Round Twenty-One: The Raging Torrent

Some excellent news from Bendigo this week - the Bendigo Bombers reserves not only managed to break their goal drought from the previous week, but were able to put through a grand total of five majors in their battle against the Werribee Tigers. Unfortunately the Tigers booted a lazy thirty goals in response, but as Confucius (or possibly Mick Malthouse) once said, even a journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step. The BB Magoos’ journey to becoming a competitive football side may well be in its embryonic stages. However the footballing journeys of many a champion AFL player (along with those of the odd hack) are reaching their conclusions in the final weeks of the 2008 season. The hitherto slow trickle of retirements/ delisting announcements has been transformed in recent days into a raging torrent across the league. A massive number of players are going to be running down the race with blurry eyes this weekend, although hopefully this won’t lead any of them to inadvertently run through the opposing side’s banner, huddle, sponsor or mascot.

While some sides, notably Fremantle, have sensibly spaced out their retirements so that every week a different retiree has been featured, other clubs have left it all to the last minute and will face the challenge this weekend of ensuring that there are enough shoulders available to carry off all those deserving of being carried off. For example, Essendon fans this weekend will bid farewell to three club favourites in Adam Ramanauskas, Jason Johnson and Damien Peverill, while another AFL legend in three-time Lions premiership player and latter day Bomber Mal Michael also wears the red and black for a final time. If I was on the Essendon player roster this weekend, I would be positioning myself well in advance of the final siren to ensure that when it sounded I was geared up to get my shoulder under the comparatively wiry figures of either Rama, Johnno or Pev. No disrespect intended to Big Mal, but whoever ends up having to cart his “traditionally built” figure off is going to be staggering about like those poor blokes who used to have to lug portly Gaullish chieftain Vitalstatistix around on his shield in the old Asterix cartoons. At least they’ll have September off to recover.

Those Bombers not on the ever-expanding injury list were in action in the first match of Round 21, up against the stuttering Bulldogs. I was at first outraged that this match was not being telecast live into the northern states – we were instead provided with some minor Olympic sport or other, possibly kayaking, possibly the hammerthrow - until it occurred to me that the game not being broadcast was possibly the most meaningless fixture of all time. Regardless of what happened on the field the Bombers would still be finishing in 12th position and the Bulldogs would still be playing Hawthorn in the first week of the finals. Once I had absorbed this truth a strange sense of calm and acceptance swept over me, no doubt like that experienced by a death row prisoner whose last appeal has just been rejected by the Governor. I was able to handle Essendon’s capitulation in the second and third quarters with the zen-like demeanour of a well-practiced monk. In the end the scoreline damage to Essendon wasn’t too bad, and the Dogs have gained some much needed form. So everyone’s a winner.

Sadly, that statement could not be recycled to describe the Saturday fixtures. Several of the teams running around looked anything like winners, Melbourne most prominent among them. Any confidence the Dees might have gained from the previous weekend’s rout of the tanking Eagles was soundly beaten out of them by the Power in front of yet another pitiful AAMI stadium crowd. Perhaps the Port fans too have been affected by the same calm acceptance that this simply isn’t their year, and watching their team play meaningless matches is not a necessary step on the road to fulfilment. Although no doubt those who did bother to turn up would have thoroughly enjoyed the 78 point shellacking of the very, very ordinary Demons.

With their finals hopes still alive, the Tigers’ management would have probably been hoping for a slightly larger turnout than the 25,000 who chose to spend their Saturday arvo at the MCG watching their side take on Freo. But again those who made the effort were rewarded, with a fingernail-chewing seven point victory keeping Tiger hopes alive while marking the umpteenth time in 2008 that the Dockers have fallen just short. The turning point in the match came when Freo’s problem child Jeff Farmer managed to give away a crucial free kick and fifty metre penalty which blew his side’s momentum, and which will probably end his career at the end of 2008 on 249 games- like his team, falling just short of the mark.

