Round Twenty-One: The Living Dead Arrive

Spent the weekend in Melbourne- twenty-five degrees on both days! Not at all the Melbourne winter climate that I remember from days of yore. Is global warming really such a bad thing? The jury remains out. The reason for my trip down to Civilisation City was two-fold; to meet my delightful new niece (first impressions: small, pink and sleepy) and to catch up with the remainder of the clan; and to attend the final Victorian appearance in Essendon colours of legendary Bombers Kevin Sheedy and James Hird. More on that later. Returning to Melbourne provided me with a timely reminder that the Victorian media is absolutely obsessed with all things footy- if hordes of Shaun of the Dead-style zombies were marching down Spring Street biting chunks of flesh out of random bystanders, the Herald Sun headline would probably read, "The Living Dead Arrive in Melbourne: Port Adelaide Fans in Town Early for Finals?". Well, perhaps not. But there is certainly more football coverage here than in the non-traditional football state or territory where I currently reside, and this weekend the ravenous mob of journos had a huge story to get their teeth into. Once more the evil spectre of drugs raised its ugly head after Channel Seven breathlessly announced that they had come into the possession of confidential medical records of two players, which clearly indicated that the players concerned had taken illicit drugs. Channel Seven had obtained the records, it later emerged, by paying a woman $3000. The woman had apparently found the records in the gutter outside a medical clinic, and had touted them for sale to the media in order "to help the players". And if you believe that, there's a bridge for sale in Brooklyn at a crazy, crazy price! The AFL players' union was so disgusted by the actions of Channel Seven they instituted a media ban on the Channel which this column is happy to support. From now on I will not be speaking to any Channel Seven personality, particularly John Jarret from Better Homes and Gardens- not because of anything to do with the drugs business but because his performance in Wolf Creek has removed any chance of me driving in the outback ever, under any circumstances. And I won't be having him anywhere near my home and/or garden either!

On the field it was a mixed round- some close encounters, some beltings; some teams' chances came to an end, others shot right back into contention. The Western Bulldogs' season effectively ended after a pitiful second half display against Hawthorn led to an 84 point belting. And it could have been far worse, Hawk Lance "Buddy" Franklin kicked the astounding total of 2 goals 11 behinds! Carlton suffered a similar margin of defeat against the Carrararoos as the Roos' favourite son Glenn Archer broke the club games record. Given that it is an open secret that the Blues have been tanking for months now Archer would no doubt have expected his side to take the points, but even he must have been surprised by just how generous Carlton was prepared to be in ensuring that his milestone match was one to remember. And Fremantle, bleeding from multiple stab, gun shot and javelin wounds, picked themselves up of the canvas and are somehow still an outside chance of playing finals in 2007 after beating the hapless Demons by ten goals.

As tipped in the wrap last week, Geelong were due for a loss and it duly arrived at the hands of Port Adelaide who got up with the last kick of the day. Hopefully the Cats won't go into a form slump now. Port are engaged in a dog fight for second place along with West Coast, who similarly sneaked home in their match against St Kilda. The Saints are one of three genuine contenders (plus Freo) for the eight and last finals spot. The other two are Adelaide and Brisbane who played each other in Round 21, the Crows prevailed. Sydney went down in their match against Collingwood but other results conspired to guarantee them a spot in the finals anyway. Collingwood, Hawthorn and the Roos are all still a chance for the final top four spot.

I don't think there's ever been a crowd of 88,500 (or thereabouts) for a game between two sides as ordinary as Richmond and Essendon and there probably won't be ever again. The reason we were all out in force at the ridiculous starting time of 5.10PM on a Sunday night was to pay tribute to legendary Bomber coach Kevin Sheedy and greatest living player James Hird, both appearing for the last time in Victoria. The crowd was there, the weather was great, the pre-game highlights were tremendous, it was all set up for a worthy finish for the Essendon champs. Unfortunately however Richmond, unlike Carlton in Archer's match, had failed to read the script and insisted on playing their best game for the season to take the points (although Essendon were quite frankly pathetic). A disappointing way to end for Sheedy and Hird, although the game was still worth attending for the post-siren laps of honour by the two celebratees (and Hird's kids) in front of a crowd estimated to be around 88,475 (and boo to the 25 people who left early!). Sheedy took off anti-clockwise, Hird clockwise, they met and embraced in front of the Olympic Stand. Magic moment. I had been a bit concerned that the tribute put on by the AFL and/or Essendon would be a bit saccharine or otherwise embarrassing, but this wasn't the case. It was great that the fans had the chance to show their appreciation for many a great memory provided in years past, even if the game we had all just sat through had been a stinker. The AFL has stuffed up the entertainment many a time previously, I'm sure we all remember with stunned horror the 1991 Grand Final halftime show featuring Angry Anderson in the Batmobile- if not, here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4M1ZEUiAEuw

So just one round to go in the home and away season, and the round ahead has some crackers. Port and West Coast both need a big win to sew up second place and home finals all the way, which is bad news for their opponents Freo and Essendon. Adelaide, St Kilda and Brisbane will be sweating on each others' results as they wait on the final spot in the eight. And with both Melbourne and Carlton needing to lose to ensure a preferable draft outcome, is the AFL set for its first ever scoreless draw? Find out back here next week.