agree that I was in the better place. Others who agreed that Naughto's was the place to be were the 1995 Carlton premiership team, who famously celebrated long and hard there after belting the Cats in the Grand Final. The most memorable image of their celebrations featured mulleted skipper (and current board member) Stephen Kernahan belting out "Stand By Your Man" by the side of Royal Parade, before hurling his empty glass into the street. Enjoy it here- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzA2nFklDo4.

The latter-day Blues did little on the weekend to allay ongoing suspicions of tanking- they started in Keystone Cops-style to allow Port Adelaide a match-winning lead, belted on 8 unanswered goals third quarter goals to hit the front and make the fans happy, then mysteriously faded to record their third honourable defeat in a row (thus keeping them in contention for a priority pick). Carlton face a difficult task this weekend when they face the stuttering Bombers- satisfactory win over an old rival or keep the pick? The Bombers' season continues to unravel, they were soundly beaten in the west by a rejuvenated Fremantle under the leadership of ex-Don Mark Harvey. Freo's week got even better later in the week when superstar skipper Matthew Pavlich signed on for another three years in the (probably mistaken) hope and belief that he would become the club's first premiership captain. I must admit to being a bit disappointed at Pav's decision. I have been hoping for some time that he would end up at Collingwood in a surprise exchange for lumbering forward Anthony Rocca, with the deal to be announced by Magpies CEO Eugene Arocca under the banner headline- "Arocca: Rocca Docker Shocker!" Oh well. Rocca's brother Sav incidentally continues to make great gains towards obtaining a starting position as a kicker at the Philadelphia Eagles, a contract worth squillions of dollars. This raises an interesting question- if Irish players are leaving Ireland en masse for the cash of the AFL, and AFL players are looking at the gold on offer in the US, how soon until the first Irishman cuts out the middle man and goes directly to the NFL? Although going directly from the round ball to the extremely pointy one without a bit of experience in kicking a slighty pointy one might prove a stumbling block there.

The Pies themselves suffered a shock defeat against the universally-written off Tigers, this could be the second year in a row in which a late season loss to a lowly opponent costs Collingwood a top four finish. The match was notable for the fact that at one point Tigers skipper Kane Johnson appeared both on TV and live at the match to be transforming into the Incredible Hulk while lining up for goal- perhaps disappointingly to comic book fans it turned out to be merely the work of some idiot in the stands with a green laser doing his best to permanently blind someone. Hopefully that same laser is now providing a vivid green hue in an uncomfortable part of its owner's anatomy courtesy of some suitably outraged supporter.

Another shock result was the hitherto hapless Demons shooting back into some late season form to comfortably account for the massively disappointing Bulldogs. The Dogs came into 2007 as the Great Victorian Hope but have never really looked like it this year. Maybe the recruitment of Jason Akermanis has proved more of a distraction than a benefit. Who knows. The Dogs are still alive but only just, as are the Saints, Crows and Lions. All four lost on the weekend but thanks to the vagaries of the 2007 draw they are all still in contention. The Saints lost to the Swans, who are gaining forward momentum with every passing week. The Crows went down to the Cats, who if they gain any more forward momentum will roll clear off the map. The Lions looked resplendent in the old Fitzroy strip against Hawthorn but unfortunately they evidently subconsciously adopted the old Fitzroy game plan too and their winning streak came to a halt. The Hawks are now the second-best team to beat, although that position has been a bit of a revolving door in recent weeks. Two former occupants, West Coast and the Carrararoos, fought out a tough one on the weekend from which the Eagles emerged victorious. The Roos are now out of the top four for the first time in quite a while but can still get back if they're good enough.

So with the weather getting better and spring on the horizon, we approach Round 20. More shocks in store? Almost certainly. So be sure to join Uncle Stu back here next week for more tenuously-football related discussion- and be sure to get a Repco Gold Star engine fitted straight away!

Round Seventeen: The Black and White Cycle of Life

An amazing week just gone- not a single coach was shown the door! Following the absolute carnage in the fortnight preceding, this was a remarkable achievement. In the absence of any further bloodletting, the media's focus was firmly on the possible coaching permutations for season 2008. There was general consensus that Michael Voss would end up at Carlton (if he didn't go to Essendon), Chris Connolly was a shoe-in at Melbourne (provided the Dees didn't go with Kevin Sheedy), Fremantle would definitely go with an ex-Bomber in the form of Kevin Sheedy, Neale Daniher or Mark Harvey (as long as Dean Laidley couldn't be lured from the Carrararoos), and Essendon would be coached by a favourite son in Mark "Bomber" Thompson (if he was willing to leave the Cats, if not then by Neale Daniher. Or Mark Harvey, Dean Bailey, Damien Hardwick or maybe Derek Kickett). Then Voss decided he wasn't ready to coach just yet and Thompson refused to negotiate with anyone until season's end, thus throwing the carefully prepared coaching matrix into chaos. God knows who's going to end up where now. There's still a possibility that the rebel army of disaffected Bombers will seize control of the board and reinstate Sheedy with the view to grooming retiring skipper and possibly best-ever Bomber James Hird for the job. Will keep a close eye on further developments in the area of coaching appointments as they continue to unfold.

