Well, one of the 2009 preliminary finals might have been a match for the ages, but the other was a massive anticlimax, at least in the second half. The Magpies have been one of the better sides going around this year, but they were made to look decidedly second rate after halftime by a Cats side with redemption on its mind. Indeed, after the Pies opened with the first two goals of the game, 17 of the next 21 went the way of Geelong, including 6 to nil in the final quarter. By this stage most Collingwood supporters had made a beeline for the exits, with only the hard core sticking it out to the bitter end. The big question was: was former wrestling champ Hulk Hogan among them? The Hulkster had appeared as if from nowhere at halftime, delighting the crowd with a few trademark moves and then delivering a fairly well executed handball into the stands. Perhaps Mick Malthouse should have whacked a Magpie jumper on him and kept him out on the ground for the second half, he couldn't have done any worse than those out there in black and white. A disappointing end to the season for the Magpie army, but the Cats faithful will have watched with a real sense of excitement as their side roared into its third straight Grand Final - it will take a good team to stop them reversing last year's disappointment.
And St Kilda, make no mistake, is a very good team indeed. Winning 20 home and away games is no small achievement, and it could easily have been 22- their two losses were by less than a kick, both against teams they were unbackable favourites to demolish. It's terrific that once again we've got a Grand Final between the two unquestionably best teams in the season thus far, and if the big match is half as good as the Round 14 match where the two sides slugged out a one goal result (Saints won) then we're in for a mighty treat.
Grand Final week kicked off in customary fashion, with a couple of drunken incidents at the Brownlow Medal count. This time, as in so many cases before, Carlton's Brendan Fevola was the main offender. Fev was, perhaps foolishly, handed the microphone for the fairly tired Footy Show's "Streettalk" segment, replacing the fairly tired Sam Newman who had himself managed to once more disgrace himself repeatedly. Too boring to explain exactly why, but Sam was on the nose with the footy community to the extent that he was persona non grata at the big night. As indeed was Fev afterwards, after putting in a performance that Mickey Rourke on a pub crawl at Schoolies would be proud of. Still, he did better than ex-Brownlow winner Jason Akermanis, Aka went slightly too hard at the Bulldogs' Mad Monday celebrations and didn't make it to the Brownlow at all. Which disappointed his wife somewhat, as she'd already bought the dress and gotten the fake tan done. Hell hath no fury like a woman terracotted for nothing.
Inside the actual event, though, things finally went according to plan for Gary Ablett Jr, who finally won after being favourite for three consecutive years. It was a deserved victory, the Little Maestro has done the seemingly impossible by putting his illustrious father into the shade, and there's no reason why he can't win at least another medal in the time he's got left. The count was decided by Round 20, which would have come as a huge relief to Ablett who'd been reeled in at the death in previous years. For a while it looked as though one of the Saints might spoil Gazza's night - and they'll certainly be aiming to spoil this weekend for him - but they ended up spoiling each other's chances by taking votes from each other. Former winner Chris Judd of the Blues came runner up with a highly respectable 22 votes, enough to win in many years, but this year he was well behind, Ablett scored a lazy 30.
But apart from the actual result, and the opportunity to drink like a lunatic, the Brownlow night is all about the wives and girlfriends of the players concerned. It's an opportunity to shine for the WAGs, and most of them get it right. There's always one or two who don't, however, and this year it was the hitherto unheard of Brynne Gordon, soon to be wife of disgraced ex-medico and one time owner of the Sydney Swans in their 1980s-Warwick-Capper-in-the-short-shorts-pink-helicopters-best-forgotten-all-round-era, Geoffrey Edelsten. Gordon turned up in an outfit Britney Spears would have balked at as "a tad raunchy", check it out here- http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/sport/afl/double-barrel-blast-for-brynne-gordon-over-that-dress/story-fn423fp2-1225778330577 But the real question surely went unanswered: who the hell invited Edelsten to attend the Brownlow in the first place? Was it an 80s theme this year? Was Capper sitting up the front somewhere in the gold lame shorts, perhaps escorted by Mark "Jacko" Jackson or Rene "The Incredible Hulk" Kink? A dumber call than whoever decided that Fev was a safe bet to handle a live microphone.
So with just days to go until season 2009 disappears into the rear-vision mirror of memory, who should you be putting your hard earned on this weekend? Well, it's a tough call. On the one hand, St Kilda have been the best performed side in 2009. They beat Geelong in their only clash, have an unbelievably stingy defence, and will go into the big game with 99% of the neutral support given their long wait for a flag. On the other hand, Geelong have a massive motivation to prove that last year's defeat was a blip rather than an indication of some greater flaw, and have far more big game experience than their opponents. A lot will depend on how their forward line operates, if they kick like they did last year then you would have to think that they'll struggle to get a winning score. At the other end, the battle between Nick Riedwolt and whoever the Cats put on him, probably Matthew Scarlett, will be pivotal. Riedwolt has had a blinder in the finals so far, and if he gets a run on then he could just about get the Saints home. In the middle, it's a clash between the Rolls Royces and the Aston Martins, getting on top here will be vital. My call- Saints. No, Cats. Actually, I have no idea, it's going to be a belter.
Enjoy the big day, let's hope the entertainment both pre-game and during the big match is worthy of the event. If you're enjoying a drink or two remember the tragic experiences of Fev and Aka and keep it in moderation! See you back here for the Big Game Wrap.
22 September 2009
18 September 2009
Preliminary Final 1: Saints vs Bulldogs
No time to explain where the Wrap has been for the last few months, I probably couldn't give you a coherent or logical answer myself. Suffice it to say that work has played a role in ensuring that, while I've been in close proximity to a keyboard at all stages, getting to write about footy hasn't been on the cards. Still, let's leap ahead, ignoring the Dons' magnificent rise and fall, the Blues' similar rise from the depth, the Western Derby match that seemed intent on proving that they play by different rules out west, and last week's match between Adelaide and Collingwood that wasn't over until it was over...and even then, there were doubts. To the prelims!
Somehow, we ended up with a game between the AFL's most loveable losers, the Saints and Dogs. In a combined history of nearly 200 years (keeping in mind that the Dogs entered the comp a quarter century after the Saints), they have won a grand total of two flags between them. The Dogs, in fact, have appeared just twice on the final weekend in September, while the Saints have at least appeared five times (in 1997, 1971, 1966 (for the win), 1965 and 1913 (the one nobody remembers, they lost to Fitzroy of all teams). A game between the two teams could only result in a win for all of the neutrals, but also a sad sense of loss. Sad that a game between the two sides had to result in a loser, but at least the hardcore supporters of the two sides have decades of preparation for such an event.
To put the reader in the frame of mind that I was in when I rocked up at Eastlakes to take in the big game, I should let you in on the email that I received three hours before the game. Keeping in mind that I am one of the nation's great army of dedicated public servants, I'm sure that you will enjoy, as I did, an email from the Minister's office that began with the line: "The Minister is going to be doing Laurie Oakes on Sunday morning". There's a fantastic mental image to go into the weekend with! Is there a winner there, any more than in the Saints-Dogs game? Sure, politics is a tough game, but dear, oh dear! Can't imagine Paul Bongiorno going to the same extent for a story, somehow, I think that Jim Waley might have let it go through to the keeper too!
With my head still spinning, I showed up at Eastlakes for the big game, only to find that the only available seat was in the middle of the Ascot Vale over 35s side on their end of season trip. They kindly allowed me to sit with them, with only the odd "Hey poofter! What's with the tie!" comment to go on with. I suppose rocking up in the suit direct from work to a game between a working class side and a bohemian outfit pretty much ranked such a welcome. But keeping in mind that I've also been turned away from Eastlakes this season for sporting a pair of trackydacks, it's a tough ask to get the dress code exactly right. Must try harder.
To the game- you won't see a tougher, more hard fought encounter if you watch a million seasons. Not since the 1996 preliminary between the Dons and the Swans can there have been a game where every time the ball hit the ground the heart of every supporter would leap to their throat in quite the same manner. The Dogs leapt from their kennel in the manner of a particularly swift greyhound, but failed to capitalise in any effective manner in the opening half.
Everyone expected a Saints push in the third, and it duly followed, but they didn't manage to establish a winning break. The final quarter was agony for everyone watching, the Ascot Vale crew (who were pretty much all for the Dogs) were spewing profanities left, right and centre as the quarter went on. And nobody copped more invective than the umpire who decided that a 50 metre boot in the direction of the Dogs goal that wandered across the boundary line somehow warranted a Saints free that ultimately led to a goal for St Kilda that pretty much ensured the final margin- Saints into the granny, the Dogs yet again denied. Hard to argue that St Kilda, after a 20-2 home and away season, don't deserve to be on the last weekend, but gee, when will the Dogs' moment arrive?
One more prelim to go, and tomorrow we'll find out who the Saints will tackle next week. On Sunday morning we'll know the result of Geelong vs Collingwood, and also the result of the winner of the Minister vs Laurie Oakes encounter. I know which battle I'm going to enjoy watching more! Barring some sort of calamity, we'll have the Cats-Pies result up on Sunday, and be back for the GF the week after. Thanks for keeping the faith, see you back soon!
Somehow, we ended up with a game between the AFL's most loveable losers, the Saints and Dogs. In a combined history of nearly 200 years (keeping in mind that the Dogs entered the comp a quarter century after the Saints), they have won a grand total of two flags between them. The Dogs, in fact, have appeared just twice on the final weekend in September, while the Saints have at least appeared five times (in 1997, 1971, 1966 (for the win), 1965 and 1913 (the one nobody remembers, they lost to Fitzroy of all teams). A game between the two teams could only result in a win for all of the neutrals, but also a sad sense of loss. Sad that a game between the two sides had to result in a loser, but at least the hardcore supporters of the two sides have decades of preparation for such an event.
To put the reader in the frame of mind that I was in when I rocked up at Eastlakes to take in the big game, I should let you in on the email that I received three hours before the game. Keeping in mind that I am one of the nation's great army of dedicated public servants, I'm sure that you will enjoy, as I did, an email from the Minister's office that began with the line: "The Minister is going to be doing Laurie Oakes on Sunday morning". There's a fantastic mental image to go into the weekend with! Is there a winner there, any more than in the Saints-Dogs game? Sure, politics is a tough game, but dear, oh dear! Can't imagine Paul Bongiorno going to the same extent for a story, somehow, I think that Jim Waley might have let it go through to the keeper too!
With my head still spinning, I showed up at Eastlakes for the big game, only to find that the only available seat was in the middle of the Ascot Vale over 35s side on their end of season trip. They kindly allowed me to sit with them, with only the odd "Hey poofter! What's with the tie!" comment to go on with. I suppose rocking up in the suit direct from work to a game between a working class side and a bohemian outfit pretty much ranked such a welcome. But keeping in mind that I've also been turned away from Eastlakes this season for sporting a pair of trackydacks, it's a tough ask to get the dress code exactly right. Must try harder.
To the game- you won't see a tougher, more hard fought encounter if you watch a million seasons. Not since the 1996 preliminary between the Dons and the Swans can there have been a game where every time the ball hit the ground the heart of every supporter would leap to their throat in quite the same manner. The Dogs leapt from their kennel in the manner of a particularly swift greyhound, but failed to capitalise in any effective manner in the opening half.
Everyone expected a Saints push in the third, and it duly followed, but they didn't manage to establish a winning break. The final quarter was agony for everyone watching, the Ascot Vale crew (who were pretty much all for the Dogs) were spewing profanities left, right and centre as the quarter went on. And nobody copped more invective than the umpire who decided that a 50 metre boot in the direction of the Dogs goal that wandered across the boundary line somehow warranted a Saints free that ultimately led to a goal for St Kilda that pretty much ensured the final margin- Saints into the granny, the Dogs yet again denied. Hard to argue that St Kilda, after a 20-2 home and away season, don't deserve to be on the last weekend, but gee, when will the Dogs' moment arrive?
One more prelim to go, and tomorrow we'll find out who the Saints will tackle next week. On Sunday morning we'll know the result of Geelong vs Collingwood, and also the result of the winner of the Minister vs Laurie Oakes encounter. I know which battle I'm going to enjoy watching more! Barring some sort of calamity, we'll have the Cats-Pies result up on Sunday, and be back for the GF the week after. Thanks for keeping the faith, see you back soon!
