Just when you thought it was safe to go back onto Telstra Dome... Seven seasons ago, they struck without warning, leaving unsuspecting Bomber Mark Johnson in a bloodied heap and leading an infuriated Kevin Sheedy to call for his skeet rifle. They've bided their time since then, waiting patiently until another player was foolish enough to be caught alone in the middle of the field... and then, in a blur of claws and feathers, they attacked! The dreaded Telstra Dome seagulls strike again! This time the helpless victim was Docker Jeff Farmer, a man who is certainly no stranger to controversy, who was left sprawled across the pitch with his nose splayed across his face as the nearest opposition player jogged innocently away some distance from the scene. Amazingly, no TV camera caught the incident. If not the seagulls, then what else could have taken Farmer out? Did a piece of the Telstra Dome roof come loose, a la the set light at the start of The Truman Show? Was that security guard Farmer punched some weeks back sitting up in the stands with an air rifle? The AFL Tribunal chose not to believe any of these quite plausible scenarios, instead handing the nearest Saint Steven Baker a massive seven week suspension. Season over for Baker and the seagulls off scot-free, chuckling evilly away up in the rafters like John Jarrett in Wolf Creek. How long until they strike again?
Copping a massive sentence in the lead up to the finals is the latter-day equivalent of transportation for life, minus the rum, sodomy and lash (although what happens on the end of season footy tour stays on the end of season footy tour!). Another player copping a 19th century-style sentence was Magpie Ben Johnson, who is out for the season after he took out Demon Daniel Bell with a sickening hit reminiscent of Bomber legend Michael Long's astoundingly out of character assault on young then-Demon Troy "Snake" Simmonds in the 2000 Grand Final. The Johnson hit had the effect of firing up the previously sluggish Demons, who gave the out of form Magpies a real scare before Collingwood came away with the win. Melbourne were at least able to chair skipper and club games record holder David Neitz off with a bit more pride than they did Byron Pickett some weeks back after their woeful Manuka Oval display against Sydney. The bloke who really deserved a lengthy spell on the sidelines, however, appears to have gotten away like a Telstra Dome seagull- I'm referring to the appalling hit put on ex-Magpie and Roo Sav Rocca, now of the Philadelphia Eagles, by Antwan Barnes of the Baltimore Ravens- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6U6bMPpIIc -deliberate contact to the head of an unsuspecting player while the ball is miles from the scene, that should have been season over for Barnes right there. A Rocca Knocker Shocker, you might say.
Perhaps, however, the American NFL judiciary has a similarly skewed system of justice as our own AFL Tribunal. It would appear that the seemingly ubiquitous Rocca Family are to be the holders of the unwelcome title of Last Key Player to be Rubbed Out for the Grand Final Ever- Anthony Rocca's suspension for the 2003 Grand Final playing no small part in Collingwood's hilariously dire performance as previously documented on this site. The AFL's displeasure with such a one-sided decider would explain Lions gun Jonathan Brown getting off on a technicality in 2004 and, in the most risible slash glaringly transparent verdict of all time, Barry Hall being allowed to play in 2005. Hall escaped suspension after whacking Saint Matt Maguire in the stomach with the ball nowhere in sight after the tribunal ruled that the action, illegal and dirty as it was, was somehow related to the flow of play. Don't even try and find logic in that one. Hall was simply too important to the Swans for the AFL to allow him to be absent on the big day. This Untouchables policy would also seem to apply to players in genuine contention for the Brownlow Medal- the AFL wants no repeats of the Corey McKernan/ Chris Grant embarrassments of '96/'97. Earlier this year Eagles golden boy Chris Judd, then in scintillating form, found himself before the tribunal on the unsavoury charge of eye-gouging Hawk Campbell Brown. To universal delight Judd, who is seemingly the only player on the entire West Coast list whom a prospective father in law wouldn't greet at the front door with a shotgun, was cleared. Last week Brown admitted on one of the many TV footy shows to fudging his evidence to ensure Judd got off, and was promptly fined $7500 for providing unsatisfactory evidence! Now really. What happened to the long standing tradition of not dobbing another player in at the tribunal? Nobody ever gives accurate evidence! You can imagine the tribunal members sitting around like Captain Renault in Casablanca, saying with straight faces- "We're shocked! Shocked! To discover that there has been fibbing going on in here". Talk about an open and shut case- the only bust in history that would have been easier would have been that cop who did Willy Nelson for marijuana possession some months back- incidentally, how come Cheech and Chong never got busted? Or Woody Harrellson? Or the cast of Reefer Madness? Check it out here- those people shouldn't be out on the street! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bM_vLk1I6G4
Brown's fine was part of a dismal week for the Hawks, who were also fined for having an illegal camera operating at their game (pity there wasn't one at the St Kilda-Freo match, those seagulls would have finally got their just desserts!) and then blew their match in Tassie against Port by conceding two goals in the last 30 seconds. Could be an expensive loss, considering how tight the battle is for top four spots. Port are now in pole position to take one of those spots, as are West Coast who recorded a straight forward victory over wooden spoon certainties Richmond at Subiaco. Geelong of course sewed up their top four spot some time ago and are now several games clear at the top of the ladder after a shaky win over the Carrarraroos. The Roos have now dropped three in a row, but should be able to pick up some points, form and confidence in the weeks leading into the finals. The Cats have now gone undefeated since their loss in Round 5- a club record within a single season- and the bubble of expectation continues to expand in the Corio Bay area. I recall it was around about this time of the year that the Almost Invincibles Bombers side of 2000 dropped a match unexpectedly- don't be at all surprised if the Cats happen to lose either this week or next.
One team quite adept at dropping matches is Carlton, without a win since Round 11. Carlton's latest tank came against the Bombers, who came from five goals down to take the points. Not quite as impressive a comeback as the Blues managed in the corresponding fixture earlier in the season but still a good result. Skipper Matthew Lloyd provided one for the highlights reel with an audacious backheel goal. As mentioned earlier Freo and St Kilda played off, the Saints took the points and thus finally ended the Dockers' finals chances. Freo have been like a hammy Shakespearean actor performing a death scene for months now, staggering around the stage, falling to their knees, recovering briefly but now seemingly finally at rest. Thank God. The Western Bulldogs too are in line to exit stage left after they went down to Adelaide, the Crows season still alive for the moment. Also holding on by the skin of their teeth are the Brisbane Lions, who salvaged their second draw of the season courtesy of a massive bomb from well outside the fifty by Jonathan Brown to severely damage Sydney's chances of stealing a top four spot.
So just two rounds of the regular season to go and we're all approaching fever pitch, whether our team is looking at their first flag since the black and white era; still in contention for a top four or top eight finish; or simply tanking their way to future glory. Take it easy over the weekend- watch out for seagulls and if you're in the mood for a quiet bevvy before the footy, why not try this place- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvFormOyvBQ I don't know if they show footy, but there's darts at least! See you back here for the Round 21 wrap.
Showing posts with label wrap. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wrap. Show all posts
21 August 2007
16 August 2007
Round Nineteen: From Mateship to Mardi Gras
Some excellent news and some slightly sad news came my way over the last week. The good news first- with the aid of a well-placed surgical incision my sister successfully delivered a healthy baby girl last week, thereby giving all members of her extended family new and improved titles. I am now officially known as Uncle Stu. Having never been an uncle before I have had to do some research to try and work out exactly what an uncle's job is, and have considered the examples of various celebrity uncles. According to the examples presented by radio personality Uncle Doug Mulray and Comedy Company stalwart Uncle Arthur my job is simply to be an embarrassment. Shouldn't be too difficult to achieve. The Uncle Charlie from My Three Sons school dictates that being a cantankerous old prick is the way to go; while to follow the lead of Uncle Leo from Seinfeld I will need to exuberantly greet my niece at every opportunity, before proceeding to unfavourably compare her achievements to that of her horse-faced cousin Jeffrey (who works for the Parks Department). Possibly a tad difficult to pull off, that one. However the Uncle in the public eye who I would most like to emulate is the late Uncle Doug Elliot, the much-loved vaudevillian whose booming stentorian tones introduced World of Sport for many years. Uncle Doug also did many of the live ads- check out some of his best work here- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3wzV7rGVwM. Clark Kent glasses? Check. Shakespearean thespian-style delivery? Check. Ability (and motivation) to throttle Lou Richards? Check and check. Bring on the kid!
