The Representative Round: Jason Voorhees lives!

Like a latter-day footballing Jason Voorhees, representative state of origin football lurched back into life in 2008, leaping from the grave with decaying arms stiffly extended towards the throats of horrified onlookers shocked and stunned to see it still alive long after it should by all rights have passed to a better place. The concept was seen to have breathed its last in the late '90s after one too many players had pulled out of a state of origin match claiming one of either a dodgy hamstring, a virus of some kind, the all-encompassing "general soreness" or lupus, all of which amazingly cleared up in time for the player to take the field for his club the next week. However, this year being the 150th anniversary of the code, the AFL announced that the Big V was being exhumed once more. But who would they take on? South Australia? Western Australia? The Allies (comprising all of the remaining states and territories)? No, this time around Victoria was going to line up against no lesser foe than the Dream Team. Disappointingly it turned out that this referred not to the 1992 US Olympic basketball team, which surely would have brought the fans out in droves, but to the rest of the nation outside the Garden State. The Allies plus, in other words.
It should be noted that the AFL is not the only national football code celebrating a significant anniversary in 2008. Our northern cousins the NRL are marking 100 years since the great rugby split. I don't know the circumstances involved in that particular incident, but I do know that the NRL folk love their representative footy. The fans can't get enough of the state of origin show, and the players all clamour for the honour of wearing either a maroon or light blue jumper. No lupus-related withdrawals up there! I actually went to an NRL state of origin match in 1994, held in Melbourne for reasons unclear both then or now. I think it was some sort of promotional idea, aimed at selling Victorians on the northern game. Certainly the hype surrounding the game was massive, and the NRL succeeded in filling the MCG with 87,161 curious Vics. Unfortunately, the hype well exceeded the entertainment provided by the game itself, which was a dire affair. Only a streaker and a brawl or two provided any interest, and the vast bulk of the 87,161 would have departed the stadium feeling like Jesus of Nazareth emerging from the desert having endured the temptations of the devil for forty days and nights. That is, I believe, the very first biblical reference I've ever put in the Wrap. A milestone of sorts.
The NRL folk put on their own representative fixture on the Friday night, with Australia taking on New Zealand. They resorted to the "classic" 1908 replica strips, which meant that instead of the Australian team taking to the pitch in the customary (for rugby league) dark green jumper with a gold v, they instead went out wearing an eye-watering maroon and light blue hooped ensemble. I presume they got up, I don't think the Kiwis are really that into rugby league. They're a bit like Victorians in that regard.
The Aussie league team weren't the only ones forced to appear in duff strips over the weekend. The jumpers designed for the Dream Team looked from a distance like an unfinished template waiting for some sort of icon to be added- perhaps a map of Australia minus Victoria. It turned out that if you had a really close look the jumpers did in fact include a handwritten list of all of the registered clubs throughout the nation- why is anyone's guess. Disappointingly, given that Victorian clubs were excluded, such superbly-named local outfits as Poowong, Nar Nar Goon, Manangatang and Devon-Welshpool-Won Wron Woodside (the Four Wheel Drives to their loyal fans) were nowhere to be found. Despite such a handicap, the Dream Team were able to field a pretty damn impressive line-up. As indeed were the Victorians. After so many years without any opportunity for representative footy the players were very keen indeed for the chance to run around in the colours of their state or generic concept. The media too was very much onside; only Brisbane coach Leigh Matthews, who didn't want his star forward and Victorian captain Jonathan Brown; and ex-Hawk Dermott Brereton, who confessed to many a lupus-withdrawal in the '80s, had a bad word to say about the fixture. Certainly the respective coaches "Bomber" Thompson and "Choco" Williams, and their assistants "Sheeds" Sheedy and "The Reverend" Daniher, spruiked the occasion for all it was worth. It was great to see Sheeds and Daniher back in action again, they've been missed.
All of this activity, plus the fact that it was the only game on all weekend, helped ensure that a better than respectable crowd showed up at the MCG for the big game. Those of us watching on TV had to endure a massive promotional build-up before the footy actually kicked off. First there was a seemingly never ending thinly disguised Toyota ad comparing the great moments in footy (Jezza's mark etc) with such great moments as the universal installation of passenger side airbags. Then there was a fairly dodgy historical re-enactment, featuring a figure evidently meant to be Thomas Wills sitting in a genuine 1850s pub (complete with authentic 1850s neon Guinness signs). The actor playing Wills had evidently decided to model his performance on Governor Frontbottom from the Olden Days, camply writing a letter (while simultaneously reading it out aloud) suggesting that cricketers could stay fit in winter through either playing football or forming a gun club. Then, once the players finally emerged onto the playing arena, we had to watch them all being individually introduced. That kind of thing works well in basketball, where they have five players plus a couple of subs, not quite as well when the teams have 25 players each. By the time all 50 players had been introduced it was definitely no longer light outside, and the bloke playing Wills was now three sheets to the wind.
The game itself was entertaining. Having blokes like Judd, Brown and Goodes on the same team is pretty exciting to watch, and there is no doubt that the standard of skills on display was pretty high. However the game did lack a bit of passion. It seemed as though a lot of the players (understandably) were keen to avoid injury, in the event only Collingwood's Josh Fraser suffered an injury which will put him out of action for a couple of weeks. The crowd's engagement with the whole affair can be summed up by the fact that a Mexican Wave went around the game with five minutes to go and scores pretty much level. That wouldn't happen in a club match. As it was, the Vics managed to come back from a bad start and took the game by three goals.
Following the epoch that was the pregame entertainment, many feared that the postgame entertainment would result in Wills' death through alcohol poisoning. However those watching in Victoria apparently got whisked away to the qualifying rounds of the Turkish Grand Prix the moment the siren sounded. The rest of us were treated to the most unusual sight of players swapping guernseys, which hasn't happened in many a year. Anyone tuning in late would have come to the unmistakable conclusion that the disconsolate blokes in the Big V jumpers were on the losing side and vice versa. But Vics skipper Brown left nobody in any doubt during his speech, declaring to the late EJ Whitten that "We stuck it right up 'em, Teddy!". Choco Williams looked less than impressed with this display of Victorian triumphalism, and I'm sure many others watching around the big brown Dreamland were also slightly miffed. But full credit to the bloke who took the medal for best afield- the Urinator from Carlton kicked six and is in excellent touch just at the moment.
So that's it for the representative round for 2008. Will we see the Big V in action again? Or the Dream Team? Or will Jason Voorhees sink back into his grave once more? Keeping in mind Friday the 13th has about 20 sequels, my money is on the former proposition. Next week sees the resumption of business as usual, no doubt to general relief. See you back here for the Round 8 Wrap, and if lupus strikes, do see a doctor!