I wrote with nostalgia last week about my great childhood memory of seeing my team redeem themselves by avenging a Grand Final defeat. I'm well aware that I'm very fortunate in this regard, there are a lot of supporters out there my age who wouldn't have seen their team play in a Grand Final at all (Bulldogs), or who are waiting in vain for their side to atone for disappointment on the last day in September (Saints, Tigers, Demons, and especially Cats). The Cats were a tad unfortunate in their hapless Buffalo Bills-style Grand Final appearances of the early 1990s in that they kept on coming up against sides who had their own defeat-based motivations for winning. Geelong's attempt in 1992 to redeem their 1989 defeat was stymied by West Coast, seeking salvation for their own defeat the year before. The Cats of 1994 had the responsibility for gaining revenge for the '92 defeat, as well as '89, but got flogged. Fronting up the next year carrying the combined weight of the '89, '92 and '94 losses, the Pivotonians were never a chance against a Blues team wanting to make amends for their '93 defeat against Essendon (who'd gone down in '90). The Cats were soundly thumped again and slunk off into a corner to lick their wounds for the next decade. Until this season, when they're back at the right end of the ladder again and seemingly heading inexorably towards the Big Match. The way it's looking, though, their opponents could well be their old '90s bugbear the West Coast Eagles...I'm sure there'd be more than a few nervous Geelong people if that does end up being the Grand Final match-up.

But if Geelong folk have had their fair share of Grand Final disappointment spare a thought for those in the Black and White army. Contrary to popular opinion, there are some quite ordinary and decent citizens who happen to follow the Collingwood Football Club. My brother-in-law is one, my ex-boss in Cairo another (despite his unfortunate penchant for sporting the kind of garish ties that even flamboyant former Minister for Immigration Al Grassby would have rejected on sight as being "a bit lairy"). But the stereotypical image of Magpies fans- bitter, twisted, one-eyed, arrogant when winning, churlish when losing, insufferable in either case- is largely accurate from my experience. My late unlamented co-habitor Surly the Slightly Unsociable Housemate was one such case; the kind of character, as Rowan Atkinson once archly observed, one emigrates to avoid. But, like snarling malcontents on dismal English council estates, Collingwood people cannot be held completely responsible for their objectionable personalities. Consider, if you will, the childhood of a hypothetical Magpie supporter conceived at half-time of the 1970 Grand Final (I'm sure there were at least a couple!) by parents who had suffered through the narrow defeats of '64 and '66 and who were sure that a 44 point buffer at the long break would surely be enough to declare the premiership drought over. Two quarters later, the post-coital glow had well and truly faded as a handball-inspired revolution had swept Carlton past their shell-shocked opponents and onto the premiership dais in one of the most famous matches in history. Deep inside the womb the barely fertilised fetus was overwhelmed by a sense of sour disappointment, a feeling that would become all too familiar over the years to come. Growing up, the young 'Pie would have endured the club's first ever wooden spoon ('76); the dizziness of bouncing back the following season and making the Grand Final, only to draw it and then lose the replay; the heartbreak of losing to Carlton again in '79 by five points; the thrill of making the Grand Final from fifth place in '80 only to cop an 81 point hiding; and then the shattering experience of losing to Carlton again in '81. That's a lot to cop for an 11 year old. By the time the Magpies made the breakthrough in '90 and finally won a flag, our hypothetical fan was already 20 and his regulation issue Collingwood personality set in stone.

