Round Eighteen: Floats Like a Butterfly

Thanks to the wonders of the internet and an incorrigible talent for procrastination in the workplace, I have discovered what must be the most instantly addictive sports song ever composed- Black Superman by Johnny Wakelin and the Kinshasa Band. Check it out at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqMk-AuTDZE, you'll be humming it for days I swear. For sheer musicality it easily surpasses "Up There Cazaly" or anything else in the broad Mike Brady repertoire and even, although I'm loathe to admit this, "Deep In Our Hearts Everyone Barracks For Fitzroy" by genial Coodabeens strummer Greg Champion. The song is, of course, a tribute to sporting legend Muhammed Ali- one of the towering figures of the 20th century, in both sporting and political terms. His talent in the ring is one thing- there weren't too many on the same page as The Greatest. This is back in the era before heavyweight boxing joined professional wrestling, weightlifting and Tour de Farce cycling as sports with no credibility whatsoever. Ali's overall influence is something else again. Long before Kevin Sheedy came onto the scene Ali was reaching well beyond his sporting mandate and into the political sphere through the sheer force of his personality. He was disgracefully suspended from boxing for a period due to his refusal to serve in the US Armed Forces during the Vietnam War- his famous comments "No Viet Cong ever called me nigger" has become one of the iconic quotes of the civil rights era. On his comeback he became the second boxer ever to recover the then indisputed world heavyweight crown in the classic Rumble in the Jungle fight against unbackable favourite George Foreman, before Freeman went on to become the master of the fat-free grill. This fight is brilliantly covered in the Oscar-winning documentary "When We Were Kings"- if you haven't seen it then run, don't walk, to your local DVD/video library and hire it immediately. The most entertaining sports doco you will ever see, even better than "The Year of the Dogs" featuring my old Cairo mate Dan Southern. The Fresh Prince did a reasonable job of playing Ali in the movie of the same name but nobody could play the Man as well as the Man himself. It's fascinating not only to see the sheer energy of the pre-Parkinsons Ali in the lead-up to the fight and in the ring playing rope-a-dope with Foreman, but also to see the then Zaire in its wacky Mobutu Sese Seko nutbag era. Mobutu spent some outrageous sum of money to get the fight- probably a fair proportion of the country's GDP for the entire decade- and then didn't actually attend, watching it at home on CCTV (with Ugandan psychopath Idi Amin, if the movie version is accurate). The beleaguered Zaireans loved the outspoken Ali- the chant of "Ali, bomaye! (Ali, kill him!) was ubiquitous during his stay in the country. It is a matter of historical debate whether the Zaireans were requesting that Ali kill Foreman or their larcenous head of state Mobutu, who was building giant palaces out in the jungle and holidaying in Cannes while the population desperately tried to eke out some kind of a living. Talk about a bad run- imagine surviving the hand-chopping bastardry of the Belgian colonial era (and a visit from an imperialist Tintin) and then copping as a leader one of the worst kleptomaniacs in history wearing a gay-looking leopard skin hat! No wonder Ali was a welcome distraction. I supported DR Congo in their 2006 African Nations Cup soccer campaign (held in Egypt), partly in solidarity with the Congolese people and their tragic history and partly because their European coach was a dead ringer for the bloke who plays Wormtail in the Harry Potter movies.

So what does any of that have to do with AFL football? Two somewhat tenuous connections- Ali got a standing ovation from a misty-eyed crowd at the 1998 Grand Final; and he was also famed for his incredibly quick wit and comic timing during press conferences. As is Kevin Sheedy and, it surprisingly emerges, his previously taciturn ex-assistant Mark Harvey, now the acting coach at the Dockers. Freo have been mooting the possibility of getting Sheedy to act in a managerial role while retaining Harvey as coach. When this was put to Harvey in a press conference he responded that he had heard that Sheedy had been offered a number of jobs, including a part-time role in "Kath and Kim" and the management of the Partridge Family in the place of Reuben Kincaid! Comic gold. If lines like that weren't already enough to secure Harvey the Freo gig for 2008, he led the unlikely Dockers to a stirring victory in the Derby match against hated foes West Coast. Fortunately firey Docker Des Headland was out injured, thus preventing a potentially violent rematch with familially sledging Eagle Adam Selwood. Freo star Josh Carr was best on ground, thus providing newspaper headline writers with any number of gratifying possibilities- "Runaway Carr!" was one good example, "Carr-riffic!" a less successful attempt.

