Spent the weekend in Melbourne- twenty-five degrees on both days! Not at all the Melbourne winter climate that I remember from days of yore. Is global warming really such a bad thing? The jury remains out. The reason for my trip down to Civilisation City was two-fold; to meet my delightful new niece (first impressions: small, pink and sleepy) and to catch up with the remainder of the clan; and to attend the final Victorian appearance in Essendon colours of legendary Bombers Kevin Sheedy and James Hird. More on that later. Returning to Melbourne provided me with a timely reminder that the Victorian media is absolutely obsessed with all things footy- if hordes of Shaun of the Dead-style zombies were marching down Spring Street biting chunks of flesh out of random bystanders, the Herald Sun headline would probably read, "The Living Dead Arrive in Melbourne: Port Adelaide Fans in Town Early for Finals?". Well, perhaps not. But there is certainly more football coverage here than in the non-traditional football state or territory where I currently reside, and this weekend the ravenous mob of journos had a huge story to get their teeth into. Once more the evil spectre of drugs raised its ugly head after Channel Seven breathlessly announced that they had come into the possession of confidential medical records of two players, which clearly indicated that the players concerned had taken illicit drugs. Channel Seven had obtained the records, it later emerged, by paying a woman $3000. The woman had apparently found the records in the gutter outside a medical clinic, and had touted them for sale to the media in order "to help the players". And if you believe that, there's a bridge for sale in Brooklyn at a crazy, crazy price! The AFL players' union was so disgusted by the actions of Channel Seven they instituted a media ban on the Channel which this column is happy to support. From now on I will not be speaking to any Channel Seven personality, particularly John Jarret from Better Homes and Gardens- not because of anything to do with the drugs business but because his performance in Wolf Creek has removed any chance of me driving in the outback ever, under any circumstances. And I won't be having him anywhere near my home and/or garden either!
On the field it was a mixed round- some close encounters, some beltings; some teams' chances came to an end, others shot right back into contention. The Western Bulldogs' season effectively ended after a pitiful second half display against Hawthorn led to an 84 point belting. And it could have been far worse, Hawk Lance "Buddy" Franklin kicked the astounding total of 2 goals 11 behinds! Carlton suffered a similar margin of defeat against the Carrararoos as the Roos' favourite son Glenn Archer broke the club games record. Given that it is an open secret that the Blues have been tanking for months now Archer would no doubt have expected his side to take the points, but even he must have been surprised by just how generous Carlton was prepared to be in ensuring that his milestone match was one to remember. And Fremantle, bleeding from multiple stab, gun shot and javelin wounds, picked themselves up of the canvas and are somehow still an outside chance of playing finals in 2007 after beating the hapless Demons by ten goals.
As tipped in the wrap last week, Geelong were due for a loss and it duly arrived at the hands of Port Adelaide who got up with the last kick of the day. Hopefully the Cats won't go into a form slump now. Port are engaged in a dog fight for second place along with West Coast, who similarly sneaked home in their match against St Kilda. The Saints are one of three genuine contenders (plus Freo) for the eight and last finals spot. The other two are Adelaide and Brisbane who played each other in Round 21, the Crows prevailed. Sydney went down in their match against Collingwood but other results conspired to guarantee them a spot in the finals anyway. Collingwood, Hawthorn and the Roos are all still a chance for the final top four spot.
I don't think there's ever been a crowd of 88,500 (or thereabouts) for a game between two sides as ordinary as Richmond and Essendon and there probably won't be ever again. The reason we were all out in force at the ridiculous starting time of 5.10PM on a Sunday night was to pay tribute to legendary Bomber coach Kevin Sheedy and greatest living player James Hird, both appearing for the last time in Victoria. The crowd was there, the weather was great, the pre-game highlights were tremendous, it was all set up for a worthy finish for the Essendon champs. Unfortunately however Richmond, unlike Carlton in Archer's match, had failed to read the script and insisted on playing their best game for the season to take the points (although Essendon were quite frankly pathetic). A disappointing way to end for Sheedy and Hird, although the game was still worth attending for the post-siren laps of honour by the two celebratees (and Hird's kids) in front of a crowd estimated to be around 88,475 (and boo to the 25 people who left early!). Sheedy took off anti-clockwise, Hird clockwise, they met and embraced in front of the Olympic Stand. Magic moment. I had been a bit concerned that the tribute put on by the AFL and/or Essendon would be a bit saccharine or otherwise embarrassing, but this wasn't the case. It was great that the fans had the chance to show their appreciation for many a great memory provided in years past, even if the game we had all just sat through had been a stinker. The AFL has stuffed up the entertainment many a time previously, I'm sure we all remember with stunned horror the 1991 Grand Final halftime show featuring Angry Anderson in the Batmobile- if not, here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4M1ZEUiAEuw
So just one round to go in the home and away season, and the round ahead has some crackers. Port and West Coast both need a big win to sew up second place and home finals all the way, which is bad news for their opponents Freo and Essendon. Adelaide, St Kilda and Brisbane will be sweating on each others' results as they wait on the final spot in the eight. And with both Melbourne and Carlton needing to lose to ensure a preferable draft outcome, is the AFL set for its first ever scoreless draw? Find out back here next week.
30 August 2007
21 August 2007
Round Twenty: Fudging the Evidence
Just when you thought it was safe to go back onto Telstra Dome... Seven seasons ago, they struck without warning, leaving unsuspecting Bomber Mark Johnson in a bloodied heap and leading an infuriated Kevin Sheedy to call for his skeet rifle. They've bided their time since then, waiting patiently until another player was foolish enough to be caught alone in the middle of the field... and then, in a blur of claws and feathers, they attacked! The dreaded Telstra Dome seagulls strike again! This time the helpless victim was Docker Jeff Farmer, a man who is certainly no stranger to controversy, who was left sprawled across the pitch with his nose splayed across his face as the nearest opposition player jogged innocently away some distance from the scene. Amazingly, no TV camera caught the incident. If not the seagulls, then what else could have taken Farmer out? Did a piece of the Telstra Dome roof come loose, a la the set light at the start of The Truman Show? Was that security guard Farmer punched some weeks back sitting up in the stands with an air rifle? The AFL Tribunal chose not to believe any of these quite plausible scenarios, instead handing the nearest Saint Steven Baker a massive seven week suspension. Season over for Baker and the seagulls off scot-free, chuckling evilly away up in the rafters like John Jarrett in Wolf Creek. How long until they strike again?
Copping a massive sentence in the lead up to the finals is the latter-day equivalent of transportation for life, minus the rum, sodomy and lash (although what happens on the end of season footy tour stays on the end of season footy tour!). Another player copping a 19th century-style sentence was Magpie Ben Johnson, who is out for the season after he took out Demon Daniel Bell with a sickening hit reminiscent of Bomber legend Michael Long's astoundingly out of character assault on young then-Demon Troy "Snake" Simmonds in the 2000 Grand Final. The Johnson hit had the effect of firing up the previously sluggish Demons, who gave the out of form Magpies a real scare before Collingwood came away with the win. Melbourne were at least able to chair skipper and club games record holder David Neitz off with a bit more pride than they did Byron Pickett some weeks back after their woeful Manuka Oval display against Sydney. The bloke who really deserved a lengthy spell on the sidelines, however, appears to have gotten away like a Telstra Dome seagull- I'm referring to the appalling hit put on ex-Magpie and Roo Sav Rocca, now of the Philadelphia Eagles, by Antwan Barnes of the Baltimore Ravens- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6U6bMPpIIc -deliberate contact to the head of an unsuspecting player while the ball is miles from the scene, that should have been season over for Barnes right there. A Rocca Knocker Shocker, you might say.
Perhaps, however, the American NFL judiciary has a similarly skewed system of justice as our own AFL Tribunal. It would appear that the seemingly ubiquitous Rocca Family are to be the holders of the unwelcome title of Last Key Player to be Rubbed Out for the Grand Final Ever- Anthony Rocca's suspension for the 2003 Grand Final playing no small part in Collingwood's hilariously dire performance as previously documented on this site. The AFL's displeasure with such a one-sided decider would explain Lions gun Jonathan Brown getting off on a technicality in 2004 and, in the most risible slash glaringly transparent verdict of all time, Barry Hall being allowed to play in 2005. Hall escaped suspension after whacking Saint Matt Maguire in the stomach with the ball nowhere in sight after the tribunal ruled that the action, illegal and dirty as it was, was somehow related to the flow of play. Don't even try and find logic in that one. Hall was simply too important to the Swans for the AFL to allow him to be absent on the big day. This Untouchables policy would also seem to apply to players in genuine contention for the Brownlow Medal- the AFL wants no repeats of the Corey McKernan/ Chris Grant embarrassments of '96/'97. Earlier this year Eagles golden boy Chris Judd, then in scintillating form, found himself before the tribunal on the unsavoury charge of eye-gouging Hawk Campbell Brown. To universal delight Judd, who is seemingly the only player on the entire West Coast list whom a prospective father in law wouldn't greet at the front door with a shotgun, was cleared. Last week Brown admitted on one of the many TV footy shows to fudging his evidence to ensure Judd got off, and was promptly fined $7500 for providing unsatisfactory evidence! Now really. What happened to the long standing tradition of not dobbing another player in at the tribunal? Nobody ever gives accurate evidence! You can imagine the tribunal members sitting around like Captain Renault in Casablanca, saying with straight faces- "We're shocked! Shocked! To discover that there has been fibbing going on in here". Talk about an open and shut case- the only bust in history that would have been easier would have been that cop who did Willy Nelson for marijuana possession some months back- incidentally, how come Cheech and Chong never got busted? Or Woody Harrellson? Or the cast of Reefer Madness? Check it out here- those people shouldn't be out on the street! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bM_vLk1I6G4
Brown's fine was part of a dismal week for the Hawks, who were also fined for having an illegal camera operating at their game (pity there wasn't one at the St Kilda-Freo match, those seagulls would have finally got their just desserts!) and then blew their match in Tassie against Port by conceding two goals in the last 30 seconds. Could be an expensive loss, considering how tight the battle is for top four spots. Port are now in pole position to take one of those spots, as are West Coast who recorded a straight forward victory over wooden spoon certainties Richmond at Subiaco. Geelong of course sewed up their top four spot some time ago and are now several games clear at the top of the ladder after a shaky win over the Carrarraroos. The Roos have now dropped three in a row, but should be able to pick up some points, form and confidence in the weeks leading into the finals. The Cats have now gone undefeated since their loss in Round 5- a club record within a single season- and the bubble of expectation continues to expand in the Corio Bay area. I recall it was around about this time of the year that the Almost Invincibles Bombers side of 2000 dropped a match unexpectedly- don't be at all surprised if the Cats happen to lose either this week or next.
One team quite adept at dropping matches is Carlton, without a win since Round 11. Carlton's latest tank came against the Bombers, who came from five goals down to take the points. Not quite as impressive a comeback as the Blues managed in the corresponding fixture earlier in the season but still a good result. Skipper Matthew Lloyd provided one for the highlights reel with an audacious backheel goal. As mentioned earlier Freo and St Kilda played off, the Saints took the points and thus finally ended the Dockers' finals chances. Freo have been like a hammy Shakespearean actor performing a death scene for months now, staggering around the stage, falling to their knees, recovering briefly but now seemingly finally at rest. Thank God. The Western Bulldogs too are in line to exit stage left after they went down to Adelaide, the Crows season still alive for the moment. Also holding on by the skin of their teeth are the Brisbane Lions, who salvaged their second draw of the season courtesy of a massive bomb from well outside the fifty by Jonathan Brown to severely damage Sydney's chances of stealing a top four spot.
So just two rounds of the regular season to go and we're all approaching fever pitch, whether our team is looking at their first flag since the black and white era; still in contention for a top four or top eight finish; or simply tanking their way to future glory. Take it easy over the weekend- watch out for seagulls and if you're in the mood for a quiet bevvy before the footy, why not try this place- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvFormOyvBQ I don't know if they show footy, but there's darts at least! See you back here for the Round 21 wrap.
Copping a massive sentence in the lead up to the finals is the latter-day equivalent of transportation for life, minus the rum, sodomy and lash (although what happens on the end of season footy tour stays on the end of season footy tour!). Another player copping a 19th century-style sentence was Magpie Ben Johnson, who is out for the season after he took out Demon Daniel Bell with a sickening hit reminiscent of Bomber legend Michael Long's astoundingly out of character assault on young then-Demon Troy "Snake" Simmonds in the 2000 Grand Final. The Johnson hit had the effect of firing up the previously sluggish Demons, who gave the out of form Magpies a real scare before Collingwood came away with the win. Melbourne were at least able to chair skipper and club games record holder David Neitz off with a bit more pride than they did Byron Pickett some weeks back after their woeful Manuka Oval display against Sydney. The bloke who really deserved a lengthy spell on the sidelines, however, appears to have gotten away like a Telstra Dome seagull- I'm referring to the appalling hit put on ex-Magpie and Roo Sav Rocca, now of the Philadelphia Eagles, by Antwan Barnes of the Baltimore Ravens- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6U6bMPpIIc -deliberate contact to the head of an unsuspecting player while the ball is miles from the scene, that should have been season over for Barnes right there. A Rocca Knocker Shocker, you might say.
Perhaps, however, the American NFL judiciary has a similarly skewed system of justice as our own AFL Tribunal. It would appear that the seemingly ubiquitous Rocca Family are to be the holders of the unwelcome title of Last Key Player to be Rubbed Out for the Grand Final Ever- Anthony Rocca's suspension for the 2003 Grand Final playing no small part in Collingwood's hilariously dire performance as previously documented on this site. The AFL's displeasure with such a one-sided decider would explain Lions gun Jonathan Brown getting off on a technicality in 2004 and, in the most risible slash glaringly transparent verdict of all time, Barry Hall being allowed to play in 2005. Hall escaped suspension after whacking Saint Matt Maguire in the stomach with the ball nowhere in sight after the tribunal ruled that the action, illegal and dirty as it was, was somehow related to the flow of play. Don't even try and find logic in that one. Hall was simply too important to the Swans for the AFL to allow him to be absent on the big day. This Untouchables policy would also seem to apply to players in genuine contention for the Brownlow Medal- the AFL wants no repeats of the Corey McKernan/ Chris Grant embarrassments of '96/'97. Earlier this year Eagles golden boy Chris Judd, then in scintillating form, found himself before the tribunal on the unsavoury charge of eye-gouging Hawk Campbell Brown. To universal delight Judd, who is seemingly the only player on the entire West Coast list whom a prospective father in law wouldn't greet at the front door with a shotgun, was cleared. Last week Brown admitted on one of the many TV footy shows to fudging his evidence to ensure Judd got off, and was promptly fined $7500 for providing unsatisfactory evidence! Now really. What happened to the long standing tradition of not dobbing another player in at the tribunal? Nobody ever gives accurate evidence! You can imagine the tribunal members sitting around like Captain Renault in Casablanca, saying with straight faces- "We're shocked! Shocked! To discover that there has been fibbing going on in here". Talk about an open and shut case- the only bust in history that would have been easier would have been that cop who did Willy Nelson for marijuana possession some months back- incidentally, how come Cheech and Chong never got busted? Or Woody Harrellson? Or the cast of Reefer Madness? Check it out here- those people shouldn't be out on the street! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bM_vLk1I6G4
Brown's fine was part of a dismal week for the Hawks, who were also fined for having an illegal camera operating at their game (pity there wasn't one at the St Kilda-Freo match, those seagulls would have finally got their just desserts!) and then blew their match in Tassie against Port by conceding two goals in the last 30 seconds. Could be an expensive loss, considering how tight the battle is for top four spots. Port are now in pole position to take one of those spots, as are West Coast who recorded a straight forward victory over wooden spoon certainties Richmond at Subiaco. Geelong of course sewed up their top four spot some time ago and are now several games clear at the top of the ladder after a shaky win over the Carrarraroos. The Roos have now dropped three in a row, but should be able to pick up some points, form and confidence in the weeks leading into the finals. The Cats have now gone undefeated since their loss in Round 5- a club record within a single season- and the bubble of expectation continues to expand in the Corio Bay area. I recall it was around about this time of the year that the Almost Invincibles Bombers side of 2000 dropped a match unexpectedly- don't be at all surprised if the Cats happen to lose either this week or next.
One team quite adept at dropping matches is Carlton, without a win since Round 11. Carlton's latest tank came against the Bombers, who came from five goals down to take the points. Not quite as impressive a comeback as the Blues managed in the corresponding fixture earlier in the season but still a good result. Skipper Matthew Lloyd provided one for the highlights reel with an audacious backheel goal. As mentioned earlier Freo and St Kilda played off, the Saints took the points and thus finally ended the Dockers' finals chances. Freo have been like a hammy Shakespearean actor performing a death scene for months now, staggering around the stage, falling to their knees, recovering briefly but now seemingly finally at rest. Thank God. The Western Bulldogs too are in line to exit stage left after they went down to Adelaide, the Crows season still alive for the moment. Also holding on by the skin of their teeth are the Brisbane Lions, who salvaged their second draw of the season courtesy of a massive bomb from well outside the fifty by Jonathan Brown to severely damage Sydney's chances of stealing a top four spot.
So just two rounds of the regular season to go and we're all approaching fever pitch, whether our team is looking at their first flag since the black and white era; still in contention for a top four or top eight finish; or simply tanking their way to future glory. Take it easy over the weekend- watch out for seagulls and if you're in the mood for a quiet bevvy before the footy, why not try this place- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvFormOyvBQ I don't know if they show footy, but there's darts at least! See you back here for the Round 21 wrap.