The sad news referred to earlier is that the venerable Naughtons Hotel, the downfall of many a Melbourne University student, has closed its doors and is no more. As an unruly member of an unruly residential college in the mid-1990s, I undoubtedly spent more time (and unquestionably more effort) on ensuring that the pub remained solvent than I did on any of the subjects I was ostensibly studying. Mind you, anyone else with the unpleasant experience of dealing with the byzantine gnomes of the Arts Faculty bureaucracy and/or the communist (Marxist-Leninist) nutbags teaching the ideologically esoteric raft of subjects (Politics 102-210: From Mateship to Mardi Gras, anyone?) would unquestionably agree that I was in the better place. Others who agreed that Naughto's was the place to be were the 1995 Carlton premiership team, who famously celebrated long and hard there after belting the Cats in the Grand Final. The most memorable image of their celebrations featured mulleted skipper (and current board member) Stephen Kernahan belting out "Stand By Your Man" by the side of Royal Parade, before hurling his empty glass into the street. Enjoy it here- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzA2nFklDo4.
The latter-day Blues did little on the weekend to allay ongoing suspicions of tanking- they started in Keystone Cops-style to allow Port Adelaide a match-winning lead, belted on 8 unanswered goals third quarter goals to hit the front and make the fans happy, then mysteriously faded to record their third honourable defeat in a row (thus keeping them in contention for a priority pick). Carlton face a difficult task this weekend when they face the stuttering Bombers- satisfactory win over an old rival or keep the pick? The Bombers' season continues to unravel, they were soundly beaten in the west by a rejuvenated Fremantle under the leadership of ex-Don Mark Harvey. Freo's week got even better later in the week when superstar skipper Matthew Pavlich signed on for another three years in the (probably mistaken) hope and belief that he would become the club's first premiership captain. I must admit to being a bit disappointed at Pav's decision. I have been hoping for some time that he would end up at Collingwood in a surprise exchange for lumbering forward Anthony Rocca, with the deal to be announced by Magpies CEO Eugene Arocca under the banner headline- "Arocca: Rocca Docker Shocker!" Oh well. Rocca's brother Sav incidentally continues to make great gains towards obtaining a starting position as a kicker at the Philadelphia Eagles, a contract worth squillions of dollars. This raises an interesting question- if Irish players are leaving Ireland en masse for the cash of the AFL, and AFL players are looking at the gold on offer in the US, how soon until the first Irishman cuts out the middle man and goes directly to the NFL? Although going directly from the round ball to the extremely pointy one without a bit of experience in kicking a slighty pointy one might prove a stumbling block there.
The Pies themselves suffered a shock defeat against the universally-written off Tigers, this could be the second year in a row in which a late season loss to a lowly opponent costs Collingwood a top four finish. The match was notable for the fact that at one point Tigers skipper Kane Johnson appeared both on TV and live at the match to be transforming into the Incredible Hulk while lining up for goal- perhaps disappointingly to comic book fans it turned out to be merely the work of some idiot in the stands with a green laser doing his best to permanently blind someone. Hopefully that same laser is now providing a vivid green hue in an uncomfortable part of its owner's anatomy courtesy of some suitably outraged supporter.
Another shock result was the hitherto hapless Demons shooting back into some late season form to comfortably account for the massively disappointing Bulldogs. The Dogs came into 2007 as the Great Victorian Hope but have never really looked like it this year. Maybe the recruitment of Jason Akermanis has proved more of a distraction than a benefit. Who knows. The Dogs are still alive but only just, as are the Saints, Crows and Lions. All four lost on the weekend but thanks to the vagaries of the 2007 draw they are all still in contention. The Saints lost to the Swans, who are gaining forward momentum with every passing week. The Crows went down to the Cats, who if they gain any more forward momentum will roll clear off the map. The Lions looked resplendent in the old Fitzroy strip against Hawthorn but unfortunately they evidently subconsciously adopted the old Fitzroy game plan too and their winning streak came to a halt. The Hawks are now the second-best team to beat, although that position has been a bit of a revolving door in recent weeks. Two former occupants, West Coast and the Carrararoos, fought out a tough one on the weekend from which the Eagles emerged victorious. The Roos are now out of the top four for the first time in quite a while but can still get back if they're good enough.
So with the weather getting better and spring on the horizon, we approach Round 20. More shocks in store? Almost certainly. So be sure to join Uncle Stu back here next week for more tenuously-football related discussion- and be sure to get a Repco Gold Star engine fitted straight away!
The sad news referred to earlier is that the venerable Naughtons Hotel, the downfall of many a Melbourne University student, has closed its doors and is no more. As an unruly member of an unruly residential college in the mid-1990s, I undoubtedly spent more time (and unquestionably more effort) on ensuring that the pub remained solvent than I did on any of the subjects I was ostensibly studying. Mind you, anyone else with the unpleasant experience of dealing with the byzantine gnomes of the Arts Faculty bureaucracy and/or the communist (Marxist-Leninist) nutbags teaching the ideologically esoteric raft of subjects (Politics 102-210: From Mateship to Mardi Gras, anyone?) would unquestionably agree that I was in the better place. Others who agreed that Naughto's was the place to be were the 1995 Carlton premiership team, who famously celebrated long and hard there after belting the Cats in the Grand Final. The most memorable image of their celebrations featured mulleted skipper (and current board member) Stephen Kernahan belting out "Stand By Your Man" by the side of Royal Parade, before hurling his empty glass into the street. Enjoy it here- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzA2nFklDo4.
The latter-day Blues did little on the weekend to allay ongoing suspicions of tanking- they started in Keystone Cops-style to allow Port Adelaide a match-winning lead, belted on 8 unanswered goals third quarter goals to hit the front and make the fans happy, then mysteriously faded to record their third honourable defeat in a row (thus keeping them in contention for a priority pick). Carlton face a difficult task this weekend when they face the stuttering Bombers- satisfactory win over an old rival or keep the pick? The Bombers' season continues to unravel, they were soundly beaten in the west by a rejuvenated Fremantle under the leadership of ex-Don Mark Harvey. Freo's week got even better later in the week when superstar skipper Matthew Pavlich signed on for another three years in the (probably mistaken) hope and belief that he would become the club's first premiership captain. I must admit to being a bit disappointed at Pav's decision. I have been hoping for some time that he would end up at Collingwood in a surprise exchange for lumbering forward Anthony Rocca, with the deal to be announced by Magpies CEO Eugene Arocca under the banner headline- "Arocca: Rocca Docker Shocker!" Oh well. Rocca's brother Sav incidentally continues to make great gains towards obtaining a starting position as a kicker at the Philadelphia Eagles, a contract worth squillions of dollars. This raises an interesting question- if Irish players are leaving Ireland en masse for the cash of the AFL, and AFL players are looking at the gold on offer in the US, how soon until the first Irishman cuts out the middle man and goes directly to the NFL? Although going directly from the round ball to the extremely pointy one without a bit of experience in kicking a slighty pointy one might prove a stumbling block there.
The Pies themselves suffered a shock defeat against the universally-written off Tigers, this could be the second year in a row in which a late season loss to a lowly opponent costs Collingwood a top four finish. The match was notable for the fact that at one point Tigers skipper Kane Johnson appeared both on TV and live at the match to be transforming into the Incredible Hulk while lining up for goal- perhaps disappointingly to comic book fans it turned out to be merely the work of some idiot in the stands with a green laser doing his best to permanently blind someone. Hopefully that same laser is now providing a vivid green hue in an uncomfortable part of its owner's anatomy courtesy of some suitably outraged supporter.
