Round Twenty-Two: The Wheat From The "Chaff"

And then there were eight. The final siren for 2007 has blown for half the sides in the competition, the wheat has been well and truly separated from the chaff (exactly what is "chaff", anyway?), and the finals are officially upon us. Round 22 is always a poignant round- many players are well aware that they are running around for the last time on an AFL field. Others no doubt have their suspicions that this could be the end but choose to believe that a good performance in a dead rubber Round 22 match may yet buy them another season- a strategy that has never worked once as far as I'm aware. Perhaps the players have come to realise this too and are increasingly choosing to depart with honour by retiring rather than risk the brutality of the off-season cut. I can't recall a season when so many players have called it quits at the end of the home and away season. Down at Melbourne it seemed as though there were more retiring Demons requiring escorting from the field on the shoulders of teammates than there were shoulders of teammates available to provide said escort services. I'd never even heard of some of the Melbourne players retiring- how long has Nathan Brown been at Melbourne? Doesn't he play for Richmond? Perhaps the Demon players were encouraged in their decision to pursue post-football careers by the fact that the club's exhaustive search for a coach for 2008 finally produced a result- ex-Don Dean Bailey (currently a Port assistant) came from the back of a crowded field to edge out his old coach Kevin Sheedy for the Dees gig. Bailey's playing career was fairly unremarkable and is probably most noticeable for its unfortunate timing. Bailey played at Essendon from 1986 to 1992, his career was bookended by the 1985 and 1993 premierships. D'oh! Similarly unfortunate was ex-Don and Power player Che Cockatoo-Collins, who arrived at Essendon in 1994 (right after the '93 triumph), went to Port prior to the Bombers' 2000 flag and left Port at the end of 2003, thereby missing the Power's inaugural premiership in 2004. But by far the unluckiest footballer of all time is ex-Magpie, Bomber and Saint Rene "The Incredible Hulk" Kink, who turned out for Collingwood in the losing Grand Final sides of 1977, 1979, 1980 and 1981, then transferred to Essendon in time for the 1983 Grand Final debacle before moving to St Kilda just in time to miss the Bombers' 1984 premiership. Kink also played a cameo role in the movie adaption of David Williamson's footy play "The Club"- well worth hiring out at your local video shop.

Round 22 2007 had shaped up as an absolute thriller, with three teams still in the running for the last finals spot. Unfortunately Adelaide's victory over Collingwood meant that St Kilda and Brisbane's seasons were effectively over by bedtime on Friday night, thereby ending the prospect of a nailbiting weekend. The loss also ended the Magpies' tilt at a final four spot with attendant double chance, the Pies instead will have to play a sudden death elimination final. For a time there was a strong possibility that they would be up against the Crows for a second successive week, but they will instead be taking on Sydney for the third time in 2007. The Swans belted the Hawks by 12 goals in their encounter, thus consigning Hawthorn to an elimination final against Adelaide.

The Saints may have had their finals chances ruined by the Crows victory, but were still able to end their season on a winning note by beating Richmond (not as easy as it seems- just ask Essendon or Collingwood). Cult hero and Jerry Seinfeld-lookalike Fraser Gehrig aka The G Train decided before the game to finish up, and left the field shirtless after presenting his jumper to a young Saints fan. More flesh was on display at the Gabba, where Cat Corey Enright was the victim of the most spectacular dacking of all time- check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6tpvgcMykQ To Enright's credit, he took the incident in his stride, running around in his jocks for what seemed like five minutes and even racking up a possession to the enthusiastic joy of the Brisbane crowd. The Cats leapt back to winning form with a straight forward win, and will now play the Carrararoos in a qualifying final after the Roos ensured their own top four finish with a win over the Western Bulldogs. The other qualifying final is between second place Port Adelaide and third place West Coast. The finishing order of the two sides was undetermined right up until the end of the round, both sides needed a big win to gain the requisite percentage to ensure at least one home final. The Power beat an undermanned Fremantle who dropped half a dozen players for the game, in part for disciplinary reasons and in part to screw their cross town rivals the Eagles. West Coast needed a big win against the Bombers in what was Sheedy and Hird's last red and black outing ever, and at three quarter time were looking pretty good at 44 points up. Essendon were every bit as disappointing as they were the previous round against Richmond. Then it all came together for the Bombers, who put together the best final quarter of football since Geelong's effort in the 1989 Grand Final. Much-maligned Bombers forward Scott Lucas hit a purple patch, booting a remarkable seven goals for the quarter as the Dons got to within three points of the panicking Eagles. Unfortunately, however, like the Cats of '89 the Bombers were unable to get across the line and their defeat instead will go down in the annals of heroic failure. At least an honourable defeat was a good way to farewell Sheedy and Hird, and the Eagles crowd gave them a respectful sending-off with the scarves waving. And the Bombers can take some satisfaction in the knowledge that they prevented West Coast from playing all of the finals bar the GF at Subiaco, they're going to have to earn the premiership the hard way now!

The round was completed by the unfortunately necessary playing of the Great Tank-Off match between Carlton and Melbourne, neither of whom stood to gain anything from winning but stood to lose preferential draft position if they did get across the line. The AFL continues to argue that tanking is a myth, but I think they're kidding themselves. Carlton fans on the weekend were loudly cheering every Lance Whitnall miss (there were many) and the eventual result of a Melbourne victory was universally popular. Carlton's mission to field an entire side of No. 1 draft picks can continue (although it didn't work too well for St Kilda a couple of years back), while the Demons were able to farewell their legion of retirees with a final hearty rendition of It's a Grand Old Flag.

So while the 8 survivors now move into finals mode, how to sum up the seasons of the eight sides voted off the AFL island? Through song titles! Some suggested titles:

9- St Kilda- Faraway (So Close!)- U2
10- Brisbane- The Rising - Bruce Springsteen
11- Fremantle- The Great Pretender- The Platters
12- Essendon- Don't Dream It's Over- Crowded House
13- Western Bulldogs- Short People- Randy Newman
14- Melbourne- anything by Snow Patrol
15- Carlton- Tanks for the Memory- Bob Hope
16- Richmond- The Only Way is Up- Yazz

Any better suggestions? Drop me a line. See you back here next week when we look at The Finals- Week One!