07 May 2009
Round Six: The Wedding Wrap
In something of a rarity, the Wrap is going to beg the readers’ (I’m presuming that there is more than one, hence the placement of the apostrophe) indulgence while I pay a personal tribute to my dear friend Tom, who joined the ranks of the nation’s married men last Saturday. Tom and I have shared many a memorable moment over the years we’ve supported the Bombers, some good and some bad. Tom was at my side the day Essendon somehow blew the 1999 Preliminary Final against bloody Carlton, of all sides. He was there at the MCG with me the night the Bombers bade farewell to the great Sheedy and Hird by very inappropriately losing to the wooden-spooners in Richmond. But, more happily, we watched the 2000 Grand Final together at his place and enjoyed many a sweet tasting ale afterwards at the Dan O’Connell. And he was present at the MCG (on a lower deck as I recall) the day James Hird cut the West Coast defence to ribbons in the 1996 Qualifying Final- a virtuoso at work. We’ve enjoyed many a match together and there isn’t a better person to watch footy with in my view. I must admit to some misgivings when he announced that he was embarking on a “mixed marriage” – the bride’s family are hardcore Collingwood to the point that a young cousin rocked up at the actual wedding ceremony in a Magpies jumper. But if the relationship managed to survive the 2009 Anzac Day encounter, it is one clearly built on a rock solid foundation. So here’s to you Tom, and your lovely bride, and to many happy years together. And please keep in mind that football supporting is a patrilineal deal and your kids don’t get a say in it.
Certainly there were good omens for the bride’s clan the night before the wedding, with Collingwood bouncing back from its Anzac Day catastrophe to record a pretty easy win over Argentina. I mean North Melbourne, who looked and played like a shadow of themselves in a clash strip featuring sky blue stripes. The Kangaroos’ officialdom had kicked up a bit of a stink over the jumper, alleging that the AFL had required them to wear a change strip in a home game against their wishes. This was a bit difficult to reconcile with the front page of the footy record, which featured Roos players posing in the jumper asserting how much they “loved their stripes”. In any case, Collingwood took the points and Los are now teetering at 2-4.
For the second weekend In a row Melbourne Cricket Club members were treated to a classic encounter in the Saturday afternoon MCG match. This time it was defending champs Hawthorn taking on the rising power Carlton, and what a match it turned out to be. An old-style battle of the spearheads, with Roughead at one end and Fevola at the other shooting it out. When the ball wound up in the hands of the Blues man 15 metres out with seconds on the clock and Carlton less than a goal down, Hawk heads went collectively into their hands. Fev had, after all, already kicked eight and from far more difficult situations. But he inexplicably managed to clip the goalpost with his kick, thus presenting Hawthorn with the luckiest of wins by just 4 points. After a shaky start the Hawks are now gathering some momentum, while Carlton could easily be a lot further up the ladder than they are, they’ll be ruing this defeat on top of their earlier 4 point defeat to Essendon.
After years of playing interstate fixtures at any possible timeslot but the traditional Saturday afternoon slot, the AFL has this year reversed its policy. And so it was that the Western Derby number whatever it is took place on a Saturday arvo for the first time ever. Perhaps the Eagles were a bit thrown by such a radical change, because they kicked like Fevola and duly cost themselves the points against the Dockers. All of a sudden Freo are off the bottom and at 2-4 still an outside chance of finals action. A long way to go, however.
While Tom, his new wife, myself and a bunch of friends, relatives, a small band and assorted waiting staff were toasting the happy occasion, the Bombers were in action up in Brisbane against the Lions. And with evergreen defender Dustin Fletcher’s 300th game to commemorate, the Dons would have hoped for a far better showing than the one they put on. Essendon were never in the hunt against Brisbane, and a collective agreement was taken amongst those of us getting surreptitious text updates throughout the speeches that it would be better not to advise the groom of events up north. Fletcher managed to injure himself and will be out for a month or so, not a great milestone game for him. The one bright spot for Essendon was that skipper Matthew Lloyd finally managed to put through his 900th goal, after shooting blanks for a number of weeks. His longtime partner in crime Scott Lucas, however, has been painfully out of sorts this year and looks to be rapidly approaching the end of his stellar career.
A big night in Adelaide - Showdown number something a rather between the stuttering Crows and the schizophrenic Power. Port fans must be going mad wondering which side is going to turn up on the day, will it be the side that convincingly beat the defending champs away from home, or the hapless outfit that failed to lay a glove on St Kilda at home the following week? As it turned out it was the angels of Port’s nature who prevailed this week, the Power returning to the winner’s list over their bitter cross-town rivals.
The Sydney Swans may have lost an Irishman in Taigh Kennelly at the start of the season, but they nonchalantly rolled out a Canadian this week –ex-rugby international Mike Pyke, who I think has the only rhyming name in the AFL. Pyke enjoyed a terrific debut against the Tigers, with Sydney prevailing in a tight affair. The Tiges came close though, a desperate lunge tackle by Marty Mattner on Tiger forward Jack Riewoldt as the latter was streaming into an open goal stymied Richmond’s last quarter charge. The Tigers remain in the lower reaches of the ladder despite their improved recent form, and they’re going to have to play most of the rest of the season without key forward and universally beloved icon Matthew Richardson. Richo, the oldest player in the comp at 34, will be out for several months with some injury or another – gout possibly, considering his advanced age – and it remains to be seen whether he’ll grace the field again. Let’s hope so, he’s closing in on 300 games and the competition would be a far poorer place without him.
Any gamblers out there must have found it terribly difficult to resist the odds of 15 to 1 which were being offered in some circles if Melbourne could somehow defeat Geelong. The Cats, on the other hand, were at the paltry odds of $1.05. Most gamblers recognized that sometimes in life there is such a thing as a sure bet and placed vast sums of money on Geelong in order to win back a comparative pittance. One bloke with far more money than sense – hopefully not the executor of Richard Pratt’s cardboard estate - placed half a million dollars on the Cats in order to win back 25 grand. Brave man in a two horse race. But realistically, the Demons were never a chance to win this match and this was brought home to them after nine seconds when rampaging superstar Gary Ablett Jr grabbed the ball from the opening centre bounce, raced to the 50 and booted it through. Tragically, although I was present at this match, I hadn’t made it into the ground at this point and so missed one of the two highlights of an otherwise largely forgettable game. The other highlight was a crazy-brave mark by Joel Selwood, running backwards with the flight of the ball as Demon Brad Miller came charging forward. The last Cats player who took Miller on in similar circumstances, Tom Lonergan, wound up losing a kidney so Geelong fans’ collective hearts would have been in their mouths. However Selwood carried off the mark with aplomb, evading Miller and getting a quick disposal off too, the whole thing was reminiscent of a particularly skillful matador in action. Other than that the Cats were a bit down on previous weeks, the Dees were a bit better and 40 odd points was probably about the right final margin.
One last game to complete Round 6, and it was the match of the round between the tabletopping Saints and their fellow 2008 preliminary finalists the Western Bulldogs. The Saints have kicked off 2009 in rare form, shooting out to first place with a percentage unmatched by any team after six rounds since the days when the players used to arrive at the ground via dray. The Dogs had also started the season well, but had lost their last couple. Most thought that this was going to be a testing affair for St Kilda, but it proved once again to be a walk in the park for the Sainters. Particularly galling for Bulldogs fans would have been the performance of their ex-number 4 draft pick Farren Ray, who never hit his straps as a Dog but who is turning into a star in the red, black and white of St Kilda. The Saints are belying their reputation of previous years as one of the most unattractive exponents of the game, this year they are entertainers par excellence. Perhaps this is the year they break their run of outs and add another flag to the iconic 1966 model.
So with six rounds gone we still have two undefeated teams out on their own – St Kilda and Geelong lead the way, and as they’re not due to play each other until Round 14, there’s every chance that they’ll remain undefeated up to that point. They’re two games clear of Jekyll and Hyders Port Adelaide on 4 wins, then there’s the mother of all logjams on 3 wins and 3 losses. In no particular order we have the Bulldogs, Swans, Lions, Blues, Magpies, Crows and Bombers. A further game back are the Roos and the Dockers, while Richmond and Melbourne languish at the bottom with just a solitary win so far In 2009. It could, of course, be very different. Essendon are probably lucky not to be at 1 and 5; Carlton and Collingwood could just as easily be at 5 and 1. Indeed, better kicking against the Cats and the Pies could be undefeated at this point. But that’s footy. Gotta kick the easy ones. Just ask Fev. See you back here for Round 7.
Certainly there were good omens for the bride’s clan the night before the wedding, with Collingwood bouncing back from its Anzac Day catastrophe to record a pretty easy win over Argentina. I mean North Melbourne, who looked and played like a shadow of themselves in a clash strip featuring sky blue stripes. The Kangaroos’ officialdom had kicked up a bit of a stink over the jumper, alleging that the AFL had required them to wear a change strip in a home game against their wishes. This was a bit difficult to reconcile with the front page of the footy record, which featured Roos players posing in the jumper asserting how much they “loved their stripes”. In any case, Collingwood took the points and Los are now teetering at 2-4.
For the second weekend In a row Melbourne Cricket Club members were treated to a classic encounter in the Saturday afternoon MCG match. This time it was defending champs Hawthorn taking on the rising power Carlton, and what a match it turned out to be. An old-style battle of the spearheads, with Roughead at one end and Fevola at the other shooting it out. When the ball wound up in the hands of the Blues man 15 metres out with seconds on the clock and Carlton less than a goal down, Hawk heads went collectively into their hands. Fev had, after all, already kicked eight and from far more difficult situations. But he inexplicably managed to clip the goalpost with his kick, thus presenting Hawthorn with the luckiest of wins by just 4 points. After a shaky start the Hawks are now gathering some momentum, while Carlton could easily be a lot further up the ladder than they are, they’ll be ruing this defeat on top of their earlier 4 point defeat to Essendon.
After years of playing interstate fixtures at any possible timeslot but the traditional Saturday afternoon slot, the AFL has this year reversed its policy. And so it was that the Western Derby number whatever it is took place on a Saturday arvo for the first time ever. Perhaps the Eagles were a bit thrown by such a radical change, because they kicked like Fevola and duly cost themselves the points against the Dockers. All of a sudden Freo are off the bottom and at 2-4 still an outside chance of finals action. A long way to go, however.
While Tom, his new wife, myself and a bunch of friends, relatives, a small band and assorted waiting staff were toasting the happy occasion, the Bombers were in action up in Brisbane against the Lions. And with evergreen defender Dustin Fletcher’s 300th game to commemorate, the Dons would have hoped for a far better showing than the one they put on. Essendon were never in the hunt against Brisbane, and a collective agreement was taken amongst those of us getting surreptitious text updates throughout the speeches that it would be better not to advise the groom of events up north. Fletcher managed to injure himself and will be out for a month or so, not a great milestone game for him. The one bright spot for Essendon was that skipper Matthew Lloyd finally managed to put through his 900th goal, after shooting blanks for a number of weeks. His longtime partner in crime Scott Lucas, however, has been painfully out of sorts this year and looks to be rapidly approaching the end of his stellar career.
A big night in Adelaide - Showdown number something a rather between the stuttering Crows and the schizophrenic Power. Port fans must be going mad wondering which side is going to turn up on the day, will it be the side that convincingly beat the defending champs away from home, or the hapless outfit that failed to lay a glove on St Kilda at home the following week? As it turned out it was the angels of Port’s nature who prevailed this week, the Power returning to the winner’s list over their bitter cross-town rivals.
The Sydney Swans may have lost an Irishman in Taigh Kennelly at the start of the season, but they nonchalantly rolled out a Canadian this week –ex-rugby international Mike Pyke, who I think has the only rhyming name in the AFL. Pyke enjoyed a terrific debut against the Tigers, with Sydney prevailing in a tight affair. The Tiges came close though, a desperate lunge tackle by Marty Mattner on Tiger forward Jack Riewoldt as the latter was streaming into an open goal stymied Richmond’s last quarter charge. The Tigers remain in the lower reaches of the ladder despite their improved recent form, and they’re going to have to play most of the rest of the season without key forward and universally beloved icon Matthew Richardson. Richo, the oldest player in the comp at 34, will be out for several months with some injury or another – gout possibly, considering his advanced age – and it remains to be seen whether he’ll grace the field again. Let’s hope so, he’s closing in on 300 games and the competition would be a far poorer place without him.