16 August 2007
Round Nineteen: From Mateship to Mardi Gras
Some excellent news and some slightly sad news came my way over the last week. The good news first- with the aid of a well-placed surgical incision my sister successfully delivered a healthy baby girl last week, thereby giving all members of her extended family new and improved titles. I am now officially known as Uncle Stu. Having never been an uncle before I have had to do some research to try and work out exactly what an uncle's job is, and have considered the examples of various celebrity uncles. According to the examples presented by radio personality Uncle Doug Mulray and Comedy Company stalwart Uncle Arthur my job is simply to be an embarrassment. Shouldn't be too difficult to achieve. The Uncle Charlie from My Three Sons school dictates that being a cantankerous old prick is the way to go; while to follow the lead of Uncle Leo from Seinfeld I will need to exuberantly greet my niece at every opportunity, before proceeding to unfavourably compare her achievements to that of her horse-faced cousin Jeffrey (who works for the Parks Department). Possibly a tad difficult to pull off, that one. However the Uncle in the public eye who I would most like to emulate is the late Uncle Doug Elliot, the much-loved vaudevillian whose booming stentorian tones introduced World of Sport for many years. Uncle Doug also did many of the live ads- check out some of his best work here- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3wzV7rGVwM. Clark Kent glasses? Check. Shakespearean thespian-style delivery? Check. Ability (and motivation) to throttle Lou Richards? Check and check. Bring on the kid!
The sad news referred to earlier is that the venerable Naughtons Hotel, the downfall of many a Melbourne University student, has closed its doors and is no more. As an unruly member of an unruly residential college in the mid-1990s, I undoubtedly spent more time (and unquestionably more effort) on ensuring that the pub remained solvent than I did on any of the subjects I was ostensibly studying. Mind you, anyone else with the unpleasant experience of dealing with the byzantine gnomes of the Arts Faculty bureaucracy and/or the communist (Marxist-Leninist) nutbags teaching the ideologically esoteric raft of subjects (Politics 102-210: From Mateship to Mardi Gras, anyone?) would unquestionably agree that I was in the better place. Others who agreed that Naughto's was the place to be were the 1995 Carlton premiership team, who famously celebrated long and hard there after belting the Cats in the Grand Final. The most memorable image of their celebrations featured mulleted skipper (and current board member) Stephen Kernahan belting out "Stand By Your Man" by the side of Royal Parade, before hurling his empty glass into the street. Enjoy it here- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzA2nFklDo4.
The latter-day Blues did little on the weekend to allay ongoing suspicions of tanking- they started in Keystone Cops-style to allow Port Adelaide a match-winning lead, belted on 8 unanswered goals third quarter goals to hit the front and make the fans happy, then mysteriously faded to record their third honourable defeat in a row (thus keeping them in contention for a priority pick). Carlton face a difficult task this weekend when they face the stuttering Bombers- satisfactory win over an old rival or keep the pick? The Bombers' season continues to unravel, they were soundly beaten in the west by a rejuvenated Fremantle under the leadership of ex-Don Mark Harvey. Freo's week got even better later in the week when superstar skipper Matthew Pavlich signed on for another three years in the (probably mistaken) hope and belief that he would become the club's first premiership captain. I must admit to being a bit disappointed at Pav's decision. I have been hoping for some time that he would end up at Collingwood in a surprise exchange for lumbering forward Anthony Rocca, with the deal to be announced by Magpies CEO Eugene Arocca under the banner headline- "Arocca: Rocca Docker Shocker!" Oh well. Rocca's brother Sav incidentally continues to make great gains towards obtaining a starting position as a kicker at the Philadelphia Eagles, a contract worth squillions of dollars. This raises an interesting question- if Irish players are leaving Ireland en masse for the cash of the AFL, and AFL players are looking at the gold on offer in the US, how soon until the first Irishman cuts out the middle man and goes directly to the NFL? Although going directly from the round ball to the extremely pointy one without a bit of experience in kicking a slighty pointy one might prove a stumbling block there.
The Pies themselves suffered a shock defeat against the universally-written off Tigers, this could be the second year in a row in which a late season loss to a lowly opponent costs Collingwood a top four finish. The match was notable for the fact that at one point Tigers skipper Kane Johnson appeared both on TV and live at the match to be transforming into the Incredible Hulk while lining up for goal- perhaps disappointingly to comic book fans it turned out to be merely the work of some idiot in the stands with a green laser doing his best to permanently blind someone. Hopefully that same laser is now providing a vivid green hue in an uncomfortable part of its owner's anatomy courtesy of some suitably outraged supporter.
Another shock result was the hitherto hapless Demons shooting back into some late season form to comfortably account for the massively disappointing Bulldogs. The Dogs came into 2007 as the Great Victorian Hope but have never really looked like it this year. Maybe the recruitment of Jason Akermanis has proved more of a distraction than a benefit. Who knows. The Dogs are still alive but only just, as are the Saints, Crows and Lions. All four lost on the weekend but thanks to the vagaries of the 2007 draw they are all still in contention. The Saints lost to the Swans, who are gaining forward momentum with every passing week. The Crows went down to the Cats, who if they gain any more forward momentum will roll clear off the map. The Lions looked resplendent in the old Fitzroy strip against Hawthorn but unfortunately they evidently subconsciously adopted the old Fitzroy game plan too and their winning streak came to a halt. The Hawks are now the second-best team to beat, although that position has been a bit of a revolving door in recent weeks. Two former occupants, West Coast and the Carrararoos, fought out a tough one on the weekend from which the Eagles emerged victorious. The Roos are now out of the top four for the first time in quite a while but can still get back if they're good enough.
So with the weather getting better and spring on the horizon, we approach Round 20. More shocks in store? Almost certainly. So be sure to join Uncle Stu back here next week for more tenuously-football related discussion- and be sure to get a Repco Gold Star engine fitted straight away!
The sad news referred to earlier is that the venerable Naughtons Hotel, the downfall of many a Melbourne University student, has closed its doors and is no more. As an unruly member of an unruly residential college in the mid-1990s, I undoubtedly spent more time (and unquestionably more effort) on ensuring that the pub remained solvent than I did on any of the subjects I was ostensibly studying. Mind you, anyone else with the unpleasant experience of dealing with the byzantine gnomes of the Arts Faculty bureaucracy and/or the communist (Marxist-Leninist) nutbags teaching the ideologically esoteric raft of subjects (Politics 102-210: From Mateship to Mardi Gras, anyone?) would unquestionably agree that I was in the better place. Others who agreed that Naughto's was the place to be were the 1995 Carlton premiership team, who famously celebrated long and hard there after belting the Cats in the Grand Final. The most memorable image of their celebrations featured mulleted skipper (and current board member) Stephen Kernahan belting out "Stand By Your Man" by the side of Royal Parade, before hurling his empty glass into the street. Enjoy it here- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzA2nFklDo4.
The latter-day Blues did little on the weekend to allay ongoing suspicions of tanking- they started in Keystone Cops-style to allow Port Adelaide a match-winning lead, belted on 8 unanswered goals third quarter goals to hit the front and make the fans happy, then mysteriously faded to record their third honourable defeat in a row (thus keeping them in contention for a priority pick). Carlton face a difficult task this weekend when they face the stuttering Bombers- satisfactory win over an old rival or keep the pick? The Bombers' season continues to unravel, they were soundly beaten in the west by a rejuvenated Fremantle under the leadership of ex-Don Mark Harvey. Freo's week got even better later in the week when superstar skipper Matthew Pavlich signed on for another three years in the (probably mistaken) hope and belief that he would become the club's first premiership captain. I must admit to being a bit disappointed at Pav's decision. I have been hoping for some time that he would end up at Collingwood in a surprise exchange for lumbering forward Anthony Rocca, with the deal to be announced by Magpies CEO Eugene Arocca under the banner headline- "Arocca: Rocca Docker Shocker!" Oh well. Rocca's brother Sav incidentally continues to make great gains towards obtaining a starting position as a kicker at the Philadelphia Eagles, a contract worth squillions of dollars. This raises an interesting question- if Irish players are leaving Ireland en masse for the cash of the AFL, and AFL players are looking at the gold on offer in the US, how soon until the first Irishman cuts out the middle man and goes directly to the NFL? Although going directly from the round ball to the extremely pointy one without a bit of experience in kicking a slighty pointy one might prove a stumbling block there.
The Pies themselves suffered a shock defeat against the universally-written off Tigers, this could be the second year in a row in which a late season loss to a lowly opponent costs Collingwood a top four finish. The match was notable for the fact that at one point Tigers skipper Kane Johnson appeared both on TV and live at the match to be transforming into the Incredible Hulk while lining up for goal- perhaps disappointingly to comic book fans it turned out to be merely the work of some idiot in the stands with a green laser doing his best to permanently blind someone. Hopefully that same laser is now providing a vivid green hue in an uncomfortable part of its owner's anatomy courtesy of some suitably outraged supporter.
Another shock result was the hitherto hapless Demons shooting back into some late season form to comfortably account for the massively disappointing Bulldogs. The Dogs came into 2007 as the Great Victorian Hope but have never really looked like it this year. Maybe the recruitment of Jason Akermanis has proved more of a distraction than a benefit. Who knows. The Dogs are still alive but only just, as are the Saints, Crows and Lions. All four lost on the weekend but thanks to the vagaries of the 2007 draw they are all still in contention. The Saints lost to the Swans, who are gaining forward momentum with every passing week. The Crows went down to the Cats, who if they gain any more forward momentum will roll clear off the map. The Lions looked resplendent in the old Fitzroy strip against Hawthorn but unfortunately they evidently subconsciously adopted the old Fitzroy game plan too and their winning streak came to a halt. The Hawks are now the second-best team to beat, although that position has been a bit of a revolving door in recent weeks. Two former occupants, West Coast and the Carrararoos, fought out a tough one on the weekend from which the Eagles emerged victorious. The Roos are now out of the top four for the first time in quite a while but can still get back if they're good enough.
So with the weather getting better and spring on the horizon, we approach Round 20. More shocks in store? Almost certainly. So be sure to join Uncle Stu back here next week for more tenuously-football related discussion- and be sure to get a Repco Gold Star engine fitted straight away!
09 August 2007
Round Eighteen: Floats Like a Butterfly
Thanks to the wonders of the internet and an incorrigible talent for procrastination in the workplace, I have discovered what must be the most instantly addictive sports song ever composed- Black Superman by Johnny Wakelin and the Kinshasa Band. Check it out at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqMk-AuTDZE, you'll be humming it for days I swear. For sheer musicality it easily surpasses "Up There Cazaly" or anything else in the broad Mike Brady repertoire and even, although I'm loathe to admit this, "Deep In Our Hearts Everyone Barracks For Fitzroy" by genial Coodabeens strummer Greg Champion. The song is, of course, a tribute to sporting legend Muhammed Ali- one of the towering figures of the 20th century, in both sporting and political terms. His talent in the ring is one thing- there weren't too many on the same page as The Greatest. This is back in the era before heavyweight boxing joined professional wrestling, weightlifting and Tour de Farce cycling as sports with no credibility whatsoever. Ali's overall influence is something else again. Long before Kevin Sheedy came onto the scene Ali was reaching well beyond his sporting mandate and into the political sphere through the sheer force of his personality. He was disgracefully suspended from boxing for a period due to his refusal to serve in the US Armed Forces during the Vietnam War- his famous comments "No Viet Cong ever called me nigger" has become one of the iconic quotes of the civil rights era. On his comeback he became the second boxer ever to recover the then indisputed world heavyweight crown in the classic Rumble in the Jungle fight against unbackable favourite George Foreman, before Freeman went on to become the master of the fat-free grill. This fight is brilliantly covered in the Oscar-winning documentary "When We Were Kings"- if you haven't seen it then run, don't walk, to your local DVD/video library and hire it immediately. The most entertaining sports doco you will ever see, even better than "The Year of the Dogs" featuring my old Cairo mate Dan Southern. The Fresh Prince did a reasonable job of playing Ali in the movie of the same name but nobody could play the Man as well as the Man himself. It's fascinating not only to see the sheer energy of the pre-Parkinsons Ali in the lead-up to the fight and in the ring playing rope-a-dope with Foreman, but also to see the then Zaire in its wacky Mobutu Sese Seko nutbag era. Mobutu spent some outrageous sum of money to get the fight- probably a fair proportion of the country's GDP for the entire decade- and then didn't actually attend, watching it at home on CCTV (with Ugandan psychopath Idi Amin, if the movie version is accurate). The beleaguered Zaireans loved the outspoken Ali- the chant of "Ali, bomaye! (Ali, kill him!) was ubiquitous during his stay in the country. It is a matter of historical debate whether the Zaireans were requesting that Ali kill Foreman or their larcenous head of state Mobutu, who was building giant palaces out in the jungle and holidaying in Cannes while the population desperately tried to eke out some kind of a living. Talk about a bad run- imagine surviving the hand-chopping bastardry of the Belgian colonial era (and a visit from an imperialist Tintin) and then copping as a leader one of the worst kleptomaniacs in history wearing a gay-looking leopard skin hat! No wonder Ali was a welcome distraction. I supported DR Congo in their 2006 African Nations Cup soccer campaign (held in Egypt), partly in solidarity with the Congolese people and their tragic history and partly because their European coach was a dead ringer for the bloke who plays Wormtail in the Harry Potter movies.
So what does any of that have to do with AFL football? Two somewhat tenuous connections- Ali got a standing ovation from a misty-eyed crowd at the 1998 Grand Final; and he was also famed for his incredibly quick wit and comic timing during press conferences. As is Kevin Sheedy and, it surprisingly emerges, his previously taciturn ex-assistant Mark Harvey, now the acting coach at the Dockers. Freo have been mooting the possibility of getting Sheedy to act in a managerial role while retaining Harvey as coach. When this was put to Harvey in a press conference he responded that he had heard that Sheedy had been offered a number of jobs, including a part-time role in "Kath and Kim" and the management of the Partridge Family in the place of Reuben Kincaid! Comic gold. If lines like that weren't already enough to secure Harvey the Freo gig for 2008, he led the unlikely Dockers to a stirring victory in the Derby match against hated foes West Coast. Fortunately firey Docker Des Headland was out injured, thus preventing a potentially violent rematch with familially sledging Eagle Adam Selwood. Freo star Josh Carr was best on ground, thus providing newspaper headline writers with any number of gratifying possibilities- "Runaway Carr!" was one good example, "Carr-riffic!" a less successful attempt.
While Harvey's quips were met with universal applause, his fellow caretaker Mark Riley's venture onto the comedy circuit met with less success. Riley had given ex-Roo and Powerite Byron Pickett the honour of captaining Melbourne in his 200th game against Sydney at historic Manuka Oval, only for Pickett to win the toss and kick into the wind- quarter time Sydney five goals to nil and the game all but over. When asked about Pickett's odd decision later Riley quipped that it was possibly the result of an "indigenous instinct". Cue the tumbleweeds and howling coyote, not the best road Riley could have gone down at a time when indigenous issues and sensitivies are very much on the Australian political agenda. Pickett wasn't too bothered though. And Melbourne definitely have bigger problems to worry about, they were absolutely woeful in front of a small but appreciative crowd including myself and my Magpie brother-in-law. Sydney are coming good at the right time of the year, they'll do some damage come finals time.
Also woeful were Essendon against Hawthorn at the 'G, getting soundly flogged. My Hawk brother-in-law didn't make it to the game, being otherwise engaged in pacing the corridors of the maternity hospital where my sister's first-born was stubbornly refusing to exit its comfortable premises. Five days later and the kid still hasn't emerged. Hopefully some time this weekend we'll have a satisfactory resolution and I can pass out the cigars. Essendon's decision to axe Sheedy but let him coach out the season is starting to look a bit dodgy as the Dons didn't show any passion at all. At the start of the season if you'd offered Bombers fans nine wins including consecutive one pointers over last year's Grand Finalists we probably would have taken it, but after looking so good early on it's disappointing to see the side down with the also-runs again. Always next year!
Two topics of a controversial nature dominated the airwaves this week- the first was the question of "tanking" ie. throwing matches in order to obtain early draft picks. The very notion was loudly disclaimed by all and sundry, but for some reason Carlton keep losing from winnable positions while key players are taken off early...this time the Blues matched Collingwood for three quarters before mysteriously fading away. If the Blues don't win again they'll take the first priority pick, which must be enormously frustrating for Tigers fans who have suffered through an abysmal season and now probably won't even get the number one draft pick. Probably just as well, Richmond are not exactly famous for using the number one draft picks wisely, Richard Lounder anyone? Anthony Banik? The Tiges did show signs of improvement in their rematch against the Cats, recording an 87 point improvement on the first match to lose by a mere 70. The odds on a Richmond win were apparently the biggest in AFL history, for good reason as it turned out. The highlight of the match was Cats ruckman Steven King's goal-line screamer- over the goal umpire! Not since field umpire Peter Carey took a chest mark in a Freo- St Kilda game has an umpire played such a great cameo in an AFL match.
