Round Nineteen: The Technically Flawless Wrap

Some exciting developments this week on the thus far embryonic new Gold Coast team- they may not yet have colours, a home ground or an established nickname, but they now have an inaugural coach! Yes, from next season in the juniors until the Dugongs/ Metermaids/ Schoolies/ Muriels finally take to the field in the big time in 2011, former Eagle backman and latter day Magpie assistant Bluey McKenna (and what a fine Australian name that is!) will be the man in charge. He’s got a big job ahead of him. The record on inaugural coaches at expansion teams isn’t particularly encouraging, most didn’t last terribly long. Poor old Peter Knights was thrown to the wolves at the Carrara Koalas under Christopher Skase, although he did come back a few years later to coach Hawthorn (equally poorly if his win/loss is anything to go by). Ron Alexander lasted but a single season at West Coast before being replaced by WA footy legend Ron Todd; Gerard Neesham is still best remembered at Fremantle as the bloke who cost them Andrew McLeod (on which more later); and even being a SA footy legend didn’t get John Cahill a third season at Port. But maybe Bluey can break the mould. A thought- perhaps in this Beijing Olympic fortnight the appointment of a man with flaming red hair is intended as a subtle wink towards the team’s soon to be disclosed official nickname? Could it be that the Coasters have decided to go down the Chinese route and will be nicknaming the team the (Red) Guards?

Only time will tell. But Beijing was the place to be for the AFL hoi polloi in the week just passed, Chief Executive Andrew Demetriou and Chairman Mike Fitzpatrick both passed up the opportunity to attend the official commemorative event for the sesquicentenary of Australian Rules Football, Scotch College versus Melbourne Grammar supported by Geelong versus Melbourne, in order to sit in a dodgy looking stadium listening to a “technically flawless” prepubescent kid lipsync in Chinese while fraudulent fireworks burst overhead. However, this turned out to be a highly wise decision in retrospect. While the Scotch-Grammar match was a belter (“Rah, rah, boys, rah!”) the Cats-Demons affair was quite possibly the most one-sided affair in the 150 years gone since Tom Wills thought it a good idea to keep cricketers fit in the off season (obviously David Boon, Mike Gatting and Inzamam al-Huq didn’t get that memo). Melbourne were simply not on the same page as Geelong, and for a good while there were in serious danger of lodging a genuine 1858-style scoreline. They didn’t get on the scoreboard at all until well into the second quarter, and only then because a Geelong defender fumbled the ball across his own goal line. New Dees’ President “Shamrock” Jimmy Stynes appeared in shot occasionally in his red and blue scarf looking suitably aghast as yet another Geelong goal went through. He must have been severely tempted at various stages to throw the scarf around the nearest beam and end it all, but thankfully held temptation at bay. The final 116 point margin confirmed what we already were aware of- namely, Geelong is very very good, Melbourne is very very bad, and a wet night in Melbourne watching a total mismatch is no match for photoshopped pyrotechniques in Beijing.

The first half of the Hawthorn-Brisbane match down in Launceston provided similarly dire viewing, with the two sides able to manage a mere four goals between them. But the Hawks slipped up through their gears in the third quarter before throwing open the throttle (and possibly mixing their motoring metaphors) in the final term to belt home nine majors and run away with the points. While superstar Buddy Franklin was the hero up forward with six more majors, taking him ever closer to the magic 100 for the season, it was long serving ’99 Brownlow medallist Shane Crawford in his 300th match who was the focal point for the brown and gold faithful. Crawford managed to put through the final goal of the match and was promptly besieged by his teammates from all parts of the ground. Crawford has been unlucky for the most part in his timing at Hawthorn, arriving just after the glory days of the ‘80s concluded, but perhaps his long wait for a Grand Final appearance is about to end.

One can only hope that if Crawford’s Hawks do make it to the last day of the season in ’08, their Grand Final experience is a little more positive than that of Port Adelaide in ‘07. Following last year’s towelling the Power continue to plummet like a shot down Messerschmidt from the upper reaches of the ladder, smoke billowing and bitter Teutonic epithets spewing forth as the ground rapidly approaches. This week it was the turn of Carlton to bank four points and keep their finals hopes alive at Port’s expense. Like Port, Fremantle have also unselfishly dedicated their 2008 season to the cause of others and for the umpteenth time this season snatched defeat from the jaws of victory against Sydney to keep the Swans’ top four chances on track. Once more Freo’s skipper and best player Matthew Pavlich proved that, while he’s a great man to have on your team, he’s not the bloke you want lining up for goal at a crucial point. Pavlich had the chance to seal victory for the Dockers from 30 metres out but sprayed his kick, the Swans swept the ball away to the other end from which it never returned and the Sydney fans were able to celebrate a thrilling victory.

Celebrations went long and hard down at Collingwood too, as the Magpies were able to put their week from hell behind them and take the points against a disappointing St Kilda. While Old Father Time Robert Harvey tried his guts out once more for the Saints, his side was unable to get ahead of a Collingwood side determined to prove a point after the club had been pilloried, tarred, feathered, bollocked and nuggetted in the press over the previous week. Rumours that both President Eddie McGuire and coach Mick Malthouse were spotted actually smiling after the game remain unconfirmed but the black and white army were certainly a lot more chipper than in previous days, their finals hopes are once more alive.

Sadly, the same can’t be said for the finals hopes of Richmond and Essendon, both of which flatlined interstate on the Sunday afternoon of Round 19. The Tigers got thumped by the Crows, while the Bombers were at least competitive in the second half (pity about the first) against the Eagles but nevertheless fell 10 points short. In Adelaide the Crows were celebrating the 300th game of dual Norm Smith medallist Andrew McLeod, who would have been reflecting on the possibility that he could have played his career in the purple of Freo (and no doubt thanking his lucky stars that he didn’t). Apparently a young McLeod and ex-Dockers coach Gerard Neesham took an instant dislike to each other in the mid-90s and a trade was made for long forgotten (except for trivia buffs) Chris Groom. Fair to say that the Crows got the better end of that deal. Sadly for the Tigers their 2008 gun under pressure Joel Bowden won’t remember his 250th quite as fondly. Over in the west rookie full forward Ben McKinley was the hero for the Eagles, booting seven. To their credit Essendon played the game out and will look forward to 2009 with a lot of optimism.

One game to go to complete Round 19, and North Melbourne were able to complete the double over the Doggies, who’ve dropped to third (not that it matters, they’ll be playing Hawthorn at the MCG in the first week of the finals regardless of what happens in the last couple of weeks). North led all day in this one, with the AFL’s smallest player Brent Harvey giving his Brownlow Medal chances yet another kick along with another best afield performance.

So 150 years have passed since the first kick about on Gosch’s Paddock, 19 rounds have passed since the first ball was bounced on season 2008. If you can tear yourself away from the Olympics, due tune in again next week when we dissect Round 20. Until then, may your fireworks be bright and unadulterated and all of your viewing technically flawless.