Another shock result was the hitherto hapless Demons shooting back into some late season form to comfortably account for the massively disappointing Bulldogs. The Dogs came into 2007 as the Great Victorian Hope but have never really looked like it this year. Maybe the recruitment of Jason Akermanis has proved more of a distraction than a benefit. Who knows. The Dogs are still alive but only just, as are the Saints, Crows and Lions. All four lost on the weekend but thanks to the vagaries of the 2007 draw they are all still in contention. The Saints lost to the Swans, who are gaining forward momentum with every passing week. The Crows went down to the Cats, who if they gain any more forward momentum will roll clear off the map. The Lions looked resplendent in the old Fitzroy strip against Hawthorn but unfortunately they evidently subconsciously adopted the old Fitzroy game plan too and their winning streak came to a halt. The Hawks are now the second-best team to beat, although that position has been a bit of a revolving door in recent weeks. Two former occupants, West Coast and the Carrararoos, fought out a tough one on the weekend from which the Eagles emerged victorious. The Roos are now out of the top four for the first time in quite a while but can still get back if they're good enough.
So with the weather getting better and spring on the horizon, we approach Round 20. More shocks in store? Almost certainly. So be sure to join Uncle Stu back here next week for more tenuously-football related discussion- and be sure to get a Repco Gold Star engine fitted straight away!
02 August 2007
Round Seventeen: The Black and White Cycle of Life
An amazing week just gone- not a single coach was shown the door! Following the absolute carnage in the fortnight preceding, this was a remarkable achievement. In the absence of any further bloodletting, the media's focus was firmly on the possible coaching permutations for season 2008. There was general consensus that Michael Voss would end up at Carlton (if he didn't go to Essendon), Chris Connolly was a shoe-in at Melbourne (provided the Dees didn't go with Kevin Sheedy), Fremantle would definitely go with an ex-Bomber in the form of Kevin Sheedy, Neale Daniher or Mark Harvey (as long as Dean Laidley couldn't be lured from the Carrararoos), and Essendon would be coached by a favourite son in Mark "Bomber" Thompson (if he was willing to leave the Cats, if not then by Neale Daniher. Or Mark Harvey, Dean Bailey, Damien Hardwick or maybe Derek Kickett). Then Voss decided he wasn't ready to coach just yet and Thompson refused to negotiate with anyone until season's end, thus throwing the carefully prepared coaching matrix into chaos. God knows who's going to end up where now. There's still a possibility that the rebel army of disaffected Bombers will seize control of the board and reinstate Sheedy with the view to grooming retiring skipper and possibly best-ever Bomber James Hird for the job. Will keep a close eye on further developments in the area of coaching appointments as they continue to unfold.
I wrote with nostalgia last week about my great childhood memory of seeing my team redeem themselves by avenging a Grand Final defeat. I'm well aware that I'm very fortunate in this regard, there are a lot of supporters out there my age who wouldn't have seen their team play in a Grand Final at all (Bulldogs), or who are waiting in vain for their side to atone for disappointment on the last day in September (Saints, Tigers, Demons, and especially Cats). The Cats were a tad unfortunate in their hapless Buffalo Bills-style Grand Final appearances of the early 1990s in that they kept on coming up against sides who had their own defeat-based motivations for winning. Geelong's attempt in 1992 to redeem their 1989 defeat was stymied by West Coast, seeking salvation for their own defeat the year before. The Cats of 1994 had the responsibility for gaining revenge for the '92 defeat, as well as '89, but got flogged. Fronting up the next year carrying the combined weight of the '89, '92 and '94 losses, the Pivotonians were never a chance against a Blues team wanting to make amends for their '93 defeat against Essendon (who'd gone down in '90). The Cats were soundly thumped again and slunk off into a corner to lick their wounds for the next decade. Until this season, when they're back at the right end of the ladder again and seemingly heading inexorably towards the Big Match. The way it's looking, though, their opponents could well be their old '90s bugbear the West Coast Eagles...I'm sure there'd be more than a few nervous Geelong people if that does end up being the Grand Final match-up.
But if Geelong folk have had their fair share of Grand Final disappointment spare a thought for those in the Black and White army. Contrary to popular opinion, there are some quite ordinary and decent citizens who happen to follow the Collingwood Football Club. My brother-in-law is one, my ex-boss in Cairo another (despite his unfortunate penchant for sporting the kind of garish ties that even flamboyant former Minister for Immigration Al Grassby would have rejected on sight as being "a bit lairy"). But the stereotypical image of Magpies fans- bitter, twisted, one-eyed, arrogant when winning, churlish when losing, insufferable in either case- is largely accurate from my experience. My late unlamented co-habitor Surly the Slightly Unsociable Housemate was one such case; the kind of character, as Rowan Atkinson once archly observed, one emigrates to avoid. But, like snarling malcontents on dismal English council estates, Collingwood people cannot be held completely responsible for their objectionable personalities. Consider, if you will, the childhood of a hypothetical Magpie supporter conceived at half-time of the 1970 Grand Final (I'm sure there were at least a couple!) by parents who had suffered through the narrow defeats of '64 and '66 and who were sure that a 44 point buffer at the long break would surely be enough to declare the premiership drought over. Two quarters later, the post-coital glow had well and truly faded as a handball-inspired revolution had swept Carlton past their shell-shocked opponents and onto the premiership dais in one of the most famous matches in history. Deep inside the womb the barely fertilised fetus was overwhelmed by a sense of sour disappointment, a feeling that would become all too familiar over the years to come. Growing up, the young 'Pie would have endured the club's first ever wooden spoon ('76); the dizziness of bouncing back the following season and making the Grand Final, only to draw it and then lose the replay; the heartbreak of losing to Carlton again in '79 by five points; the thrill of making the Grand Final from fifth place in '80 only to cop an 81 point hiding; and then the shattering experience of losing to Carlton again in '81. That's a lot to cop for an 11 year old. By the time the Magpies made the breakthrough in '90 and finally won a flag, our hypothetical fan was already 20 and his regulation issue Collingwood personality set in stone.
No doubt the unthinkable pleasures unleashed by seeing his team actually perform on Grand Final led to a repeat performance of siring a son and heir, although given the entertainment provided by the half-time brawl romantic interaction was probably delayed until after the fulltime siren had actually sounded. This latest addition to the Carringbush Clan would have grown up with the Magpies at the wrong end of the ladder, taking their second wooden spoon in '99. However by the time junior reached high school in '02 the Pies were back in the Grand Final action against Brisbane- they lost, but gallantly. When the two sides met again 12 months later the Collingwood army was salivating in anticipation of sweet revenge...but it all went horribly wrong. I've mentioned the '03 Grand Final before in the Wrap as it is one of the most remarkable matches you'll ever see- Collingwood looked like the Washington Generals playing the Harlem Globetrotters. It wouldn't have surprised at all if Brisbane skipper Michael Voss had pulled out a stepladder and taken a speccie over some hapless defender before spinning the ball on his finger and doing an overhead kick through the sticks. The most iconic moment of the game came when Pies defender Rhys Shaw attempted to run the ball out of defence but inexplicably dropped the ball at the feet of Lion Alistair Lynch, who nonchalantly picked it up and booted it through. Game over. Another Grand Final lost, another shattering experience for Magpies fans of all ages. And the most amazing thing about the match was the fact that the same two sides had met two weeks previously and Collingwood had won easily. It must have been deja vu all over again for Pies fans on the weekend because they again went in to play Brisbane at the MCG as firm favourites and got absolutely belted by 90-odd points. After looking good for a top two finish only a month ago Collingwood are now staring down the barrel of missing the finals altogether. Still, sooner or later Collingwood will be in the Grand Final again and either win it or look as though they might, and a whole new generation of Magpies will be conceived to endure their own September disappointments. That's how the black and white cycle of life goes.