No doubt the unthinkable pleasures unleashed by seeing his team actually perform on Grand Final led to a repeat performance of siring a son and heir, although given the entertainment provided by the half-time brawl romantic interaction was probably delayed until after the fulltime siren had actually sounded. This latest addition to the Carringbush Clan would have grown up with the Magpies at the wrong end of the ladder, taking their second wooden spoon in '99. However by the time junior reached high school in '02 the Pies were back in the Grand Final action against Brisbane- they lost, but gallantly. When the two sides met again 12 months later the Collingwood army was salivating in anticipation of sweet revenge...but it all went horribly wrong. I've mentioned the '03 Grand Final before in the Wrap as it is one of the most remarkable matches you'll ever see- Collingwood looked like the Washington Generals playing the Harlem Globetrotters. It wouldn't have surprised at all if Brisbane skipper Michael Voss had pulled out a stepladder and taken a speccie over some hapless defender before spinning the ball on his finger and doing an overhead kick through the sticks. The most iconic moment of the game came when Pies defender Rhys Shaw attempted to run the ball out of defence but inexplicably dropped the ball at the feet of Lion Alistair Lynch, who nonchalantly picked it up and booted it through. Game over. Another Grand Final lost, another shattering experience for Magpies fans of all ages. And the most amazing thing about the match was the fact that the same two sides had met two weeks previously and Collingwood had won easily. It must have been deja vu all over again for Pies fans on the weekend because they again went in to play Brisbane at the MCG as firm favourites and got absolutely belted by 90-odd points. After looking good for a top two finish only a month ago Collingwood are now staring down the barrel of missing the finals altogether. Still, sooner or later Collingwood will be in the Grand Final again and either win it or look as though they might, and a whole new generation of Magpies will be conceived to endure their own September disappointments. That's how the black and white cycle of life goes.

It was a weekend of shellackings all round, the Bulldogs copped their second straight Friday night hiding and tumbled out of the eight courtesy of their mangled percentage. This time the frighteningly resurgent Eagles were the instigators in a match marred by the ridiculous decision to allow West Coast to wear their royal blue away jumpers against a team with a royal blue home jumper. Which colour-blind idiot approved that one? How hard is it to make sure that the two teams are wearing distinguishable uniforms? Port Adelaide likewise beat up on the hapless Demons, putting a dent in caretaker Mark Riley's chances of retaining his position at Melbourne. His fellow caretaker Mark Harvey (at Fremantle) also suffered a big loss at the hands of rampant Geelong, Cats fans were no doubt relieved that the resignation of Number 1 fan Steve Bracks as Premier of Victoria did not jinx the side. Bracks' resignation, incidentally, got about a quarter of the press of Kevin Sheedy's sacking, Victorians have their priorities right! Sydney took the points without breaking a sweat against the continually dismal Richmond.

There were a few close ones too- the Bombers won for Kevin Sheedy, as we had all hoped they would. Adelaide, wearing red jumpers for some unapparent reason, were the fall guys and are now a game behind the pace although they do have a very good percentage. Carlton were much improved under caretaker Brett Ratten but the Saints had enough in reserve to take the four points. And Hawthorn's Fortress Launceston was breached by the massively surprising Carrararoos, who are responsible for widespread indigestion amongst many a tipster forced to eat his or her hat.

God that's a long post! Hope some of that made sense. Another weekend looms, and it is fair to say that the 2007 finals series is well under way already with a number of games being absolute must-wins. The battle to take part in the September action is one of the closest in years and August promises to be a belter of a month. Hope your team's a winner (unless you're a Magpie fan, for whom suffering is good for the soul), see you back here for Round 18.

Round 17: Bring me the Heads of the Essendon Board!

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos, and with muffled drum,
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come....