The other issue of discussion was brought about by motormouthed Lion turned Bulldog Jason Akermanis- or "Yakermanis", as he's been dubbed by wags in the Murdoch press- who wrote a column suggesting that he suspected an opponent in a match some years back had been on some form of performance-enhancing substance. Aker didn't name the opponent, but the press did- Michael Braun of the West Coast Eagles, the same bloke who shot to fame early on in 2007 by delivering a profanity-laced acceptance speech in the Derby match against Freo (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPNIf4vMc-I, the stunned commentators reactions are priceless). Naturally enough Braun denied the allegations, and West Coast officials were somehow able to keep straight faces while saying how outrageous it was to insinuate an Eagles player had used an illicit substance... A backlash ensued against Akermanis, for a time there was the ludicrous possibility that the first player to be banned under the AFL drugs code would be the bloke who suggested someone else might be using, but fortunately sanity has so far prevailed in that regard.
Aker's Bulldogs went into their Friday night match against the Saints knowing that they could not afford to lose, and duly didn't. They didn't win either though, this game resulted in the second draw of the 2007 season after Saints star Nick Reiwoldt tied the scores with a behind in the final seconds. The big winners from this game were the Brisbane Lions, who had previously boasted a huge but irrelevant percentage courtesy of their own draw with Richmond earlier on. All of a sudden that percentage is right back in play, and after the Lions accounted for "local rivals" the Cararraroos it was good enough to propel them into the eight after they had looked gone for all money a month or so ago. Also still alive are the Adelaide Crows, who came from behind in their Showdown match against Port to take the points in the wet.
So as we head into the final month of the home and away season there's still many questions to be answered. Will Carlton tank again? Is Mark Harvey available to MC bucks nights and bar mitzvahs? Will I ever get that Muhammed Ali song out of my head? Can my niece or nephew find the correct exit? Find out back here next week as the Wrap tackles Round Nineteen.
So what does any of that have to do with AFL football? Two somewhat tenuous connections- Ali got a standing ovation from a misty-eyed crowd at the 1998 Grand Final; and he was also famed for his incredibly quick wit and comic timing during press conferences. As is Kevin Sheedy and, it surprisingly emerges, his previously taciturn ex-assistant Mark Harvey, now the acting coach at the Dockers. Freo have been mooting the possibility of getting Sheedy to act in a managerial role while retaining Harvey as coach. When this was put to Harvey in a press conference he responded that he had heard that Sheedy had been offered a number of jobs, including a part-time role in "Kath and Kim" and the management of the Partridge Family in the place of Reuben Kincaid! Comic gold. If lines like that weren't already enough to secure Harvey the Freo gig for 2008, he led the unlikely Dockers to a stirring victory in the Derby match against hated foes West Coast. Fortunately firey Docker Des Headland was out injured, thus preventing a potentially violent rematch with familially sledging Eagle Adam Selwood. Freo star Josh Carr was best on ground, thus providing newspaper headline writers with any number of gratifying possibilities- "Runaway Carr!" was one good example, "Carr-riffic!" a less successful attempt.
While Harvey's quips were met with universal applause, his fellow caretaker Mark Riley's venture onto the comedy circuit met with less success. Riley had given ex-Roo and Powerite Byron Pickett the honour of captaining Melbourne in his 200th game against Sydney at historic Manuka Oval, only for Pickett to win the toss and kick into the wind- quarter time Sydney five goals to nil and the game all but over. When asked about Pickett's odd decision later Riley quipped that it was possibly the result of an "indigenous instinct". Cue the tumbleweeds and howling coyote, not the best road Riley could have gone down at a time when indigenous issues and sensitivies are very much on the Australian political agenda. Pickett wasn't too bothered though. And Melbourne definitely have bigger problems to worry about, they were absolutely woeful in front of a small but appreciative crowd including myself and my Magpie brother-in-law. Sydney are coming good at the right time of the year, they'll do some damage come finals time.
Also woeful were Essendon against Hawthorn at the 'G, getting soundly flogged. My Hawk brother-in-law didn't make it to the game, being otherwise engaged in pacing the corridors of the maternity hospital where my sister's first-born was stubbornly refusing to exit its comfortable premises. Five days later and the kid still hasn't emerged. Hopefully some time this weekend we'll have a satisfactory resolution and I can pass out the cigars. Essendon's decision to axe Sheedy but let him coach out the season is starting to look a bit dodgy as the Dons didn't show any passion at all. At the start of the season if you'd offered Bombers fans nine wins including consecutive one pointers over last year's Grand Finalists we probably would have taken it, but after looking so good early on it's disappointing to see the side down with the also-runs again. Always next year!
Two topics of a controversial nature dominated the airwaves this week- the first was the question of "tanking" ie. throwing matches in order to obtain early draft picks. The very notion was loudly disclaimed by all and sundry, but for some reason Carlton keep losing from winnable positions while key players are taken off early...this time the Blues matched Collingwood for three quarters before mysteriously fading away. If the Blues don't win again they'll take the first priority pick, which must be enormously frustrating for Tigers fans who have suffered through an abysmal season and now probably won't even get the number one draft pick. Probably just as well, Richmond are not exactly famous for using the number one draft picks wisely, Richard Lounder anyone? Anthony Banik? The Tiges did show signs of improvement in their rematch against the Cats, recording an 87 point improvement on the first match to lose by a mere 70. The odds on a Richmond win were apparently the biggest in AFL history, for good reason as it turned out. The highlight of the match was Cats ruckman Steven King's goal-line screamer- over the goal umpire! Not since field umpire Peter Carey took a chest mark in a Freo- St Kilda game has an umpire played such a great cameo in an AFL match.
The other issue of discussion was brought about by motormouthed Lion turned Bulldog Jason Akermanis- or "Yakermanis", as he's been dubbed by wags in the Murdoch press- who wrote a column suggesting that he suspected an opponent in a match some years back had been on some form of performance-enhancing substance. Aker didn't name the opponent, but the press did- Michael Braun of the West Coast Eagles, the same bloke who shot to fame early on in 2007 by delivering a profanity-laced acceptance speech in the Derby match against Freo (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPNIf4vMc-I, the stunned commentators reactions are priceless). Naturally enough Braun denied the allegations, and West Coast officials were somehow able to keep straight faces while saying how outrageous it was to insinuate an Eagles player had used an illicit substance... A backlash ensued against Akermanis, for a time there was the ludicrous possibility that the first player to be banned under the AFL drugs code would be the bloke who suggested someone else might be using, but fortunately sanity has so far prevailed in that regard.
Aker's Bulldogs went into their Friday night match against the Saints knowing that they could not afford to lose, and duly didn't. They didn't win either though, this game resulted in the second draw of the 2007 season after Saints star Nick Reiwoldt tied the scores with a behind in the final seconds. The big winners from this game were the Brisbane Lions, who had previously boasted a huge but irrelevant percentage courtesy of their own draw with Richmond earlier on. All of a sudden that percentage is right back in play, and after the Lions accounted for "local rivals" the Cararraroos it was good enough to propel them into the eight after they had looked gone for all money a month or so ago. Also still alive are the Adelaide Crows, who came from behind in their Showdown match against Port to take the points in the wet.
So as we head into the final month of the home and away season there's still many questions to be answered. Will Carlton tank again? Is Mark Harvey available to MC bucks nights and bar mitzvahs? Will I ever get that Muhammed Ali song out of my head? Can my niece or nephew find the correct exit? Find out back here next week as the Wrap tackles Round Nineteen.
02 August 2007
Round Seventeen: The Black and White Cycle of Life
An amazing week just gone- not a single coach was shown the door! Following the absolute carnage in the fortnight preceding, this was a remarkable achievement. In the absence of any further bloodletting, the media's focus was firmly on the possible coaching permutations for season 2008. There was general consensus that Michael Voss would end up at Carlton (if he didn't go to Essendon), Chris Connolly was a shoe-in at Melbourne (provided the Dees didn't go with Kevin Sheedy), Fremantle would definitely go with an ex-Bomber in the form of Kevin Sheedy, Neale Daniher or Mark Harvey (as long as Dean Laidley couldn't be lured from the Carrararoos), and Essendon would be coached by a favourite son in Mark "Bomber" Thompson (if he was willing to leave the Cats, if not then by Neale Daniher. Or Mark Harvey, Dean Bailey, Damien Hardwick or maybe Derek Kickett). Then Voss decided he wasn't ready to coach just yet and Thompson refused to negotiate with anyone until season's end, thus throwing the carefully prepared coaching matrix into chaos. God knows who's going to end up where now. There's still a possibility that the rebel army of disaffected Bombers will seize control of the board and reinstate Sheedy with the view to grooming retiring skipper and possibly best-ever Bomber James Hird for the job. Will keep a close eye on further developments in the area of coaching appointments as they continue to unfold.
I wrote with nostalgia last week about my great childhood memory of seeing my team redeem themselves by avenging a Grand Final defeat. I'm well aware that I'm very fortunate in this regard, there are a lot of supporters out there my age who wouldn't have seen their team play in a Grand Final at all (Bulldogs), or who are waiting in vain for their side to atone for disappointment on the last day in September (Saints, Tigers, Demons, and especially Cats). The Cats were a tad unfortunate in their hapless Buffalo Bills-style Grand Final appearances of the early 1990s in that they kept on coming up against sides who had their own defeat-based motivations for winning. Geelong's attempt in 1992 to redeem their 1989 defeat was stymied by West Coast, seeking salvation for their own defeat the year before. The Cats of 1994 had the responsibility for gaining revenge for the '92 defeat, as well as '89, but got flogged. Fronting up the next year carrying the combined weight of the '89, '92 and '94 losses, the Pivotonians were never a chance against a Blues team wanting to make amends for their '93 defeat against Essendon (who'd gone down in '90). The Cats were soundly thumped again and slunk off into a corner to lick their wounds for the next decade. Until this season, when they're back at the right end of the ladder again and seemingly heading inexorably towards the Big Match. The way it's looking, though, their opponents could well be their old '90s bugbear the West Coast Eagles...I'm sure there'd be more than a few nervous Geelong people if that does end up being the Grand Final match-up.
But if Geelong folk have had their fair share of Grand Final disappointment spare a thought for those in the Black and White army. Contrary to popular opinion, there are some quite ordinary and decent citizens who happen to follow the Collingwood Football Club. My brother-in-law is one, my ex-boss in Cairo another (despite his unfortunate penchant for sporting the kind of garish ties that even flamboyant former Minister for Immigration Al Grassby would have rejected on sight as being "a bit lairy"). But the stereotypical image of Magpies fans- bitter, twisted, one-eyed, arrogant when winning, churlish when losing, insufferable in either case- is largely accurate from my experience. My late unlamented co-habitor Surly the Slightly Unsociable Housemate was one such case; the kind of character, as Rowan Atkinson once archly observed, one emigrates to avoid. But, like snarling malcontents on dismal English council estates, Collingwood people cannot be held completely responsible for their objectionable personalities. Consider, if you will, the childhood of a hypothetical Magpie supporter conceived at half-time of the 1970 Grand Final (I'm sure there were at least a couple!) by parents who had suffered through the narrow defeats of '64 and '66 and who were sure that a 44 point buffer at the long break would surely be enough to declare the premiership drought over. Two quarters later, the post-coital glow had well and truly faded as a handball-inspired revolution had swept Carlton past their shell-shocked opponents and onto the premiership dais in one of the most famous matches in history. Deep inside the womb the barely fertilised fetus was overwhelmed by a sense of sour disappointment, a feeling that would become all too familiar over the years to come. Growing up, the young 'Pie would have endured the club's first ever wooden spoon ('76); the dizziness of bouncing back the following season and making the Grand Final, only to draw it and then lose the replay; the heartbreak of losing to Carlton again in '79 by five points; the thrill of making the Grand Final from fifth place in '80 only to cop an 81 point hiding; and then the shattering experience of losing to Carlton again in '81. That's a lot to cop for an 11 year old. By the time the Magpies made the breakthrough in '90 and finally won a flag, our hypothetical fan was already 20 and his regulation issue Collingwood personality set in stone.
No doubt the unthinkable pleasures unleashed by seeing his team actually perform on Grand Final led to a repeat performance of siring a son and heir, although given the entertainment provided by the half-time brawl romantic interaction was probably delayed until after the fulltime siren had actually sounded. This latest addition to the Carringbush Clan would have grown up with the Magpies at the wrong end of the ladder, taking their second wooden spoon in '99. However by the time junior reached high school in '02 the Pies were back in the Grand Final action against Brisbane- they lost, but gallantly. When the two sides met again 12 months later the Collingwood army was salivating in anticipation of sweet revenge...but it all went horribly wrong. I've mentioned the '03 Grand Final before in the Wrap as it is one of the most remarkable matches you'll ever see- Collingwood looked like the Washington Generals playing the Harlem Globetrotters. It wouldn't have surprised at all if Brisbane skipper Michael Voss had pulled out a stepladder and taken a speccie over some hapless defender before spinning the ball on his finger and doing an overhead kick through the sticks. The most iconic moment of the game came when Pies defender Rhys Shaw attempted to run the ball out of defence but inexplicably dropped the ball at the feet of Lion Alistair Lynch, who nonchalantly picked it up and booted it through. Game over. Another Grand Final lost, another shattering experience for Magpies fans of all ages. And the most amazing thing about the match was the fact that the same two sides had met two weeks previously and Collingwood had won easily. It must have been deja vu all over again for Pies fans on the weekend because they again went in to play Brisbane at the MCG as firm favourites and got absolutely belted by 90-odd points. After looking good for a top two finish only a month ago Collingwood are now staring down the barrel of missing the finals altogether. Still, sooner or later Collingwood will be in the Grand Final again and either win it or look as though they might, and a whole new generation of Magpies will be conceived to endure their own September disappointments. That's how the black and white cycle of life goes.
It was a weekend of shellackings all round, the Bulldogs copped their second straight Friday night hiding and tumbled out of the eight courtesy of their mangled percentage. This time the frighteningly resurgent Eagles were the instigators in a match marred by the ridiculous decision to allow West Coast to wear their royal blue away jumpers against a team with a royal blue home jumper. Which colour-blind idiot approved that one? How hard is it to make sure that the two teams are wearing distinguishable uniforms? Port Adelaide likewise beat up on the hapless Demons, putting a dent in caretaker Mark Riley's chances of retaining his position at Melbourne. His fellow caretaker Mark Harvey (at Fremantle) also suffered a big loss at the hands of rampant Geelong, Cats fans were no doubt relieved that the resignation of Number 1 fan Steve Bracks as Premier of Victoria did not jinx the side. Bracks' resignation, incidentally, got about a quarter of the press of Kevin Sheedy's sacking, Victorians have their priorities right! Sydney took the points without breaking a sweat against the continually dismal Richmond.
There were a few close ones too- the Bombers won for Kevin Sheedy, as we had all hoped they would. Adelaide, wearing red jumpers for some unapparent reason, were the fall guys and are now a game behind the pace although they do have a very good percentage. Carlton were much improved under caretaker Brett Ratten but the Saints had enough in reserve to take the four points. And Hawthorn's Fortress Launceston was breached by the massively surprising Carrararoos, who are responsible for widespread indigestion amongst many a tipster forced to eat his or her hat.
God that's a long post! Hope some of that made sense. Another weekend looms, and it is fair to say that the 2007 finals series is well under way already with a number of games being absolute must-wins. The battle to take part in the September action is one of the closest in years and August promises to be a belter of a month. Hope your team's a winner (unless you're a Magpie fan, for whom suffering is good for the soul), see you back here for Round 18.
I wrote with nostalgia last week about my great childhood memory of seeing my team redeem themselves by avenging a Grand Final defeat. I'm well aware that I'm very fortunate in this regard, there are a lot of supporters out there my age who wouldn't have seen their team play in a Grand Final at all (Bulldogs), or who are waiting in vain for their side to atone for disappointment on the last day in September (Saints, Tigers, Demons, and especially Cats). The Cats were a tad unfortunate in their hapless Buffalo Bills-style Grand Final appearances of the early 1990s in that they kept on coming up against sides who had their own defeat-based motivations for winning. Geelong's attempt in 1992 to redeem their 1989 defeat was stymied by West Coast, seeking salvation for their own defeat the year before. The Cats of 1994 had the responsibility for gaining revenge for the '92 defeat, as well as '89, but got flogged. Fronting up the next year carrying the combined weight of the '89, '92 and '94 losses, the Pivotonians were never a chance against a Blues team wanting to make amends for their '93 defeat against Essendon (who'd gone down in '90). The Cats were soundly thumped again and slunk off into a corner to lick their wounds for the next decade. Until this season, when they're back at the right end of the ladder again and seemingly heading inexorably towards the Big Match. The way it's looking, though, their opponents could well be their old '90s bugbear the West Coast Eagles...I'm sure there'd be more than a few nervous Geelong people if that does end up being the Grand Final match-up.