It was a weekend of shellackings all round, the Bulldogs copped their second straight Friday night hiding and tumbled out of the eight courtesy of their mangled percentage. This time the frighteningly resurgent Eagles were the instigators in a match marred by the ridiculous decision to allow West Coast to wear their royal blue away jumpers against a team with a royal blue home jumper. Which colour-blind idiot approved that one? How hard is it to make sure that the two teams are wearing distinguishable uniforms? Port Adelaide likewise beat up on the hapless Demons, putting a dent in caretaker Mark Riley's chances of retaining his position at Melbourne. His fellow caretaker Mark Harvey (at Fremantle) also suffered a big loss at the hands of rampant Geelong, Cats fans were no doubt relieved that the resignation of Number 1 fan Steve Bracks as Premier of Victoria did not jinx the side. Bracks' resignation, incidentally, got about a quarter of the press of Kevin Sheedy's sacking, Victorians have their priorities right! Sydney took the points without breaking a sweat against the continually dismal Richmond.
There were a few close ones too- the Bombers won for Kevin Sheedy, as we had all hoped they would. Adelaide, wearing red jumpers for some unapparent reason, were the fall guys and are now a game behind the pace although they do have a very good percentage. Carlton were much improved under caretaker Brett Ratten but the Saints had enough in reserve to take the four points. And Hawthorn's Fortress Launceston was breached by the massively surprising Carrararoos, who are responsible for widespread indigestion amongst many a tipster forced to eat his or her hat.
God that's a long post! Hope some of that made sense. Another weekend looms, and it is fair to say that the 2007 finals series is well under way already with a number of games being absolute must-wins. The battle to take part in the September action is one of the closest in years and August promises to be a belter of a month. Hope your team's a winner (unless you're a Magpie fan, for whom suffering is good for the soul), see you back here for Round 18.
I wrote with nostalgia last week about my great childhood memory of seeing my team redeem themselves by avenging a Grand Final defeat. I'm well aware that I'm very fortunate in this regard, there are a lot of supporters out there my age who wouldn't have seen their team play in a Grand Final at all (Bulldogs), or who are waiting in vain for their side to atone for disappointment on the last day in September (Saints, Tigers, Demons, and especially Cats). The Cats were a tad unfortunate in their hapless Buffalo Bills-style Grand Final appearances of the early 1990s in that they kept on coming up against sides who had their own defeat-based motivations for winning. Geelong's attempt in 1992 to redeem their 1989 defeat was stymied by West Coast, seeking salvation for their own defeat the year before. The Cats of 1994 had the responsibility for gaining revenge for the '92 defeat, as well as '89, but got flogged. Fronting up the next year carrying the combined weight of the '89, '92 and '94 losses, the Pivotonians were never a chance against a Blues team wanting to make amends for their '93 defeat against Essendon (who'd gone down in '90). The Cats were soundly thumped again and slunk off into a corner to lick their wounds for the next decade. Until this season, when they're back at the right end of the ladder again and seemingly heading inexorably towards the Big Match. The way it's looking, though, their opponents could well be their old '90s bugbear the West Coast Eagles...I'm sure there'd be more than a few nervous Geelong people if that does end up being the Grand Final match-up.
But if Geelong folk have had their fair share of Grand Final disappointment spare a thought for those in the Black and White army. Contrary to popular opinion, there are some quite ordinary and decent citizens who happen to follow the Collingwood Football Club. My brother-in-law is one, my ex-boss in Cairo another (despite his unfortunate penchant for sporting the kind of garish ties that even flamboyant former Minister for Immigration Al Grassby would have rejected on sight as being "a bit lairy"). But the stereotypical image of Magpies fans- bitter, twisted, one-eyed, arrogant when winning, churlish when losing, insufferable in either case- is largely accurate from my experience. My late unlamented co-habitor Surly the Slightly Unsociable Housemate was one such case; the kind of character, as Rowan Atkinson once archly observed, one emigrates to avoid. But, like snarling malcontents on dismal English council estates, Collingwood people cannot be held completely responsible for their objectionable personalities. Consider, if you will, the childhood of a hypothetical Magpie supporter conceived at half-time of the 1970 Grand Final (I'm sure there were at least a couple!) by parents who had suffered through the narrow defeats of '64 and '66 and who were sure that a 44 point buffer at the long break would surely be enough to declare the premiership drought over. Two quarters later, the post-coital glow had well and truly faded as a handball-inspired revolution had swept Carlton past their shell-shocked opponents and onto the premiership dais in one of the most famous matches in history. Deep inside the womb the barely fertilised fetus was overwhelmed by a sense of sour disappointment, a feeling that would become all too familiar over the years to come. Growing up, the young 'Pie would have endured the club's first ever wooden spoon ('76); the dizziness of bouncing back the following season and making the Grand Final, only to draw it and then lose the replay; the heartbreak of losing to Carlton again in '79 by five points; the thrill of making the Grand Final from fifth place in '80 only to cop an 81 point hiding; and then the shattering experience of losing to Carlton again in '81. That's a lot to cop for an 11 year old. By the time the Magpies made the breakthrough in '90 and finally won a flag, our hypothetical fan was already 20 and his regulation issue Collingwood personality set in stone.
No doubt the unthinkable pleasures unleashed by seeing his team actually perform on Grand Final led to a repeat performance of siring a son and heir, although given the entertainment provided by the half-time brawl romantic interaction was probably delayed until after the fulltime siren had actually sounded. This latest addition to the Carringbush Clan would have grown up with the Magpies at the wrong end of the ladder, taking their second wooden spoon in '99. However by the time junior reached high school in '02 the Pies were back in the Grand Final action against Brisbane- they lost, but gallantly. When the two sides met again 12 months later the Collingwood army was salivating in anticipation of sweet revenge...but it all went horribly wrong. I've mentioned the '03 Grand Final before in the Wrap as it is one of the most remarkable matches you'll ever see- Collingwood looked like the Washington Generals playing the Harlem Globetrotters. It wouldn't have surprised at all if Brisbane skipper Michael Voss had pulled out a stepladder and taken a speccie over some hapless defender before spinning the ball on his finger and doing an overhead kick through the sticks. The most iconic moment of the game came when Pies defender Rhys Shaw attempted to run the ball out of defence but inexplicably dropped the ball at the feet of Lion Alistair Lynch, who nonchalantly picked it up and booted it through. Game over. Another Grand Final lost, another shattering experience for Magpies fans of all ages. And the most amazing thing about the match was the fact that the same two sides had met two weeks previously and Collingwood had won easily. It must have been deja vu all over again for Pies fans on the weekend because they again went in to play Brisbane at the MCG as firm favourites and got absolutely belted by 90-odd points. After looking good for a top two finish only a month ago Collingwood are now staring down the barrel of missing the finals altogether. Still, sooner or later Collingwood will be in the Grand Final again and either win it or look as though they might, and a whole new generation of Magpies will be conceived to endure their own September disappointments. That's how the black and white cycle of life goes.
It was a weekend of shellackings all round, the Bulldogs copped their second straight Friday night hiding and tumbled out of the eight courtesy of their mangled percentage. This time the frighteningly resurgent Eagles were the instigators in a match marred by the ridiculous decision to allow West Coast to wear their royal blue away jumpers against a team with a royal blue home jumper. Which colour-blind idiot approved that one? How hard is it to make sure that the two teams are wearing distinguishable uniforms? Port Adelaide likewise beat up on the hapless Demons, putting a dent in caretaker Mark Riley's chances of retaining his position at Melbourne. His fellow caretaker Mark Harvey (at Fremantle) also suffered a big loss at the hands of rampant Geelong, Cats fans were no doubt relieved that the resignation of Number 1 fan Steve Bracks as Premier of Victoria did not jinx the side. Bracks' resignation, incidentally, got about a quarter of the press of Kevin Sheedy's sacking, Victorians have their priorities right! Sydney took the points without breaking a sweat against the continually dismal Richmond.