Sorry to get all literary (WH Auden, see Four Weddings and a Funeral) this week, but the sacking of Denis Pagan from Carlton moved me in a way that surprised even myself. So you can imagine my reaction when two days later Kevin Sheedy got the boot from Essendon after 27 years! Like most Bombers fans I went through the full gamut of emotions- anger, disbelief, shock, rage, apoplexy, nostalgia, wrath, grim foreboding, mild gratification (when I opened a letter from the Department of Revenue telling me I had received a $7000 First Home Buyers Grant, not strictly relevant to the Kevin Sheedy issue really) and finally a dull acceptance. Luckily I was in a non-footballing state or territory, down in Melbourne the talkback lines were spontaneously combusting and mobs of enraged red and black partisans were marching on Windy Hill with flaming torches demanding the heads of the Essendon Football Club board on platters. Such sentiments are understandable when you consider that Sheedy had been at the Bombers' helm since 1981- in that time his former club Richmond has been coached by (deep breath)- Tony Jewell, Francis Bourke, Mike Patterson, Paul Sproule, Tony Jewell (again), Kevin Bartlett, Allan Jeans, John Northey, Robert Walls, Jeff Gieschen, Danny Frawley and now Terry Wallace. Many Bombers supporters (myself included) have not known Essendon under any other coach (Barry Davis was the last one, trivia buffs take note), to say nothing of the players who have spent their entire careers under him. Sheedy came to office in 1981, the same year that Ronald Reagan came into the White House, Bucks Fizz won the Eurovision Song Contest for the UK, Prince Charles married Diana, Belize became independent, and Hosni Mubarak became President of Egypt. Only Mubarak has matched Sheedy for staying power (although my personal theory is that an animatronic version of Mubarak has been operating via remote control for some time now) and none of the above can claim to have been anywhere near as successful (Cold War, Shmold War!). Sheedy's amazing on-field record and accomplishments have been well documented- four day premierships from seven Grand Finals, six night flags, a positive win-loss percentage against every other club bar Port Adelaide- but it is his contribution to changing the face of the game from a small parochial suburban competition to a truly national game that will be his lasting memorial (not that he's dead or anything!) People who take the stance that Sheedy was "just a football coach" are missing the point- Denis Pagan was just a football coach (albiet a very, very good one). Sheedy was an icon not just of Essendon or the AFL but of the entire nation. His efforts to promote indigenous players have earned him a place of pride in Aboriginal Australia, while his moves to build up Anzac Day through the annual Essendon-Collingwood match have contributed to the resurgence of interest in the day from its previously moribund state. His departure from the Bombers really is the end of an era. I myself commemorated Sheedy Regicide Day with a sixpack of James Boags and a re-viewing of the last quarter of the 1984 Grand Final, one of my most cherished childhood moments. For an eight year old kid to see his team launch the mother of all comebacks to snatch glory from the side which had traumatised it (and him) 12 months earlier provided evidence that there was after all some justice in life, and sometimes the good guys won. And to think I only learnt this valuable life lesson because Sheedy moved Billy Duckworth and Paul Weston into the forward line! Vale Sheeds, you'll be sadly missed.
Hard now to remember what actually took place on the weekend just gone given the massive events that followed but I'll do my best. My recollections are made even more hazy by the fact that I had a Saturday night out in Sydney of the kind that can only be pieced together in the cold light of the following day by signed witness statements and closed circuit television footage... I was lucky enough to miss Australia's sporting Black Saturday, in which the Wallabies, Socceroos and netballers (do they have a nickname?) all went down like nine-pins. I was also blissfully unaware that over in Perth Brownlow medallist and allegedly reformed crystal methamphetamine addict Ben Cousins was making a stunning return to the game against the Eagles' mighty rivals the Swans. Cousins looked (I am assured) as if he'd never been away as he racked up 38 touches in the Eagles' 12 point win- 12 points being the total accumulated margin for the previous five matches between the two sides. I was aware that the Bombers had gone down earlier in the day to Collingwood but chose to pretend that I wasn't. All too depressing.
The Friday night game provided further evidence that Geelong is a very, very good team in 2007. They steamrolled the Bulldogs in the final quarter, shattering the Doggies' spirit after three quarters of hard slog and doing serious damage to their percentage into the bargain. It's all looking rosy down at Catland just now, although they must be a tad concerned that their coach "Bomber" Thompson is out of contract and there are now four cashed-up clubs looking for a new coach (well, three with cash and Melbourne).
One of those clubs is Fremantle, who gave another ex-Bomber the chance to make his coaching debut away to Adelaide. And he was able to get a most unexpected win first up as the Dockers accounted for tipsters' nightmare side the Crows. All money in the bank in terms of getting a senior job somewhere next year. Demons' interim coach Mark Riley suffered a loss in his match against the Carrararoos who are unbelievably up to second place after being written off by all and sundry pre-season. The only highlight for the Dees was a possible mark of the year to young star Matthew Newton (not to be confused with Bert's woman-bashing son). And up at the Gabba the woefully unsuccessful five year stewardship of Denis Pagan came to an appropriate end with a 117 point belting by the Lions, after which the plug was pulled to the general relief of all. Carlton under Pagan have not improved in the slightest over the five years, unless you count the two Let's Throw the Victorian Clubs a Bone Cups and their infuriating habit of beating Essendon every year. Pagan can take solice in the fact that in future years he will probably be remembered more for his two premierships at North than for his five forgettable years at Princes' Park. After all, not too many people remember the "Messiah Years" at Melbourne when Ron Barassi's coaching career is recalled. Jonathon Brown broke the Brisbane goalkicking record for a single match with a lazy ten.
Two other games rounded out Round 16- Port easily accounted for the hapless Richmond in Tiger legend Matthew Richardson's 250th, the Power moving into the top four. And rapidly rising St Kilda took the points over rapidly declining Hawthorn in the rematch of the Worst Game Ever between the two sides played earlier in the season. Thankfully this match was a far less dire affair, although that's not setting the bar particularly high as the first match was a stinker par excellence.
So a historic week in the annals of AFL history. An era has ended at Essendon, although Sheedy will be staying on until the end of the season (watch us win the premiership now after a late charge!) It has been a rare season for coaching carnage- a quarter of those who started the season are now out of a job. Will there be more to come? Can Ben Cousins stay on the wagon? Will Richmond win again this year? Can anyone beat Geelong? All these questions and more to be answered in weeks to come, here at your one-stop footywrap shop.