But if Geelong folk have had their fair share of Grand Final disappointment spare a thought for those in the Black and White army. Contrary to popular opinion, there are some quite ordinary and decent citizens who happen to follow the Collingwood Football Club. My brother-in-law is one, my ex-boss in Cairo another (despite his unfortunate penchant for sporting the kind of garish ties that even flamboyant former Minister for Immigration Al Grassby would have rejected on sight as being "a bit lairy"). But the stereotypical image of Magpies fans- bitter, twisted, one-eyed, arrogant when winning, churlish when losing, insufferable in either case- is largely accurate from my experience. My late unlamented co-habitor Surly the Slightly Unsociable Housemate was one such case; the kind of character, as Rowan Atkinson once archly observed, one emigrates to avoid. But, like snarling malcontents on dismal English council estates, Collingwood people cannot be held completely responsible for their objectionable personalities. Consider, if you will, the childhood of a hypothetical Magpie supporter conceived at half-time of the 1970 Grand Final (I'm sure there were at least a couple!) by parents who had suffered through the narrow defeats of '64 and '66 and who were sure that a 44 point buffer at the long break would surely be enough to declare the premiership drought over. Two quarters later, the post-coital glow had well and truly faded as a handball-inspired revolution had swept Carlton past their shell-shocked opponents and onto the premiership dais in one of the most famous matches in history. Deep inside the womb the barely fertilised fetus was overwhelmed by a sense of sour disappointment, a feeling that would become all too familiar over the years to come. Growing up, the young 'Pie would have endured the club's first ever wooden spoon ('76); the dizziness of bouncing back the following season and making the Grand Final, only to draw it and then lose the replay; the heartbreak of losing to Carlton again in '79 by five points; the thrill of making the Grand Final from fifth place in '80 only to cop an 81 point hiding; and then the shattering experience of losing to Carlton again in '81. That's a lot to cop for an 11 year old. By the time the Magpies made the breakthrough in '90 and finally won a flag, our hypothetical fan was already 20 and his regulation issue Collingwood personality set in stone.
No doubt the unthinkable pleasures unleashed by seeing his team actually perform on Grand Final led to a repeat performance of siring a son and heir, although given the entertainment provided by the half-time brawl romantic interaction was probably delayed until after the fulltime siren had actually sounded. This latest addition to the Carringbush Clan would have grown up with the Magpies at the wrong end of the ladder, taking their second wooden spoon in '99. However by the time junior reached high school in '02 the Pies were back in the Grand Final action against Brisbane- they lost, but gallantly. When the two sides met again 12 months later the Collingwood army was salivating in anticipation of sweet revenge...but it all went horribly wrong. I've mentioned the '03 Grand Final before in the Wrap as it is one of the most remarkable matches you'll ever see- Collingwood looked like the Washington Generals playing the Harlem Globetrotters. It wouldn't have surprised at all if Brisbane skipper Michael Voss had pulled out a stepladder and taken a speccie over some hapless defender before spinning the ball on his finger and doing an overhead kick through the sticks. The most iconic moment of the game came when Pies defender Rhys Shaw attempted to run the ball out of defence but inexplicably dropped the ball at the feet of Lion Alistair Lynch, who nonchalantly picked it up and booted it through. Game over. Another Grand Final lost, another shattering experience for Magpies fans of all ages. And the most amazing thing about the match was the fact that the same two sides had met two weeks previously and Collingwood had won easily. It must have been deja vu all over again for Pies fans on the weekend because they again went in to play Brisbane at the MCG as firm favourites and got absolutely belted by 90-odd points. After looking good for a top two finish only a month ago Collingwood are now staring down the barrel of missing the finals altogether. Still, sooner or later Collingwood will be in the Grand Final again and either win it or look as though they might, and a whole new generation of Magpies will be conceived to endure their own September disappointments. That's how the black and white cycle of life goes.
It was a weekend of shellackings all round, the Bulldogs copped their second straight Friday night hiding and tumbled out of the eight courtesy of their mangled percentage. This time the frighteningly resurgent Eagles were the instigators in a match marred by the ridiculous decision to allow West Coast to wear their royal blue away jumpers against a team with a royal blue home jumper. Which colour-blind idiot approved that one? How hard is it to make sure that the two teams are wearing distinguishable uniforms? Port Adelaide likewise beat up on the hapless Demons, putting a dent in caretaker Mark Riley's chances of retaining his position at Melbourne. His fellow caretaker Mark Harvey (at Fremantle) also suffered a big loss at the hands of rampant Geelong, Cats fans were no doubt relieved that the resignation of Number 1 fan Steve Bracks as Premier of Victoria did not jinx the side. Bracks' resignation, incidentally, got about a quarter of the press of Kevin Sheedy's sacking, Victorians have their priorities right! Sydney took the points without breaking a sweat against the continually dismal Richmond.
There were a few close ones too- the Bombers won for Kevin Sheedy, as we had all hoped they would. Adelaide, wearing red jumpers for some unapparent reason, were the fall guys and are now a game behind the pace although they do have a very good percentage. Carlton were much improved under caretaker Brett Ratten but the Saints had enough in reserve to take the four points. And Hawthorn's Fortress Launceston was breached by the massively surprising Carrararoos, who are responsible for widespread indigestion amongst many a tipster forced to eat his or her hat.
God that's a long post! Hope some of that made sense. Another weekend looms, and it is fair to say that the 2007 finals series is well under way already with a number of games being absolute must-wins. The battle to take part in the September action is one of the closest in years and August promises to be a belter of a month. Hope your team's a winner (unless you're a Magpie fan, for whom suffering is good for the soul), see you back here for Round 18.
26 July 2007
Round 17: Bring me the Heads of the Essendon Board!
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos, and with muffled drum,
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come....
Sorry to get all literary (WH Auden, see Four Weddings and a Funeral) this week, but the sacking of Denis Pagan from Carlton moved me in a way that surprised even myself. So you can imagine my reaction when two days later Kevin Sheedy got the boot from Essendon after 27 years! Like most Bombers fans I went through the full gamut of emotions- anger, disbelief, shock, rage, apoplexy, nostalgia, wrath, grim foreboding, mild gratification (when I opened a letter from the Department of Revenue telling me I had received a $7000 First Home Buyers Grant, not strictly relevant to the Kevin Sheedy issue really) and finally a dull acceptance. Luckily I was in a non-footballing state or territory, down in Melbourne the talkback lines were spontaneously combusting and mobs of enraged red and black partisans were marching on Windy Hill with flaming torches demanding the heads of the Essendon Football Club board on platters. Such sentiments are understandable when you consider that Sheedy had been at the Bombers' helm since 1981- in that time his former club Richmond has been coached by (deep breath)- Tony Jewell, Francis Bourke, Mike Patterson, Paul Sproule, Tony Jewell (again), Kevin Bartlett, Allan Jeans, John Northey, Robert Walls, Jeff Gieschen, Danny Frawley and now Terry Wallace. Many Bombers supporters (myself included) have not known Essendon under any other coach (Barry Davis was the last one, trivia buffs take note), to say nothing of the players who have spent their entire careers under him. Sheedy came to office in 1981, the same year that Ronald Reagan came into the White House, Bucks Fizz won the Eurovision Song Contest for the UK, Prince Charles married Diana, Belize became independent, and Hosni Mubarak became President of Egypt. Only Mubarak has matched Sheedy for staying power (although my personal theory is that an animatronic version of Mubarak has been operating via remote control for some time now) and none of the above can claim to have been anywhere near as successful (Cold War, Shmold War!). Sheedy's amazing on-field record and accomplishments have been well documented- four day premierships from seven Grand Finals, six night flags, a positive win-loss percentage against every other club bar Port Adelaide- but it is his contribution to changing the face of the game from a small parochial suburban competition to a truly national game that will be his lasting memorial (not that he's dead or anything!) People who take the stance that Sheedy was "just a football coach" are missing the point- Denis Pagan was just a football coach (albiet a very, very good one). Sheedy was an icon not just of Essendon or the AFL but of the entire nation. His efforts to promote indigenous players have earned him a place of pride in Aboriginal Australia, while his moves to build up Anzac Day through the annual Essendon-Collingwood match have contributed to the resurgence of interest in the day from its previously moribund state. His departure from the Bombers really is the end of an era. I myself commemorated Sheedy Regicide Day with a sixpack of James Boags and a re-viewing of the last quarter of the 1984 Grand Final, one of my most cherished childhood moments. For an eight year old kid to see his team launch the mother of all comebacks to snatch glory from the side which had traumatised it (and him) 12 months earlier provided evidence that there was after all some justice in life, and sometimes the good guys won. And to think I only learnt this valuable life lesson because Sheedy moved Billy Duckworth and Paul Weston into the forward line! Vale Sheeds, you'll be sadly missed.
Hard now to remember what actually took place on the weekend just gone given the massive events that followed but I'll do my best. My recollections are made even more hazy by the fact that I had a Saturday night out in Sydney of the kind that can only be pieced together in the cold light of the following day by signed witness statements and closed circuit television footage... I was lucky enough to miss Australia's sporting Black Saturday, in which the Wallabies, Socceroos and netballers (do they have a nickname?) all went down like nine-pins. I was also blissfully unaware that over in Perth Brownlow medallist and allegedly reformed crystal methamphetamine addict Ben Cousins was making a stunning return to the game against the Eagles' mighty rivals the Swans. Cousins looked (I am assured) as if he'd never been away as he racked up 38 touches in the Eagles' 12 point win- 12 points being the total accumulated margin for the previous five matches between the two sides. I was aware that the Bombers had gone down earlier in the day to Collingwood but chose to pretend that I wasn't. All too depressing.
The Friday night game provided further evidence that Geelong is a very, very good team in 2007. They steamrolled the Bulldogs in the final quarter, shattering the Doggies' spirit after three quarters of hard slog and doing serious damage to their percentage into the bargain. It's all looking rosy down at Catland just now, although they must be a tad concerned that their coach "Bomber" Thompson is out of contract and there are now four cashed-up clubs looking for a new coach (well, three with cash and Melbourne).
One of those clubs is Fremantle, who gave another ex-Bomber the chance to make his coaching debut away to Adelaide. And he was able to get a most unexpected win first up as the Dockers accounted for tipsters' nightmare side the Crows. All money in the bank in terms of getting a senior job somewhere next year. Demons' interim coach Mark Riley suffered a loss in his match against the Carrararoos who are unbelievably up to second place after being written off by all and sundry pre-season. The only highlight for the Dees was a possible mark of the year to young star Matthew Newton (not to be confused with Bert's woman-bashing son). And up at the Gabba the woefully unsuccessful five year stewardship of Denis Pagan came to an appropriate end with a 117 point belting by the Lions, after which the plug was pulled to the general relief of all. Carlton under Pagan have not improved in the slightest over the five years, unless you count the two Let's Throw the Victorian Clubs a Bone Cups and their infuriating habit of beating Essendon every year. Pagan can take solice in the fact that in future years he will probably be remembered more for his two premierships at North than for his five forgettable years at Princes' Park. After all, not too many people remember the "Messiah Years" at Melbourne when Ron Barassi's coaching career is recalled. Jonathon Brown broke the Brisbane goalkicking record for a single match with a lazy ten.
Two other games rounded out Round 16- Port easily accounted for the hapless Richmond in Tiger legend Matthew Richardson's 250th, the Power moving into the top four. And rapidly rising St Kilda took the points over rapidly declining Hawthorn in the rematch of the Worst Game Ever between the two sides played earlier in the season. Thankfully this match was a far less dire affair, although that's not setting the bar particularly high as the first match was a stinker par excellence.
So a historic week in the annals of AFL history. An era has ended at Essendon, although Sheedy will be staying on until the end of the season (watch us win the premiership now after a late charge!) It has been a rare season for coaching carnage- a quarter of those who started the season are now out of a job. Will there be more to come? Can Ben Cousins stay on the wagon? Will Richmond win again this year? Can anyone beat Geelong? All these questions and more to be answered in weeks to come, here at your one-stop footywrap shop.
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos, and with muffled drum,
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come....
Sorry to get all literary (WH Auden, see Four Weddings and a Funeral) this week, but the sacking of Denis Pagan from Carlton moved me in a way that surprised even myself. So you can imagine my reaction when two days later Kevin Sheedy got the boot from Essendon after 27 years! Like most Bombers fans I went through the full gamut of emotions- anger, disbelief, shock, rage, apoplexy, nostalgia, wrath, grim foreboding, mild gratification (when I opened a letter from the Department of Revenue telling me I had received a $7000 First Home Buyers Grant, not strictly relevant to the Kevin Sheedy issue really) and finally a dull acceptance. Luckily I was in a non-footballing state or territory, down in Melbourne the talkback lines were spontaneously combusting and mobs of enraged red and black partisans were marching on Windy Hill with flaming torches demanding the heads of the Essendon Football Club board on platters. Such sentiments are understandable when you consider that Sheedy had been at the Bombers' helm since 1981- in that time his former club Richmond has been coached by (deep breath)- Tony Jewell, Francis Bourke, Mike Patterson, Paul Sproule, Tony Jewell (again), Kevin Bartlett, Allan Jeans, John Northey, Robert Walls, Jeff Gieschen, Danny Frawley and now Terry Wallace. Many Bombers supporters (myself included) have not known Essendon under any other coach (Barry Davis was the last one, trivia buffs take note), to say nothing of the players who have spent their entire careers under him. Sheedy came to office in 1981, the same year that Ronald Reagan came into the White House, Bucks Fizz won the Eurovision Song Contest for the UK, Prince Charles married Diana, Belize became independent, and Hosni Mubarak became President of Egypt. Only Mubarak has matched Sheedy for staying power (although my personal theory is that an animatronic version of Mubarak has been operating via remote control for some time now) and none of the above can claim to have been anywhere near as successful (Cold War, Shmold War!). Sheedy's amazing on-field record and accomplishments have been well documented- four day premierships from seven Grand Finals, six night flags, a positive win-loss percentage against every other club bar Port Adelaide- but it is his contribution to changing the face of the game from a small parochial suburban competition to a truly national game that will be his lasting memorial (not that he's dead or anything!) People who take the stance that Sheedy was "just a football coach" are missing the point- Denis Pagan was just a football coach (albiet a very, very good one). Sheedy was an icon not just of Essendon or the AFL but of the entire nation. His efforts to promote indigenous players have earned him a place of pride in Aboriginal Australia, while his moves to build up Anzac Day through the annual Essendon-Collingwood match have contributed to the resurgence of interest in the day from its previously moribund state. His departure from the Bombers really is the end of an era. I myself commemorated Sheedy Regicide Day with a sixpack of James Boags and a re-viewing of the last quarter of the 1984 Grand Final, one of my most cherished childhood moments. For an eight year old kid to see his team launch the mother of all comebacks to snatch glory from the side which had traumatised it (and him) 12 months earlier provided evidence that there was after all some justice in life, and sometimes the good guys won. And to think I only learnt this valuable life lesson because Sheedy moved Billy Duckworth and Paul Weston into the forward line! Vale Sheeds, you'll be sadly missed.
Hard now to remember what actually took place on the weekend just gone given the massive events that followed but I'll do my best. My recollections are made even more hazy by the fact that I had a Saturday night out in Sydney of the kind that can only be pieced together in the cold light of the following day by signed witness statements and closed circuit television footage... I was lucky enough to miss Australia's sporting Black Saturday, in which the Wallabies, Socceroos and netballers (do they have a nickname?) all went down like nine-pins. I was also blissfully unaware that over in Perth Brownlow medallist and allegedly reformed crystal methamphetamine addict Ben Cousins was making a stunning return to the game against the Eagles' mighty rivals the Swans. Cousins looked (I am assured) as if he'd never been away as he racked up 38 touches in the Eagles' 12 point win- 12 points being the total accumulated margin for the previous five matches between the two sides. I was aware that the Bombers had gone down earlier in the day to Collingwood but chose to pretend that I wasn't. All too depressing.
The Friday night game provided further evidence that Geelong is a very, very good team in 2007. They steamrolled the Bulldogs in the final quarter, shattering the Doggies' spirit after three quarters of hard slog and doing serious damage to their percentage into the bargain. It's all looking rosy down at Catland just now, although they must be a tad concerned that their coach "Bomber" Thompson is out of contract and there are now four cashed-up clubs looking for a new coach (well, three with cash and Melbourne).
One of those clubs is Fremantle, who gave another ex-Bomber the chance to make his coaching debut away to Adelaide. And he was able to get a most unexpected win first up as the Dockers accounted for tipsters' nightmare side the Crows. All money in the bank in terms of getting a senior job somewhere next year. Demons' interim coach Mark Riley suffered a loss in his match against the Carrararoos who are unbelievably up to second place after being written off by all and sundry pre-season. The only highlight for the Dees was a possible mark of the year to young star Matthew Newton (not to be confused with Bert's woman-bashing son). And up at the Gabba the woefully unsuccessful five year stewardship of Denis Pagan came to an appropriate end with a 117 point belting by the Lions, after which the plug was pulled to the general relief of all. Carlton under Pagan have not improved in the slightest over the five years, unless you count the two Let's Throw the Victorian Clubs a Bone Cups and their infuriating habit of beating Essendon every year. Pagan can take solice in the fact that in future years he will probably be remembered more for his two premierships at North than for his five forgettable years at Princes' Park. After all, not too many people remember the "Messiah Years" at Melbourne when Ron Barassi's coaching career is recalled. Jonathon Brown broke the Brisbane goalkicking record for a single match with a lazy ten.
Two other games rounded out Round 16- Port easily accounted for the hapless Richmond in Tiger legend Matthew Richardson's 250th, the Power moving into the top four. And rapidly rising St Kilda took the points over rapidly declining Hawthorn in the rematch of the Worst Game Ever between the two sides played earlier in the season. Thankfully this match was a far less dire affair, although that's not setting the bar particularly high as the first match was a stinker par excellence.
So a historic week in the annals of AFL history. An era has ended at Essendon, although Sheedy will be staying on until the end of the season (watch us win the premiership now after a late charge!) It has been a rare season for coaching carnage- a quarter of those who started the season are now out of a job. Will there be more to come? Can Ben Cousins stay on the wagon? Will Richmond win again this year? Can anyone beat Geelong? All these questions and more to be answered in weeks to come, here at your one-stop footywrap shop.