Another team keeping its finals hopes narrowly north of the flatline mark in Round 21 was Carlton, who got up over the plummeting Brisbane Lions by a single kick up at the Gabba in the best match of the round. This really was a most unusual game. First we had the Blues leaping out of the blocks in the first half to be three goals up at the long break. Then the Lions ran amok in the third quarter, booting nine goals to one and seemingly wrapping up the four points necessary to keep their own finals chances alive. But then the Blues turned the game on its head once more, keeping the Lions scoreless in the last and putting through six goals of their own to steal the points. Perhaps most inexplicable of all was the fact that of the eighteen goals kicked by the Navy Blues, just two were off the boot of the Urinator. Fev now requires eight goals next weekend to bring up the ton, an eventuality which just a few weeks ago looked like a dead cert but now looks just plain dead.

One team with reason to feel eternal gratitude to Carlton for their magnificent comeback win is the Sydney Swans, who were somehow guaranteed a finals spot by the Blues’ victory despite themselves crashing to yet another loss. Collingwood hold the wood over Sydney, having beaten them umpteen times in a row. They converted this wood into a four-by-two plank in the first quarter and proceeded to beat the Swans over the head with it, putting through eight goals and opening up a lead that the Sydneysiders never challenged. It’s a bit of a worrying time for Sydney. In recent years they’ve have kept making the finals without being a contender, perhaps not the greatest long-term strategy. Ask any Essendon fan whether they would have preferred not to have done likewise in the period 2002-4 if it meant less recruiting of journeymen from Carlton and more single figure draft picks, and you’ll probably get a reasonably vehement answer. It’s all looking cheery for the Magpies however, they’ll go into the finals with a great deal of confidence that they can prove that last year’s agonisingly close preliminary final was no fluke. Heath Shaw should chauffer Alan Didak every week!

A possible finals preview took place on the Sunday, with Geelong hosting North Melbourne down at Sleepy Hollow. This was a match which would have given the Roos some indication of how far they had come since the Cats had belted them in the first week of the 2007 finals. And while North can take some satisfaction in the fact that they have come a long way since that debacle, they are still a fair way behind Geelong. Mind you, so is every other club in the competition just now. The Kangaroos were able to take this game right up to Geelong in the early stages, but a 20 minute burst in the second term produced seven Cat goals and basically ended the match as a contest. All good news down at the Cattery, they could probably play the diminuitive Matthew Stokes in the ruck and win right now the way they're going. At least they could if he wasn't out of the side due to "general soreness", which if I'm not mistaken was also the name of one of the villains in Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith.

Two games to go, and at Telstra Dome all eyes were on Old Man Harvey, who was honoured in his final "home" game (the Saints are the away team at Telstra Dome this weekend) by the unveiling of a giant 35 banner and the attendance of over 200 of his former teammates. With so much former Saint star power on display, it was perhaps not surprising that the current crop were distracted and missed the start. The Crows shot away to an early lead before the Saints realised they were in a game, but 12 Saint goals to 3 in the last three quarters ensured a St Kilda victory and a fitting conclusion to a big day for one of their all time legends. The Saints win meant that the previous night's heroics by Carlton, and Richmond's gallant win over Freo, were all for naught - the final eight was now set in stone.

Over in the West many had thought that Round 21 might be the occasion for star forward Lance Franklin to get his century, including several members of the Franklin clan who flew in specially for the big event. Buddy needed six majors to chalk up the ton, but unfortunately was only able to find four on the day. Not that it mattered, the Hawks were untroubled in racking up a 71 point win and now far more Hawk fans will have the chance to be present as he tries again this weekend. But should fans run onto the ground when (and if, knowing Buddy's erratic kicking record) he does kick his 100th? Yes, says Plugger Lockett, no stranger himself to kicking big scores. No says the Telstra Dome management and the AFL. My guess is it won't matter how many extra security guards they hire, they'll still get a fullscale ground invasion this weekend coming.

But all of that still lies ahead. Casting eyes back on the round just gone, we see that Round 21 proved decisive in a number of ways, but most notably in locking the door on the final eight for 2008. For half the teams in the AFL 2008 will be officially consigned to history following Round 22. But the other half still have much to play for - just who is going to get smashed by Geelong in the Grand Final this year? Will Buddy get his ton, and how many ground invaders will be banned for life if he does? Will the Bendigo Bombers reserves be prevailed upon to provide coolie labour to carry off Big Mal Michael? As ever we'll be belatedly on the scene to wrap up all of the big stories from Round 22, see you back here in a week's time.