There were a few close ones too- the Bombers won for Kevin Sheedy, as we had all hoped they would. Adelaide, wearing red jumpers for some unapparent reason, were the fall guys and are now a game behind the pace although they do have a very good percentage. Carlton were much improved under caretaker Brett Ratten but the Saints had enough in reserve to take the four points. And Hawthorn's Fortress Launceston was breached by the massively surprising Carrararoos, who are responsible for widespread indigestion amongst many a tipster forced to eat his or her hat.
God that's a long post! Hope some of that made sense. Another weekend looms, and it is fair to say that the 2007 finals series is well under way already with a number of games being absolute must-wins. The battle to take part in the September action is one of the closest in years and August promises to be a belter of a month. Hope your team's a winner (unless you're a Magpie fan, for whom suffering is good for the soul), see you back here for Round 18.
05 July 2007
Round Thirteen: The Big Occasions
Although every home and away match is important, three or four times a year every club encounters the Big Occasion match. Often the occasion is a milestone match for a club favourite (case in point St Kilda's unlikely win over West Coast in Rob Harvey's 350th), sometimes it's a regular fixture like Anzac Day for Collingwood and Essendon or the Western Derby (which rhymes with Barbie or Herbie depending on your level of education)/ Showdown match for the Perth/Adelaide interlopers, and sometimes it's the result of something else entirely. One of the most memorable Big Occasion matches in recent years was Jason McCartney's return to AFL football after suffering horrendous injuries in the Bali Bombing, an unforgettably moving night for those who witnessed it. North rose to the occasion on that night, taking the four points over Richmond. The Roos were involved in a Big Occasion match of another kind around the same time when former captain and club champion Wayne Carey played his first game against them (for the Crows) after being drummed out of the club for cuckolding his vice-captain/best mate's wife. This time, despite no shortage of motivational material, the Roos were unable to get up and score a win (unlike Carey, who by all accounts had no problems either with getting it up or with scoring). So while teams generally do lift for the Big Occasion match, victory is by no means guaranteed.
Round Thirteen was significant in that there were no less than three Big Occasion matches, all for very different reasons. The Roos were yet again involved- their club legend, Norm Smith Medallist and Shinboner of the Century Glenn Archer was playing his 300th match against the Dogs, only the second Roo to achieve the 300 game milestone. Melbourne were farewelling their long-serving coach Neale Daniher after ten years and a Grand Final appearance against Essendon in 2000, ironically the team they were playing in Round 13 (and of course Daniher's former club). And all eyes were on the Collingwood-Hawthorn game, in particular on Magpie Alan Didak. Didak, as alluded to in last week's Wrap, had a fortnight earlier engaged in a big night out with the man who allegedly went on to become the CBD murderer, a night in which shots had been fired at police. How would Didak respond to the widespread public criticism of him for failing to report the eventful evening to the proper authorities, therefore potentially preventing the CBD triple shooting and the death of an innocent Melbourne solicitor?
The Round kicked off with the Dees-Dons game, and in the first quarter Melbourne failed dismally to raise to the moment as the Bombers ran rampant. However Daniher's last ever quarter time speech obviously inspired the Demons, as they fought back courageously to put themselves right back in the match. His last ever half-time and three quarter time speeches were obviously absolute belters as the Demons played all over Essendon and with only a minute or two to go were 17 points up and seemingly destined to send Daniher out on a high note. Unfortunately the Bombers hadn't read the script and put through a couple of late goals, including a Scott Lucas effort with 5 seconds on the clock, to take the match by just 2 points. Unbelievable. Essendon are doing their upmost to give their supporters heart attacks this season, their last four wins have been by 8 points (including a goal after the siren), 1 point, 1 point and now 2 points. Last year they would have lost all four. Go Dons!
Unlike Melbourne, the Carrararoos had no difficulty whatsoever in ensuring that Glenn Archer's 300th game was one to savour and never looked like going down to the Dogs. Roos forward Drew Petrie opened like a man possessed, kicking six first quarter goals before the shell-shocked Dogs were able to close him down. The only dampener on the match for North was that they were only able to get 39,000 to the match, another nail in the coffin of their chances of staying longterm in Melbourne. The poor crowd size made a mockery of the AFL's idiotic decision not to switch the game from the MCG to the Telstra Dome, where 50,000 odd Hawks and Magpies supporters squeezed in to see the match of the round (thousands more were unable to get in and watched it on TV- not Channel 7 of course). Didak, who was roundly booed every time he went near the ball, was unable to have any real effect for the Magpies and it was Hawthorn who took the points and were sitting pretty in the top two at the end of the round. Collingwood's hypocritical disciplinary policy has come in for a lot of stick over the past two seasons- important players like Tarrant (now departed), Johnson and Didak can seemingly commit regicide and remain in the team, whereas lesser lights cop suspensions for offences as pissweak as leaving the team hotel without permission for a walk around the block after an interstate win. Will be interesting to see whether this policy, which must surely be completely disastrous for team spirit and morale, is reviewed at the end of the season if the Pies fail in the finals again.
At the top of the table Geelong continued on its merry way with a straightforward home victory over Sydney, although a late Swans charge probably caused a heart flutter or two among the Swans faithful. The loss probably makes it impossible for Sydney to get a top four position, although only a fool would write them off just yet. Sydney are now level on points with pre-season premiership favourites Freo, who belted Carlton at Subiaco. Another player who has featured prominently in banner headlines for off-field incidents, publicans' scourge Brendan Fevola, may well have played his last match for the Blues after a petulant and ill-tempered display led to him receiving a one week ban from the club with the instruction to "go away and think about it". No doubt the club hopes that Fev is taking a good hard look at himself, will hopefully come back prepared to do the hard yards, straighten up and fly right and all the rest of that crap. But they'll probably just end up trading him to Fremantle.
Elsewhere the Eagles continued their recent dominance over the Crows by taking the points in Adelaide, ending a two game losing streak and keeping in touch with the top two in the process. Port ended Brisbane's chances of an unlikely finals appearance at the Gabba, although they had to withstand a mighty last quarter onslaught from the Lions to do so, and St Kilda kept their 2007 hopes alive by edging out the wooden spoon favourites Richmond.
The round approaching promises more in the way of Big Occasions- James Hird is due to play his 250th, Adam Ramanauskas is making a comeback from cancer that rivals McCartney's for pure courage and guts, while Ben Cousins will also return from his much publicised absence from the game in coming weeks if not this one. Can their teams lift to meet the expectations generated by the buzz? How will their opponents react? Find out back here next week when we discuss Round 14.
Round Thirteen was significant in that there were no less than three Big Occasion matches, all for very different reasons. The Roos were yet again involved- their club legend, Norm Smith Medallist and Shinboner of the Century Glenn Archer was playing his 300th match against the Dogs, only the second Roo to achieve the 300 game milestone. Melbourne were farewelling their long-serving coach Neale Daniher after ten years and a Grand Final appearance against Essendon in 2000, ironically the team they were playing in Round 13 (and of course Daniher's former club). And all eyes were on the Collingwood-Hawthorn game, in particular on Magpie Alan Didak. Didak, as alluded to in last week's Wrap, had a fortnight earlier engaged in a big night out with the man who allegedly went on to become the CBD murderer, a night in which shots had been fired at police. How would Didak respond to the widespread public criticism of him for failing to report the eventful evening to the proper authorities, therefore potentially preventing the CBD triple shooting and the death of an innocent Melbourne solicitor?