19 July 2007
Round Fifteen: A brilliant move by the comrades
In recent years there has been much doom and gloom in the Garden State of Victoria over the inept performances of its various footballing outfits. No Vic team has won the premiership since the Bombers' glorious all-conquering performance of 2000; no Vic team has even made the Grand Final since Collingwood's hilariously woeful turn in 2003- the closest thing you'll ever see to a forfeit in a match in which both teams have actually turned up and are out there on the ground at the same time. Last year the Victorians couldn't even get as far as preliminary final weekend- you know you're in trouble when the Fremantle Dockers' season remains alive when your team is off causing merry booze-fuelled mayhem on a post-season jaunt in some underprepared South-East Asian resort. Such haplessness led at the start of the season to suggestions of a football inquest to find the reason why the interstaters were carrying away all the silverware every season (with the dishonourable exception of the preseason "Let's Throw the Victorian Clubs a Bone Cup"). But fifteen rounds in all plans of that nature have been shelved- it's the Vic clubs way out in front and at this stage looking odds-on to break the premiership/ Grand Final appearance duck (although Richmond, Melbourne and Carlton are carrying on the proud tradition of Big V incompetence).
The side leading the charge are of course the Geelong Cats, flagless since 1963 (although they were perennial bridesmaids in the early 1990s). After the disappointment of last season, when they were raging favourites after winning the LTTVCAB cup but didn't make it to September, the Pivotonians have swept all before them this season and are sitting on top by several games and a truckload of percentage courtesy primarily of their usual whipping boys the Richmond Tigers. Excitement down at Sleepy Hollow has reached fever pitch, and we're still in July. The Cats featured in the match of Round 15, a rare Saturday afternoon fixture at the MCG against the similarly resurgent Magpies. This encounter represented the biggest home and away match in Victoria since the Close Enough to Invincible Dons of 2000 took on arch-rivals Carlton. So you can imagine the righteous rage that flew into the hearts of the good denizens of Catland when they turned up at the railway station eager to travel to the capital for the big game only to discover that the transport union had decided to call a train strike for that day! And people say that the unions are out of touch with ordinary people. Brilliant move, comrades, an entire city converted instantly into rabid Thatcherites. If the Howard Government sneaks back into office this year courtesy of a single seat located in the Corio Bay area we'll know who to blame!
Luckily however most of the Feline army made it to the MCG courtesy of a fleet of buses and were thus able to witness their team extend their winning streak to ten games with a narrow but convincing win over the Magpies. They're clearly the team to beat. Hawthorn moved into second place with a straightforward win over the lowly Tigers, while 2007 surprise packet the Carrararoos shot into third with a gritty 2 point away victory over the stuttering Dockers. The defeat proved the deathknell for Freo coach Chris Connolly (as predicted here last week) who called it quits after the loss. Connolly was probably destined to depart the Purple Haze sooner or later given how disappointing the Dockers have been this year, but can blame the dodgy kicking style of defender Scott Thornton for the ultimate Roos defeat- Thornton missed a sitter from 30 metres out with a minute to go which would have put Freo in front. Freo's shocking week culminated with serial fool Jeff Farmer's latest indiscretion- smashing someone's parked car in front of security guards- which could see him drummed out of the club. No wonder Mike the Dockers' fan is off sick today, there's only so much a man can bear!
The weekend commenced well for the Victorian teams, with St Kilda also stealing a 2 point win over interstate opposition in the form of Adelaide. I was lucky enough to catch the end of the match down at the pub, where I had gone with some friends to see Australia's appalling capitulation to Iraq in the soccer. Absolutely abysmal performance, for mine the most embarrassing performance by any sporting outfit representing Australia since our boat sank beneath the waves while racing the Kiwis in the America's Cup. The aftermath of that race series, incidentally, was quite ludicrous- the dejected Australian skipper offered full support and assistance to the slightly incredulous New Zealanders who must have been thinking along the lines of "yeah, thanks a lot mate, I think we'll probably be OK with our unsubmerged boat..." I think from memory the same skipper went on to hail NZ's eventual victory over the Americans as "A great victory for the Pacific Rim!" Talk about clutching at straws! The Saints were very good in their win, a late charge for the finals could well see them sneak into the eight yet. Another Victorian team tipped to do well this year and seemingly coming good at the right time is the Western Bulldogs, who had a straightforward victory over a depleted Essendon. The Bombers have a shocking draw in the final stages and will need to really lift to make the eight. The Dons are due to make a big decision this week as to whether Kevin Sheedy will remain at the helm for his 28th straight season.
It wasn't all bad news for the interstaters, Sydney took the points at home against struggling Carlton who haven't had a win up north since about 1993. Brisbane won "away" at the Gabba against Melbourne- that move to sell home games interstate has really worked out well for the Demons! And Port Adelaide ensured it was a miserable weekend for footy fans in WA of both persuasions by giving West Coast an absolute hiding- 91 points being the Eagles' biggest defeat for many a year. Eagles' star captain Chris Judd (not the one who was briefly married to J-Lo) limped off the field at the end and may need surgery before the finals. Luckily the West Coast have in reserve reformed "ice" addict Ben Cousins who you would expect to see out on the field sooner rather than later.
So now that everyone has played everyone else it is clear that at this stage only a transport strike can stop Geelong; Richmond, Melbourne and Carlton are all useless; and everyone else is still in with a chance of playing finals ("mathematically" in the case of Fremantle and probably Brisbane). Two coaches are gone, more could follow shortly. It's the best of times for some Vic clubs, the worst of times for others. And there's still a third of the season to go. See you back here for Round 16.
The side leading the charge are of course the Geelong Cats, flagless since 1963 (although they were perennial bridesmaids in the early 1990s). After the disappointment of last season, when they were raging favourites after winning the LTTVCAB cup but didn't make it to September, the Pivotonians have swept all before them this season and are sitting on top by several games and a truckload of percentage courtesy primarily of their usual whipping boys the Richmond Tigers. Excitement down at Sleepy Hollow has reached fever pitch, and we're still in July. The Cats featured in the match of Round 15, a rare Saturday afternoon fixture at the MCG against the similarly resurgent Magpies. This encounter represented the biggest home and away match in Victoria since the Close Enough to Invincible Dons of 2000 took on arch-rivals Carlton. So you can imagine the righteous rage that flew into the hearts of the good denizens of Catland when they turned up at the railway station eager to travel to the capital for the big game only to discover that the transport union had decided to call a train strike for that day! And people say that the unions are out of touch with ordinary people. Brilliant move, comrades, an entire city converted instantly into rabid Thatcherites. If the Howard Government sneaks back into office this year courtesy of a single seat located in the Corio Bay area we'll know who to blame!
Luckily however most of the Feline army made it to the MCG courtesy of a fleet of buses and were thus able to witness their team extend their winning streak to ten games with a narrow but convincing win over the Magpies. They're clearly the team to beat. Hawthorn moved into second place with a straightforward win over the lowly Tigers, while 2007 surprise packet the Carrararoos shot into third with a gritty 2 point away victory over the stuttering Dockers. The defeat proved the deathknell for Freo coach Chris Connolly (as predicted here last week) who called it quits after the loss. Connolly was probably destined to depart the Purple Haze sooner or later given how disappointing the Dockers have been this year, but can blame the dodgy kicking style of defender Scott Thornton for the ultimate Roos defeat- Thornton missed a sitter from 30 metres out with a minute to go which would have put Freo in front. Freo's shocking week culminated with serial fool Jeff Farmer's latest indiscretion- smashing someone's parked car in front of security guards- which could see him drummed out of the club. No wonder Mike the Dockers' fan is off sick today, there's only so much a man can bear!
The weekend commenced well for the Victorian teams, with St Kilda also stealing a 2 point win over interstate opposition in the form of Adelaide. I was lucky enough to catch the end of the match down at the pub, where I had gone with some friends to see Australia's appalling capitulation to Iraq in the soccer. Absolutely abysmal performance, for mine the most embarrassing performance by any sporting outfit representing Australia since our boat sank beneath the waves while racing the Kiwis in the America's Cup. The aftermath of that race series, incidentally, was quite ludicrous- the dejected Australian skipper offered full support and assistance to the slightly incredulous New Zealanders who must have been thinking along the lines of "yeah, thanks a lot mate, I think we'll probably be OK with our unsubmerged boat..." I think from memory the same skipper went on to hail NZ's eventual victory over the Americans as "A great victory for the Pacific Rim!" Talk about clutching at straws! The Saints were very good in their win, a late charge for the finals could well see them sneak into the eight yet. Another Victorian team tipped to do well this year and seemingly coming good at the right time is the Western Bulldogs, who had a straightforward victory over a depleted Essendon. The Bombers have a shocking draw in the final stages and will need to really lift to make the eight. The Dons are due to make a big decision this week as to whether Kevin Sheedy will remain at the helm for his 28th straight season.
It wasn't all bad news for the interstaters, Sydney took the points at home against struggling Carlton who haven't had a win up north since about 1993. Brisbane won "away" at the Gabba against Melbourne- that move to sell home games interstate has really worked out well for the Demons! And Port Adelaide ensured it was a miserable weekend for footy fans in WA of both persuasions by giving West Coast an absolute hiding- 91 points being the Eagles' biggest defeat for many a year. Eagles' star captain Chris Judd (not the one who was briefly married to J-Lo) limped off the field at the end and may need surgery before the finals. Luckily the West Coast have in reserve reformed "ice" addict Ben Cousins who you would expect to see out on the field sooner rather than later.
So now that everyone has played everyone else it is clear that at this stage only a transport strike can stop Geelong; Richmond, Melbourne and Carlton are all useless; and everyone else is still in with a chance of playing finals ("mathematically" in the case of Fremantle and probably Brisbane). Two coaches are gone, more could follow shortly. It's the best of times for some Vic clubs, the worst of times for others. And there's still a third of the season to go. See you back here for Round 16.
11 July 2007
Round Fourteen: Living in the Seventies
In recent weeks (and months...) this column has bagged the AFL on many an occasion, albeit for generally good reasons. But it is important to be positive too when the opportunity strikes. And so, let me say without qualification, that whoever's idea it was to have the annual heritage round deserves a pat on the back and a bar card at the Spearmint Rhino nightclub- it's a cracker of an idea. As I recall the original heritage round was a one-off during the 1996 centenary season featuring the original eight teams wearing old timey colours and faux-lace up jumpers, and the other johnny-come-lately teams just wearing their regular jumpers I believe. The concept then appears to have laid dormant until 2003, when it came bursting back with a vengeance. The AFL made a probably sensible decision to introduce a theme for the heritage round recently, given that having for example Carlton in a 19th century replica playing Brisbane in the original eyewatering Bears jumper was a bit of a trippy experience. So while last year we had the '80s round, this year we were all living in the '70s, as the song goes.
One of the real benefits of having a theme for the heritage round is that it allows for a focus on a specific time period, as well as allowing the players to run around in lairy strips. With the exception of Essendon, who were rubbish for the entire decade, the '70s was a bit of a halcyon era for football. Some of the alltime greats plied their trade during this period (Jezza, Blight, Matthews etc), some of the most historic matches took place (70, 77 and 79 Grand Finals), and some of the most iconic moments with accompanying classic commentary occurred ("Oh, Jesalenko (sic), you beauty!"; "Matthews has snapped the point post! Talk about a he-man!"; "Harmes snaps it back to Sheldon...it's a goal!". Media coverage during the week saw many of the old players, coaches and commentators reminiscing about the old days and the old grounds and characters, it was great to hear some of the stories about a bygone era when the money was less but the passion was every bit equal.
This was also the decade that saw colour television come into play, and with it garish shorts and jumper shades for a number of teams. Mercifully by the '80s most teams had quietly gone back to the slightly less aesthetically offensive lower garments, but for one round a year wheel them out I say! So we had Essendon and the Bulldogs in red shorts, Richmond in yellow shorts and Melbourne in a most fetching royal blue shade which had the bonus effect of removing the colour clash with Carlton. The Dees were able to give interim coach Mark Riley a winning start with a win over the Blues, pride being the only thing at stake for these two clubs now in 2007. The other team out of the running, Richmond, put up a brave show against North but the Roos proved too strong and kept their unexpectedly good run going for another week. Pre-season favourites Fremantle were desperate for a win up at Sydney to keep their fast sinking 2007 hopes alive but the Swans, inspired by Michael O'Laughlin's games record and Adam Goodes' 200th, took the points and significantly boosted their own chances of finals action. How many weeks left until Chris Connolly becomes the latest member of the sacked coaches club?
I wrote last week about the Big Occasion game- Essendon came into their clash against high-flying Geelong welcoming back two-time cancer survivor Adam Ramanauskas and celebrating 250 games for favourite son James Hird. But the Big Occasion turned into a stinker for the Dons with Hird and young gun Alwyn Davey going down injured and key players Dustin Fletcher and Mark McVeigh going into the umpire's book as the Cats continued on their merry way. The possible finals rivals for the Cats had mixed results- Collingwood deservedly prevailed in a dour struggle in the wet against St Kilda, if only because the Saints refused to join in the '70s theme and turned up in all-white- very helpful to avoid a colour clash against a team wearing black and white. The Western Bulldogs came through against Port Adelaide. Curiously there was much pre-game hype and excitement that this was the first time Port had worn the old "prison bars" outfit that they had worn in the old Uncle Toby's SANFL prior to joining the big boys league- it clearly wasn't, the invaluable footyjumpers.com website shows undisputable evidence that they wore that jumper in the heritage round in 2003. Short memories, people!
The Power's crosstown rivals the Crows delivered what should have been the big shock of the round by thumping previously resurgent Hawthorn at Football Park. But less than 24 hours later the biggest upset in years- at least since the Saints beat the Eagles some weeks ago- occurred in the West. Once more West Coast were the fall guys, perhaps lulled into a false sense of security by the fact that while they were running around in the 1977 WA State of Origin jumper, the opponents Brisbane were sporting the old Fitzroy colours. Halfway through the first quarter the odds on a Lions win were 21 to 1- not a bad bet as it turned out as Brisbane romped home to stun all and sundry. The win was the first at Subiaco Oval ever by a team wearing the Roys jumper (although they did once win at the WACA long ago) and the loss consigned the Eagles from third to... second, courtesy of Hawthorn's belting and subsequent percentage loss. Strange things happened in the Seventies!
Apologies for the delay in this week's wrap, I joined the ranks of the nation's homeowners over the weekend. Finally I have an opinion on interest rates! Round 15 to come quicker I hope.
One of the real benefits of having a theme for the heritage round is that it allows for a focus on a specific time period, as well as allowing the players to run around in lairy strips. With the exception of Essendon, who were rubbish for the entire decade, the '70s was a bit of a halcyon era for football. Some of the alltime greats plied their trade during this period (Jezza, Blight, Matthews etc), some of the most historic matches took place (70, 77 and 79 Grand Finals), and some of the most iconic moments with accompanying classic commentary occurred ("Oh, Jesalenko (sic), you beauty!"; "Matthews has snapped the point post! Talk about a he-man!"; "Harmes snaps it back to Sheldon...it's a goal!". Media coverage during the week saw many of the old players, coaches and commentators reminiscing about the old days and the old grounds and characters, it was great to hear some of the stories about a bygone era when the money was less but the passion was every bit equal.
This was also the decade that saw colour television come into play, and with it garish shorts and jumper shades for a number of teams. Mercifully by the '80s most teams had quietly gone back to the slightly less aesthetically offensive lower garments, but for one round a year wheel them out I say! So we had Essendon and the Bulldogs in red shorts, Richmond in yellow shorts and Melbourne in a most fetching royal blue shade which had the bonus effect of removing the colour clash with Carlton. The Dees were able to give interim coach Mark Riley a winning start with a win over the Blues, pride being the only thing at stake for these two clubs now in 2007. The other team out of the running, Richmond, put up a brave show against North but the Roos proved too strong and kept their unexpectedly good run going for another week. Pre-season favourites Fremantle were desperate for a win up at Sydney to keep their fast sinking 2007 hopes alive but the Swans, inspired by Michael O'Laughlin's games record and Adam Goodes' 200th, took the points and significantly boosted their own chances of finals action. How many weeks left until Chris Connolly becomes the latest member of the sacked coaches club?
I wrote last week about the Big Occasion game- Essendon came into their clash against high-flying Geelong welcoming back two-time cancer survivor Adam Ramanauskas and celebrating 250 games for favourite son James Hird. But the Big Occasion turned into a stinker for the Dons with Hird and young gun Alwyn Davey going down injured and key players Dustin Fletcher and Mark McVeigh going into the umpire's book as the Cats continued on their merry way. The possible finals rivals for the Cats had mixed results- Collingwood deservedly prevailed in a dour struggle in the wet against St Kilda, if only because the Saints refused to join in the '70s theme and turned up in all-white- very helpful to avoid a colour clash against a team wearing black and white. The Western Bulldogs came through against Port Adelaide. Curiously there was much pre-game hype and excitement that this was the first time Port had worn the old "prison bars" outfit that they had worn in the old Uncle Toby's SANFL prior to joining the big boys league- it clearly wasn't, the invaluable footyjumpers.com website shows undisputable evidence that they wore that jumper in the heritage round in 2003. Short memories, people!