Any gamblers out there must have found it terribly difficult to resist the odds of 15 to 1 which were being offered in some circles if Melbourne could somehow defeat Geelong. The Cats, on the other hand, were at the paltry odds of $1.05. Most gamblers recognized that sometimes in life there is such a thing as a sure bet and placed vast sums of money on Geelong in order to win back a comparative pittance. One bloke with far more money than sense – hopefully not the executor of Richard Pratt’s cardboard estate - placed half a million dollars on the Cats in order to win back 25 grand. Brave man in a two horse race. But realistically, the Demons were never a chance to win this match and this was brought home to them after nine seconds when rampaging superstar Gary Ablett Jr grabbed the ball from the opening centre bounce, raced to the 50 and booted it through. Tragically, although I was present at this match, I hadn’t made it into the ground at this point and so missed one of the two highlights of an otherwise largely forgettable game. The other highlight was a crazy-brave mark by Joel Selwood, running backwards with the flight of the ball as Demon Brad Miller came charging forward. The last Cats player who took Miller on in similar circumstances, Tom Lonergan, wound up losing a kidney so Geelong fans’ collective hearts would have been in their mouths. However Selwood carried off the mark with aplomb, evading Miller and getting a quick disposal off too, the whole thing was reminiscent of a particularly skillful matador in action. Other than that the Cats were a bit down on previous weeks, the Dees were a bit better and 40 odd points was probably about the right final margin.
One last game to complete Round 6, and it was the match of the round between the tabletopping Saints and their fellow 2008 preliminary finalists the Western Bulldogs. The Saints have kicked off 2009 in rare form, shooting out to first place with a percentage unmatched by any team after six rounds since the days when the players used to arrive at the ground via dray. The Dogs had also started the season well, but had lost their last couple. Most thought that this was going to be a testing affair for St Kilda, but it proved once again to be a walk in the park for the Sainters. Particularly galling for Bulldogs fans would have been the performance of their ex-number 4 draft pick Farren Ray, who never hit his straps as a Dog but who is turning into a star in the red, black and white of St Kilda. The Saints are belying their reputation of previous years as one of the most unattractive exponents of the game, this year they are entertainers par excellence. Perhaps this is the year they break their run of outs and add another flag to the iconic 1966 model.
So with six rounds gone we still have two undefeated teams out on their own – St Kilda and Geelong lead the way, and as they’re not due to play each other until Round 14, there’s every chance that they’ll remain undefeated up to that point. They’re two games clear of Jekyll and Hyders Port Adelaide on 4 wins, then there’s the mother of all logjams on 3 wins and 3 losses. In no particular order we have the Bulldogs, Swans, Lions, Blues, Magpies, Crows and Bombers. A further game back are the Roos and the Dockers, while Richmond and Melbourne languish at the bottom with just a solitary win so far In 2009. It could, of course, be very different. Essendon are probably lucky not to be at 1 and 5; Carlton and Collingwood could just as easily be at 5 and 1. Indeed, better kicking against the Cats and the Pies could be undefeated at this point. But that’s footy. Gotta kick the easy ones. Just ask Fev. See you back here for Round 7.
29 April 2009
Round Five: Battle of the Basketcases Part Two
Well, clearly Freo and Richmond took severe umbrage at my insinuation last week that they were basketcases beyond repair, as both came out in Round 5 as teams transformed and recorded their opening wins for 2009 in very convincing fashion. Almost grounds enough to abort part two of the basketcase report - almost, but not quite. I still don't think either team is going to play finals this year, or next, most likely, which will mean that Terry Wallace and Mark Harvey will be joining the long, long list of coaches to have been shown the Punt Road and Subiaco Oval doors. And after dodgy recruiting, most pundits tend to agree that dodgy coach selection has played a significant role in the continual lack of improvement from the Dockers and Tigers. So in part two of Battle of the Basketcases, let's look at where they've gone wrong.
Since Fremantle's entry into the AFL in 1995, they have resisted the temptation to go with a recycled or "proven" coach and have commendably pursued a policy of giving young blood a go. So far this policy has unearthed one semi-decent coach out of the four and a half they've tried, that man being Chris Connolly who got the Dockers to their only two finals series to date. Freo's inaugural coach, Gerard Neesham, had what can fairly be described as a less than celebrity profile east of the Nullabor when he and the Dockers kicked off in 1995. Four years later Neesham's time was up without any substantial result, but to be honest not too many would have been expecting any higher. After all, West Coast's first coach was Ron Alexander who few would remember now, but the Eagles eventually got off the ground, why not the Dockers? Freo's coach number two was Damien Drum who came very highly recommended from his time as assistant coach at Sydney, in fact Collingwood made a huge play for Drum's services and were deeply wounded when he elected to coach Freo instead. However Drum proved to be anything but a success for the Dockers, who plummeted to the bottom of the ladder under his stewardship. The two parted company in mid-2001 after arguably the single ugliest and low standard game of AFL ever between Freo and the Swans (although this year's Round 4 match between North and Essendon is probably also a contender). In the post-match interview Drum, whose Dockers had lost, gave the immortal quote- "Look, skill is only one element of the game! I thought it was a fantastic struggle between two really desperate sides!". Drum was replaced briefly by ex-skipper Ben Allan, before Connolly got the side to the 2003 and 2006 finals series. It looked for a while as though the Dockers were belatedly on the road to reward, but alas, success proved fleeting and Connolly jumped ship midway through 2007 when it became clear that 2006's promise had been an illusion. His assistant Mark Harvey, a hugely experienced assistant coach who had previously served at Essendon under the great Kevin Sheedy, took over but up to this point the purple curse would seem to have descended upon him as deeply as it has upon all who have dared take on the Fremantle coaching mantle.
Like Fremantle, in their quest for their first premiership since 1980 Richmond have been prepared to give young coaching blood a go (Jeff Gieschen, Danny Frawley). They've also, however, gone with favourite sons (Francis Bourke, Kevin Bartlett), ex-premiership coaches from other clubs (Allan Jeans, Robert Walls), ex-premiership coaches from their own club (Tony Jewell), recycled coaches with strong records at lowly sides (John Northey, Terry Wallace), and single-season wonders lost in the distant memory that is the 1980s (Mike Patterson, Paul Sproule). Thus far, only Northey and Frawley have gotten the Tigers into a finals series. It would take too long to detail the records of the others, suffice it to say that finishing ninth at Tigerland has been about as good as it has gotten. They're still an outside chance of doing that this year, but it probably won't be enough to save Wallace.
But as I said at the start, it was a rare good weekend for both Freo and Richmond in Round 5. With the Anzac Day bugles still ringing in the air, the Dockers stunned the Swans by leaping out to a first quarter lead that Sydney proved unable to chase down. A bitterly disappointing result for the Swans to mark their courageous skipper Brett Kirk's 200th, but a deeply welcome win for Fremantle. No less welcome was Richmond's maiden win for 09 over the increasingly hapless North Melbourne, the Tigers held out the Roo's pressure for a half before jumping away in the second half.
Notable in Round 5 were a number of pitifully low scores, with three teams failing to get over 40 points. Two sides, Port Adelaide and Brisbane, failed even to reach their opponent's quarter time score. St Kilda and Geelong were the respective opposition, and both provided strong evidence to suggest that it is going to be a Saints-Cats playoff come September. St Kilda launched a first half blitzkrieg against the Power, putting on ten goals to one and effectively burying the teal mob. Port are proving to be the most schizophrenic side in the comp this year, following up a brilliant away win over the reigning premiers with a white flag effort the following week. Down at Kardinia Park, Geelong's Gary Ablett Jr backed up his amazing 46 possession effort of the previous week with a comparatively disappointing 42 touches against the Lions as Geelong leapt away to an effortless 93 point victory. Testing times for the rookie Brisbane coach Michael Voss.
The other pitifully low score was by Melbourne against Adelaide, with the Dees able to kick only a single goal in the first three quarters and just four for the game. This match was also memorable for the spectacle of the MCG containing less than 15,000 people, the day after 85,000 had crammed in. A 4.40pm starting time on a freezing Sunday afternoon can't have helped- who would have thought that people might be a bit reluctant to venture out that late for a game between two pretty ordinary sides? Adelaide proved the less worse of the two sides on the day, all attendees should have been awarded some kind of bravery medal for sitting through what can't have been an enjoyable experience.
In other matches, Carlton and Hawthorn leapt back to winning form with wins over the Western Bulldogs and West Coast respectively. The Blues dedicated their win, and their entire 2009 season, to their ailing ex-President (now in all ways ex) Richard Pratt, credited with saving the club through his massive influx of (possibly dodgy) cardboard-related funds. The Blues fans were filled with joy by the performances of their parade of number one draft picks, all of whom performed beautifully on the day. The Dogs are back with the pack though after a brilliant start to 09, and they face the rampant Saints in Round 6. For the Hawks, Tasmania has proved a happy hunting ground in recent years and it proved so once again as they were able to run over the Eagles in the last quarter for a much-needed win.
But in all honesty, Round 5 2009 will be forever remembered for just one game- the Anzac Day match between Collingwood and Essendon. Amazingly we're up to the 15th incarnation of this particular fixture - where has that time gone? The first of these encounters, in 1995, produced a heartstopping draw in front of 95,000 heartstopped supporters. Since that auspicious opening, it's fair to say that the quality of subsequent encounters has been a mixed bag. I should know, I've sat through four of them and Essendon have lost the lot! But this year's battle lived up to all of the pre-match hype. Without wanting to descend into over the top hyperbole, I will simply say that this match was by far the best of 2009 so far, if not of all time. It was won on the absolute last kick of the game by a kid in his fourth match ever, after all had seemed lost just minutes before. It featured a herculean performance by another youngster thrust into the spotlight after a disastrous injury felled a champion in the opening moments. And it made Collingwood cheersquad president "Joffa" look like an absolute dill for donning his gold "Game Over" jacket prematurely - yes, the Bombers won. Can't really describe all that happened in the 2009 Anzac Day match, would recommend purchasing the DVD to savour in years to come. The winning goal was kicked by young Zaharakis, featured in the Wrap in Round 2; best on ground was Paddy Ryder, who proved once and for all that he is not an Irish jockey, but a very fine footballer. The tragic injury was to Bombers ruckman and 2008 best and fairest winner David Hille, who is going to be sorely missed. Indeed, Essendon may not win another game for the year. But at least we won this one!
So a very memorable Round 5 in a great many ways, let's hope Round 6 can prove equally rewarding. See you back here for next week's Wrap.
Since Fremantle's entry into the AFL in 1995, they have resisted the temptation to go with a recycled or "proven" coach and have commendably pursued a policy of giving young blood a go. So far this policy has unearthed one semi-decent coach out of the four and a half they've tried, that man being Chris Connolly who got the Dockers to their only two finals series to date. Freo's inaugural coach, Gerard Neesham, had what can fairly be described as a less than celebrity profile east of the Nullabor when he and the Dockers kicked off in 1995. Four years later Neesham's time was up without any substantial result, but to be honest not too many would have been expecting any higher. After all, West Coast's first coach was Ron Alexander who few would remember now, but the Eagles eventually got off the ground, why not the Dockers? Freo's coach number two was Damien Drum who came very highly recommended from his time as assistant coach at Sydney, in fact Collingwood made a huge play for Drum's services and were deeply wounded when he elected to coach Freo instead. However Drum proved to be anything but a success for the Dockers, who plummeted to the bottom of the ladder under his stewardship. The two parted company in mid-2001 after arguably the single ugliest and low standard game of AFL ever between Freo and the Swans (although this year's Round 4 match between North and Essendon is probably also a contender). In the post-match interview Drum, whose Dockers had lost, gave the immortal quote- "Look, skill is only one element of the game! I thought it was a fantastic struggle between two really desperate sides!". Drum was replaced briefly by ex-skipper Ben Allan, before Connolly got the side to the 2003 and 2006 finals series. It looked for a while as though the Dockers were belatedly on the road to reward, but alas, success proved fleeting and Connolly jumped ship midway through 2007 when it became clear that 2006's promise had been an illusion. His assistant Mark Harvey, a hugely experienced assistant coach who had previously served at Essendon under the great Kevin Sheedy, took over but up to this point the purple curse would seem to have descended upon him as deeply as it has upon all who have dared take on the Fremantle coaching mantle.