Round Thirteen: The Big Occasions

Although every home and away match is important, three or four times a year every club encounters the Big Occasion match. Often the occasion is a milestone match for a club favourite (case in point St Kilda's unlikely win over West Coast in Rob Harvey's 350th), sometimes it's a regular fixture like Anzac Day for Collingwood and Essendon or the Western Derby (which rhymes with Barbie or Herbie depending on your level of education)/ Showdown match for the Perth/Adelaide interlopers, and sometimes it's the result of something else entirely. One of the most memorable Big Occasion matches in recent years was Jason McCartney's return to AFL football after suffering horrendous injuries in the Bali Bombing, an unforgettably moving night for those who witnessed it. North rose to the occasion on that night, taking the four points over Richmond. The Roos were involved in a Big Occasion match of another kind around the same time when former captain and club champion Wayne Carey played his first game against them (for the Crows) after being drummed out of the club for cuckolding his vice-captain/best mate's wife. This time, despite no shortage of motivational material, the Roos were unable to get up and score a win (unlike Carey, who by all accounts had no problems either with getting it up or with scoring). So while teams generally do lift for the Big Occasion match, victory is by no means guaranteed.
Round Thirteen was significant in that there were no less than three Big Occasion matches, all for very different reasons. The Roos were yet again involved- their club legend, Norm Smith Medallist and Shinboner of the Century Glenn Archer was playing his 300th match against the Dogs, only the second Roo to achieve the 300 game milestone. Melbourne were farewelling their long-serving coach Neale Daniher after ten years and a Grand Final appearance against Essendon in 2000, ironically the team they were playing in Round 13 (and of course Daniher's former club). And all eyes were on the Collingwood-Hawthorn game, in particular on Magpie Alan Didak. Didak, as alluded to in last week's Wrap, had a fortnight earlier engaged in a big night out with the man who allegedly went on to become the CBD murderer, a night in which shots had been fired at police. How would Didak respond to the widespread public criticism of him for failing to report the eventful evening to the proper authorities, therefore potentially preventing the CBD triple shooting and the death of an innocent Melbourne solicitor?
The Round kicked off with the Dees-Dons game, and in the first quarter Melbourne failed dismally to raise to the moment as the Bombers ran rampant. However Daniher's last ever quarter time speech obviously inspired the Demons, as they fought back courageously to put themselves right back in the match. His last ever half-time and three quarter time speeches were obviously absolute belters as the Demons played all over Essendon and with only a minute or two to go were 17 points up and seemingly destined to send Daniher out on a high note. Unfortunately the Bombers hadn't read the script and put through a couple of late goals, including a Scott Lucas effort with 5 seconds on the clock, to take the match by just 2 points. Unbelievable. Essendon are doing their upmost to give their supporters heart attacks this season, their last four wins have been by 8 points (including a goal after the siren), 1 point, 1 point and now 2 points. Last year they would have lost all four. Go Dons!
Unlike Melbourne, the Carrararoos had no difficulty whatsoever in ensuring that Glenn Archer's 300th game was one to savour and never looked like going down to the Dogs. Roos forward Drew Petrie opened like a man possessed, kicking six first quarter goals before the shell-shocked Dogs were able to close him down. The only dampener on the match for North was that they were only able to get 39,000 to the match, another nail in the coffin of their chances of staying longterm in Melbourne. The poor crowd size made a mockery of the AFL's idiotic decision not to switch the game from the MCG to the Telstra Dome, where 50,000 odd Hawks and Magpies supporters squeezed in to see the match of the round (thousands more were unable to get in and watched it on TV- not Channel 7 of course). Didak, who was roundly booed every time he went near the ball, was unable to have any real effect for the Magpies and it was Hawthorn who took the points and were sitting pretty in the top two at the end of the round. Collingwood's hypocritical disciplinary policy has come in for a lot of stick over the past two seasons- important players like Tarrant (now departed), Johnson and Didak can seemingly commit regicide and remain in the team, whereas lesser lights cop suspensions for offences as pissweak as leaving the team hotel without permission for a walk around the block after an interstate win. Will be interesting to see whether this policy, which must surely be completely disastrous for team spirit and morale, is reviewed at the end of the season if the Pies fail in the finals again.
At the top of the table Geelong continued on its merry way with a straightforward home victory over Sydney, although a late Swans charge probably caused a heart flutter or two among the Swans faithful. The loss probably makes it impossible for Sydney to get a top four position, although only a fool would write them off just yet. Sydney are now level on points with pre-season premiership favourites Freo, who belted Carlton at Subiaco. Another player who has featured prominently in banner headlines for off-field incidents, publicans' scourge Brendan Fevola, may well have played his last match for the Blues after a petulant and ill-tempered display led to him receiving a one week ban from the club with the instruction to "go away and think about it". No doubt the club hopes that Fev is taking a good hard look at himself, will hopefully come back prepared to do the hard yards, straighten up and fly right and all the rest of that crap. But they'll probably just end up trading him to Fremantle.
Elsewhere the Eagles continued their recent dominance over the Crows by taking the points in Adelaide, ending a two game losing streak and keeping in touch with the top two in the process. Port ended Brisbane's chances of an unlikely finals appearance at the Gabba, although they had to withstand a mighty last quarter onslaught from the Lions to do so, and St Kilda kept their 2007 hopes alive by edging out the wooden spoon favourites Richmond.
The round approaching promises more in the way of Big Occasions- James Hird is due to play his 250th, Adam Ramanauskas is making a comeback from cancer that rivals McCartney's for pure courage and guts, while Ben Cousins will also return from his much publicised absence from the game in coming weeks if not this one. Can their teams lift to meet the expectations generated by the buzz? How will their opponents react? Find out back here next week when we discuss Round 14.

