Round Three: A Rubber Chicken, A Frozen Chicken and a Whopper

Clucking hell! Did the feathers fly down at Arden St in the lead-up to Round 3 - several Kangaroos wound up with egg on their face as an attempted yolk went down very poorly and fowl tempers resulted. Rather than feeling cock-ahoop, the Roos were walking on eggshells as poultry-related puns filled the air like a bunch of happy chicks at a hen's night. So, what was it all about? I'm not even sure that I know. A rubber chicken named Boris? A poorly-conceived in-house video involving a frozen chicken and a slightly misogynist rap track that somehow ended up in the public domain? A mass team apology to the women of the nation? A very, very strange event indeed.

But an event that had a catastrophic effect on the morale down at North Melbourne. For a club that managed to survive ex-skipper Wayne Carey's massively publicised affair with his vice captain's wife in a toilet cubicle, North Melbourne came awfully close to being torn asunder by Chookgate. The players involved were said to be on the verge of retirement, the sponsors were said to be on the verge of whisking their money away, and Germaine Greer was said to be on the verge of flying in to compulsorarily enrol the entire squad in Womens Studies 101: The Feminine Mystique, Boris the Chicken and You. Perhaps no wonder then that the Roos never looked in contention against Hawthorn, the Hawks able to chalk up a much needed first win for 2009 to belatedly launch their premiership defence.

The team they defeated in last year's decider, Geelong, is starting to get their own campaign off and running and they were able to take the points over Collingwood. The Cats certainly didn't have it their own way, however, at quarter time the Magpies were well up and had they been able to kick a bit straighter could have had the game in the bag. It wasn't to be, though, an eight goal to nil second quarter from Geelong put a whole new complexion on the match and when the final siren sounded it was the Cats' Easter eggs who were going to taste sweeter.

The shellacking of the round took place on Saturday at the MCG when St Kilda demonstrated that they are going to be a genuine contender in 2009 by destroying the West Coast Eagles to the tune of 97 points. Another sizeable margin over in Adelaide, where the Power belted the Demons. Port looking ominous, Melbourne still winless in 09. And up north in the wet the Lions were able to end a five year winless streak against Sydney, taking the game by 33 points.

The best game of the round (and not just in my opinion) was the clash between the Bombers and the highly fancied Blues. After eight years in the wilderness, most pundits have Carlton firmly pencilled in as a finalist this year, if not a top four contender. Essendon, on the other hand, is generally regarded to be in yet another rebuilding year. And a few minutes into the second quarter, that conclusion looked to be accurate as Carlton skipped out to a 27 point lead. But then came the Bomber comeback. Led by skipper Matthew Lloyd, whose poor early season form had led many to writte him off, the Dons rattled on seven goals for the quarter to go in two points up at halftime. The second half was a blinder, goal for goal right up until the final stages. With the seconds ticking down, the Blues had one last roll of the dice as Marc Murphy ran the ball into their attacking zone. But a brilliant tackle from Paddy Ryder allowed the Dons to sweep the ball away and the siren sounded on a magnificent Bomber victory. The red and black army across the nation launched into celebrations, but despair for the Bluebaggers. I can only assume that the response of the Canberra Carlton supporters group was reminiscent of the aftermath of the Battle of Isengaard which, for those not following, was the big battle in the Return of the King. From Lord of the Rings. Because they're like orcs. Refer to the Round One report.

Just two games left to conclude the superlong Easter round. Over in the west Fremantle were desperately hoping that the Adelaide Crows would be terminally weakened by Bock-inalia but it wasn't to be, Adelaide holding on for a gutsy win to keep the Dockers rooted to the bottom reaches of the ladder. With this result I was getting quite excited - I'd tipped seven winners out of seven for the first time in years! If the Dogs could get across the line against Richmond I'd be not only showered in glory, but the proud recipient of a Hungry Jacks Whopper! So I was cursing the Dogs in the first quarter as they sprayed shots to the right and the left as the Tiges skipped out to a 16 point lead. But if there's one certainty in the AFL in 2009, it's that Richmond will find a way to blow a winning situation. As the game went on the skill gap between the two sides became evident, much to the frustration of Richmond supporters whose early season optimism must have just about evaporated by now. The Tigers players mentally disintegrated as one, with handballs universally finding the opposition and kicks universally finding the bloke in the second row. It was a mercy for Tigers' fans when the final siren finally sounded with their team 57 points in arrears. And of course it was all good for me - one Whopper coming my way!

So that was Round 3- it started with a frozen chicken and wound up with a tasty burger. Who knows what Round 4 will bring? (Well, OK, everyone does because Round 4 has already been played, but let's suspend disbelief and pretend that it hasn't). See you back here soon for the Round 4 Wrap.