The Power's crosstown rivals the Crows delivered what should have been the big shock of the round by thumping previously resurgent Hawthorn at Football Park. But less than 24 hours later the biggest upset in years- at least since the Saints beat the Eagles some weeks ago- occurred in the West. Once more West Coast were the fall guys, perhaps lulled into a false sense of security by the fact that while they were running around in the 1977 WA State of Origin jumper, the opponents Brisbane were sporting the old Fitzroy colours. Halfway through the first quarter the odds on a Lions win were 21 to 1- not a bad bet as it turned out as Brisbane romped home to stun all and sundry. The win was the first at Subiaco Oval ever by a team wearing the Roys jumper (although they did once win at the WACA long ago) and the loss consigned the Eagles from third to... second, courtesy of Hawthorn's belting and subsequent percentage loss. Strange things happened in the Seventies!
Apologies for the delay in this week's wrap, I joined the ranks of the nation's homeowners over the weekend. Finally I have an opinion on interest rates! Round 15 to come quicker I hope.
05 July 2007
Round Thirteen: The Big Occasions
Although every home and away match is important, three or four times a year every club encounters the Big Occasion match. Often the occasion is a milestone match for a club favourite (case in point St Kilda's unlikely win over West Coast in Rob Harvey's 350th), sometimes it's a regular fixture like Anzac Day for Collingwood and Essendon or the Western Derby (which rhymes with Barbie or Herbie depending on your level of education)/ Showdown match for the Perth/Adelaide interlopers, and sometimes it's the result of something else entirely. One of the most memorable Big Occasion matches in recent years was Jason McCartney's return to AFL football after suffering horrendous injuries in the Bali Bombing, an unforgettably moving night for those who witnessed it. North rose to the occasion on that night, taking the four points over Richmond. The Roos were involved in a Big Occasion match of another kind around the same time when former captain and club champion Wayne Carey played his first game against them (for the Crows) after being drummed out of the club for cuckolding his vice-captain/best mate's wife. This time, despite no shortage of motivational material, the Roos were unable to get up and score a win (unlike Carey, who by all accounts had no problems either with getting it up or with scoring). So while teams generally do lift for the Big Occasion match, victory is by no means guaranteed.
Round Thirteen was significant in that there were no less than three Big Occasion matches, all for very different reasons. The Roos were yet again involved- their club legend, Norm Smith Medallist and Shinboner of the Century Glenn Archer was playing his 300th match against the Dogs, only the second Roo to achieve the 300 game milestone. Melbourne were farewelling their long-serving coach Neale Daniher after ten years and a Grand Final appearance against Essendon in 2000, ironically the team they were playing in Round 13 (and of course Daniher's former club). And all eyes were on the Collingwood-Hawthorn game, in particular on Magpie Alan Didak. Didak, as alluded to in last week's Wrap, had a fortnight earlier engaged in a big night out with the man who allegedly went on to become the CBD murderer, a night in which shots had been fired at police. How would Didak respond to the widespread public criticism of him for failing to report the eventful evening to the proper authorities, therefore potentially preventing the CBD triple shooting and the death of an innocent Melbourne solicitor?
The Round kicked off with the Dees-Dons game, and in the first quarter Melbourne failed dismally to raise to the moment as the Bombers ran rampant. However Daniher's last ever quarter time speech obviously inspired the Demons, as they fought back courageously to put themselves right back in the match. His last ever half-time and three quarter time speeches were obviously absolute belters as the Demons played all over Essendon and with only a minute or two to go were 17 points up and seemingly destined to send Daniher out on a high note. Unfortunately the Bombers hadn't read the script and put through a couple of late goals, including a Scott Lucas effort with 5 seconds on the clock, to take the match by just 2 points. Unbelievable. Essendon are doing their upmost to give their supporters heart attacks this season, their last four wins have been by 8 points (including a goal after the siren), 1 point, 1 point and now 2 points. Last year they would have lost all four. Go Dons!
Unlike Melbourne, the Carrararoos had no difficulty whatsoever in ensuring that Glenn Archer's 300th game was one to savour and never looked like going down to the Dogs. Roos forward Drew Petrie opened like a man possessed, kicking six first quarter goals before the shell-shocked Dogs were able to close him down. The only dampener on the match for North was that they were only able to get 39,000 to the match, another nail in the coffin of their chances of staying longterm in Melbourne. The poor crowd size made a mockery of the AFL's idiotic decision not to switch the game from the MCG to the Telstra Dome, where 50,000 odd Hawks and Magpies supporters squeezed in to see the match of the round (thousands more were unable to get in and watched it on TV- not Channel 7 of course). Didak, who was roundly booed every time he went near the ball, was unable to have any real effect for the Magpies and it was Hawthorn who took the points and were sitting pretty in the top two at the end of the round. Collingwood's hypocritical disciplinary policy has come in for a lot of stick over the past two seasons- important players like Tarrant (now departed), Johnson and Didak can seemingly commit regicide and remain in the team, whereas lesser lights cop suspensions for offences as pissweak as leaving the team hotel without permission for a walk around the block after an interstate win. Will be interesting to see whether this policy, which must surely be completely disastrous for team spirit and morale, is reviewed at the end of the season if the Pies fail in the finals again.
At the top of the table Geelong continued on its merry way with a straightforward home victory over Sydney, although a late Swans charge probably caused a heart flutter or two among the Swans faithful. The loss probably makes it impossible for Sydney to get a top four position, although only a fool would write them off just yet. Sydney are now level on points with pre-season premiership favourites Freo, who belted Carlton at Subiaco. Another player who has featured prominently in banner headlines for off-field incidents, publicans' scourge Brendan Fevola, may well have played his last match for the Blues after a petulant and ill-tempered display led to him receiving a one week ban from the club with the instruction to "go away and think about it". No doubt the club hopes that Fev is taking a good hard look at himself, will hopefully come back prepared to do the hard yards, straighten up and fly right and all the rest of that crap. But they'll probably just end up trading him to Fremantle.
Elsewhere the Eagles continued their recent dominance over the Crows by taking the points in Adelaide, ending a two game losing streak and keeping in touch with the top two in the process. Port ended Brisbane's chances of an unlikely finals appearance at the Gabba, although they had to withstand a mighty last quarter onslaught from the Lions to do so, and St Kilda kept their 2007 hopes alive by edging out the wooden spoon favourites Richmond.
The round approaching promises more in the way of Big Occasions- James Hird is due to play his 250th, Adam Ramanauskas is making a comeback from cancer that rivals McCartney's for pure courage and guts, while Ben Cousins will also return from his much publicised absence from the game in coming weeks if not this one. Can their teams lift to meet the expectations generated by the buzz? How will their opponents react? Find out back here next week when we discuss Round 14.
Round Thirteen was significant in that there were no less than three Big Occasion matches, all for very different reasons. The Roos were yet again involved- their club legend, Norm Smith Medallist and Shinboner of the Century Glenn Archer was playing his 300th match against the Dogs, only the second Roo to achieve the 300 game milestone. Melbourne were farewelling their long-serving coach Neale Daniher after ten years and a Grand Final appearance against Essendon in 2000, ironically the team they were playing in Round 13 (and of course Daniher's former club). And all eyes were on the Collingwood-Hawthorn game, in particular on Magpie Alan Didak. Didak, as alluded to in last week's Wrap, had a fortnight earlier engaged in a big night out with the man who allegedly went on to become the CBD murderer, a night in which shots had been fired at police. How would Didak respond to the widespread public criticism of him for failing to report the eventful evening to the proper authorities, therefore potentially preventing the CBD triple shooting and the death of an innocent Melbourne solicitor?
The Round kicked off with the Dees-Dons game, and in the first quarter Melbourne failed dismally to raise to the moment as the Bombers ran rampant. However Daniher's last ever quarter time speech obviously inspired the Demons, as they fought back courageously to put themselves right back in the match. His last ever half-time and three quarter time speeches were obviously absolute belters as the Demons played all over Essendon and with only a minute or two to go were 17 points up and seemingly destined to send Daniher out on a high note. Unfortunately the Bombers hadn't read the script and put through a couple of late goals, including a Scott Lucas effort with 5 seconds on the clock, to take the match by just 2 points. Unbelievable. Essendon are doing their upmost to give their supporters heart attacks this season, their last four wins have been by 8 points (including a goal after the siren), 1 point, 1 point and now 2 points. Last year they would have lost all four. Go Dons!
Unlike Melbourne, the Carrararoos had no difficulty whatsoever in ensuring that Glenn Archer's 300th game was one to savour and never looked like going down to the Dogs. Roos forward Drew Petrie opened like a man possessed, kicking six first quarter goals before the shell-shocked Dogs were able to close him down. The only dampener on the match for North was that they were only able to get 39,000 to the match, another nail in the coffin of their chances of staying longterm in Melbourne. The poor crowd size made a mockery of the AFL's idiotic decision not to switch the game from the MCG to the Telstra Dome, where 50,000 odd Hawks and Magpies supporters squeezed in to see the match of the round (thousands more were unable to get in and watched it on TV- not Channel 7 of course). Didak, who was roundly booed every time he went near the ball, was unable to have any real effect for the Magpies and it was Hawthorn who took the points and were sitting pretty in the top two at the end of the round. Collingwood's hypocritical disciplinary policy has come in for a lot of stick over the past two seasons- important players like Tarrant (now departed), Johnson and Didak can seemingly commit regicide and remain in the team, whereas lesser lights cop suspensions for offences as pissweak as leaving the team hotel without permission for a walk around the block after an interstate win. Will be interesting to see whether this policy, which must surely be completely disastrous for team spirit and morale, is reviewed at the end of the season if the Pies fail in the finals again.
At the top of the table Geelong continued on its merry way with a straightforward home victory over Sydney, although a late Swans charge probably caused a heart flutter or two among the Swans faithful. The loss probably makes it impossible for Sydney to get a top four position, although only a fool would write them off just yet. Sydney are now level on points with pre-season premiership favourites Freo, who belted Carlton at Subiaco. Another player who has featured prominently in banner headlines for off-field incidents, publicans' scourge Brendan Fevola, may well have played his last match for the Blues after a petulant and ill-tempered display led to him receiving a one week ban from the club with the instruction to "go away and think about it". No doubt the club hopes that Fev is taking a good hard look at himself, will hopefully come back prepared to do the hard yards, straighten up and fly right and all the rest of that crap. But they'll probably just end up trading him to Fremantle.
Elsewhere the Eagles continued their recent dominance over the Crows by taking the points in Adelaide, ending a two game losing streak and keeping in touch with the top two in the process. Port ended Brisbane's chances of an unlikely finals appearance at the Gabba, although they had to withstand a mighty last quarter onslaught from the Lions to do so, and St Kilda kept their 2007 hopes alive by edging out the wooden spoon favourites Richmond.
The round approaching promises more in the way of Big Occasions- James Hird is due to play his 250th, Adam Ramanauskas is making a comeback from cancer that rivals McCartney's for pure courage and guts, while Ben Cousins will also return from his much publicised absence from the game in coming weeks if not this one. Can their teams lift to meet the expectations generated by the buzz? How will their opponents react? Find out back here next week when we discuss Round 14.
28 June 2007
Round 12B: One game at a toim
Back in 1990, the newly-monikered AFL made a decision to further expand the national competition by extending an invitation to our teutonic brethren from the Barossa- the Adelaide Crows were born, and came on board for the 1991 season. They immediately had an impact on the competition- the Crow Throw was introduced, the number of mulletted footballers rose exponentially, and with an odd number of teams in the competition the AFL was forced to introduce a bye into the draw for the first time since University fell over at the outbreak of the First World War. Who now remembers the bye? Or University, for that matter? The Students or Professors as they were predictably nicknamed, weren't terribly competitive during their brief foray into the big leagues-playing them was arguably the equivalent of a bye in itself.
Back in the early 90s, though, coping with the bye was the subject of much analytical deep thinking and many a newspaper column. Would encountering the bye provide a team with a much needed break or would it instead destroy forward momentum? Was it even possible to win the week following the bye? Opinions differed, and many a tree fell to provide newsprint on the issue until the Freo Dockers entered the competition in 1995 and put a stop to it by putting the bye out of business.
Until, that is, the AFL decided to introduce a split round in order to give the players a week's break in the middle of the season. Many formats have been tried for the split round. At one stage all of the teams got the same week off, resulting in a completely football-free weekend in the middle of winter. Not too popular, that one, except possibly amongst long-suffering football widows. They've also been rounds split 7-1, 4-4, and this year's variety of 5-3. The same old bye discussions have come to the fore leading into the split round- how best should a team cope with the enormous distraction posed by a week off? Presumably next year Freo will adopt a different approach to having a team booze-up at a nightclub in the middle of Darwin (although maybe they'll do it again but just not invite Chris Tarrant). The weekend just gone provided the first on-field showing of how six clubs coped with the break- some a whole lot better than others.
For many weeks the battle between Melbourne and Richmond had been eagerly awaited by footy fans of many stripes- at last, one of the two sides was guaranteed to win (unless of course they did a Carlton-Essendon from last year and couldn't even beat each other). Melbourne had unfortunately spoiled the lead-up by actually winning a couple of matches against quite respectable opposition, and were warm favourites against the still winless Tigers. By halftime however the Dees were ten goals in arrears, and the game was all but over. So, as it turned out, was Neale Daniher's ten year stint as coach of Melbourne. So the week off had proved a fizzer for the Demons but a shot in the arm for Richmond, who finally got to sing their club song and did so loudly and lustily. Does the break help or hinder? Inconclusive.
No Saturday arvo games again this week, we had to wait until the next evening for our footy fix and it came courtesy of the now traditional (since 2003 I think) clash between the Swans and the Magpies up in Sydney. Sydney came into this game brimming with confidence after beating Hawthorn away; Collingwood had lost to the aforementioned Melbourne and looked ordinary doing it. Naturally enough Collingwood never looked like losing on Saturday night and have gotten nothing but positive press all week (right up until Friday when it emerged that Alan Didak had been out drinking with the alleged CBD murderer a couple of days before). But they were great on Saturday night and their new Irishman in the backline is a gem. Not only did he pick up 20-odd possessions in his 12th game of Australian Rules Football ever, he correctly noted that Collingwood was "taking it one game at a toim" in the post-match interview. A natural.
The final game for the weekend was over in Perth between the Eagles, who are just about unbeatable west of the Nullabor and St Kilda, whose season has been plagued by injury and off-field disturbance. The odds on a Saints win were a pretty inviting 6.25- not bad in a two horse race. Canny punters who put on a couple of bob in the knowledge that it was Rob Harvey's 350th match and the Saints might lift to match the occasion would have been clinking glasses of top shelf sparkling wine in the second quarter as the Saints shot out to a 44 point lead in front of the stunned Weagles crowd. By three quarter time however the wine would have ceased to sparkle as the Eagles piled on goal after goal to bring themselves back to within a goal. The smart money would have been on the Saints to capitulate in the final stages, but instead they fought tooth and nail and got themselves across the line, sparking scenes of celebration reminiscent of a Grand Final victory. Relief for the punters then, if not the tipsters. I must admit that my tipping over the weekend went to the schizenhausen, as Rex Hunt would say if 3AW still let him, but I suspect I wasn't the only one scoring a big fat zero. The curse of the split round had struck- tipsters beware!
So with the midseason hump now out of the way all teams are back on board for Round 13. While it's all academic at the bottom for Richmond and Melbourne, and probably Carlton and Brisbane, Freo and St Kilda are entering the last chance saloon for 2007. Geelong are travelling very nicely at the top but there's a lot of competition to fill the next seven spots. Every match counts, and there's going to be some tired footballers by Round 22. If only there was the opportunity for a periodic break...perhaps in the form of a bye? Maybe we could convince University to come back on board to allow this to occur? Worth considering, or another in a long line of Bad Ideas? Grateful views. Until next week then, yibba da yibba da etc.
Back in the early 90s, though, coping with the bye was the subject of much analytical deep thinking and many a newspaper column. Would encountering the bye provide a team with a much needed break or would it instead destroy forward momentum? Was it even possible to win the week following the bye? Opinions differed, and many a tree fell to provide newsprint on the issue until the Freo Dockers entered the competition in 1995 and put a stop to it by putting the bye out of business.
Until, that is, the AFL decided to introduce a split round in order to give the players a week's break in the middle of the season. Many formats have been tried for the split round. At one stage all of the teams got the same week off, resulting in a completely football-free weekend in the middle of winter. Not too popular, that one, except possibly amongst long-suffering football widows. They've also been rounds split 7-1, 4-4, and this year's variety of 5-3. The same old bye discussions have come to the fore leading into the split round- how best should a team cope with the enormous distraction posed by a week off? Presumably next year Freo will adopt a different approach to having a team booze-up at a nightclub in the middle of Darwin (although maybe they'll do it again but just not invite Chris Tarrant). The weekend just gone provided the first on-field showing of how six clubs coped with the break- some a whole lot better than others.
For many weeks the battle between Melbourne and Richmond had been eagerly awaited by footy fans of many stripes- at last, one of the two sides was guaranteed to win (unless of course they did a Carlton-Essendon from last year and couldn't even beat each other). Melbourne had unfortunately spoiled the lead-up by actually winning a couple of matches against quite respectable opposition, and were warm favourites against the still winless Tigers. By halftime however the Dees were ten goals in arrears, and the game was all but over. So, as it turned out, was Neale Daniher's ten year stint as coach of Melbourne. So the week off had proved a fizzer for the Demons but a shot in the arm for Richmond, who finally got to sing their club song and did so loudly and lustily. Does the break help or hinder? Inconclusive.