Round Eleven: To Cranbourne! And don't forget the pie-warmer!

Australian Rules Football at its best ie. when teams aren't flooding or winding down the clock with fifteen minutes still to play, is a highly entertaining game to watch. Many an effusive paragraph has been dedicated to the joy produced by a Hird sleight of hand, a Judd acceleration, a Brown feat of strength or a Davis piece of magic. But at least as many paragraphs have been devoted to the often hilarious off-field wheelings and dealings in the backrooms of the clubs, particularly when the club is struggling on the field. Victorian clubs have a bit of a lead on the interstaters in this regard, in part because of their longer history and in part because of their recent on-field mediocrity. All of the Vic clubs, big and small, have their occasional moments of off-field tension- Essendon, for example, frets every decade or so on whether to replace Kevin Sheedy as coach; Collingwood stresses over whether to wear a black jumper with white stripes or a white jumper with black stripes. The Club Once Known as North Melbourne bickers over whether t'is better to sail forth as the Canberroos or the Carrarraroos or simply to follow Fitzroy's path into Melbourne-based oblivion. So all clubs have their occasional moments of off-field instability. But some have turned boardroom bickering into a genuine art-form, providing endless entertainment for the football community and much schadenfraudic glee for supporters of opposing sides (all very conscious that it will be their side's turn in a fortnight or so). Richmond of course have been a basket case both on and off the field since 1983. Melbourne have periodically threatened to implode for decades. In recent years the off-field shenanigans at Carlton have contributed to the Blues' dismal showings. But the king of the calamitous headlines, without a shadow of a doubt, is everyone's second favourite team- St Kilda.
The AFL would be a far lesser competition without the Saints. They have produced some of the best players the league has seen- Baldock, Harvey, Barker, Stewart, Lockett for example. Generously, for some reason they have always been happy to pass on their talent to other clubs- Stewart and Lockett both found greater riches and success elsewhere, as have Hall and Everitt more recently. Team success though has been noticably lacking for the Sainters, with only the 1966 one point epic over Collingwood to show for over a hundred seasons in the VFL/AFL ( I don't count victories in the Let's Throw the Victorian Clubs a Bone Pre-Season Cup Proudly Brought to You by This Year's Sponsor With a Loud and Annoying Ad). Supporters of opposing teams have appreciated the Saints for their seeming unfailing and cheerful willingness to save other clubs embarrassment by taking home the wooden spoon on such a regular basis. The Saints can cope with failure. Any small sniff of success though has the effect of sending them into a panic, causing them to make absolutely bizarre and nonsensical decisions. Consider, if you will, the recent evidence.
In the early 1990s Ken Sheldon got the Saints into the finals for the first time in decades. When they briefly dipped out again he was promptly sacked and replaced by Stan Alves. Alves delivered a victory in the aforementioned preseason competition in '96 and followed it up the following year with a once in a blue moon actual Grand Final appearance. The Saints went down on the day, due in no small part to the absence of their best ruckman Everitt through injury, but made the finals again the following year. Inconceivably, Alves was sacked. In his wisdom then-President Andrew Plympton plumped (plymped?) for ex-Dons legend Tim Watson, untried as a coach but proven as a Seven Network media performer. Many argued that this was an unwise course of action. Many were proven absolutely correct as Timmy guided the Saints to a wooden spoon within two years and wisely headed straight back to the Seven Network. Plympton too departed, new President Rod Butterss taking the far more conservative coaching option of a proven performer- dual premiership coach Malcolm Blight for a cool $1 million. Fifteen games later, Blight was sacked. Does anyone have a calculator handy? Nice work if you can get it. Little known coaching assistant (and good mate of Butterss) Grant Thomas took over for the rest of the season. An exhaustive coaching review at the end of the 2001 scanned the credentials of all possible candidates and settled on...Grant Thomas. Thomas followed a cunning plan of settling for low finishes in the next two seasons (and trading established players such as Everitt and Hall) in return for high draft picks and by 2004 had a team which couldn't possibly fail to win a flag in either that year or the next. Except they could, failing to make it past the preliminary finals in either season due in part to a cripplingly long injury list. When in 2006 the Saints dipped out in the first week of the finals Butterss, who had long fallen out with Thomas, showed him the door and appointed Ross Lyon instead.
