Round Fifteen: A brilliant move by the comrades

In recent years there has been much doom and gloom in the Garden State of Victoria over the inept performances of its various footballing outfits. No Vic team has won the premiership since the Bombers' glorious all-conquering performance of 2000; no Vic team has even made the Grand Final since Collingwood's hilariously woeful turn in 2003- the closest thing you'll ever see to a forfeit in a match in which both teams have actually turned up and are out there on the ground at the same time. Last year the Victorians couldn't even get as far as preliminary final weekend- you know you're in trouble when the Fremantle Dockers' season remains alive when your team is off causing merry booze-fuelled mayhem on a post-season jaunt in some underprepared South-East Asian resort. Such haplessness led at the start of the season to suggestions of a football inquest to find the reason why the interstaters were carrying away all the silverware every season (with the dishonourable exception of the preseason "Let's Throw the Victorian Clubs a Bone Cup"). But fifteen rounds in all plans of that nature have been shelved- it's the Vic clubs way out in front and at this stage looking odds-on to break the premiership/ Grand Final appearance duck (although Richmond, Melbourne and Carlton are carrying on the proud tradition of Big V incompetence).

The side leading the charge are of course the Geelong Cats, flagless since 1963 (although they were perennial bridesmaids in the early 1990s). After the disappointment of last season, when they were raging favourites after winning the LTTVCAB cup but didn't make it to September, the Pivotonians have swept all before them this season and are sitting on top by several games and a truckload of percentage courtesy primarily of their usual whipping boys the Richmond Tigers. Excitement down at Sleepy Hollow has reached fever pitch, and we're still in July. The Cats featured in the match of Round 15, a rare Saturday afternoon fixture at the MCG against the similarly resurgent Magpies. This encounter represented the biggest home and away match in Victoria since the Close Enough to Invincible Dons of 2000 took on arch-rivals Carlton. So you can imagine the righteous rage that flew into the hearts of the good denizens of Catland when they turned up at the railway station eager to travel to the capital for the big game only to discover that the transport union had decided to call a train strike for that day! And people say that the unions are out of touch with ordinary people. Brilliant move, comrades, an entire city converted instantly into rabid Thatcherites. If the Howard Government sneaks back into office this year courtesy of a single seat located in the Corio Bay area we'll know who to blame!

Luckily however most of the Feline army made it to the MCG courtesy of a fleet of buses and were thus able to witness their team extend their winning streak to ten games with a narrow but convincing win over the Magpies. They're clearly the team to beat. Hawthorn moved into second place with a straightforward win over the lowly Tigers, while 2007 surprise packet the Carrararoos shot into third with a gritty 2 point away victory over the stuttering Dockers. The defeat proved the deathknell for Freo coach Chris Connolly (as predicted here last week) who called it quits after the loss. Connolly was probably destined to depart the Purple Haze sooner or later given how disappointing the Dockers have been this year, but can blame the dodgy kicking style of defender Scott Thornton for the ultimate Roos defeat- Thornton missed a sitter from 30 metres out with a minute to go which would have put Freo in front. Freo's shocking week culminated with serial fool Jeff Farmer's latest indiscretion- smashing someone's parked car in front of security guards- which could see him drummed out of the club. No wonder Mike the Dockers' fan is off sick today, there's only so much a man can bear!

The weekend commenced well for the Victorian teams, with St Kilda also stealing a 2 point win over interstate opposition in the form of Adelaide. I was lucky enough to catch the end of the match down at the pub, where I had gone with some friends to see Australia's appalling capitulation to Iraq in the soccer. Absolutely abysmal performance, for mine the most embarrassing performance by any sporting outfit representing Australia since our boat sank beneath the waves while racing the Kiwis in the America's Cup. The aftermath of that race series, incidentally, was quite ludicrous- the dejected Australian skipper offered full support and assistance to the slightly incredulous New Zealanders who must have been thinking along the lines of "yeah, thanks a lot mate, I think we'll probably be OK with our unsubmerged boat..." I think from memory the same skipper went on to hail NZ's eventual victory over the Americans as "A great victory for the Pacific Rim!" Talk about clutching at straws! The Saints were very good in their win, a late charge for the finals could well see them sneak into the eight yet. Another Victorian team tipped to do well this year and seemingly coming good at the right time is the Western Bulldogs, who had a straightforward victory over a depleted Essendon. The Bombers have a shocking draw in the final stages and will need to really lift to make the eight. The Dons are due to make a big decision this week as to whether Kevin Sheedy will remain at the helm for his 28th straight season.

It wasn't all bad news for the interstaters, Sydney took the points at home against struggling Carlton who haven't had a win up north since about 1993. Brisbane won "away" at the Gabba against Melbourne- that move to sell home games interstate has really worked out well for the Demons! And Port Adelaide ensured it was a miserable weekend for footy fans in WA of both persuasions by giving West Coast an absolute hiding- 91 points being the Eagles' biggest defeat for many a year. Eagles' star captain Chris Judd (not the one who was briefly married to J-Lo) limped off the field at the end and may need surgery before the finals. Luckily the West Coast have in reserve reformed "ice" addict Ben Cousins who you would expect to see out on the field sooner rather than later.

So now that everyone has played everyone else it is clear that at this stage only a transport strike can stop Geelong; Richmond, Melbourne and Carlton are all useless; and everyone else is still in with a chance of playing finals ("mathematically" in the case of Fremantle and probably Brisbane). Two coaches are gone, more could follow shortly. It's the best of times for some Vic clubs, the worst of times for others. And there's still a third of the season to go. See you back here for Round 16.