Round Twelve Part A: Mr Belvedere, you beauty!

There is a story, possibly an urban legend, that comedian Bill Cosby was so disturbed by what he perceived as negative racial stereotypes in the original 'Lil Rascals TV series that he purchased the rights to the entire catalogue in order that they never be shown on television again. Many are questioning whether Bill's philosophy has been taken on board by the Channel Seven sports department regarding the coverage of AFL football. Why else would you spend millions of dollars on getting the footy rights back from Channel Nine and then not show a single moment of live football? To be fair, the hopeless AFL draw may be slightly to blame- Melbourne, the spiritual home of the AFL did not get a single day game on either Saturday or Sunday last weekend or this one coming. This helps to explain why Seven screened an episode of execrable sitcom "According to Jim" followed by beloved children's classic "Bedknobs and Broomsticks" last Saturday arvo- there was nothing to show in the way of footy. Indeed the AFL and its TV affiliates' aversion to natural light meant that for the entirety of Round 12 there is/was only one match played in daytime- Geelong vs Brisbane, presumably only on the grounds that Skilled Stadium doesn't have decent floodlights fitted. Am I the only one left who likes the option of watching a game down the pub on a Saturday arvo or better yet actually going to one? And don't start me on the mad idea of moving the Grand Final to 5PM in order to allow the TV people to cross to the post-match winners and losers' dinners and to shoot off fireworks at the end, I've wasted enough typing and bile on that one in earlier wraps.
Being confronted with a mad 5PM start time may explain why the Bombers were so bad on the weekend. The Dons and the Power had had completely opposite form coming into their Sunday contest- the Dons had been on fire and the Power awful. This statement was still true at the end of the match, with Essendon kicking six unanswered goals in the last quarter. Unfortunately for the Bombers Port had so completely dominated the first three quarters of the match that even the Power's last quarter slumbers couldn't affect the end result. However Port coach Mark Williams won't be happy that what could have been a 100+ point hiding with huge percentage gains turned into a run of the mill five goal win- in a season as close as this one percentage could well determine who gets a top four spot/home final/finals berth and who doesn't. Kevin Sheedy on the other hand at least had the percentage saved to take away as a positive from an otherwise abysmal display.
Abysmal too was the only way to describe Carlton's effort against Hawthorn on the Friday night. Like Essendon the Blues had come into the match in a rich vein of form only to see it vanish without trace in front of a record Telstra Dome crowd of 50,000 plus (ie. about half of a full MCG turnout). The Hawks hammered the Blues to the tune of 100 points, enjoying a healthy percentage booster to boot which may come in handy in their quest for a top two finish. To get there they'll need to move past either Geelong or West Coast, neither of whom are going to relinquish their position without a fight. The Cats are the team of the moment, unbeaten since Round Five and with a mighty percentage in place. The Cats kept the Lions goalless until halftime on the weekend in a wet encounter down at Sleepy Hollow, running out convincing winners at the final siren. The form of the younger Gary Ablett had Cats fans of all ages misty eyed and in various stages of excitement, he along with colleague Jimmy Bartel are now regarded as Brownlow favourites. Could this at long last be the year of the Cat? Or will 2007 represent yet another in the long line of false dawns that have hit the Second City?
As mentioned there were no games at all on Saturday arvo, but Saturday night saw two fixtures in most unlikely places- one at the Gold Coast, the other in Darwin. In the first fixture, the Cararraroos missed the chance for a clean sweep of their fixtures in their inaugural year on the Coast by going down to a strong Crows performance. In the Darwin fixture, the injury-strapped Dogs over Freo took the four points in a most entertaining game. An old college buddy and I managed to catch a replay of this game down the pub some days later on Foxtel (Seven at the time was no doubt screening repeats of Mr Belvedere at the time, followed by Chitty Chitty Bang Bang). A great game to catch, and we were particularly edified when it was followed by a replay of the iconic 1970 Grand Final. Having never actually seen this game apart from the Jezza mark and various Ted Hopkins goals it was fascinating to see how much it resembled the 1998 Grand Final in that Collingwood (and North later) kicked themselves out of contention, only to be over-run when the opposition gained the momentum. The record crowd, many of whom were wearing actual hats, were treated to a very attractive style of play which certainly compares favourably to some of the negative error-ridden shot chipping-style shockers which sadly occur too often today. And the goal umpires were classic- in the traditional butchers coats and white top hats and with a manner of signalling behinds reminiscent of a gun-slinger at the OK Corral. Although the aggrieved publican's desire to close the pub and go home meant that we were out on the streets just before we could witness Jezza's famous mark, we had been richly spoiled by Foxtel's footy coverage. How does one subscribe to this marvellous network? A top night indeed.
Fremantle, however, had anything but a top night in the Top End. Not only did they drop the four points in a match they really needed to win, but in the wake of the commiseratory drinks session afterwards assistant coach Mark Harvey was king-hit in the street and serial drongo Chris Tarrant found himself the subject of much approbrium for allegedly mooning a woman to whom he had just been introduced and punching a federal ALP candidate. Quite a night!
So, five matches down and three to go for Round 12. Can anyone this weekend match Geelong's performances on the field or Freo's off it? Given West Coast are in action, perhaps they can accomplish both! Find out back here next week. Congratulations, incidentally, are in order to all associated with the Jakarta "Bintangs" (that name possibly the result of an unholy alliance between Osama Bin Laden and the Wu Tang Clan) who managed a comfortable victory over the Singapore Wombats the other day, cheers Tobes for the update. Go the 'tangs!