Like Fremantle, in their quest for their first premiership since 1980 Richmond have been prepared to give young coaching blood a go (Jeff Gieschen, Danny Frawley). They've also, however, gone with favourite sons (Francis Bourke, Kevin Bartlett), ex-premiership coaches from other clubs (Allan Jeans, Robert Walls), ex-premiership coaches from their own club (Tony Jewell), recycled coaches with strong records at lowly sides (John Northey, Terry Wallace), and single-season wonders lost in the distant memory that is the 1980s (Mike Patterson, Paul Sproule). Thus far, only Northey and Frawley have gotten the Tigers into a finals series. It would take too long to detail the records of the others, suffice it to say that finishing ninth at Tigerland has been about as good as it has gotten. They're still an outside chance of doing that this year, but it probably won't be enough to save Wallace.
But as I said at the start, it was a rare good weekend for both Freo and Richmond in Round 5. With the Anzac Day bugles still ringing in the air, the Dockers stunned the Swans by leaping out to a first quarter lead that Sydney proved unable to chase down. A bitterly disappointing result for the Swans to mark their courageous skipper Brett Kirk's 200th, but a deeply welcome win for Fremantle. No less welcome was Richmond's maiden win for 09 over the increasingly hapless North Melbourne, the Tigers held out the Roo's pressure for a half before jumping away in the second half.
Notable in Round 5 were a number of pitifully low scores, with three teams failing to get over 40 points. Two sides, Port Adelaide and Brisbane, failed even to reach their opponent's quarter time score. St Kilda and Geelong were the respective opposition, and both provided strong evidence to suggest that it is going to be a Saints-Cats playoff come September. St Kilda launched a first half blitzkrieg against the Power, putting on ten goals to one and effectively burying the teal mob. Port are proving to be the most schizophrenic side in the comp this year, following up a brilliant away win over the reigning premiers with a white flag effort the following week. Down at Kardinia Park, Geelong's Gary Ablett Jr backed up his amazing 46 possession effort of the previous week with a comparatively disappointing 42 touches against the Lions as Geelong leapt away to an effortless 93 point victory. Testing times for the rookie Brisbane coach Michael Voss.
The other pitifully low score was by Melbourne against Adelaide, with the Dees able to kick only a single goal in the first three quarters and just four for the game. This match was also memorable for the spectacle of the MCG containing less than 15,000 people, the day after 85,000 had crammed in. A 4.40pm starting time on a freezing Sunday afternoon can't have helped- who would have thought that people might be a bit reluctant to venture out that late for a game between two pretty ordinary sides? Adelaide proved the less worse of the two sides on the day, all attendees should have been awarded some kind of bravery medal for sitting through what can't have been an enjoyable experience.
In other matches, Carlton and Hawthorn leapt back to winning form with wins over the Western Bulldogs and West Coast respectively. The Blues dedicated their win, and their entire 2009 season, to their ailing ex-President (now in all ways ex) Richard Pratt, credited with saving the club through his massive influx of (possibly dodgy) cardboard-related funds. The Blues fans were filled with joy by the performances of their parade of number one draft picks, all of whom performed beautifully on the day. The Dogs are back with the pack though after a brilliant start to 09, and they face the rampant Saints in Round 6. For the Hawks, Tasmania has proved a happy hunting ground in recent years and it proved so once again as they were able to run over the Eagles in the last quarter for a much-needed win.
But in all honesty, Round 5 2009 will be forever remembered for just one game- the Anzac Day match between Collingwood and Essendon. Amazingly we're up to the 15th incarnation of this particular fixture - where has that time gone? The first of these encounters, in 1995, produced a heartstopping draw in front of 95,000 heartstopped supporters. Since that auspicious opening, it's fair to say that the quality of subsequent encounters has been a mixed bag. I should know, I've sat through four of them and Essendon have lost the lot! But this year's battle lived up to all of the pre-match hype. Without wanting to descend into over the top hyperbole, I will simply say that this match was by far the best of 2009 so far, if not of all time. It was won on the absolute last kick of the game by a kid in his fourth match ever, after all had seemed lost just minutes before. It featured a herculean performance by another youngster thrust into the spotlight after a disastrous injury felled a champion in the opening moments. And it made Collingwood cheersquad president "Joffa" look like an absolute dill for donning his gold "Game Over" jacket prematurely - yes, the Bombers won. Can't really describe all that happened in the 2009 Anzac Day match, would recommend purchasing the DVD to savour in years to come. The winning goal was kicked by young Zaharakis, featured in the Wrap in Round 2; best on ground was Paddy Ryder, who proved once and for all that he is not an Irish jockey, but a very fine footballer. The tragic injury was to Bombers ruckman and 2008 best and fairest winner David Hille, who is going to be sorely missed. Indeed, Essendon may not win another game for the year. But at least we won this one!
So a very memorable Round 5 in a great many ways, let's hope Round 6 can prove equally rewarding. See you back here for next week's Wrap.
24 April 2009
Round Four: Battle of the Basketcases: Part One
Well as Boris the chicken can no doubt attest, one week you're the rooster, next week you're the feather duster. There were to be no Whoppers for me this week, I went from the perfect 8 to a miserable 2 correct selections in Round 4 as the favourites tumbled like dominos. A great week for Hungry Jacks, they won't have lost too much money giving away hamburgers, that's for sure.
By the end of round 4 it became excitingly clear that one of the longest running questions going around, one that has been pondered by football fans old and young, rich and poor, from the north, the west, the south and the east since 1995 seems set to be finally answered at the end of this season: that question being, of course, is Richmond or Fremantle the biggest basketcase in the AFL? I don't want to imply that other clubs haven't had their moments. St Kilda has a cutlery drawer overflowing with wooden spoons; Carlton in recent years has been a bit diabolical; Fitzroy in their dying days were a barely competitive figure of pity; and the less said about the Brisbane Bears the better- at one point they recruited Warwick Capper in order to give themselves more credibility as a football club! It's true, I swear. Nor do I mean to imply that it has always been so: Richmond in the depression and war years was a team not to be messed with, while in the 1960s and 70s they were an absolute powerhouse. I'm sure any Western Australians in the house will be able to confirm my understanding that South and East Fremantle were equally credible outfits back in the day. But boy, oh boy, the Tigers and Dockers should really come equipped with a canned laughter track these days, it just seems to be one sitcom moment after another, off-field and on.
Let's take as a starting point 1995, the season Fremantle entered the competition. They were welcomed with open arms, as their entry meant that the AFL now had an even number of teams and we were thus spared from the bye. Some would argue that that is still Freo's greatest contribution to the AFL. Somewhat less welcome was the Dockers' introduction of the totally unnecessary "home and away" jumper concept- Freo is completely to blame for the collective loss of sanity that resulted in such monstrosities as the Port Adelaide Phallus, the West Coast Gay Pride Flag, the Collingwood Magic Eye Magpie On A Bar Code, and the Hawthorn Number Seven in the Ninth at Flemington, amongst others. Check them all out at http://www.footyjumpers.com/, hours of fun for the whole family. The Dockers also introduced to the AFL an appalling dirge of a club song based on the Volga Boat song, of all things. I'm still staggered to this day that Port Adelaide somehow managed to come up with a worse one.
While Freo were distracting everybody in 1995 with their terrible song and array of sartorial atrocities, Richmond were on a rare high, making the finals for the first time since 1982. They also made the finals in 2001. Freo, for their part, has played finals in 2003 and 2006. That's it. Two finals series each for the two sides in 14 seasons (2 in 27 years for Richmond), with a preliminary final being the best result for both (2 in Richmond's case). By comparison Port Adelaide, which entered the comp two years later than Freo, have played in 7 finals series, finished top three times, played in two Grand Finals and won a premiership. The draft system and salary cap were supposed to even out the competition in order to avoid an English Premier League scenario where only a handful of clubs can ever hope to win. This had been the case in the old VFL, where only five different clubs won premierships between 1967 and 1989. The system has largely worked, every club has made it as far as a preliminary final since 1990 and only Freo, Richmond and the Bulldogs haven't played in a Grand Final. Every other team has played finals regularly, and worked out how to rebuild a team in the down years in order to get back in quickly. So why have the Dockers and Tigers been so consistently bad?
Answer one- recruitment. Freo and Richmond have made an artform out of abysmal work at the draft table and in picking up other clubs' rejects. You wouldn't have thought it possible to make a worse selection at number one than Richmond's 1987 choice of Richard Lounder, who played four games in total. But you would be reckoning without Freo's decision in 2001 to trade draft picks 1, 20 and 36 for Trent Croad (the Dockers also got Luke McPharlin). Croad played 38 games for the Dockers and then returned to Hawthorn. Pick one ended up being Luke Hodge, who was last year's Norm Smith Medallist; pick 36 ended up being Sam Mitchell, who held the premiership cup aloft as the Hawks captain. And Croad got a medal too (pick 20 didn't work out, but it's fair to say it was a better outcome for Hawthorn than it was for Freo). Both the Tigers and Dockers have let players go who have gone on to star at other clubs- ex-Tiger Ben Ottens won a premiership at Geelong, ex-Docker Adam McPhee won a best and fairest at Essendon- and have picked up good players from other clubs who have promptly become a shadow of their former selves once at Punt Road or Subiaco- Kent Kingsley, Mark Graham, Dean Solomon, Jeff Farmer, Chris Tarrant, the list goes on.
This is clearly not a discussion that is going to be able to be concluded in one Wrap. We haven't even gotten onto coaches yet. That might have to be the subject of next week's outing.
So, Round 4. It kicked off under lights up at Brisbane with the Magpies being the visitors, in desperate need of a win to get their season back on track. It looked pretty ordinary for them at quarter time down six goals to two. But a stunning fightback saw them pour on 11 goals to 4 in the next three quarters to record a stirring fighting win to level their 2009 record at 2 and 2, the same as Brisbane. The same 2-2 record is also that of Sydney and Carlton, after the Swans recorded a somewhat surprisingly easy win over the Blues in a game most expected Carlton to romp home in. Bad goalkicking from Carlton was a major factor in the result, with Brendan Fevola the main culprit with 1 goal 4. At the MCG it was a huge upset with Port Adelaide running away from the reigning premiers Hawthorn in the second half to record a 30 point win. Hawthorn's premiership defence is looking decidedly shaky at 1 and 3, while the Power are shaping up as a very hard team to tip.
The Saturday night fixtures saw the season's frontrunners both record very good wins (these, incidentally, were the two matches I actually managed to tip correctly). St Kilda handed out a fearful hiding to the hapless Dockers, keeping Freo goalless in 2 quarters and restricting them overall to a paltry 4.4.28 while chalking up 111 points of their own. At the end of the match the Saints' percentage was up to a whopping 200%, while the Dockers was down to a woeful 56%. And Freo's week got even worse when their assistant coach Steve Malaxos made an astonishing gaffe on live radio, telling stunned listeners that morale at the club was quite good because players were playing pranks on each other "dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits". It subsequently emerged that the outfits in question were more Blues Brothers than KKK, but surely Malaxos will never be allowed near a live microphone again without an alert club official standing by armed with an electric cattleprod. Over in Adelaide, Geelong toyed with the Crows for three quarters before running away with seven goals to 2 in the last quarter to rack up an impressive 48 point win. Best afield by a country mile for the Cats was the magnificent Gary Ablett Jr, who recorded a lazy 46 possessions in his 150th game. Amazing to think that when his father retired, we wondered if there would ever be a player as naturally skilled ever again. Now the next great debate- once the Richmond vs Fremantle dispute is resolved- will be which of the Gary Abletts is/was the better player.
Sunday afternoon saw not one, but two affronts to the good name of AFL football. Two incredibly shoddy encounters in which skill went completely out the window. One took place at Docklands, where North Melbourne prevailed narrowly over Essendon in a very poor game indeed. At a rough guess 50% of kicks missed their targets, 75% of decisions made were the wrong ones and 100% of Essendon fans there wished they hadn't bothered turning up. The game will probably be best remembered for the first ever freekick awarded for a deliberate rushed behind, against North Melbourne's Daniel Pratt, one of the villains of the previous week's Chookgate. Not having a great season, young Pratt. The other shocker was across town at the MCG, where one of Richmond or Melbourne had to open their accounts for 2009 (barring a goalless draw). In the event it was Melbourne's young brigade who prevailed, putting the final nail in the coffin of Richmond's 2009 finals chances and Terry Wallace's Punt Road coaching career. Wallace may yet last out the season but in terms of a longer future at Tigerland he's a dead man walking.
