Round 10: A shower of Bad Ideas

From time to time, AFL figures- (ex) players, coaches, presidents, media types etc.- put up suggestions for "improvements" which can immediately be identified as Bad Ideas. The alternative jumper suggestion is a case in point, as is virtually any change to interpretations of the rules of the game (this year, it's the hands in the back interpretation which is causing everyone angst). One hardy perennial Bad Idea constantly raising its head, causing concerned onlookers to try and smack it back down again Whack-a-Mole style, is the plan to change the timing of the Grand Final from day to night. TV types are the main culprits behind this generally unpopular suggestion, arguing that: a) the game would rate much better at night; b) every other major sporting event is now at night; and c) overseas viewers would get to see the game in a better timeslot. To which the obvious responses are: a) who cares about increasing TV ratings other than TV executives? b) who cares what other sports do? And in any case, the FA Cup final is still a day fixture (although this year's final would have benefited from being played at late as night as possible, preferably with the lights off). And c) who cares about whether the drunken expats in the Shepherds Bush Walkabout/Saskatoon Outback Steakhouse/Bruce's Bonza Bar in Bangalore (who are, let's be frank, the only people overseas other than Taigh Kennelly's nearest and dearest) who could possibly care about the AFL Grand Final get to see the game in a decent timeslot or not? Australian sports fans have been getting up at sparrowfart for generations to watch overseas sporting events, let the rest of the world suffer for once! This year though, an even Worse Idea has been mooted- the Twilight Grand Final. The rationale, as I understand it, is that this would allow the covering TV channel the opportunity to show something like 24 consecutive hours of football related activity, from the Grand Final lunch to the game to the players' dinners afterwards. That should make interesting viewing! Certainly the Brownlow Medal count is always a riveting watch. Seeing the depressed defeated side hitting the turps for the first time in months should provide some memorable moments. Will they turn on each other in a haze of recriminations? Certainly Sticks Kernahan would love to see someone else broadcast in an inebriated state if only to deflect attention from his own unforgettable boozy tone-deaf rendition of "Stand By Your Man" performed outside Naughton's Hotel following the 1995 premiership. Thankfully, there appears to be no interest whatsoever in this godawful suggestion and hopefully it will disappear from the headlines until this time next year. Have your mallets ready for when this particular mole pops up again.

Another Bad Idea which does have some support is to bring back State of Origin football. Many players are keen to have some chance of representative football, now that the Irish have had enough of having the shit kicked out of them every year. But surely I'm not the only one to recall that State of Origin died a natural death some years back because it had just become farcical? The only thing more pathetic than the crowd attendences was the list of high-profile players injured for the game, all of whom miraculously recovered just a few days later in time for the home and away matches. Those in favour of the revival say things along the lines of, "wouldn't it be great to see Chris Judd and Jonathan Brown in the same Victorian team?" Well yes, it would, but there's no chance of it actually happening! How often did James Hird turn out for NSW/ACT/The Allies? Not too often, and as a Bomber fan I'm very pleased about this. I don't want to see Lloyd's hammy or Fletcher's knee go while they're playing in an ultimately meaningless fixture. How thrilled would Eagles' fans be if Juddy went down with a long term injury while playing for Victoria? Not very, you would have to think. No, the Big V and the rest belong to a bygone era, along with playing all matches on a Saturday afternoon and umpires in white. Let it rest in peace.
One Bad Idea of my own that I was happy to let go was not watching the Bombers live. And I'm very happy that I dispensed with this one on the weekend as I got to see one of their best performances in ages as they gutsed out a 1 point win over the Swans up in Sydney. Belated revenge for the 96 preliminary final. Swans' supporters felt they were hardly done by in the umpiring stakes, but ultimately the Dons deserved their win. Peter Everitt will surely never again punch through a kick after the siren, while nobody would be surprised to learn that the fat SCG goalposts had all undergone a considerable fitness regime following the last minute poster which could have won it for the Swans had the portly post sucked its gut in just a bit. Amazingly the other match on that night ended in a draw- Richmond's losing run ending, sort of. The Tiges and Lions were both disappointed not to take 4 points away from this one, Richmond coach Terry Wallace called for draws to be done away with in favour of extra time- yet another Bad Idea!
The round began with a grudge match between Collingwood and Fremantle in which ex-Magpie hero, now Docker Chris Tarrant proved that he still can't kick straight. The Pies took the points and are flying high in 07, the Dockers are now in doubt of making the finals after being premiership favourites at the start of the season. Collingwood coach Mick Malthouse continues to delight schoolboys nationwide with his team selection- the Magpies are now fielding not only a Cox, a Dick and a Johnson, but the very Austin Powersesque Goldsack! Lovely stuff.
There were a couple of surprise results in Round 10, none more so than Carlton's leap back to the winner's circle over the struggling Bulldogs. The Blues had been winless since their amazing comeback performance over Essendon way back in Round 3. The Carrarraroos hadn't lost since that round, but found West Coast away far too big a challenge and got thumped. No surprise there, but the much underestimated Hawthorn, probably the most anonymous team in the AFL, continue to beat more highly fancied opposition and gave Port their second straight home defeat. The Power's cross town rivals the Crows, once more resplendent in their classy red away strip, crashed to defeat to give Melbourne their belated first victory for the 2007 season. Dees' coach Neale Daniher visibly lost 10 years between the blowing of the siren and his emergence on to the MCG to congratulate his players. Finally, the Cats continued their good run by easily accounting for St Kilda who appear to be imploding off the field- more on that next week.
So, after ten rounds West Coast appear to have a mortgage on top spot but the other top four positions remain pretty open. The Vic teams are finally showing something after some pretty grim years, maybe this year one of them might even make the Grand Final which we hope will be played in daylight as God and nature intended! Still much football to be played and no doubt many more Bad Ideas to be propagated, Round 11 is next and we'll cover it all back here this time next week.