The shadows are lengthening, the temperatures are dropping, the leaves are falling and the sense of anticipation amongst football supporters across the nation - nay, the very globe itself! has reached fever-pitch. Just one more sleep until AFL Season 2009 kicks off! And although the return of the footy is a cause for celebration every year, this time around it's fair to say that it's going to be particularly welcome. It's been a long, hot and painful summer across the nation, both in the sporting arena and, more seriously, in the Victorian bush. The unrelenting heat took its toll upon our ageing cricketers, who slumped to dismal defeat against the South African visitors. At the Australian Open tennis, fluffy yellow balls were combusting on mere contact with the playing surface, as players and spectators alike gasped for oxygen, and flag-painted faces representing proud nations from all five continents gently sizzled. And of course nobody will ever forget where they were when the news came through that the state of Victoria had caught fire. Yes, all in all, it was a summer to try and forget.

But throughout it all, the prospect of footy's return kept a smile on the weariest of faces. Well, perhaps not on the face of Carlton's feisty Irishman with the curiously capitalised name, one Setanta o'hAilpin. At the hottest point of the summer, Setanta lost it completely at a pre-season inter-club training session, turning on teammate Cameron Cloke with unrestrained fury. It was as though Setanta was Shane McGowan, perenially booze-addled frontman of The Pogues, and Cloke a barman with an upper-class English accent who'd just announced last drinks at a St Patricks Day function. Check out Setanta's meltdown here, although you'll want to ignore the bulk of the attached comments- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kqx0GzUOmEw. Great news for the tabloid sub-editors, who'd had the headline, "Setantrum!" saved up since Setanta had first gotten off the plane from Dublin.

But Setanta was but an spicy entree for the main course that was, for the umpteenth summer in a row, Ben Cousins. When last we heard from Cousins he had been suspended by the AFL for a season for bringing the game into disrepute, after a long string of drug-related public disasters had culminated in him being sacked from the Eagles. The big question on the lips of footy pundits was a) whether the AFL would let him back onto the footy field; and b) could Cuz find a club willing to take him on? The AFL ummed and ahhed for quite a while before begrudgingly giving him the nod to part a; but part b proved far, far more difficult than Cousins had probably anticipated. Not that he did himself too many favours, turning up to a hair-test (hair can apparently indicate recent drug use) without a single hair on his entire body long enough to conduct the test. Yep, not one on his entire body. Here's where we all feel good about whatever line of work we're in and thank whatever God we believe in that we weren't on duty down the beauty salon the day Cuz wandered in and requested one waxing with the lot. Of course it could have been worse, imagine trying to give that particular service to "Plugger" Lockett, Barry "Festival" Hall or Cam "The Big Hairy Cat" Mooney! Or better yet, don't.

"Bald-gate" was enough to cause sponsors' jitters at first Collingwood, then St Kilda and finally Brisbane, all of which withdrew their interest in getting Cousins on board for '09. It looked as through the former Brownlow Medallist, Eagles captain and premiership player was going to have to ply his trade at a lower level for the remainder of his career. But then, like a Fairy Godmother armed with a cocktail frock and impeccable timing, the Richmond Football Club entered from stage left to whisk Cuz-derella off to the ball. It was all a little indirect, of course. The Tigers originally requested that the AFL allow them to put Graham Polak, who had come off second best from a mid-2008 collision with a Dandenong Road tram, on the long-term injury list. This alerted delerious speculation among the yellow and black faithful that Cousins may have been on his way to Punt Road. However the AFL's refusal to adhere to the Tige's request seemed to be the final nail in the coffin - Richmond only had two picks in the preseason draft and had stated that both were earmarked for young recruits. However the club leadership had reckoned without the fury of its fans. Tigers' supporters had gritted their teeth through year after year and decade after decade of on-field mediocrity and off-field buffoonery. They had seen Number 1 draft picks blown on the likes of Richard Lounder and Anthony Banik who had come and gone without any greater impact than becoming answers in the sporting round at your local pub trivia night. Now here was a proven champion being offered to the club on a platter, and the club was saying, "Trust us to pick someone who might eventually be half as good"? Hell, no, damn it!" A spontaneous march on Punt Road by hundreds of disgruntled fans led the club to very quickly see the error of their ways, their policy was instantly reversed and a stunned and delighted Cousins was soon standing before the flashbulbs wearing a yellow and black jumper.

And tomorrow night he'll be wearing it in anger for the first time, the preseason shenanigans notwithstanding. On the other side will be his ex-Eagles teammate Chris Judd, these days captaining Carlton. The Blues are pretty excited about their prospects this year, after enduring a couple of very trying seasons they're running on the slogan of "We're Coming!" And perhaps they are. All will be revealed when the 2009 season swings into gear, bring it on!
How's that, an entire Wrap done with only two clubs mentioned! I'll see if I can get to the other fourteen in weeks ahead. See you back here next week when we dissect Round 1 and answer the questions that will inevitably arise. Until then, be sure to steer clear of Setanta.