No Saturday arvo games again this week, we had to wait until the next evening for our footy fix and it came courtesy of the now traditional (since 2003 I think) clash between the Swans and the Magpies up in Sydney. Sydney came into this game brimming with confidence after beating Hawthorn away; Collingwood had lost to the aforementioned Melbourne and looked ordinary doing it. Naturally enough Collingwood never looked like losing on Saturday night and have gotten nothing but positive press all week (right up until Friday when it emerged that Alan Didak had been out drinking with the alleged CBD murderer a couple of days before). But they were great on Saturday night and their new Irishman in the backline is a gem. Not only did he pick up 20-odd possessions in his 12th game of Australian Rules Football ever, he correctly noted that Collingwood was "taking it one game at a toim" in the post-match interview. A natural.
The final game for the weekend was over in Perth between the Eagles, who are just about unbeatable west of the Nullabor and St Kilda, whose season has been plagued by injury and off-field disturbance. The odds on a Saints win were a pretty inviting 6.25- not bad in a two horse race. Canny punters who put on a couple of bob in the knowledge that it was Rob Harvey's 350th match and the Saints might lift to match the occasion would have been clinking glasses of top shelf sparkling wine in the second quarter as the Saints shot out to a 44 point lead in front of the stunned Weagles crowd. By three quarter time however the wine would have ceased to sparkle as the Eagles piled on goal after goal to bring themselves back to within a goal. The smart money would have been on the Saints to capitulate in the final stages, but instead they fought tooth and nail and got themselves across the line, sparking scenes of celebration reminiscent of a Grand Final victory. Relief for the punters then, if not the tipsters. I must admit that my tipping over the weekend went to the schizenhausen, as Rex Hunt would say if 3AW still let him, but I suspect I wasn't the only one scoring a big fat zero. The curse of the split round had struck- tipsters beware!
So with the midseason hump now out of the way all teams are back on board for Round 13. While it's all academic at the bottom for Richmond and Melbourne, and probably Carlton and Brisbane, Freo and St Kilda are entering the last chance saloon for 2007. Geelong are travelling very nicely at the top but there's a lot of competition to fill the next seven spots. Every match counts, and there's going to be some tired footballers by Round 22. If only there was the opportunity for a periodic break...perhaps in the form of a bye? Maybe we could convince University to come back on board to allow this to occur? Worth considering, or another in a long line of Bad Ideas? Grateful views. Until next week then, yibba da yibba da etc.
21 June 2007
Round Twelve Part A: Mr Belvedere, you beauty!
There is a story, possibly an urban legend, that comedian Bill Cosby was so disturbed by what he perceived as negative racial stereotypes in the original 'Lil Rascals TV series that he purchased the rights to the entire catalogue in order that they never be shown on television again. Many are questioning whether Bill's philosophy has been taken on board by the Channel Seven sports department regarding the coverage of AFL football. Why else would you spend millions of dollars on getting the footy rights back from Channel Nine and then not show a single moment of live football? To be fair, the hopeless AFL draw may be slightly to blame- Melbourne, the spiritual home of the AFL did not get a single day game on either Saturday or Sunday last weekend or this one coming. This helps to explain why Seven screened an episode of execrable sitcom "According to Jim" followed by beloved children's classic "Bedknobs and Broomsticks" last Saturday arvo- there was nothing to show in the way of footy. Indeed the AFL and its TV affiliates' aversion to natural light meant that for the entirety of Round 12 there is/was only one match played in daytime- Geelong vs Brisbane, presumably only on the grounds that Skilled Stadium doesn't have decent floodlights fitted. Am I the only one left who likes the option of watching a game down the pub on a Saturday arvo or better yet actually going to one? And don't start me on the mad idea of moving the Grand Final to 5PM in order to allow the TV people to cross to the post-match winners and losers' dinners and to shoot off fireworks at the end, I've wasted enough typing and bile on that one in earlier wraps.
Being confronted with a mad 5PM start time may explain why the Bombers were so bad on the weekend. The Dons and the Power had had completely opposite form coming into their Sunday contest- the Dons had been on fire and the Power awful. This statement was still true at the end of the match, with Essendon kicking six unanswered goals in the last quarter. Unfortunately for the Bombers Port had so completely dominated the first three quarters of the match that even the Power's last quarter slumbers couldn't affect the end result. However Port coach Mark Williams won't be happy that what could have been a 100+ point hiding with huge percentage gains turned into a run of the mill five goal win- in a season as close as this one percentage could well determine who gets a top four spot/home final/finals berth and who doesn't. Kevin Sheedy on the other hand at least had the percentage saved to take away as a positive from an otherwise abysmal display.
Abysmal too was the only way to describe Carlton's effort against Hawthorn on the Friday night. Like Essendon the Blues had come into the match in a rich vein of form only to see it vanish without trace in front of a record Telstra Dome crowd of 50,000 plus (ie. about half of a full MCG turnout). The Hawks hammered the Blues to the tune of 100 points, enjoying a healthy percentage booster to boot which may come in handy in their quest for a top two finish. To get there they'll need to move past either Geelong or West Coast, neither of whom are going to relinquish their position without a fight. The Cats are the team of the moment, unbeaten since Round Five and with a mighty percentage in place. The Cats kept the Lions goalless until halftime on the weekend in a wet encounter down at Sleepy Hollow, running out convincing winners at the final siren. The form of the younger Gary Ablett had Cats fans of all ages misty eyed and in various stages of excitement, he along with colleague Jimmy Bartel are now regarded as Brownlow favourites. Could this at long last be the year of the Cat? Or will 2007 represent yet another in the long line of false dawns that have hit the Second City?
As mentioned there were no games at all on Saturday arvo, but Saturday night saw two fixtures in most unlikely places- one at the Gold Coast, the other in Darwin. In the first fixture, the Cararraroos missed the chance for a clean sweep of their fixtures in their inaugural year on the Coast by going down to a strong Crows performance. In the Darwin fixture, the injury-strapped Dogs over Freo took the four points in a most entertaining game. An old college buddy and I managed to catch a replay of this game down the pub some days later on Foxtel (Seven at the time was no doubt screening repeats of Mr Belvedere at the time, followed by Chitty Chitty Bang Bang). A great game to catch, and we were particularly edified when it was followed by a replay of the iconic 1970 Grand Final. Having never actually seen this game apart from the Jezza mark and various Ted Hopkins goals it was fascinating to see how much it resembled the 1998 Grand Final in that Collingwood (and North later) kicked themselves out of contention, only to be over-run when the opposition gained the momentum. The record crowd, many of whom were wearing actual hats, were treated to a very attractive style of play which certainly compares favourably to some of the negative error-ridden shot chipping-style shockers which sadly occur too often today. And the goal umpires were classic- in the traditional butchers coats and white top hats and with a manner of signalling behinds reminiscent of a gun-slinger at the OK Corral. Although the aggrieved publican's desire to close the pub and go home meant that we were out on the streets just before we could witness Jezza's famous mark, we had been richly spoiled by Foxtel's footy coverage. How does one subscribe to this marvellous network? A top night indeed.
Fremantle, however, had anything but a top night in the Top End. Not only did they drop the four points in a match they really needed to win, but in the wake of the commiseratory drinks session afterwards assistant coach Mark Harvey was king-hit in the street and serial drongo Chris Tarrant found himself the subject of much approbrium for allegedly mooning a woman to whom he had just been introduced and punching a federal ALP candidate. Quite a night!
So, five matches down and three to go for Round 12. Can anyone this weekend match Geelong's performances on the field or Freo's off it? Given West Coast are in action, perhaps they can accomplish both! Find out back here next week. Congratulations, incidentally, are in order to all associated with the Jakarta "Bintangs" (that name possibly the result of an unholy alliance between Osama Bin Laden and the Wu Tang Clan) who managed a comfortable victory over the Singapore Wombats the other day, cheers Tobes for the update. Go the 'tangs!
Being confronted with a mad 5PM start time may explain why the Bombers were so bad on the weekend. The Dons and the Power had had completely opposite form coming into their Sunday contest- the Dons had been on fire and the Power awful. This statement was still true at the end of the match, with Essendon kicking six unanswered goals in the last quarter. Unfortunately for the Bombers Port had so completely dominated the first three quarters of the match that even the Power's last quarter slumbers couldn't affect the end result. However Port coach Mark Williams won't be happy that what could have been a 100+ point hiding with huge percentage gains turned into a run of the mill five goal win- in a season as close as this one percentage could well determine who gets a top four spot/home final/finals berth and who doesn't. Kevin Sheedy on the other hand at least had the percentage saved to take away as a positive from an otherwise abysmal display.
Abysmal too was the only way to describe Carlton's effort against Hawthorn on the Friday night. Like Essendon the Blues had come into the match in a rich vein of form only to see it vanish without trace in front of a record Telstra Dome crowd of 50,000 plus (ie. about half of a full MCG turnout). The Hawks hammered the Blues to the tune of 100 points, enjoying a healthy percentage booster to boot which may come in handy in their quest for a top two finish. To get there they'll need to move past either Geelong or West Coast, neither of whom are going to relinquish their position without a fight. The Cats are the team of the moment, unbeaten since Round Five and with a mighty percentage in place. The Cats kept the Lions goalless until halftime on the weekend in a wet encounter down at Sleepy Hollow, running out convincing winners at the final siren. The form of the younger Gary Ablett had Cats fans of all ages misty eyed and in various stages of excitement, he along with colleague Jimmy Bartel are now regarded as Brownlow favourites. Could this at long last be the year of the Cat? Or will 2007 represent yet another in the long line of false dawns that have hit the Second City?
As mentioned there were no games at all on Saturday arvo, but Saturday night saw two fixtures in most unlikely places- one at the Gold Coast, the other in Darwin. In the first fixture, the Cararraroos missed the chance for a clean sweep of their fixtures in their inaugural year on the Coast by going down to a strong Crows performance. In the Darwin fixture, the injury-strapped Dogs over Freo took the four points in a most entertaining game. An old college buddy and I managed to catch a replay of this game down the pub some days later on Foxtel (Seven at the time was no doubt screening repeats of Mr Belvedere at the time, followed by Chitty Chitty Bang Bang). A great game to catch, and we were particularly edified when it was followed by a replay of the iconic 1970 Grand Final. Having never actually seen this game apart from the Jezza mark and various Ted Hopkins goals it was fascinating to see how much it resembled the 1998 Grand Final in that Collingwood (and North later) kicked themselves out of contention, only to be over-run when the opposition gained the momentum. The record crowd, many of whom were wearing actual hats, were treated to a very attractive style of play which certainly compares favourably to some of the negative error-ridden shot chipping-style shockers which sadly occur too often today. And the goal umpires were classic- in the traditional butchers coats and white top hats and with a manner of signalling behinds reminiscent of a gun-slinger at the OK Corral. Although the aggrieved publican's desire to close the pub and go home meant that we were out on the streets just before we could witness Jezza's famous mark, we had been richly spoiled by Foxtel's footy coverage. How does one subscribe to this marvellous network? A top night indeed.
Fremantle, however, had anything but a top night in the Top End. Not only did they drop the four points in a match they really needed to win, but in the wake of the commiseratory drinks session afterwards assistant coach Mark Harvey was king-hit in the street and serial drongo Chris Tarrant found himself the subject of much approbrium for allegedly mooning a woman to whom he had just been introduced and punching a federal ALP candidate. Quite a night!
So, five matches down and three to go for Round 12. Can anyone this weekend match Geelong's performances on the field or Freo's off it? Given West Coast are in action, perhaps they can accomplish both! Find out back here next week. Congratulations, incidentally, are in order to all associated with the Jakarta "Bintangs" (that name possibly the result of an unholy alliance between Osama Bin Laden and the Wu Tang Clan) who managed a comfortable victory over the Singapore Wombats the other day, cheers Tobes for the update. Go the 'tangs!
14 June 2007
Round Eleven: To Cranbourne! And don't forget the pie-warmer!
Australian Rules Football at its best ie. when teams aren't flooding or winding down the clock with fifteen minutes still to play, is a highly entertaining game to watch. Many an effusive paragraph has been dedicated to the joy produced by a Hird sleight of hand, a Judd acceleration, a Brown feat of strength or a Davis piece of magic. But at least as many paragraphs have been devoted to the often hilarious off-field wheelings and dealings in the backrooms of the clubs, particularly when the club is struggling on the field. Victorian clubs have a bit of a lead on the interstaters in this regard, in part because of their longer history and in part because of their recent on-field mediocrity. All of the Vic clubs, big and small, have their occasional moments of off-field tension- Essendon, for example, frets every decade or so on whether to replace Kevin Sheedy as coach; Collingwood stresses over whether to wear a black jumper with white stripes or a white jumper with black stripes. The Club Once Known as North Melbourne bickers over whether t'is better to sail forth as the Canberroos or the Carrarraroos or simply to follow Fitzroy's path into Melbourne-based oblivion. So all clubs have their occasional moments of off-field instability. But some have turned boardroom bickering into a genuine art-form, providing endless entertainment for the football community and much schadenfraudic glee for supporters of opposing sides (all very conscious that it will be their side's turn in a fortnight or so). Richmond of course have been a basket case both on and off the field since 1983. Melbourne have periodically threatened to implode for decades. In recent years the off-field shenanigans at Carlton have contributed to the Blues' dismal showings. But the king of the calamitous headlines, without a shadow of a doubt, is everyone's second favourite team- St Kilda.
The AFL would be a far lesser competition without the Saints. They have produced some of the best players the league has seen- Baldock, Harvey, Barker, Stewart, Lockett for example. Generously, for some reason they have always been happy to pass on their talent to other clubs- Stewart and Lockett both found greater riches and success elsewhere, as have Hall and Everitt more recently. Team success though has been noticably lacking for the Sainters, with only the 1966 one point epic over Collingwood to show for over a hundred seasons in the VFL/AFL ( I don't count victories in the Let's Throw the Victorian Clubs a Bone Pre-Season Cup Proudly Brought to You by This Year's Sponsor With a Loud and Annoying Ad). Supporters of opposing teams have appreciated the Saints for their seeming unfailing and cheerful willingness to save other clubs embarrassment by taking home the wooden spoon on such a regular basis. The Saints can cope with failure. Any small sniff of success though has the effect of sending them into a panic, causing them to make absolutely bizarre and nonsensical decisions. Consider, if you will, the recent evidence.
In the early 1990s Ken Sheldon got the Saints into the finals for the first time in decades. When they briefly dipped out again he was promptly sacked and replaced by Stan Alves. Alves delivered a victory in the aforementioned preseason competition in '96 and followed it up the following year with a once in a blue moon actual Grand Final appearance. The Saints went down on the day, due in no small part to the absence of their best ruckman Everitt through injury, but made the finals again the following year. Inconceivably, Alves was sacked. In his wisdom then-President Andrew Plympton plumped (plymped?) for ex-Dons legend Tim Watson, untried as a coach but proven as a Seven Network media performer. Many argued that this was an unwise course of action. Many were proven absolutely correct as Timmy guided the Saints to a wooden spoon within two years and wisely headed straight back to the Seven Network. Plympton too departed, new President Rod Butterss taking the far more conservative coaching option of a proven performer- dual premiership coach Malcolm Blight for a cool $1 million. Fifteen games later, Blight was sacked. Does anyone have a calculator handy? Nice work if you can get it. Little known coaching assistant (and good mate of Butterss) Grant Thomas took over for the rest of the season. An exhaustive coaching review at the end of the 2001 scanned the credentials of all possible candidates and settled on...Grant Thomas. Thomas followed a cunning plan of settling for low finishes in the next two seasons (and trading established players such as Everitt and Hall) in return for high draft picks and by 2004 had a team which couldn't possibly fail to win a flag in either that year or the next. Except they could, failing to make it past the preliminary finals in either season due in part to a cripplingly long injury list. When in 2006 the Saints dipped out in the first week of the finals Butterss, who had long fallen out with Thomas, showed him the door and appointed Ross Lyon instead.
During his time at the Saints Thomas had not only taken on the traditional coaching duties but had also usurped a plethora of other responsibilities eg. negotiating individual player contracts, fixing the pie-warmer in the social club etc. His departure then left a gaping hole which, according to Butterss at least, Thomas felt an obligation to fill by calling his ex-players and inviting them down to his local for a quiet beer and a chat over issues like player contracts, the working state of the social club pie-warmer etc. Thomas denied these allegations, but Butterss ordered him away from St Kilda, while simultaneously threatening to move the club away from its longstanding home at Moorabbin to of all places Cranbourne (perhaps on the basis that Cranbourne is a long way from Thomas' local). This farce has played out in the Melbourne press for the last few weeks, enraging Saints supporter and "comedian" Steve Bedwell (he cracks funnies on the godawful Fox FM station so the inverted commas on the word comedian are no mistake) who threatened a putsch against Butterss which at this stage has yet to occur. What chance do the players have on concentrating on footy with all this going on (and their injury list now heading out the soon-to-be-vacated-maybe Moorabbin door)? None whatsoever, and they duly went down on the weekend to the Carrarraroos.
The match of the round was undoubtedly the Friday night clash between the Bombers and the Eagles. Ten minutes into the match the Eagles were several goals up and the Bombers had about three touches between them (all clangers). It looked like being an absolute slaughter, and prompted me to switch over to the rugby league fixture where a mighty crowd of less than 5000 were sitting in the rain at Stadium Australia. Ten minutes of watching people sliding through the mud was enough and I switched back over to discover that the Dons had finally gotten it together to score at least a couple of goals, perhaps a respectable loss was on the cards. Three quarters later and I, like the full Red and Black army present at the Telstra Dome, was on the edge of my seat as the clock ticked down with the Bombers up by the narrowest of margins. The place erupted as the siren sounded with Essendon up by just one point for the second week in a row, again defeating one of last year's Grand Finalists. The old guard of Fletcher, Lucas and Hird were superb, it was a hell of a good win. And my apologies to my neighbours, who for the second weekend in a row copped a repeated late night slurred and bellowed version of "See the Bombers Go Up".