The Round kicked off with the Dees-Dons game, and in the first quarter Melbourne failed dismally to raise to the moment as the Bombers ran rampant. However Daniher's last ever quarter time speech obviously inspired the Demons, as they fought back courageously to put themselves right back in the match. His last ever half-time and three quarter time speeches were obviously absolute belters as the Demons played all over Essendon and with only a minute or two to go were 17 points up and seemingly destined to send Daniher out on a high note. Unfortunately the Bombers hadn't read the script and put through a couple of late goals, including a Scott Lucas effort with 5 seconds on the clock, to take the match by just 2 points. Unbelievable. Essendon are doing their upmost to give their supporters heart attacks this season, their last four wins have been by 8 points (including a goal after the siren), 1 point, 1 point and now 2 points. Last year they would have lost all four. Go Dons!
Unlike Melbourne, the Carrararoos had no difficulty whatsoever in ensuring that Glenn Archer's 300th game was one to savour and never looked like going down to the Dogs. Roos forward Drew Petrie opened like a man possessed, kicking six first quarter goals before the shell-shocked Dogs were able to close him down. The only dampener on the match for North was that they were only able to get 39,000 to the match, another nail in the coffin of their chances of staying longterm in Melbourne. The poor crowd size made a mockery of the AFL's idiotic decision not to switch the game from the MCG to the Telstra Dome, where 50,000 odd Hawks and Magpies supporters squeezed in to see the match of the round (thousands more were unable to get in and watched it on TV- not Channel 7 of course). Didak, who was roundly booed every time he went near the ball, was unable to have any real effect for the Magpies and it was Hawthorn who took the points and were sitting pretty in the top two at the end of the round. Collingwood's hypocritical disciplinary policy has come in for a lot of stick over the past two seasons- important players like Tarrant (now departed), Johnson and Didak can seemingly commit regicide and remain in the team, whereas lesser lights cop suspensions for offences as pissweak as leaving the team hotel without permission for a walk around the block after an interstate win. Will be interesting to see whether this policy, which must surely be completely disastrous for team spirit and morale, is reviewed at the end of the season if the Pies fail in the finals again.
At the top of the table Geelong continued on its merry way with a straightforward home victory over Sydney, although a late Swans charge probably caused a heart flutter or two among the Swans faithful. The loss probably makes it impossible for Sydney to get a top four position, although only a fool would write them off just yet. Sydney are now level on points with pre-season premiership favourites Freo, who belted Carlton at Subiaco. Another player who has featured prominently in banner headlines for off-field incidents, publicans' scourge Brendan Fevola, may well have played his last match for the Blues after a petulant and ill-tempered display led to him receiving a one week ban from the club with the instruction to "go away and think about it". No doubt the club hopes that Fev is taking a good hard look at himself, will hopefully come back prepared to do the hard yards, straighten up and fly right and all the rest of that crap. But they'll probably just end up trading him to Fremantle.
Elsewhere the Eagles continued their recent dominance over the Crows by taking the points in Adelaide, ending a two game losing streak and keeping in touch with the top two in the process. Port ended Brisbane's chances of an unlikely finals appearance at the Gabba, although they had to withstand a mighty last quarter onslaught from the Lions to do so, and St Kilda kept their 2007 hopes alive by edging out the wooden spoon favourites Richmond.
The round approaching promises more in the way of Big Occasions- James Hird is due to play his 250th, Adam Ramanauskas is making a comeback from cancer that rivals McCartney's for pure courage and guts, while Ben Cousins will also return from his much publicised absence from the game in coming weeks if not this one. Can their teams lift to meet the expectations generated by the buzz? How will their opponents react? Find out back here next week when we discuss Round 14.
14 June 2007
Round Eleven: To Cranbourne! And don't forget the pie-warmer!
Australian Rules Football at its best ie. when teams aren't flooding or winding down the clock with fifteen minutes still to play, is a highly entertaining game to watch. Many an effusive paragraph has been dedicated to the joy produced by a Hird sleight of hand, a Judd acceleration, a Brown feat of strength or a Davis piece of magic. But at least as many paragraphs have been devoted to the often hilarious off-field wheelings and dealings in the backrooms of the clubs, particularly when the club is struggling on the field. Victorian clubs have a bit of a lead on the interstaters in this regard, in part because of their longer history and in part because of their recent on-field mediocrity. All of the Vic clubs, big and small, have their occasional moments of off-field tension- Essendon, for example, frets every decade or so on whether to replace Kevin Sheedy as coach; Collingwood stresses over whether to wear a black jumper with white stripes or a white jumper with black stripes. The Club Once Known as North Melbourne bickers over whether t'is better to sail forth as the Canberroos or the Carrarraroos or simply to follow Fitzroy's path into Melbourne-based oblivion. So all clubs have their occasional moments of off-field instability. But some have turned boardroom bickering into a genuine art-form, providing endless entertainment for the football community and much schadenfraudic glee for supporters of opposing sides (all very conscious that it will be their side's turn in a fortnight or so). Richmond of course have been a basket case both on and off the field since 1983. Melbourne have periodically threatened to implode for decades. In recent years the off-field shenanigans at Carlton have contributed to the Blues' dismal showings. But the king of the calamitous headlines, without a shadow of a doubt, is everyone's second favourite team- St Kilda.
The AFL would be a far lesser competition without the Saints. They have produced some of the best players the league has seen- Baldock, Harvey, Barker, Stewart, Lockett for example. Generously, for some reason they have always been happy to pass on their talent to other clubs- Stewart and Lockett both found greater riches and success elsewhere, as have Hall and Everitt more recently. Team success though has been noticably lacking for the Sainters, with only the 1966 one point epic over Collingwood to show for over a hundred seasons in the VFL/AFL ( I don't count victories in the Let's Throw the Victorian Clubs a Bone Pre-Season Cup Proudly Brought to You by This Year's Sponsor With a Loud and Annoying Ad). Supporters of opposing teams have appreciated the Saints for their seeming unfailing and cheerful willingness to save other clubs embarrassment by taking home the wooden spoon on such a regular basis. The Saints can cope with failure. Any small sniff of success though has the effect of sending them into a panic, causing them to make absolutely bizarre and nonsensical decisions. Consider, if you will, the recent evidence.
In the early 1990s Ken Sheldon got the Saints into the finals for the first time in decades. When they briefly dipped out again he was promptly sacked and replaced by Stan Alves. Alves delivered a victory in the aforementioned preseason competition in '96 and followed it up the following year with a once in a blue moon actual Grand Final appearance. The Saints went down on the day, due in no small part to the absence of their best ruckman Everitt through injury, but made the finals again the following year. Inconceivably, Alves was sacked. In his wisdom then-President Andrew Plympton plumped (plymped?) for ex-Dons legend Tim Watson, untried as a coach but proven as a Seven Network media performer. Many argued that this was an unwise course of action. Many were proven absolutely correct as Timmy guided the Saints to a wooden spoon within two years and wisely headed straight back to the Seven Network. Plympton too departed, new President Rod Butterss taking the far more conservative coaching option of a proven performer- dual premiership coach Malcolm Blight for a cool $1 million. Fifteen games later, Blight was sacked. Does anyone have a calculator handy? Nice work if you can get it. Little known coaching assistant (and good mate of Butterss) Grant Thomas took over for the rest of the season. An exhaustive coaching review at the end of the 2001 scanned the credentials of all possible candidates and settled on...Grant Thomas. Thomas followed a cunning plan of settling for low finishes in the next two seasons (and trading established players such as Everitt and Hall) in return for high draft picks and by 2004 had a team which couldn't possibly fail to win a flag in either that year or the next. Except they could, failing to make it past the preliminary finals in either season due in part to a cripplingly long injury list. When in 2006 the Saints dipped out in the first week of the finals Butterss, who had long fallen out with Thomas, showed him the door and appointed Ross Lyon instead.