While Harvey's quips were met with universal applause, his fellow caretaker Mark Riley's venture onto the comedy circuit met with less success. Riley had given ex-Roo and Powerite Byron Pickett the honour of captaining Melbourne in his 200th game against Sydney at historic Manuka Oval, only for Pickett to win the toss and kick into the wind- quarter time Sydney five goals to nil and the game all but over. When asked about Pickett's odd decision later Riley quipped that it was possibly the result of an "indigenous instinct". Cue the tumbleweeds and howling coyote, not the best road Riley could have gone down at a time when indigenous issues and sensitivies are very much on the Australian political agenda. Pickett wasn't too bothered though. And Melbourne definitely have bigger problems to worry about, they were absolutely woeful in front of a small but appreciative crowd including myself and my Magpie brother-in-law. Sydney are coming good at the right time of the year, they'll do some damage come finals time.

Also woeful were Essendon against Hawthorn at the 'G, getting soundly flogged. My Hawk brother-in-law didn't make it to the game, being otherwise engaged in pacing the corridors of the maternity hospital where my sister's first-born was stubbornly refusing to exit its comfortable premises. Five days later and the kid still hasn't emerged. Hopefully some time this weekend we'll have a satisfactory resolution and I can pass out the cigars. Essendon's decision to axe Sheedy but let him coach out the season is starting to look a bit dodgy as the Dons didn't show any passion at all. At the start of the season if you'd offered Bombers fans nine wins including consecutive one pointers over last year's Grand Finalists we probably would have taken it, but after looking so good early on it's disappointing to see the side down with the also-runs again. Always next year!

Two topics of a controversial nature dominated the airwaves this week- the first was the question of "tanking" ie. throwing matches in order to obtain early draft picks. The very notion was loudly disclaimed by all and sundry, but for some reason Carlton keep losing from winnable positions while key players are taken off early...this time the Blues matched Collingwood for three quarters before mysteriously fading away. If the Blues don't win again they'll take the first priority pick, which must be enormously frustrating for Tigers fans who have suffered through an abysmal season and now probably won't even get the number one draft pick. Probably just as well, Richmond are not exactly famous for using the number one draft picks wisely, Richard Lounder anyone? Anthony Banik? The Tiges did show signs of improvement in their rematch against the Cats, recording an 87 point improvement on the first match to lose by a mere 70. The odds on a Richmond win were apparently the biggest in AFL history, for good reason as it turned out. The highlight of the match was Cats ruckman Steven King's goal-line screamer- over the goal umpire! Not since field umpire Peter Carey took a chest mark in a Freo- St Kilda game has an umpire played such a great cameo in an AFL match.

The other issue of discussion was brought about by motormouthed Lion turned Bulldog Jason Akermanis- or "Yakermanis", as he's been dubbed by wags in the Murdoch press- who wrote a column suggesting that he suspected an opponent in a match some years back had been on some form of performance-enhancing substance. Aker didn't name the opponent, but the press did- Michael Braun of the West Coast Eagles, the same bloke who shot to fame early on in 2007 by delivering a profanity-laced acceptance speech in the Derby match against Freo (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPNIf4vMc-I, the stunned commentators reactions are priceless). Naturally enough Braun denied the allegations, and West Coast officials were somehow able to keep straight faces while saying how outrageous it was to insinuate an Eagles player had used an illicit substance... A backlash ensued against Akermanis, for a time there was the ludicrous possibility that the first player to be banned under the AFL drugs code would be the bloke who suggested someone else might be using, but fortunately sanity has so far prevailed in that regard.

Aker's Bulldogs went into their Friday night match against the Saints knowing that they could not afford to lose, and duly didn't. They didn't win either though, this game resulted in the second draw of the 2007 season after Saints star Nick Reiwoldt tied the scores with a behind in the final seconds. The big winners from this game were the Brisbane Lions, who had previously boasted a huge but irrelevant percentage courtesy of their own draw with Richmond earlier on. All of a sudden that percentage is right back in play, and after the Lions accounted for "local rivals" the Cararraroos it was good enough to propel them into the eight after they had looked gone for all money a month or so ago. Also still alive are the Adelaide Crows, who came from behind in their Showdown match against Port to take the points in the wet.

So as we head into the final month of the home and away season there's still many questions to be answered. Will Carlton tank again? Is Mark Harvey available to MC bucks nights and bar mitzvahs? Will I ever get that Muhammed Ali song out of my head? Can my niece or nephew find the correct exit? Find out back here next week as the Wrap tackles Round Nineteen.