One game left to complete Round 4, and over in the west the Eagles recorded a super impressive victory over the previously unbeaten Western Bulldogs. A great comeback for West Coast after their shellacking at St Kilda's hands one week earlier. With two impressive home wins the Eagles look to be re-establishing the Fortress Subiaco of old, but will need to discover some away form as well if they're to be a finals contender in 2009.
So after four rounds there are two teams who look certain to play finals (St Kilda and Geelong) and two who look to be gone (our friends the Tigers and the Dockers). Everyone else is still very much in it, and there's everything to play for going into the Anzac Day round. So be sure to join us here for the Wrap of that, and for Part Two of Why Freo and Richmond Are Perpetually Awful. Perhaps it's because the Dockers and Tigers don't think about the game enough, this should take care of that! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nK45rcLk27k&feature=related
By the end of round 4 it became excitingly clear that one of the longest running questions going around, one that has been pondered by football fans old and young, rich and poor, from the north, the west, the south and the east since 1995 seems set to be finally answered at the end of this season: that question being, of course, is Richmond or Fremantle the biggest basketcase in the AFL? I don't want to imply that other clubs haven't had their moments. St Kilda has a cutlery drawer overflowing with wooden spoons; Carlton in recent years has been a bit diabolical; Fitzroy in their dying days were a barely competitive figure of pity; and the less said about the Brisbane Bears the better- at one point they recruited Warwick Capper in order to give themselves more credibility as a football club! It's true, I swear. Nor do I mean to imply that it has always been so: Richmond in the depression and war years was a team not to be messed with, while in the 1960s and 70s they were an absolute powerhouse. I'm sure any Western Australians in the house will be able to confirm my understanding that South and East Fremantle were equally credible outfits back in the day. But boy, oh boy, the Tigers and Dockers should really come equipped with a canned laughter track these days, it just seems to be one sitcom moment after another, off-field and on.
Let's take as a starting point 1995, the season Fremantle entered the competition. They were welcomed with open arms, as their entry meant that the AFL now had an even number of teams and we were thus spared from the bye. Some would argue that that is still Freo's greatest contribution to the AFL. Somewhat less welcome was the Dockers' introduction of the totally unnecessary "home and away" jumper concept- Freo is completely to blame for the collective loss of sanity that resulted in such monstrosities as the Port Adelaide Phallus, the West Coast Gay Pride Flag, the Collingwood Magic Eye Magpie On A Bar Code, and the Hawthorn Number Seven in the Ninth at Flemington, amongst others. Check them all out at http://www.footyjumpers.com/, hours of fun for the whole family. The Dockers also introduced to the AFL an appalling dirge of a club song based on the Volga Boat song, of all things. I'm still staggered to this day that Port Adelaide somehow managed to come up with a worse one.
While Freo were distracting everybody in 1995 with their terrible song and array of sartorial atrocities, Richmond were on a rare high, making the finals for the first time since 1982. They also made the finals in 2001. Freo, for their part, has played finals in 2003 and 2006. That's it. Two finals series each for the two sides in 14 seasons (2 in 27 years for Richmond), with a preliminary final being the best result for both (2 in Richmond's case). By comparison Port Adelaide, which entered the comp two years later than Freo, have played in 7 finals series, finished top three times, played in two Grand Finals and won a premiership. The draft system and salary cap were supposed to even out the competition in order to avoid an English Premier League scenario where only a handful of clubs can ever hope to win. This had been the case in the old VFL, where only five different clubs won premierships between 1967 and 1989. The system has largely worked, every club has made it as far as a preliminary final since 1990 and only Freo, Richmond and the Bulldogs haven't played in a Grand Final. Every other team has played finals regularly, and worked out how to rebuild a team in the down years in order to get back in quickly. So why have the Dockers and Tigers been so consistently bad?
Answer one- recruitment. Freo and Richmond have made an artform out of abysmal work at the draft table and in picking up other clubs' rejects. You wouldn't have thought it possible to make a worse selection at number one than Richmond's 1987 choice of Richard Lounder, who played four games in total. But you would be reckoning without Freo's decision in 2001 to trade draft picks 1, 20 and 36 for Trent Croad (the Dockers also got Luke McPharlin). Croad played 38 games for the Dockers and then returned to Hawthorn. Pick one ended up being Luke Hodge, who was last year's Norm Smith Medallist; pick 36 ended up being Sam Mitchell, who held the premiership cup aloft as the Hawks captain. And Croad got a medal too (pick 20 didn't work out, but it's fair to say it was a better outcome for Hawthorn than it was for Freo). Both the Tigers and Dockers have let players go who have gone on to star at other clubs- ex-Tiger Ben Ottens won a premiership at Geelong, ex-Docker Adam McPhee won a best and fairest at Essendon- and have picked up good players from other clubs who have promptly become a shadow of their former selves once at Punt Road or Subiaco- Kent Kingsley, Mark Graham, Dean Solomon, Jeff Farmer, Chris Tarrant, the list goes on.
This is clearly not a discussion that is going to be able to be concluded in one Wrap. We haven't even gotten onto coaches yet. That might have to be the subject of next week's outing.
So, Round 4. It kicked off under lights up at Brisbane with the Magpies being the visitors, in desperate need of a win to get their season back on track. It looked pretty ordinary for them at quarter time down six goals to two. But a stunning fightback saw them pour on 11 goals to 4 in the next three quarters to record a stirring fighting win to level their 2009 record at 2 and 2, the same as Brisbane. The same 2-2 record is also that of Sydney and Carlton, after the Swans recorded a somewhat surprisingly easy win over the Blues in a game most expected Carlton to romp home in. Bad goalkicking from Carlton was a major factor in the result, with Brendan Fevola the main culprit with 1 goal 4. At the MCG it was a huge upset with Port Adelaide running away from the reigning premiers Hawthorn in the second half to record a 30 point win. Hawthorn's premiership defence is looking decidedly shaky at 1 and 3, while the Power are shaping up as a very hard team to tip.
The Saturday night fixtures saw the season's frontrunners both record very good wins (these, incidentally, were the two matches I actually managed to tip correctly). St Kilda handed out a fearful hiding to the hapless Dockers, keeping Freo goalless in 2 quarters and restricting them overall to a paltry 4.4.28 while chalking up 111 points of their own. At the end of the match the Saints' percentage was up to a whopping 200%, while the Dockers was down to a woeful 56%. And Freo's week got even worse when their assistant coach Steve Malaxos made an astonishing gaffe on live radio, telling stunned listeners that morale at the club was quite good because players were playing pranks on each other "dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits". It subsequently emerged that the outfits in question were more Blues Brothers than KKK, but surely Malaxos will never be allowed near a live microphone again without an alert club official standing by armed with an electric cattleprod. Over in Adelaide, Geelong toyed with the Crows for three quarters before running away with seven goals to 2 in the last quarter to rack up an impressive 48 point win. Best afield by a country mile for the Cats was the magnificent Gary Ablett Jr, who recorded a lazy 46 possessions in his 150th game. Amazing to think that when his father retired, we wondered if there would ever be a player as naturally skilled ever again. Now the next great debate- once the Richmond vs Fremantle dispute is resolved- will be which of the Gary Abletts is/was the better player.
Sunday afternoon saw not one, but two affronts to the good name of AFL football. Two incredibly shoddy encounters in which skill went completely out the window. One took place at Docklands, where North Melbourne prevailed narrowly over Essendon in a very poor game indeed. At a rough guess 50% of kicks missed their targets, 75% of decisions made were the wrong ones and 100% of Essendon fans there wished they hadn't bothered turning up. The game will probably be best remembered for the first ever freekick awarded for a deliberate rushed behind, against North Melbourne's Daniel Pratt, one of the villains of the previous week's Chookgate. Not having a great season, young Pratt. The other shocker was across town at the MCG, where one of Richmond or Melbourne had to open their accounts for 2009 (barring a goalless draw). In the event it was Melbourne's young brigade who prevailed, putting the final nail in the coffin of Richmond's 2009 finals chances and Terry Wallace's Punt Road coaching career. Wallace may yet last out the season but in terms of a longer future at Tigerland he's a dead man walking.
One game left to complete Round 4, and over in the west the Eagles recorded a super impressive victory over the previously unbeaten Western Bulldogs. A great comeback for West Coast after their shellacking at St Kilda's hands one week earlier. With two impressive home wins the Eagles look to be re-establishing the Fortress Subiaco of old, but will need to discover some away form as well if they're to be a finals contender in 2009.
So after four rounds there are two teams who look certain to play finals (St Kilda and Geelong) and two who look to be gone (our friends the Tigers and the Dockers). Everyone else is still very much in it, and there's everything to play for going into the Anzac Day round. So be sure to join us here for the Wrap of that, and for Part Two of Why Freo and Richmond Are Perpetually Awful. Perhaps it's because the Dockers and Tigers don't think about the game enough, this should take care of that! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nK45rcLk27k&feature=related
20 April 2009
Round Three: A Rubber Chicken, A Frozen Chicken and a Whopper
Clucking hell! Did the feathers fly down at Arden St in the lead-up to Round 3 - several Kangaroos wound up with egg on their face as an attempted yolk went down very poorly and fowl tempers resulted. Rather than feeling cock-ahoop, the Roos were walking on eggshells as poultry-related puns filled the air like a bunch of happy chicks at a hen's night. So, what was it all about? I'm not even sure that I know. A rubber chicken named Boris? A poorly-conceived in-house video involving a frozen chicken and a slightly misogynist rap track that somehow ended up in the public domain? A mass team apology to the women of the nation? A very, very strange event indeed.
But an event that had a catastrophic effect on the morale down at North Melbourne. For a club that managed to survive ex-skipper Wayne Carey's massively publicised affair with his vice captain's wife in a toilet cubicle, North Melbourne came awfully close to being torn asunder by Chookgate. The players involved were said to be on the verge of retirement, the sponsors were said to be on the verge of whisking their money away, and Germaine Greer was said to be on the verge of flying in to compulsorarily enrol the entire squad in Womens Studies 101: The Feminine Mystique, Boris the Chicken and You. Perhaps no wonder then that the Roos never looked in contention against Hawthorn, the Hawks able to chalk up a much needed first win for 2009 to belatedly launch their premiership defence.
The team they defeated in last year's decider, Geelong, is starting to get their own campaign off and running and they were able to take the points over Collingwood. The Cats certainly didn't have it their own way, however, at quarter time the Magpies were well up and had they been able to kick a bit straighter could have had the game in the bag. It wasn't to be, though, an eight goal to nil second quarter from Geelong put a whole new complexion on the match and when the final siren sounded it was the Cats' Easter eggs who were going to taste sweeter.
The shellacking of the round took place on Saturday at the MCG when St Kilda demonstrated that they are going to be a genuine contender in 2009 by destroying the West Coast Eagles to the tune of 97 points. Another sizeable margin over in Adelaide, where the Power belted the Demons. Port looking ominous, Melbourne still winless in 09. And up north in the wet the Lions were able to end a five year winless streak against Sydney, taking the game by 33 points.
The best game of the round (and not just in my opinion) was the clash between the Bombers and the highly fancied Blues. After eight years in the wilderness, most pundits have Carlton firmly pencilled in as a finalist this year, if not a top four contender. Essendon, on the other hand, is generally regarded to be in yet another rebuilding year. And a few minutes into the second quarter, that conclusion looked to be accurate as Carlton skipped out to a 27 point lead. But then came the Bomber comeback. Led by skipper Matthew Lloyd, whose poor early season form had led many to writte him off, the Dons rattled on seven goals for the quarter to go in two points up at halftime. The second half was a blinder, goal for goal right up until the final stages. With the seconds ticking down, the Blues had one last roll of the dice as Marc Murphy ran the ball into their attacking zone. But a brilliant tackle from Paddy Ryder allowed the Dons to sweep the ball away and the siren sounded on a magnificent Bomber victory. The red and black army across the nation launched into celebrations, but despair for the Bluebaggers. I can only assume that the response of the Canberra Carlton supporters group was reminiscent of the aftermath of the Battle of Isengaard which, for those not following, was the big battle in the Return of the King. From Lord of the Rings. Because they're like orcs. Refer to the Round One report.