During his time at the Saints Thomas had not only taken on the traditional coaching duties but had also usurped a plethora of other responsibilities eg. negotiating individual player contracts, fixing the pie-warmer in the social club etc. His departure then left a gaping hole which, according to Butterss at least, Thomas felt an obligation to fill by calling his ex-players and inviting them down to his local for a quiet beer and a chat over issues like player contracts, the working state of the social club pie-warmer etc. Thomas denied these allegations, but Butterss ordered him away from St Kilda, while simultaneously threatening to move the club away from its longstanding home at Moorabbin to of all places Cranbourne (perhaps on the basis that Cranbourne is a long way from Thomas' local). This farce has played out in the Melbourne press for the last few weeks, enraging Saints supporter and "comedian" Steve Bedwell (he cracks funnies on the godawful Fox FM station so the inverted commas on the word comedian are no mistake) who threatened a putsch against Butterss which at this stage has yet to occur. What chance do the players have on concentrating on footy with all this going on (and their injury list now heading out the soon-to-be-vacated-maybe Moorabbin door)? None whatsoever, and they duly went down on the weekend to the Carrarraroos.
The match of the round was undoubtedly the Friday night clash between the Bombers and the Eagles. Ten minutes into the match the Eagles were several goals up and the Bombers had about three touches between them (all clangers). It looked like being an absolute slaughter, and prompted me to switch over to the rugby league fixture where a mighty crowd of less than 5000 were sitting in the rain at Stadium Australia. Ten minutes of watching people sliding through the mud was enough and I switched back over to discover that the Dons had finally gotten it together to score at least a couple of goals, perhaps a respectable loss was on the cards. Three quarters later and I, like the full Red and Black army present at the Telstra Dome, was on the edge of my seat as the clock ticked down with the Bombers up by the narrowest of margins. The place erupted as the siren sounded with Essendon up by just one point for the second week in a row, again defeating one of last year's Grand Finalists. The old guard of Fletcher, Lucas and Hird were superb, it was a hell of a good win. And my apologies to my neighbours, who for the second weekend in a row copped a repeated late night slurred and bellowed version of "See the Bombers Go Up".
After such a stirring and high quality game high hopes were held for the clash between the highflying Hawks and the determined Swans, but this was a bit of a scrappy affair. The main interest in the game was in the seemingly ubiquitous Peter Everitt- the one-time Saint was making his first appearance as a Swan against his old team the Hawks. Everitt copped the mother of all bakes from bitter columnist Robert Walls in the Age newspaper on the morning of the match but had the last laugh as the Swans took the four points. Another prodigal son, Jason Akermanis, was also smiling at the end of his first trip back to the Gabba as the Western Bulldogs were able to overcome a couple of serious injuries to key players to defeat struggling Brisbane. And one-time ladder leader Port's season is on the skids at the moment, Carlton easily accounting for them to leap frog the Saints into 13th spot.
Over in the west Richmond's misery continued as on-again off-again Freo kept their season alive with a comfortable victory. Geelong leapt into top spot and outright premiership favouritism with a gutsy interstate win over the Crows. And Collingwood missed a golden opportunity to shore up a spot in the four by going down to lowly Melbourne once again in the Queen's Birthday weekend encounter at the 'G.
So with half the season gone it has become very evident that this is the most even season for some time. Only Richmond and Melbourne are out of the running, only Geelong and West Coast are secure of a finals spot. Twelve teams are still fighting it out for six places, and spots in the top four would seem to be a very precious commodity. Unbelievably at this point in the season one of those spots is occupied by Essendon! Kevin Sheedy is safe for another three years. Of course if he'd produced this result at St Kilda he'd no doubt be sacked immediately and replaced by Steve Bedwell.
The second half of the season will no doubt be every bit as eventful as the first, see you back here next week for Round 12.
The AFL would be a far lesser competition without the Saints. They have produced some of the best players the league has seen- Baldock, Harvey, Barker, Stewart, Lockett for example. Generously, for some reason they have always been happy to pass on their talent to other clubs- Stewart and Lockett both found greater riches and success elsewhere, as have Hall and Everitt more recently. Team success though has been noticably lacking for the Sainters, with only the 1966 one point epic over Collingwood to show for over a hundred seasons in the VFL/AFL ( I don't count victories in the Let's Throw the Victorian Clubs a Bone Pre-Season Cup Proudly Brought to You by This Year's Sponsor With a Loud and Annoying Ad). Supporters of opposing teams have appreciated the Saints for their seeming unfailing and cheerful willingness to save other clubs embarrassment by taking home the wooden spoon on such a regular basis. The Saints can cope with failure. Any small sniff of success though has the effect of sending them into a panic, causing them to make absolutely bizarre and nonsensical decisions. Consider, if you will, the recent evidence.
In the early 1990s Ken Sheldon got the Saints into the finals for the first time in decades. When they briefly dipped out again he was promptly sacked and replaced by Stan Alves. Alves delivered a victory in the aforementioned preseason competition in '96 and followed it up the following year with a once in a blue moon actual Grand Final appearance. The Saints went down on the day, due in no small part to the absence of their best ruckman Everitt through injury, but made the finals again the following year. Inconceivably, Alves was sacked. In his wisdom then-President Andrew Plympton plumped (plymped?) for ex-Dons legend Tim Watson, untried as a coach but proven as a Seven Network media performer. Many argued that this was an unwise course of action. Many were proven absolutely correct as Timmy guided the Saints to a wooden spoon within two years and wisely headed straight back to the Seven Network. Plympton too departed, new President Rod Butterss taking the far more conservative coaching option of a proven performer- dual premiership coach Malcolm Blight for a cool $1 million. Fifteen games later, Blight was sacked. Does anyone have a calculator handy? Nice work if you can get it. Little known coaching assistant (and good mate of Butterss) Grant Thomas took over for the rest of the season. An exhaustive coaching review at the end of the 2001 scanned the credentials of all possible candidates and settled on...Grant Thomas. Thomas followed a cunning plan of settling for low finishes in the next two seasons (and trading established players such as Everitt and Hall) in return for high draft picks and by 2004 had a team which couldn't possibly fail to win a flag in either that year or the next. Except they could, failing to make it past the preliminary finals in either season due in part to a cripplingly long injury list. When in 2006 the Saints dipped out in the first week of the finals Butterss, who had long fallen out with Thomas, showed him the door and appointed Ross Lyon instead.
During his time at the Saints Thomas had not only taken on the traditional coaching duties but had also usurped a plethora of other responsibilities eg. negotiating individual player contracts, fixing the pie-warmer in the social club etc. His departure then left a gaping hole which, according to Butterss at least, Thomas felt an obligation to fill by calling his ex-players and inviting them down to his local for a quiet beer and a chat over issues like player contracts, the working state of the social club pie-warmer etc. Thomas denied these allegations, but Butterss ordered him away from St Kilda, while simultaneously threatening to move the club away from its longstanding home at Moorabbin to of all places Cranbourne (perhaps on the basis that Cranbourne is a long way from Thomas' local). This farce has played out in the Melbourne press for the last few weeks, enraging Saints supporter and "comedian" Steve Bedwell (he cracks funnies on the godawful Fox FM station so the inverted commas on the word comedian are no mistake) who threatened a putsch against Butterss which at this stage has yet to occur. What chance do the players have on concentrating on footy with all this going on (and their injury list now heading out the soon-to-be-vacated-maybe Moorabbin door)? None whatsoever, and they duly went down on the weekend to the Carrarraroos.
The match of the round was undoubtedly the Friday night clash between the Bombers and the Eagles. Ten minutes into the match the Eagles were several goals up and the Bombers had about three touches between them (all clangers). It looked like being an absolute slaughter, and prompted me to switch over to the rugby league fixture where a mighty crowd of less than 5000 were sitting in the rain at Stadium Australia. Ten minutes of watching people sliding through the mud was enough and I switched back over to discover that the Dons had finally gotten it together to score at least a couple of goals, perhaps a respectable loss was on the cards. Three quarters later and I, like the full Red and Black army present at the Telstra Dome, was on the edge of my seat as the clock ticked down with the Bombers up by the narrowest of margins. The place erupted as the siren sounded with Essendon up by just one point for the second week in a row, again defeating one of last year's Grand Finalists. The old guard of Fletcher, Lucas and Hird were superb, it was a hell of a good win. And my apologies to my neighbours, who for the second weekend in a row copped a repeated late night slurred and bellowed version of "See the Bombers Go Up".