During his time at the Saints Thomas had not only taken on the traditional coaching duties but had also usurped a plethora of other responsibilities eg. negotiating individual player contracts, fixing the pie-warmer in the social club etc. His departure then left a gaping hole which, according to Butterss at least, Thomas felt an obligation to fill by calling his ex-players and inviting them down to his local for a quiet beer and a chat over issues like player contracts, the working state of the social club pie-warmer etc. Thomas denied these allegations, but Butterss ordered him away from St Kilda, while simultaneously threatening to move the club away from its longstanding home at Moorabbin to of all places Cranbourne (perhaps on the basis that Cranbourne is a long way from Thomas' local). This farce has played out in the Melbourne press for the last few weeks, enraging Saints supporter and "comedian" Steve Bedwell (he cracks funnies on the godawful Fox FM station so the inverted commas on the word comedian are no mistake) who threatened a putsch against Butterss which at this stage has yet to occur. What chance do the players have on concentrating on footy with all this going on (and their injury list now heading out the soon-to-be-vacated-maybe Moorabbin door)? None whatsoever, and they duly went down on the weekend to the Carrarraroos.
The match of the round was undoubtedly the Friday night clash between the Bombers and the Eagles. Ten minutes into the match the Eagles were several goals up and the Bombers had about three touches between them (all clangers). It looked like being an absolute slaughter, and prompted me to switch over to the rugby league fixture where a mighty crowd of less than 5000 were sitting in the rain at Stadium Australia. Ten minutes of watching people sliding through the mud was enough and I switched back over to discover that the Dons had finally gotten it together to score at least a couple of goals, perhaps a respectable loss was on the cards. Three quarters later and I, like the full Red and Black army present at the Telstra Dome, was on the edge of my seat as the clock ticked down with the Bombers up by the narrowest of margins. The place erupted as the siren sounded with Essendon up by just one point for the second week in a row, again defeating one of last year's Grand Finalists. The old guard of Fletcher, Lucas and Hird were superb, it was a hell of a good win. And my apologies to my neighbours, who for the second weekend in a row copped a repeated late night slurred and bellowed version of "See the Bombers Go Up".
After such a stirring and high quality game high hopes were held for the clash between the highflying Hawks and the determined Swans, but this was a bit of a scrappy affair. The main interest in the game was in the seemingly ubiquitous Peter Everitt- the one-time Saint was making his first appearance as a Swan against his old team the Hawks. Everitt copped the mother of all bakes from bitter columnist Robert Walls in the Age newspaper on the morning of the match but had the last laugh as the Swans took the four points. Another prodigal son, Jason Akermanis, was also smiling at the end of his first trip back to the Gabba as the Western Bulldogs were able to overcome a couple of serious injuries to key players to defeat struggling Brisbane. And one-time ladder leader Port's season is on the skids at the moment, Carlton easily accounting for them to leap frog the Saints into 13th spot.
Over in the west Richmond's misery continued as on-again off-again Freo kept their season alive with a comfortable victory. Geelong leapt into top spot and outright premiership favouritism with a gutsy interstate win over the Crows. And Collingwood missed a golden opportunity to shore up a spot in the four by going down to lowly Melbourne once again in the Queen's Birthday weekend encounter at the 'G.
So with half the season gone it has become very evident that this is the most even season for some time. Only Richmond and Melbourne are out of the running, only Geelong and West Coast are secure of a finals spot. Twelve teams are still fighting it out for six places, and spots in the top four would seem to be a very precious commodity. Unbelievably at this point in the season one of those spots is occupied by Essendon! Kevin Sheedy is safe for another three years. Of course if he'd produced this result at St Kilda he'd no doubt be sacked immediately and replaced by Steve Bedwell.
The second half of the season will no doubt be every bit as eventful as the first, see you back here next week for Round 12.