After such a stirring and high quality game high hopes were held for the clash between the highflying Hawks and the determined Swans, but this was a bit of a scrappy affair. The main interest in the game was in the seemingly ubiquitous Peter Everitt- the one-time Saint was making his first appearance as a Swan against his old team the Hawks. Everitt copped the mother of all bakes from bitter columnist Robert Walls in the Age newspaper on the morning of the match but had the last laugh as the Swans took the four points. Another prodigal son, Jason Akermanis, was also smiling at the end of his first trip back to the Gabba as the Western Bulldogs were able to overcome a couple of serious injuries to key players to defeat struggling Brisbane. And one-time ladder leader Port's season is on the skids at the moment, Carlton easily accounting for them to leap frog the Saints into 13th spot.
Over in the west Richmond's misery continued as on-again off-again Freo kept their season alive with a comfortable victory. Geelong leapt into top spot and outright premiership favouritism with a gutsy interstate win over the Crows. And Collingwood missed a golden opportunity to shore up a spot in the four by going down to lowly Melbourne once again in the Queen's Birthday weekend encounter at the 'G.
So with half the season gone it has become very evident that this is the most even season for some time. Only Richmond and Melbourne are out of the running, only Geelong and West Coast are secure of a finals spot. Twelve teams are still fighting it out for six places, and spots in the top four would seem to be a very precious commodity. Unbelievably at this point in the season one of those spots is occupied by Essendon! Kevin Sheedy is safe for another three years. Of course if he'd produced this result at St Kilda he'd no doubt be sacked immediately and replaced by Steve Bedwell.
The second half of the season will no doubt be every bit as eventful as the first, see you back here next week for Round 12.
The AFL would be a far lesser competition without the Saints. They have produced some of the best players the league has seen- Baldock, Harvey, Barker, Stewart, Lockett for example. Generously, for some reason they have always been happy to pass on their talent to other clubs- Stewart and Lockett both found greater riches and success elsewhere, as have Hall and Everitt more recently. Team success though has been noticably lacking for the Sainters, with only the 1966 one point epic over Collingwood to show for over a hundred seasons in the VFL/AFL ( I don't count victories in the Let's Throw the Victorian Clubs a Bone Pre-Season Cup Proudly Brought to You by This Year's Sponsor With a Loud and Annoying Ad). Supporters of opposing teams have appreciated the Saints for their seeming unfailing and cheerful willingness to save other clubs embarrassment by taking home the wooden spoon on such a regular basis. The Saints can cope with failure. Any small sniff of success though has the effect of sending them into a panic, causing them to make absolutely bizarre and nonsensical decisions. Consider, if you will, the recent evidence.
In the early 1990s Ken Sheldon got the Saints into the finals for the first time in decades. When they briefly dipped out again he was promptly sacked and replaced by Stan Alves. Alves delivered a victory in the aforementioned preseason competition in '96 and followed it up the following year with a once in a blue moon actual Grand Final appearance. The Saints went down on the day, due in no small part to the absence of their best ruckman Everitt through injury, but made the finals again the following year. Inconceivably, Alves was sacked. In his wisdom then-President Andrew Plympton plumped (plymped?) for ex-Dons legend Tim Watson, untried as a coach but proven as a Seven Network media performer. Many argued that this was an unwise course of action. Many were proven absolutely correct as Timmy guided the Saints to a wooden spoon within two years and wisely headed straight back to the Seven Network. Plympton too departed, new President Rod Butterss taking the far more conservative coaching option of a proven performer- dual premiership coach Malcolm Blight for a cool $1 million. Fifteen games later, Blight was sacked. Does anyone have a calculator handy? Nice work if you can get it. Little known coaching assistant (and good mate of Butterss) Grant Thomas took over for the rest of the season. An exhaustive coaching review at the end of the 2001 scanned the credentials of all possible candidates and settled on...Grant Thomas. Thomas followed a cunning plan of settling for low finishes in the next two seasons (and trading established players such as Everitt and Hall) in return for high draft picks and by 2004 had a team which couldn't possibly fail to win a flag in either that year or the next. Except they could, failing to make it past the preliminary finals in either season due in part to a cripplingly long injury list. When in 2006 the Saints dipped out in the first week of the finals Butterss, who had long fallen out with Thomas, showed him the door and appointed Ross Lyon instead.
During his time at the Saints Thomas had not only taken on the traditional coaching duties but had also usurped a plethora of other responsibilities eg. negotiating individual player contracts, fixing the pie-warmer in the social club etc. His departure then left a gaping hole which, according to Butterss at least, Thomas felt an obligation to fill by calling his ex-players and inviting them down to his local for a quiet beer and a chat over issues like player contracts, the working state of the social club pie-warmer etc. Thomas denied these allegations, but Butterss ordered him away from St Kilda, while simultaneously threatening to move the club away from its longstanding home at Moorabbin to of all places Cranbourne (perhaps on the basis that Cranbourne is a long way from Thomas' local). This farce has played out in the Melbourne press for the last few weeks, enraging Saints supporter and "comedian" Steve Bedwell (he cracks funnies on the godawful Fox FM station so the inverted commas on the word comedian are no mistake) who threatened a putsch against Butterss which at this stage has yet to occur. What chance do the players have on concentrating on footy with all this going on (and their injury list now heading out the soon-to-be-vacated-maybe Moorabbin door)? None whatsoever, and they duly went down on the weekend to the Carrarraroos.
The match of the round was undoubtedly the Friday night clash between the Bombers and the Eagles. Ten minutes into the match the Eagles were several goals up and the Bombers had about three touches between them (all clangers). It looked like being an absolute slaughter, and prompted me to switch over to the rugby league fixture where a mighty crowd of less than 5000 were sitting in the rain at Stadium Australia. Ten minutes of watching people sliding through the mud was enough and I switched back over to discover that the Dons had finally gotten it together to score at least a couple of goals, perhaps a respectable loss was on the cards. Three quarters later and I, like the full Red and Black army present at the Telstra Dome, was on the edge of my seat as the clock ticked down with the Bombers up by the narrowest of margins. The place erupted as the siren sounded with Essendon up by just one point for the second week in a row, again defeating one of last year's Grand Finalists. The old guard of Fletcher, Lucas and Hird were superb, it was a hell of a good win. And my apologies to my neighbours, who for the second weekend in a row copped a repeated late night slurred and bellowed version of "See the Bombers Go Up".
After such a stirring and high quality game high hopes were held for the clash between the highflying Hawks and the determined Swans, but this was a bit of a scrappy affair. The main interest in the game was in the seemingly ubiquitous Peter Everitt- the one-time Saint was making his first appearance as a Swan against his old team the Hawks. Everitt copped the mother of all bakes from bitter columnist Robert Walls in the Age newspaper on the morning of the match but had the last laugh as the Swans took the four points. Another prodigal son, Jason Akermanis, was also smiling at the end of his first trip back to the Gabba as the Western Bulldogs were able to overcome a couple of serious injuries to key players to defeat struggling Brisbane. And one-time ladder leader Port's season is on the skids at the moment, Carlton easily accounting for them to leap frog the Saints into 13th spot.
Over in the west Richmond's misery continued as on-again off-again Freo kept their season alive with a comfortable victory. Geelong leapt into top spot and outright premiership favouritism with a gutsy interstate win over the Crows. And Collingwood missed a golden opportunity to shore up a spot in the four by going down to lowly Melbourne once again in the Queen's Birthday weekend encounter at the 'G.
So with half the season gone it has become very evident that this is the most even season for some time. Only Richmond and Melbourne are out of the running, only Geelong and West Coast are secure of a finals spot. Twelve teams are still fighting it out for six places, and spots in the top four would seem to be a very precious commodity. Unbelievably at this point in the season one of those spots is occupied by Essendon! Kevin Sheedy is safe for another three years. Of course if he'd produced this result at St Kilda he'd no doubt be sacked immediately and replaced by Steve Bedwell.
The second half of the season will no doubt be every bit as eventful as the first, see you back here next week for Round 12.
07 June 2007
Round 10: A shower of Bad Ideas
From time to time, AFL figures- (ex) players, coaches, presidents, media types etc.- put up suggestions for "improvements" which can immediately be identified as Bad Ideas. The alternative jumper suggestion is a case in point, as is virtually any change to interpretations of the rules of the game (this year, it's the hands in the back interpretation which is causing everyone angst). One hardy perennial Bad Idea constantly raising its head, causing concerned onlookers to try and smack it back down again Whack-a-Mole style, is the plan to change the timing of the Grand Final from day to night. TV types are the main culprits behind this generally unpopular suggestion, arguing that: a) the game would rate much better at night; b) every other major sporting event is now at night; and c) overseas viewers would get to see the game in a better timeslot. To which the obvious responses are: a) who cares about increasing TV ratings other than TV executives? b) who cares what other sports do? And in any case, the FA Cup final is still a day fixture (although this year's final would have benefited from being played at late as night as possible, preferably with the lights off). And c) who cares about whether the drunken expats in the Shepherds Bush Walkabout/Saskatoon Outback Steakhouse/Bruce's Bonza Bar in Bangalore (who are, let's be frank, the only people overseas other than Taigh Kennelly's nearest and dearest) who could possibly care about the AFL Grand Final get to see the game in a decent timeslot or not? Australian sports fans have been getting up at sparrowfart for generations to watch overseas sporting events, let the rest of the world suffer for once! This year though, an even Worse Idea has been mooted- the Twilight Grand Final. The rationale, as I understand it, is that this would allow the covering TV channel the opportunity to show something like 24 consecutive hours of football related activity, from the Grand Final lunch to the game to the players' dinners afterwards. That should make interesting viewing! Certainly the Brownlow Medal count is always a riveting watch. Seeing the depressed defeated side hitting the turps for the first time in months should provide some memorable moments. Will they turn on each other in a haze of recriminations? Certainly Sticks Kernahan would love to see someone else broadcast in an inebriated state if only to deflect attention from his own unforgettable boozy tone-deaf rendition of "Stand By Your Man" performed outside Naughton's Hotel following the 1995 premiership. Thankfully, there appears to be no interest whatsoever in this godawful suggestion and hopefully it will disappear from the headlines until this time next year. Have your mallets ready for when this particular mole pops up again.
Another Bad Idea which does have some support is to bring back State of Origin football. Many players are keen to have some chance of representative football, now that the Irish have had enough of having the shit kicked out of them every year. But surely I'm not the only one to recall that State of Origin died a natural death some years back because it had just become farcical? The only thing more pathetic than the crowd attendences was the list of high-profile players injured for the game, all of whom miraculously recovered just a few days later in time for the home and away matches. Those in favour of the revival say things along the lines of, "wouldn't it be great to see Chris Judd and Jonathan Brown in the same Victorian team?" Well yes, it would, but there's no chance of it actually happening! How often did James Hird turn out for NSW/ACT/The Allies? Not too often, and as a Bomber fan I'm very pleased about this. I don't want to see Lloyd's hammy or Fletcher's knee go while they're playing in an ultimately meaningless fixture. How thrilled would Eagles' fans be if Juddy went down with a long term injury while playing for Victoria? Not very, you would have to think. No, the Big V and the rest belong to a bygone era, along with playing all matches on a Saturday afternoon and umpires in white. Let it rest in peace.
One Bad Idea of my own that I was happy to let go was not watching the Bombers live. And I'm very happy that I dispensed with this one on the weekend as I got to see one of their best performances in ages as they gutsed out a 1 point win over the Swans up in Sydney. Belated revenge for the 96 preliminary final. Swans' supporters felt they were hardly done by in the umpiring stakes, but ultimately the Dons deserved their win. Peter Everitt will surely never again punch through a kick after the siren, while nobody would be surprised to learn that the fat SCG goalposts had all undergone a considerable fitness regime following the last minute poster which could have won it for the Swans had the portly post sucked its gut in just a bit. Amazingly the other match on that night ended in a draw- Richmond's losing run ending, sort of. The Tiges and Lions were both disappointed not to take 4 points away from this one, Richmond coach Terry Wallace called for draws to be done away with in favour of extra time- yet another Bad Idea!
The round began with a grudge match between Collingwood and Fremantle in which ex-Magpie hero, now Docker Chris Tarrant proved that he still can't kick straight. The Pies took the points and are flying high in 07, the Dockers are now in doubt of making the finals after being premiership favourites at the start of the season. Collingwood coach Mick Malthouse continues to delight schoolboys nationwide with his team selection- the Magpies are now fielding not only a Cox, a Dick and a Johnson, but the very Austin Powersesque Goldsack! Lovely stuff.
There were a couple of surprise results in Round 10, none more so than Carlton's leap back to the winner's circle over the struggling Bulldogs. The Blues had been winless since their amazing comeback performance over Essendon way back in Round 3. The Carrarraroos hadn't lost since that round, but found West Coast away far too big a challenge and got thumped. No surprise there, but the much underestimated Hawthorn, probably the most anonymous team in the AFL, continue to beat more highly fancied opposition and gave Port their second straight home defeat. The Power's cross town rivals the Crows, once more resplendent in their classy red away strip, crashed to defeat to give Melbourne their belated first victory for the 2007 season. Dees' coach Neale Daniher visibly lost 10 years between the blowing of the siren and his emergence on to the MCG to congratulate his players. Finally, the Cats continued their good run by easily accounting for St Kilda who appear to be imploding off the field- more on that next week.
So, after ten rounds West Coast appear to have a mortgage on top spot but the other top four positions remain pretty open. The Vic teams are finally showing something after some pretty grim years, maybe this year one of them might even make the Grand Final which we hope will be played in daylight as God and nature intended! Still much football to be played and no doubt many more Bad Ideas to be propagated, Round 11 is next and we'll cover it all back here this time next week.
Another Bad Idea which does have some support is to bring back State of Origin football. Many players are keen to have some chance of representative football, now that the Irish have had enough of having the shit kicked out of them every year. But surely I'm not the only one to recall that State of Origin died a natural death some years back because it had just become farcical? The only thing more pathetic than the crowd attendences was the list of high-profile players injured for the game, all of whom miraculously recovered just a few days later in time for the home and away matches. Those in favour of the revival say things along the lines of, "wouldn't it be great to see Chris Judd and Jonathan Brown in the same Victorian team?" Well yes, it would, but there's no chance of it actually happening! How often did James Hird turn out for NSW/ACT/The Allies? Not too often, and as a Bomber fan I'm very pleased about this. I don't want to see Lloyd's hammy or Fletcher's knee go while they're playing in an ultimately meaningless fixture. How thrilled would Eagles' fans be if Juddy went down with a long term injury while playing for Victoria? Not very, you would have to think. No, the Big V and the rest belong to a bygone era, along with playing all matches on a Saturday afternoon and umpires in white. Let it rest in peace.
One Bad Idea of my own that I was happy to let go was not watching the Bombers live. And I'm very happy that I dispensed with this one on the weekend as I got to see one of their best performances in ages as they gutsed out a 1 point win over the Swans up in Sydney. Belated revenge for the 96 preliminary final. Swans' supporters felt they were hardly done by in the umpiring stakes, but ultimately the Dons deserved their win. Peter Everitt will surely never again punch through a kick after the siren, while nobody would be surprised to learn that the fat SCG goalposts had all undergone a considerable fitness regime following the last minute poster which could have won it for the Swans had the portly post sucked its gut in just a bit. Amazingly the other match on that night ended in a draw- Richmond's losing run ending, sort of. The Tiges and Lions were both disappointed not to take 4 points away from this one, Richmond coach Terry Wallace called for draws to be done away with in favour of extra time- yet another Bad Idea!
The round began with a grudge match between Collingwood and Fremantle in which ex-Magpie hero, now Docker Chris Tarrant proved that he still can't kick straight. The Pies took the points and are flying high in 07, the Dockers are now in doubt of making the finals after being premiership favourites at the start of the season. Collingwood coach Mick Malthouse continues to delight schoolboys nationwide with his team selection- the Magpies are now fielding not only a Cox, a Dick and a Johnson, but the very Austin Powersesque Goldsack! Lovely stuff.
There were a couple of surprise results in Round 10, none more so than Carlton's leap back to the winner's circle over the struggling Bulldogs. The Blues had been winless since their amazing comeback performance over Essendon way back in Round 3. The Carrarraroos hadn't lost since that round, but found West Coast away far too big a challenge and got thumped. No surprise there, but the much underestimated Hawthorn, probably the most anonymous team in the AFL, continue to beat more highly fancied opposition and gave Port their second straight home defeat. The Power's cross town rivals the Crows, once more resplendent in their classy red away strip, crashed to defeat to give Melbourne their belated first victory for the 2007 season. Dees' coach Neale Daniher visibly lost 10 years between the blowing of the siren and his emergence on to the MCG to congratulate his players. Finally, the Cats continued their good run by easily accounting for St Kilda who appear to be imploding off the field- more on that next week.
So, after ten rounds West Coast appear to have a mortgage on top spot but the other top four positions remain pretty open. The Vic teams are finally showing something after some pretty grim years, maybe this year one of them might even make the Grand Final which we hope will be played in daylight as God and nature intended! Still much football to be played and no doubt many more Bad Ideas to be propagated, Round 11 is next and we'll cover it all back here this time next week.
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