After such a stirring and high quality game high hopes were held for the clash between the highflying Hawks and the determined Swans, but this was a bit of a scrappy affair. The main interest in the game was in the seemingly ubiquitous Peter Everitt- the one-time Saint was making his first appearance as a Swan against his old team the Hawks. Everitt copped the mother of all bakes from bitter columnist Robert Walls in the Age newspaper on the morning of the match but had the last laugh as the Swans took the four points. Another prodigal son, Jason Akermanis, was also smiling at the end of his first trip back to the Gabba as the Western Bulldogs were able to overcome a couple of serious injuries to key players to defeat struggling Brisbane. And one-time ladder leader Port's season is on the skids at the moment, Carlton easily accounting for them to leap frog the Saints into 13th spot.
Over in the west Richmond's misery continued as on-again off-again Freo kept their season alive with a comfortable victory. Geelong leapt into top spot and outright premiership favouritism with a gutsy interstate win over the Crows. And Collingwood missed a golden opportunity to shore up a spot in the four by going down to lowly Melbourne once again in the Queen's Birthday weekend encounter at the 'G.
So with half the season gone it has become very evident that this is the most even season for some time. Only Richmond and Melbourne are out of the running, only Geelong and West Coast are secure of a finals spot. Twelve teams are still fighting it out for six places, and spots in the top four would seem to be a very precious commodity. Unbelievably at this point in the season one of those spots is occupied by Essendon! Kevin Sheedy is safe for another three years. Of course if he'd produced this result at St Kilda he'd no doubt be sacked immediately and replaced by Steve Bedwell.
The second half of the season will no doubt be every bit as eventful as the first, see you back here next week for Round 12.
29 March 2007
Round 1: An Actual Round of Football
To the consternation of tens of thousands, the most interesting preseason in the history of the AFL was rudely interrupted over the weekend by the playing of an actual round of football. Those eagerly opening their newspapers agog to find out which one of the cavalcade of misbehaving West Coast Eagles would today be the one running away from the media with a jumper over his head uttering a muffled "no comment!" before being whisked away in a fast car driven by a grim-faced club official were instead aghast to find themselves reading match reports dealing overwhelmingly with kicks, marks and handballs. Nary a drug reference in sight! Blues fans tuning in for the latest installment of "Buffoonery in Blue: Road to the Carlton Captaincy" were shattered to find out little to nothing about the ongoing battle between Lance Whitnall's hilariously dysfunctional family relations. Nor indeed about the off-field antics of his erstwhile challenger for the top job down at the ground now somewhat curiously known as MC Labour Stadium (MC Labour apparently some deservedly forgotten leftist DJ of the early 1990s, possibly based at the John Curtin Hotel down in Lygon St) Brendan Fevola- Australia's finest Ambassador, at least to one headlocked Galway publican. Even the Collingwood FC division of the County Court took a break for the weekend (although normal service will no doubt resume shortly). The AFL commissioners must have been holding their breath- would a mere 8 games of footy be enough to satisfy a public spoiled by such a jaw-dropping off-season? Happily, the answer appears to be yes.
Round 1 turned out to be a great weekend for the cellar-dwellers of 2006. The aforementioned Blues proved that their stirring victory in the pre-season "Let's Throw the Victorian Clubs a Bone Cup", proudly brought to you by This Year's Minor Sponsor, was no fluke as they overcame the long-suffering Tigers. Over in the City of Churches the Dons stunned the Crows with a staggering 169 point turn-around from the corresponding feature of the previous year. And Fremantle, widely tipped to win the flag this year, fell short at home to lowly Port Adelaide, widely tipped to do bugger all in 2007.
Other games went more or less according to expectations. Brisbane was too good at home against Hawthorn. The Western Bulldogs showed that the buzz around their team is very much justified as they got up against Geelong, providing more misery for Bomber Thompson (I'm tipping him to go in Round 16). The Saints gave new coach Ross Lyon a win on debut in the season opener against Melbourne. And Collingwood made heavy weather of their encounter against the team once upon a time known as North Melbourne, more recently known as the Canberroos, now trading as the Carrararoos, but got up anyway.
But all eyes were in Sydney for the Grand Final replay and the latest installment of one of the best rivalries the game has known for...well, for ever really. The best thing about the rivalry between the Swans and Eagles is that it has developed purely on the back of a string of classic encounters on the football field. It isn't an AFL-manufactured rivalry based on ancient history (Carlton vs. Collingwood; Carlton vs. Richmond; Collingwood vs. Melbourne), or geographic coincidence (West Coast vs. Fremantle; Port vs. the Crows; Essendon vs. Western Bulldogs?!). The Swans and Eagles at the moment are writing their own bilateral history which no doubt the AFL will exploit for the next three decades, long after the cycle has moved on and both sides are cellar-dwellers once more.
The game itself unbelievably produced the exact same result as the Grand Final- a 1 point Eagles win. Who on earth could have tipped that? Full credit to the Eagles for overcoming the worst off-season possible to pull this one off. Bring on the rematch in Round 16.
So the footy is back, and this can only be a good thing. The Ashes were tedious, the one-day series and the NZ tour pointless, the World Cup depressing, and the swimming irrelevant. We needed footy. No doubt this season many more negative headlines will be generated similar to those which have swamped the media over summer, but as long as there's a close one on somewhere the game itself will still pack them in. Here's looking forward to Round 2.
Round 1 turned out to be a great weekend for the cellar-dwellers of 2006. The aforementioned Blues proved that their stirring victory in the pre-season "Let's Throw the Victorian Clubs a Bone Cup", proudly brought to you by This Year's Minor Sponsor, was no fluke as they overcame the long-suffering Tigers. Over in the City of Churches the Dons stunned the Crows with a staggering 169 point turn-around from the corresponding feature of the previous year. And Fremantle, widely tipped to win the flag this year, fell short at home to lowly Port Adelaide, widely tipped to do bugger all in 2007.
Other games went more or less according to expectations. Brisbane was too good at home against Hawthorn. The Western Bulldogs showed that the buzz around their team is very much justified as they got up against Geelong, providing more misery for Bomber Thompson (I'm tipping him to go in Round 16). The Saints gave new coach Ross Lyon a win on debut in the season opener against Melbourne. And Collingwood made heavy weather of their encounter against the team once upon a time known as North Melbourne, more recently known as the Canberroos, now trading as the Carrararoos, but got up anyway.
But all eyes were in Sydney for the Grand Final replay and the latest installment of one of the best rivalries the game has known for...well, for ever really. The best thing about the rivalry between the Swans and Eagles is that it has developed purely on the back of a string of classic encounters on the football field. It isn't an AFL-manufactured rivalry based on ancient history (Carlton vs. Collingwood; Carlton vs. Richmond; Collingwood vs. Melbourne), or geographic coincidence (West Coast vs. Fremantle; Port vs. the Crows; Essendon vs. Western Bulldogs?!). The Swans and Eagles at the moment are writing their own bilateral history which no doubt the AFL will exploit for the next three decades, long after the cycle has moved on and both sides are cellar-dwellers once more.
The game itself unbelievably produced the exact same result as the Grand Final- a 1 point Eagles win. Who on earth could have tipped that? Full credit to the Eagles for overcoming the worst off-season possible to pull this one off. Bring on the rematch in Round 16.
So the footy is back, and this can only be a good thing. The Ashes were tedious, the one-day series and the NZ tour pointless, the World Cup depressing, and the swimming irrelevant. We needed footy. No doubt this season many more negative headlines will be generated similar to those which have swamped the media over summer, but as long as there's a close one on somewhere the game itself will still pack them in. Here's looking forward to Round 2.
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