Just two games left to conclude the superlong Easter round. Over in the west Fremantle were desperately hoping that the Adelaide Crows would be terminally weakened by Bock-inalia but it wasn't to be, Adelaide holding on for a gutsy win to keep the Dockers rooted to the bottom reaches of the ladder. With this result I was getting quite excited - I'd tipped seven winners out of seven for the first time in years! If the Dogs could get across the line against Richmond I'd be not only showered in glory, but the proud recipient of a Hungry Jacks Whopper! So I was cursing the Dogs in the first quarter as they sprayed shots to the right and the left as the Tiges skipped out to a 16 point lead. But if there's one certainty in the AFL in 2009, it's that Richmond will find a way to blow a winning situation. As the game went on the skill gap between the two sides became evident, much to the frustration of Richmond supporters whose early season optimism must have just about evaporated by now. The Tigers players mentally disintegrated as one, with handballs universally finding the opposition and kicks universally finding the bloke in the second row. It was a mercy for Tigers' fans when the final siren finally sounded with their team 57 points in arrears. And of course it was all good for me - one Whopper coming my way!
So that was Round 3- it started with a frozen chicken and wound up with a tasty burger. Who knows what Round 4 will bring? (Well, OK, everyone does because Round 4 has already been played, but let's suspend disbelief and pretend that it hasn't). See you back here soon for the Round 4 Wrap.
But an event that had a catastrophic effect on the morale down at North Melbourne. For a club that managed to survive ex-skipper Wayne Carey's massively publicised affair with his vice captain's wife in a toilet cubicle, North Melbourne came awfully close to being torn asunder by Chookgate. The players involved were said to be on the verge of retirement, the sponsors were said to be on the verge of whisking their money away, and Germaine Greer was said to be on the verge of flying in to compulsorarily enrol the entire squad in Womens Studies 101: The Feminine Mystique, Boris the Chicken and You. Perhaps no wonder then that the Roos never looked in contention against Hawthorn, the Hawks able to chalk up a much needed first win for 2009 to belatedly launch their premiership defence.
The team they defeated in last year's decider, Geelong, is starting to get their own campaign off and running and they were able to take the points over Collingwood. The Cats certainly didn't have it their own way, however, at quarter time the Magpies were well up and had they been able to kick a bit straighter could have had the game in the bag. It wasn't to be, though, an eight goal to nil second quarter from Geelong put a whole new complexion on the match and when the final siren sounded it was the Cats' Easter eggs who were going to taste sweeter.
The shellacking of the round took place on Saturday at the MCG when St Kilda demonstrated that they are going to be a genuine contender in 2009 by destroying the West Coast Eagles to the tune of 97 points. Another sizeable margin over in Adelaide, where the Power belted the Demons. Port looking ominous, Melbourne still winless in 09. And up north in the wet the Lions were able to end a five year winless streak against Sydney, taking the game by 33 points.
The best game of the round (and not just in my opinion) was the clash between the Bombers and the highly fancied Blues. After eight years in the wilderness, most pundits have Carlton firmly pencilled in as a finalist this year, if not a top four contender. Essendon, on the other hand, is generally regarded to be in yet another rebuilding year. And a few minutes into the second quarter, that conclusion looked to be accurate as Carlton skipped out to a 27 point lead. But then came the Bomber comeback. Led by skipper Matthew Lloyd, whose poor early season form had led many to writte him off, the Dons rattled on seven goals for the quarter to go in two points up at halftime. The second half was a blinder, goal for goal right up until the final stages. With the seconds ticking down, the Blues had one last roll of the dice as Marc Murphy ran the ball into their attacking zone. But a brilliant tackle from Paddy Ryder allowed the Dons to sweep the ball away and the siren sounded on a magnificent Bomber victory. The red and black army across the nation launched into celebrations, but despair for the Bluebaggers. I can only assume that the response of the Canberra Carlton supporters group was reminiscent of the aftermath of the Battle of Isengaard which, for those not following, was the big battle in the Return of the King. From Lord of the Rings. Because they're like orcs. Refer to the Round One report.
Just two games left to conclude the superlong Easter round. Over in the west Fremantle were desperately hoping that the Adelaide Crows would be terminally weakened by Bock-inalia but it wasn't to be, Adelaide holding on for a gutsy win to keep the Dockers rooted to the bottom reaches of the ladder. With this result I was getting quite excited - I'd tipped seven winners out of seven for the first time in years! If the Dogs could get across the line against Richmond I'd be not only showered in glory, but the proud recipient of a Hungry Jacks Whopper! So I was cursing the Dogs in the first quarter as they sprayed shots to the right and the left as the Tiges skipped out to a 16 point lead. But if there's one certainty in the AFL in 2009, it's that Richmond will find a way to blow a winning situation. As the game went on the skill gap between the two sides became evident, much to the frustration of Richmond supporters whose early season optimism must have just about evaporated by now. The Tigers players mentally disintegrated as one, with handballs universally finding the opposition and kicks universally finding the bloke in the second row. It was a mercy for Tigers' fans when the final siren finally sounded with their team 57 points in arrears. And of course it was all good for me - one Whopper coming my way!
So that was Round 3- it started with a frozen chicken and wound up with a tasty burger. Who knows what Round 4 will bring? (Well, OK, everyone does because Round 4 has already been played, but let's suspend disbelief and pretend that it hasn't). See you back here soon for the Round 4 Wrap.
14 April 2009
Round Two: Krusty, Ringo, Capper and Diamond John Brumby
Talk about coincidence- in Round One's wrap I wrote about Poochie the ill-conceived cartoon dog, then lo and behold there he was stinking up the joint in the following night's Simpsons episode! Having seen the episode again, I stand by my comparison of Krusty's promotion of Poochie and the build-up to the Cousins-Judd rematch. But then again I am a hardcore Krusty the Clown fan, and after two decades of the Simpsons almost everything can be referenced to him or one of the other characters. Take the Beatles semi-reunion (Paul and Ringo) that took place in the lead-up to Round Two, a great event for those there but what charity were the Fab Two benefitting? Meditation for Kids! All I could think of was Krusty out the front of the Motion Sickness Benefit telethon, overcome with emotion, "Waugh...you should see the bus they came to the studio in!" Speaking of Ringo, that name is also one familiar to viewers of longrunning soapie Neighbours, who after thirty odd years are clearly running out of convincing names (Ringo's offsider is named Zeke, and Toadfish Rebecchi is still living on Ramsey Street too). Ringo and Zeke, as it turns out, are right into their footy and I was lucky enough some months ago to switch on the telly to see the boys lining up for Erinsborough for the Grand Final with none other than legendary four-time Richmond premiership coach Tom Hafey on the sidelines as the guest coach! Pretty tough on Erinsborough's actual coach, who had evidently got the team to the grand final and then been shunted aside for the big game. But super entertaining viewing watching Tommy nod sagely on the sidelines at every Ringo mark or Zeke drop punt. The best AFL guest spot on Neighbours since ex-Swans pretty boy Warwick Capper turned up circa-1987 in order to try and recruit Kylie Minogue as a Swanette.
And it's fair to say that Richmond fans wouldn't mind getting Tom Hafey back in the coaches' box, even in a guest capacity. After their abysmal Round One appearance, many feared that their trip down the highway to Geelong would be yet another chapter in the longrunning series that is Cat Goes Medieval On Tiger. But surprisingly this time around the Tiges were very competitive and gave Geelong a genuine scare before the Cats got home. The game started conventionally enough, with the Cats well up at halftime and seemingly home and hosed. But an eight goal Richmond third term had them up by a point at the final change. The Cats were able to pull away in the last to record their 44th victory from 47 outings (a pity one of the other three was a Grand Final). But it's far from clear this year whether the Cats have the aura of invincibility that they've carried over the last two seasons.
One team that does seem to be growing such an aura though is St Kilda, who pulled off a hard fought win interstate against the Crows. Adelaide stuck like a limpus to the Saints for three quarters, but the visitors were able to run away with it in the last for a rare win in South Australia. And there was an unhappy postscript for the Crows, with their 2008 best and fairest Nathan Bock arrested the next night for (allegedly) drunkenly striking his girlfriend. All in all Round Two not one the Crows will remember fondly. Nor too will the Jones family of Melbourne; first son Nathan was part of the Dees' defeat at the hands of Collingwood, then his father was bashed in front of his other son after the game by a trio of cowardly louts. Happily violence among spectators is a far less common occurrence that it is in other codes ie. European soccer. But Victorian Premier John Brumby, much like his Springfield counterpart "Diamond" Joe Quimby, knows a populist issue when he sees one. Whereas Diamond Joe might declare a bear patrol tax, Diamond John promptly declared a summit on AFL spectator violence, much to the mystification of AFL CEO Andrew Demetriou who wasn't informed. Hopefully this misguided bit of nonsense will fade away by midseason.
Two Saturday night fixtures in Round Two. In Melbourne the Blues sparked even more excitement in their already over-excited supporters (and hello to everybody at the Canberra Carlton Supporters Club, who I maligned in last week's Wrap) by defeating Brisbane in a thrilling encounter. The Blues are starting to believe that their long decade out in the cold is about to come to an end. Up in Sydney there was a shock result, with defending premiers Hawthorn going down for the second time in 2009 at the hands of the Swans, in a result few outside the red and white faithful would have picked.
Another shock result over in the west on Sunday, with unfancied West Coast giving the Power a right bath. Perhaps Port's latest abysmal clash jumper was to blame for their poor showing, we all know the Power have a troubled history in this regard. Check it out here- http://www.portadelaidefc.com.au/tabid/6038/default.aspx?newsid=70982. And where exactly is the clash between the existing Eagles and Power jumpers, anyway! Won't somebody stop the change jumper madness, there's a challenge for you Brumby!
Two very different matches back in Melbourne to complete Round Two, at the MCG the Bulldogs prevailed over the Roos in a lowscoring armwrestle encounter to keep their unbeaten start to the season alive. The Dogs had to really fight for it after North pulled their way back to just two points down after being nearly five goals down. Across town a small Docklands crowd was treated to a fine display by a young Bombers side which, despite nil returns from veterans Matthew Lloyd and Scott Lucas and many a skill error, convincingly defeated the massively disappointing Freo Dockers. It looks like being another long season for the Purple Haze, two rounds in and they're already all but gone. But many encouraging signs this week for Essendon supporters after their insipid Round One performance. Perhaps best of all was the performance of two Bomber debutants: David Zaharakis looked great and is the first Z I can recall in the AFL since Bulldog Zeno Tzatzaris way back in the '80s (please drop a comment if there's been one in the meantime); and Essendon has finally got on the Irish bandwagon with young Michael Quinn who's been in the country all of about twenty minutes but looks to be a player. Quinn looks about twelve and sounded in interview like a Gaelic version of the Pimply Faced Kid, but by all accounts he's far less temperamental than his compatriot Setanta O'hAilpin over at Carlton which can't be a bad thing. Good signs for the future of Windy Hill.
And so concludes the Worst. Wrap. Ever. Hope you enjoyed, hopefully Round Three will appear very shortly also.
And it's fair to say that Richmond fans wouldn't mind getting Tom Hafey back in the coaches' box, even in a guest capacity. After their abysmal Round One appearance, many feared that their trip down the highway to Geelong would be yet another chapter in the longrunning series that is Cat Goes Medieval On Tiger. But surprisingly this time around the Tiges were very competitive and gave Geelong a genuine scare before the Cats got home. The game started conventionally enough, with the Cats well up at halftime and seemingly home and hosed. But an eight goal Richmond third term had them up by a point at the final change. The Cats were able to pull away in the last to record their 44th victory from 47 outings (a pity one of the other three was a Grand Final). But it's far from clear this year whether the Cats have the aura of invincibility that they've carried over the last two seasons.
