Round Six: Farty-two gools tae nil!!

Some years ago I heard a very funny Rowan Atkinson sketch in which he plays the coach of a somewhat unsuccessful Scottish soccer side, berating his team in the dressing room. The opening lines still crack me up- "Farty-two gools tae nil!! Farty-two gools tae nil!! Lads...ah'm hut. Hut...und asheemed. Farty-two gools tae nil! (Sigh)....still...noo tae worry.... ut's... only.... haff...taem..." One can only imagine that Terry Wallace expressed similar sentiments at half time of the Richmond-Geelong game, as the hapless Tiges went in to the sheds having conceded twenty goals in a single half of football. It didn't get any better for the Punt Roaders as the Cats kicked a further 15 in the second half to give their own record highest score a fair shake. It's fair to say that not too many people saw Richmond's car crash of a performance coming- they'd been pretty good against the reigning premiers the previous week while the Cats had been ordinary. Certainly the infuriated Yellow and Black multitudes who jammed the talkback airwaves in the days following the Cat-astrophe were less than thrilled at the Keystone Cops-like performance of their young side. Many coaching and administrative decisions were brought into question, particularly the move to tell experienced defender Darren Gaspar that he would be overlooked at the selection table in favour of younger players. Gaspar promptly retired and the younger players conceded 35 goals, an error pointed out by many of the Richmond faithful in and with various degrees of eloquence, sobriety and profanity. But at least they haven't all walked away in disgust, which frankly they'd be entitled to do after witnessing year after woeful year both on and off the field. All teams have a dud year or two, but Richmond is now well into its third consecutive dud decade. The penniless Carrararoos must be green with envy at the loyalty of the huge Richmond supporter base (green incidentally being one of the few jumper colours the 'roos haven't worn over the years- I distinctly remember them turning out in orange at one point some seasons back).
The Tige's Yarra Park neighbours Melbourne also remain winless, although they at least had some honour in their five point loss to souring Port Adelaide. A pitifully small crowd at the gargantuan MCG expressed their disdain for various umpiring decisions in similar terms to the Tigers' talkback callers, particularly some near the end which may well have cost the Dees their opening win for 2007. Umpiring though was not a factor in Essendon's latest failure- the difference between the two sides there was one Lance "Buddy" Franklin (or "Bloody" Franklin as he is now better known to Bombers fans). Franklin took the game by the thruff of the scrote (apologies to the Twelfth Man) with a virtuoso nine goal performance, including five in about as many minutes in the second quarter. Another team which can't buy a win at the moment is Carlton, who went down by 7 goals to St Kilda. The Blues did claw their way back from the brink with five unanswered goals, only to inexplicably cease all labours forthwith and allow the Saints an easy four points.
The Eagles remain unbeaten on top of the table after defeating the gutsy Bulldogs over in the west. It was a standard week for the Weagles- four more points and one more player in court. This week's villain was the oddly named Llane Spaandermann- I think that's how it's spelt, although there may be a few more a's, l's or n's- who was convicted after acting as a standover man while his mates smashed up a party. To be fair, he hadn't yet commenced work with the Eagles at the time of the incident so drugs at least were not a factor.
Frustration up at the Gabba for the other Westralian side, the Dockers still waiting for their first win at that venue over the Lions. A forty-five point win kept the resurgent Queenslanders at the right end of the table, but a disappointing defeat for Freo after a couple of consecutive wins. Collingwood enjoyed a rare away victory in Adelaide over the Crows, forty-five points the margin there also.
So after six rounds have been played, I am now prepared to declare the Tiges and Dees GONE for 2007. The Eagles on the other hand are officially HOME finals wise. Thirteen into seven won't go, so there's everything to play for as the shadows grow longer and the mercury drops. See you back here for Round Seven.