Round 1: An Actual Round of Football

To the consternation of tens of thousands, the most interesting preseason in the history of the AFL was rudely interrupted over the weekend by the playing of an actual round of football. Those eagerly opening their newspapers agog to find out which one of the cavalcade of misbehaving West Coast Eagles would today be the one running away from the media with a jumper over his head uttering a muffled "no comment!" before being whisked away in a fast car driven by a grim-faced club official were instead aghast to find themselves reading match reports dealing overwhelmingly with kicks, marks and handballs. Nary a drug reference in sight! Blues fans tuning in for the latest installment of "Buffoonery in Blue: Road to the Carlton Captaincy" were shattered to find out little to nothing about the ongoing battle between Lance Whitnall's hilariously dysfunctional family relations. Nor indeed about the off-field antics of his erstwhile challenger for the top job down at the ground now somewhat curiously known as MC Labour Stadium (MC Labour apparently some deservedly forgotten leftist DJ of the early 1990s, possibly based at the John Curtin Hotel down in Lygon St) Brendan Fevola- Australia's finest Ambassador, at least to one headlocked Galway publican. Even the Collingwood FC division of the County Court took a break for the weekend (although normal service will no doubt resume shortly). The AFL commissioners must have been holding their breath- would a mere 8 games of footy be enough to satisfy a public spoiled by such a jaw-dropping off-season? Happily, the answer appears to be yes.
Round 1 turned out to be a great weekend for the cellar-dwellers of 2006. The aforementioned Blues proved that their stirring victory in the pre-season "Let's Throw the Victorian Clubs a Bone Cup", proudly brought to you by This Year's Minor Sponsor, was no fluke as they overcame the long-suffering Tigers. Over in the City of Churches the Dons stunned the Crows with a staggering 169 point turn-around from the corresponding feature of the previous year. And Fremantle, widely tipped to win the flag this year, fell short at home to lowly Port Adelaide, widely tipped to do bugger all in 2007.
Other games went more or less according to expectations. Brisbane was too good at home against Hawthorn. The Western Bulldogs showed that the buzz around their team is very much justified as they got up against Geelong, providing more misery for Bomber Thompson (I'm tipping him to go in Round 16). The Saints gave new coach Ross Lyon a win on debut in the season opener against Melbourne. And Collingwood made heavy weather of their encounter against the team once upon a time known as North Melbourne, more recently known as the Canberroos, now trading as the Carrararoos, but got up anyway.
But all eyes were in Sydney for the Grand Final replay and the latest installment of one of the best rivalries the game has known for...well, for ever really. The best thing about the rivalry between the Swans and Eagles is that it has developed purely on the back of a string of classic encounters on the football field. It isn't an AFL-manufactured rivalry based on ancient history (Carlton vs. Collingwood; Carlton vs. Richmond; Collingwood vs. Melbourne), or geographic coincidence (West Coast vs. Fremantle; Port vs. the Crows; Essendon vs. Western Bulldogs?!). The Swans and Eagles at the moment are writing their own bilateral history which no doubt the AFL will exploit for the next three decades, long after the cycle has moved on and both sides are cellar-dwellers once more.
The game itself unbelievably produced the exact same result as the Grand Final- a 1 point Eagles win. Who on earth could have tipped that? Full credit to the Eagles for overcoming the worst off-season possible to pull this one off. Bring on the rematch in Round 16.
So the footy is back, and this can only be a good thing. The Ashes were tedious, the one-day series and the NZ tour pointless, the World Cup depressing, and the swimming irrelevant. We needed footy. No doubt this season many more negative headlines will be generated similar to those which have swamped the media over summer, but as long as there's a close one on somewhere the game itself will still pack them in. Here's looking forward to Round 2.