One team that does seem to be growing such an aura though is St Kilda, who pulled off a hard fought win interstate against the Crows. Adelaide stuck like a limpus to the Saints for three quarters, but the visitors were able to run away with it in the last for a rare win in South Australia. And there was an unhappy postscript for the Crows, with their 2008 best and fairest Nathan Bock arrested the next night for (allegedly) drunkenly striking his girlfriend. All in all Round Two not one the Crows will remember fondly. Nor too will the Jones family of Melbourne; first son Nathan was part of the Dees' defeat at the hands of Collingwood, then his father was bashed in front of his other son after the game by a trio of cowardly louts. Happily violence among spectators is a far less common occurrence that it is in other codes ie. European soccer. But Victorian Premier John Brumby, much like his Springfield counterpart "Diamond" Joe Quimby, knows a populist issue when he sees one. Whereas Diamond Joe might declare a bear patrol tax, Diamond John promptly declared a summit on AFL spectator violence, much to the mystification of AFL CEO Andrew Demetriou who wasn't informed. Hopefully this misguided bit of nonsense will fade away by midseason.
Two Saturday night fixtures in Round Two. In Melbourne the Blues sparked even more excitement in their already over-excited supporters (and hello to everybody at the Canberra Carlton Supporters Club, who I maligned in last week's Wrap) by defeating Brisbane in a thrilling encounter. The Blues are starting to believe that their long decade out in the cold is about to come to an end. Up in Sydney there was a shock result, with defending premiers Hawthorn going down for the second time in 2009 at the hands of the Swans, in a result few outside the red and white faithful would have picked.
Another shock result over in the west on Sunday, with unfancied West Coast giving the Power a right bath. Perhaps Port's latest abysmal clash jumper was to blame for their poor showing, we all know the Power have a troubled history in this regard. Check it out here- http://www.portadelaidefc.com.au/tabid/6038/default.aspx?newsid=70982. And where exactly is the clash between the existing Eagles and Power jumpers, anyway! Won't somebody stop the change jumper madness, there's a challenge for you Brumby!
Two very different matches back in Melbourne to complete Round Two, at the MCG the Bulldogs prevailed over the Roos in a lowscoring armwrestle encounter to keep their unbeaten start to the season alive. The Dogs had to really fight for it after North pulled their way back to just two points down after being nearly five goals down. Across town a small Docklands crowd was treated to a fine display by a young Bombers side which, despite nil returns from veterans Matthew Lloyd and Scott Lucas and many a skill error, convincingly defeated the massively disappointing Freo Dockers. It looks like being another long season for the Purple Haze, two rounds in and they're already all but gone. But many encouraging signs this week for Essendon supporters after their insipid Round One performance. Perhaps best of all was the performance of two Bomber debutants: David Zaharakis looked great and is the first Z I can recall in the AFL since Bulldog Zeno Tzatzaris way back in the '80s (please drop a comment if there's been one in the meantime); and Essendon has finally got on the Irish bandwagon with young Michael Quinn who's been in the country all of about twenty minutes but looks to be a player. Quinn looks about twelve and sounded in interview like a Gaelic version of the Pimply Faced Kid, but by all accounts he's far less temperamental than his compatriot Setanta O'hAilpin over at Carlton which can't be a bad thing. Good signs for the future of Windy Hill.
And so concludes the Worst. Wrap. Ever. Hope you enjoyed, hopefully Round Three will appear very shortly also.
02 April 2009
Round One: Like Poochie The Ill-Conceived Cartoon Dog
There's a great moment in the Simpsons from a few years ago starring the legendary Krusty the Clown. Unusually attired in a dinner suit, he stands before a microphone and solemnly intones, "Once in a great while, we are privileged to experience a television event so extraordinary, it becomes part of our shared heritage. 1969: Man walks on the moon. 1971: Man walks on the moon...again. Then for a long time nothing happened. Until tonight". Krusty was talking about the introduction of poorly conceived cartoon dog character Poochie onto the longrunning psychotic children's cartoon Itchie and Scratchie. But the general overblown sentiment fitted perfectly with the buildup in Melbourne to the season opener between Carlton and Richmond and, more specifically, the rematch between ex-Eagles premiership teammates and Brownlow Medallists Ben Cousins and Chris Judd. Nobody reading a Victorian newspaper or watching Channel Ten's prematch leadup could possibly doubt that this match was indeed the biggest television event in human history. And the sense of anticipation among fans of the two clubs involved, cellar-dwellers both in recent years, was at fever pitch. Richmond fans in particular were at last daring to dream that finally, finally, their three decades of mediocrity were about to come to an end. Surely this was to be the beginning of something wonderful.
Of course, much like Poochie the dog's ill-fated venture onto the small screen, it all ended in tears for the Tiger faithful. What a horrendous night it turned out to be for the Richmond Football Club, basically everything that could have gone wrong went right ahead and did so. It really wouldn't have surprised at all if at the end of the game one of the MCG light towers had slowly toppled over and hammered Richo into the ground like a tent peg, Wile E. Coyote style. Of all the nights for the Tiger playing group to lose their collective minds and nerve, the season opener in front of a full MCG and massive television audience just wasn't the night to do it. With Canberra receiving its customary excellent free to air television service (an 11.15PM delayed telecast), myself and some others gathered at our local venue, Eastlakes Football Club, along with a throng including, to our horror, the Canberra Carlton Supporters Club. Without wanting to be needlessly cruel about their appearance or mannerisms, I would suggest that if Peter Jackson is short of a few blokes to play orcs in the upcoming movie version of The Hobbit, he might want to give the CCSC a call. The expatriate bluebaggers took up location right in front of the main screen, then proceeded to hurl seven shades of abuse at every Tiger player from the moment they set foot on the arena. The Tigers weren't doing anything much to provoke their anger though, they opened with a Richo poster from a kickable distance, then dropped an easy mark in the back line (which led to a goal), then disintegrated completely. Their skills were absolutely deplorable. Carlton by contrast looked like a Lambourghini competing in a street race against a Lada-like vehicle from a country which no longer exists ("Put it in 'H'"!). Cousins was doing his best but his ex-teammate Judd was winning the duel (such as it was) on points easily. The points margin grew wider and wider the longer the game went off, and the screen started to show Richmond supporters trickling out of the stadium (sent on their way with many a bronx cheer from the CCSC mob). Then, as if things hadn't gone quite badly enough for the Tiges, who had been completely humiliated on the field, it all got a lot worse. With the game long since lost, Cousins embarked on one final stretching effort which resulted in his dodgy hamstring giving up the ghost. As he limped off the field the heads of Richmond fans nationwide collapsed into their collective hands, another forgettable season looks to be on the cards. But there was much whooping and hollering from the CCSC boys and their brethren across the planet, Carlton do indeed appear to be coming back after a very dark decade or so.
After such a massive promotional buildup for the Carlton/ Richmond game, the Grand Final rematch the next night between Hawthorn and Geelong came as almost an anti-climax. The Cats have had a long dark summer to reflect on their 2008 Grand Final disaster, and one gets the impression that they are a team on a mission this year. They certainly swept all before them in the Preseason Let's Give The Kids A Run Cup which, for the first time in years, I actually got to see some of on television. It should be noted I was in a bar on Kuta Beach in Bali at the time, probably in direct contravention of the government's travel warnings (which are surely best treated as a serving suggestion). I was not at all surprised that there was better AFL coverage available in a foreign country than in the national capital. The Hawthorn-Geelong rematch was won narrowly by the Cats, small revenge for last year's defeat. Both teams look to remain at a standard well above that of the chasing pack.
One team who do fancy themselves as a potential challenger to the Cats and Hawks is Collingwood, who surprised everybody by declaring at the start of the year that they were aiming for a premiership in 2009. This was a most unusual statement for a club to make. Normally clubs stick to the "one game at a time" line right up until actual Grand Final Day, when they might admit that they do indeed hope to be premiers come 5PM or so. The Pies' quest for glory got off to a sticky start though, with a narrow defeat at the hands of the visiting Adelaide Crows. President Eddie McGuire reacted furiously to the defeat, pointing to the free kick count which showed Adelaide four ahead of Collingwood. Presumably all of the four frees resulted in Crow behinds, as four points was indeed the final margin.
Two Saturday night fixtures in Round One: oop north it was the coaching debut of Michael Voss, the man who stood up Essendon, Carlton, Gold Coast and West Coast to take over his old team. And he got off to a winning start against the Eagles, who would have been watching the Carlton-Richmond game and drooling over their two lost champions. Down south it was the Saints against the Swans, a fixture that in years past has guaranteed an absolute stinkfest of low scoring and dismal football. This year it was by all accounts a bit better than that (I didn't bother tuning in), the Saints prevailed fairly comfortably. It looks like the Swans might finally be on the slide after umpteen years up around the top, but they've shown before that it's a mistake to write them off prematurely.
Last year the Melbourne Demons had a fairly abysmal season to mark their 150th anniversary, it started with a 100 point shellacking in Round One and never really improved. This year the Dees were determined to avoid the same fate and were more than competitive against the Kangaroos. North prevailed in the end, but it was a performance which will give Dees fans hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel. For supporters of Essendon and Fremantle, however, the tunnel looks to be fairly long indeed. Essendon have a shocking record against Port Adelaide, and the Power had little trouble in racking up another win to the lopsided bilateral ledger. The Bombers now acknowledge that they followed a foolish recruiting path in the years 2002-5, picking up dodgy bitplayers and journeymen from other clubs at the expense of youth. Nice of them to finally admit it, but a tad frustrating to many Bombers fans who were saying that at the time! We feel a bit like the rest of the world (and residents of the blue states) pointing out to the Americans that, yes, it's great that you can now acknowledge that GWB shouldn't have been allowed anywhere near the White House (or indeed a pair of sharp scissors) but most of us were saying that back in 1999! That felt really good. The Dockers got soundly smashed by the Western Bulldogs over in the west. It doesn't look like Freo is going to threaten this season or any time soon. We'll have to wait to see whether the Dogs are genuine contenders or merely another Poochie.
That's it for this week, let's hope that this weekend serves up another spectacular round of the great game. Hope your team's a winner, see you back here for the Round Two wrap.
Of course, much like Poochie the dog's ill-fated venture onto the small screen, it all ended in tears for the Tiger faithful. What a horrendous night it turned out to be for the Richmond Football Club, basically everything that could have gone wrong went right ahead and did so. It really wouldn't have surprised at all if at the end of the game one of the MCG light towers had slowly toppled over and hammered Richo into the ground like a tent peg, Wile E. Coyote style. Of all the nights for the Tiger playing group to lose their collective minds and nerve, the season opener in front of a full MCG and massive television audience just wasn't the night to do it. With Canberra receiving its customary excellent free to air television service (an 11.15PM delayed telecast), myself and some others gathered at our local venue, Eastlakes Football Club, along with a throng including, to our horror, the Canberra Carlton Supporters Club. Without wanting to be needlessly cruel about their appearance or mannerisms, I would suggest that if Peter Jackson is short of a few blokes to play orcs in the upcoming movie version of The Hobbit, he might want to give the CCSC a call. The expatriate bluebaggers took up location right in front of the main screen, then proceeded to hurl seven shades of abuse at every Tiger player from the moment they set foot on the arena. The Tigers weren't doing anything much to provoke their anger though, they opened with a Richo poster from a kickable distance, then dropped an easy mark in the back line (which led to a goal), then disintegrated completely. Their skills were absolutely deplorable. Carlton by contrast looked like a Lambourghini competing in a street race against a Lada-like vehicle from a country which no longer exists ("Put it in 'H'"!). Cousins was doing his best but his ex-teammate Judd was winning the duel (such as it was) on points easily. The points margin grew wider and wider the longer the game went off, and the screen started to show Richmond supporters trickling out of the stadium (sent on their way with many a bronx cheer from the CCSC mob). Then, as if things hadn't gone quite badly enough for the Tiges, who had been completely humiliated on the field, it all got a lot worse. With the game long since lost, Cousins embarked on one final stretching effort which resulted in his dodgy hamstring giving up the ghost. As he limped off the field the heads of Richmond fans nationwide collapsed into their collective hands, another forgettable season looks to be on the cards. But there was much whooping and hollering from the CCSC boys and their brethren across the planet, Carlton do indeed appear to be coming back after a very dark decade or so.
After such a massive promotional buildup for the Carlton/ Richmond game, the Grand Final rematch the next night between Hawthorn and Geelong came as almost an anti-climax. The Cats have had a long dark summer to reflect on their 2008 Grand Final disaster, and one gets the impression that they are a team on a mission this year. They certainly swept all before them in the Preseason Let's Give The Kids A Run Cup which, for the first time in years, I actually got to see some of on television. It should be noted I was in a bar on Kuta Beach in Bali at the time, probably in direct contravention of the government's travel warnings (which are surely best treated as a serving suggestion). I was not at all surprised that there was better AFL coverage available in a foreign country than in the national capital. The Hawthorn-Geelong rematch was won narrowly by the Cats, small revenge for last year's defeat. Both teams look to remain at a standard well above that of the chasing pack.
One team who do fancy themselves as a potential challenger to the Cats and Hawks is Collingwood, who surprised everybody by declaring at the start of the year that they were aiming for a premiership in 2009. This was a most unusual statement for a club to make. Normally clubs stick to the "one game at a time" line right up until actual Grand Final Day, when they might admit that they do indeed hope to be premiers come 5PM or so. The Pies' quest for glory got off to a sticky start though, with a narrow defeat at the hands of the visiting Adelaide Crows. President Eddie McGuire reacted furiously to the defeat, pointing to the free kick count which showed Adelaide four ahead of Collingwood. Presumably all of the four frees resulted in Crow behinds, as four points was indeed the final margin.
Two Saturday night fixtures in Round One: oop north it was the coaching debut of Michael Voss, the man who stood up Essendon, Carlton, Gold Coast and West Coast to take over his old team. And he got off to a winning start against the Eagles, who would have been watching the Carlton-Richmond game and drooling over their two lost champions. Down south it was the Saints against the Swans, a fixture that in years past has guaranteed an absolute stinkfest of low scoring and dismal football. This year it was by all accounts a bit better than that (I didn't bother tuning in), the Saints prevailed fairly comfortably. It looks like the Swans might finally be on the slide after umpteen years up around the top, but they've shown before that it's a mistake to write them off prematurely.
Last year the Melbourne Demons had a fairly abysmal season to mark their 150th anniversary, it started with a 100 point shellacking in Round One and never really improved. This year the Dees were determined to avoid the same fate and were more than competitive against the Kangaroos. North prevailed in the end, but it was a performance which will give Dees fans hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel. For supporters of Essendon and Fremantle, however, the tunnel looks to be fairly long indeed. Essendon have a shocking record against Port Adelaide, and the Power had little trouble in racking up another win to the lopsided bilateral ledger. The Bombers now acknowledge that they followed a foolish recruiting path in the years 2002-5, picking up dodgy bitplayers and journeymen from other clubs at the expense of youth. Nice of them to finally admit it, but a tad frustrating to many Bombers fans who were saying that at the time! We feel a bit like the rest of the world (and residents of the blue states) pointing out to the Americans that, yes, it's great that you can now acknowledge that GWB shouldn't have been allowed anywhere near the White House (or indeed a pair of sharp scissors) but most of us were saying that back in 1999! That felt really good. The Dockers got soundly smashed by the Western Bulldogs over in the west. It doesn't look like Freo is going to threaten this season or any time soon. We'll have to wait to see whether the Dogs are genuine contenders or merely another Poochie.
That's it for this week, let's hope that this weekend serves up another spectacular round of the great game. Hope your team's a winner, see you back here for the Round Two wrap.
25 March 2009
The shadows are lengthening, the temperatures are dropping, the leaves are falling and the sense of anticipation amongst football supporters across the nation - nay, the very globe itself! has reached fever-pitch. Just one more sleep until AFL Season 2009 kicks off! And although the return of the footy is a cause for celebration every year, this time around it's fair to say that it's going to be particularly welcome. It's been a long, hot and painful summer across the nation, both in the sporting arena and, more seriously, in the Victorian bush. The unrelenting heat took its toll upon our ageing cricketers, who slumped to dismal defeat against the South African visitors. At the Australian Open tennis, fluffy yellow balls were combusting on mere contact with the playing surface, as players and spectators alike gasped for oxygen, and flag-painted faces representing proud nations from all five continents gently sizzled. And of course nobody will ever forget where they were when the news came through that the state of Victoria had caught fire. Yes, all in all, it was a summer to try and forget.
But throughout it all, the prospect of footy's return kept a smile on the weariest of faces. Well, perhaps not on the face of Carlton's feisty Irishman with the curiously capitalised name, one Setanta o'hAilpin. At the hottest point of the summer, Setanta lost it completely at a pre-season inter-club training session, turning on teammate Cameron Cloke with unrestrained fury. It was as though Setanta was Shane McGowan, perenially booze-addled frontman of The Pogues, and Cloke a barman with an upper-class English accent who'd just announced last drinks at a St Patricks Day function. Check out Setanta's meltdown here, although you'll want to ignore the bulk of the attached comments- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kqx0GzUOmEw. Great news for the tabloid sub-editors, who'd had the headline, "Setantrum!" saved up since Setanta had first gotten off the plane from Dublin.
But Setanta was but an spicy entree for the main course that was, for the umpteenth summer in a row, Ben Cousins. When last we heard from Cousins he had been suspended by the AFL for a season for bringing the game into disrepute, after a long string of drug-related public disasters had culminated in him being sacked from the Eagles. The big question on the lips of footy pundits was a) whether the AFL would let him back onto the footy field; and b) could Cuz find a club willing to take him on? The AFL ummed and ahhed for quite a while before begrudgingly giving him the nod to part a; but part b proved far, far more difficult than Cousins had probably anticipated. Not that he did himself too many favours, turning up to a hair-test (hair can apparently indicate recent drug use) without a single hair on his entire body long enough to conduct the test. Yep, not one on his entire body. Here's where we all feel good about whatever line of work we're in and thank whatever God we believe in that we weren't on duty down the beauty salon the day Cuz wandered in and requested one waxing with the lot. Of course it could have been worse, imagine trying to give that particular service to "Plugger" Lockett, Barry "Festival" Hall or Cam "The Big Hairy Cat" Mooney! Or better yet, don't.
"Bald-gate" was enough to cause sponsors' jitters at first Collingwood, then St Kilda and finally Brisbane, all of which withdrew their interest in getting Cousins on board for '09. It looked as through the former Brownlow Medallist, Eagles captain and premiership player was going to have to ply his trade at a lower level for the remainder of his career. But then, like a Fairy Godmother armed with a cocktail frock and impeccable timing, the Richmond Football Club entered from stage left to whisk Cuz-derella off to the ball. It was all a little indirect, of course. The Tigers originally requested that the AFL allow them to put Graham Polak, who had come off second best from a mid-2008 collision with a Dandenong Road tram, on the long-term injury list. This alerted delerious speculation among the yellow and black faithful that Cousins may have been on his way to Punt Road. However the AFL's refusal to adhere to the Tige's request seemed to be the final nail in the coffin - Richmond only had two picks in the preseason draft and had stated that both were earmarked for young recruits. However the club leadership had reckoned without the fury of its fans. Tigers' supporters had gritted their teeth through year after year and decade after decade of on-field mediocrity and off-field buffoonery. They had seen Number 1 draft picks blown on the likes of Richard Lounder and Anthony Banik who had come and gone without any greater impact than becoming answers in the sporting round at your local pub trivia night. Now here was a proven champion being offered to the club on a platter, and the club was saying, "Trust us to pick someone who might eventually be half as good"? Hell, no, damn it!" A spontaneous march on Punt Road by hundreds of disgruntled fans led the club to very quickly see the error of their ways, their policy was instantly reversed and a stunned and delighted Cousins was soon standing before the flashbulbs wearing a yellow and black jumper.
And tomorrow night he'll be wearing it in anger for the first time, the preseason shenanigans notwithstanding. On the other side will be his ex-Eagles teammate Chris Judd, these days captaining Carlton. The Blues are pretty excited about their prospects this year, after enduring a couple of very trying seasons they're running on the slogan of "We're Coming!" And perhaps they are. All will be revealed when the 2009 season swings into gear, bring it on!
How's that, an entire Wrap done with only two clubs mentioned! I'll see if I can get to the other fourteen in weeks ahead. See you back here next week when we dissect Round 1 and answer the questions that will inevitably arise. Until then, be sure to steer clear of Setanta.
But throughout it all, the prospect of footy's return kept a smile on the weariest of faces. Well, perhaps not on the face of Carlton's feisty Irishman with the curiously capitalised name, one Setanta o'hAilpin. At the hottest point of the summer, Setanta lost it completely at a pre-season inter-club training session, turning on teammate Cameron Cloke with unrestrained fury. It was as though Setanta was Shane McGowan, perenially booze-addled frontman of The Pogues, and Cloke a barman with an upper-class English accent who'd just announced last drinks at a St Patricks Day function. Check out Setanta's meltdown here, although you'll want to ignore the bulk of the attached comments- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kqx0GzUOmEw. Great news for the tabloid sub-editors, who'd had the headline, "Setantrum!" saved up since Setanta had first gotten off the plane from Dublin.
But Setanta was but an spicy entree for the main course that was, for the umpteenth summer in a row, Ben Cousins. When last we heard from Cousins he had been suspended by the AFL for a season for bringing the game into disrepute, after a long string of drug-related public disasters had culminated in him being sacked from the Eagles. The big question on the lips of footy pundits was a) whether the AFL would let him back onto the footy field; and b) could Cuz find a club willing to take him on? The AFL ummed and ahhed for quite a while before begrudgingly giving him the nod to part a; but part b proved far, far more difficult than Cousins had probably anticipated. Not that he did himself too many favours, turning up to a hair-test (hair can apparently indicate recent drug use) without a single hair on his entire body long enough to conduct the test. Yep, not one on his entire body. Here's where we all feel good about whatever line of work we're in and thank whatever God we believe in that we weren't on duty down the beauty salon the day Cuz wandered in and requested one waxing with the lot. Of course it could have been worse, imagine trying to give that particular service to "Plugger" Lockett, Barry "Festival" Hall or Cam "The Big Hairy Cat" Mooney! Or better yet, don't.
"Bald-gate" was enough to cause sponsors' jitters at first Collingwood, then St Kilda and finally Brisbane, all of which withdrew their interest in getting Cousins on board for '09. It looked as through the former Brownlow Medallist, Eagles captain and premiership player was going to have to ply his trade at a lower level for the remainder of his career. But then, like a Fairy Godmother armed with a cocktail frock and impeccable timing, the Richmond Football Club entered from stage left to whisk Cuz-derella off to the ball. It was all a little indirect, of course. The Tigers originally requested that the AFL allow them to put Graham Polak, who had come off second best from a mid-2008 collision with a Dandenong Road tram, on the long-term injury list. This alerted delerious speculation among the yellow and black faithful that Cousins may have been on his way to Punt Road. However the AFL's refusal to adhere to the Tige's request seemed to be the final nail in the coffin - Richmond only had two picks in the preseason draft and had stated that both were earmarked for young recruits. However the club leadership had reckoned without the fury of its fans. Tigers' supporters had gritted their teeth through year after year and decade after decade of on-field mediocrity and off-field buffoonery. They had seen Number 1 draft picks blown on the likes of Richard Lounder and Anthony Banik who had come and gone without any greater impact than becoming answers in the sporting round at your local pub trivia night. Now here was a proven champion being offered to the club on a platter, and the club was saying, "Trust us to pick someone who might eventually be half as good"? Hell, no, damn it!" A spontaneous march on Punt Road by hundreds of disgruntled fans led the club to very quickly see the error of their ways, their policy was instantly reversed and a stunned and delighted Cousins was soon standing before the flashbulbs wearing a yellow and black jumper.
And tomorrow night he'll be wearing it in anger for the first time, the preseason shenanigans notwithstanding. On the other side will be his ex-Eagles teammate Chris Judd, these days captaining Carlton. The Blues are pretty excited about their prospects this year, after enduring a couple of very trying seasons they're running on the slogan of "We're Coming!" And perhaps they are. All will be revealed when the 2009 season swings into gear, bring it on!
How's that, an entire Wrap done with only two clubs mentioned! I'll see if I can get to the other fourteen in weeks ahead. See you back here next week when we dissect Round 1 and answer the questions that will inevitably arise. Until then, be sure to steer clear of Setanta.
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